abuse and the process of healing

[Colleen1]

I am praying for you. And I'm here if you need to talk, about anything, anytime. I am also on skype.
I know what it's like to be fatigued to the point of shaking. I've been there.
Hang in there, and feel free to pm me, or message me on skype.
Hugs, to you, and my prayers

Thank you for your kindness and prayers. I am praying for you as well. Take care.

 

[Colleen1]

I don't feel very well right now. I am very tired, after working all night, and yes I am about to go to bed so I can work tonight.
But also I feel a lot of anxiety, and if I don't get it under control soon, it may turn to panic. My dental treatments, after leaving my abuser, are far from over. I need 12 permanent crowns. In addition, I continue to feel back pain. Definitely not the sciatic pain I had before back surgery, but the muscles around the incision area are still very tender, my back still hurts some, and my shoulders and neck muscles tense up to the point of knotting, and yes they hurt too.
When my divorce became final I lost medical insurance, so at this time I have no insurance at all. So, I cannot afford to take care of my teeth and my back at the same time. One will have to get in line and wait, and I have the feeling that unless I find a way to work on both, seing a doctor about my back will have to wait. I have 12 temp crowns and they need to become permanent, one at a time.
Please pray for me, for a way to take care of my teeth and my back.
Thanks, and God bless

You are in my prayers and I empathize with you. Being ill isn't fun at all and it affects our entire life. Working while being ill is also very difficult and on top of all the bodily difficult and stress the situation becomes compounded when we are unable to get the proper assistance. Believe me, I understand. Can be so very wearing. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time. Take care of yourself; you're valuable.

 

[LovedSparrow]

Well, I was completely exhausted yesterday. Standing for any length of time was impossible. Several near repeated fainting spells and again the typical bruising has arrived that no one can explain. My body was so fatigued it was shaking. Again with an air purifier in my room and the door closed, I was still only able to get about 5 hours of sleep. Very discouraged and overwhelmed. Had errands to do this morning and needed quick healthy food on hand so I decided to go. After half an hour, again several repeated near fainting spells. Was happy to get fresh air and not be isolated but very discouraged all the same. The feeling of being incompetent to care for one's self is disconcerting. There are very many crooked roads that need to be made straight and need the Holy Spirit's direct intervention. Feeling helpless. Please pray.

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I'm sorry that you're not feeling well, Colleen. I will be praying!

 

[TomCS]

Does it count as physical abuse if someone routinely threatens to hurt you or someone you love, but the person rarely goes through with it? My father was a master at this when I was a small child. He would threaten violence to me, my mother, or my siblings. He would get up in your face and roar as loud as he could. He would yell and threaten with every foul curse word under the sun. He would slam and break things for the purpose of intimidation. But he would rarely actually hit someone; he would usually stop short of this. Does all this count as physical abuse?

 

[Johnnz]

That's considered emotional abuse. It's effects can be just as devastating as any other form of abuse, without any tell tale physical evidence.

John
NZ

 

[Colleen1]

Does it count as physical abuse if someone routinely threatens to hurt you or someone you love, but the person rarely goes through with it? My father was a master at this when I was a small child. He would threaten violence to me, my mother, or my siblings. He would get up in your face and roar as loud as he could. He would yell and threaten with every foul curse word under the sun. He would slam and break things for the purpose of intimidation. But he would rarely actually hit someone; he would usually stop short of this. Does all this count as physical abuse?

Yes, here it does in some areas. See here the RCMP, Social Services, psychology, etc. have their different definitions of abuse. See there is intimidation but there is also the threat to do bodily harm. As far as psychology is concerned, yes, I believe it would fall under physical abuse. It definitely is abuse. An abuse crisis line or shelter should be able to help you with this in your country. I truly don't mind listening or praying but I'm limited as to how much I know concerning logistics. Hope this helps. Hope you are finding some good support. You're valuable.

 

[Colleen1]

Praise God!!!!
I cried out to God.
Job 7:11
11 “Therefore I will not keep silent;
I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.

I was in a very difficult situation with no way out and no hope of an earthly solution. I knew the Holy Spirit had to intervene regarding a certain situation. Well, I'm very happy to say the Holy Spirit has intervened! I literally wept for joy. I quote the following scripture because it so very relevant to my situation and in praise of God.

Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.[a]
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced[c];
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.[d]
8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.”
9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.
14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
“The LORD be exalted!”
17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

God was providing and working out an incredibley miraculous solution to my problem even before I asked. His plan was in the making before I even uttered a prayer. Praise be to God! He is a good Father.
Pslam 139:1-6
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

^^^my favorite psalm Thank you for your prayers.

 

[TomCS]

Thank you Johnnz and Colleen. The abuse is many years in the past now, but I feel like I haven't recovered from it. I guess the abuse was more verbal and emotional rather than physical, but I distinctly remember feeling unsafe while it was happening. I'm working with an outstanding therapist for the past year trying to work through this, but it feels like I've barely scratched the surface in one year of therapy time. I was abused at home, in school, and later, in the work place all my life. I have no self-esteem as far as the world goes.

The only thing I feel good about is knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. Jesus loved me enough to die for me and take my sins away and reconcile me to God. That is wonderful news. But in the eyes of other people, I feel worthless, stupid, inferior, ugly, and not worth anyones while. By all worldly standards, I am an inferior being.

 

[Johnnz]

You might like to look up these people and see if there is one of their counsellors you can access. TheoPhostic Counseling

John
NZ

 

[LovedSparrow]

I was in a very difficult situation with no way out and no hope of an earthly solution. I knew the Holy Spirit had to intervene regarding a certain situation. Well, I'm very happy to say the Holy Spirit has intervened! I literally wept for joy. I quote the following scripture because it so very relevant to my situation and in praise of God.

Yay Colleen! That's great news! Thank you for sharing your praise with us. Yes, it is wonderful finding out that God has been working in our situations looong before we ever uttered a prayer, as you said. Oh it is so encouraging and makes us feel so loved. Thank you, God.
LovedSparrow

 

[Colleen1]

Yay Colleen! That's great news! Thank you for sharing your praise with us. Yes, it is wonderful finding out that God has been working in our situations looong before we ever uttered a prayer, as you said. Oh it is so encouraging and makes us feel so loved. Thank you, God.
LovedSparrow

Thank you very much for your thoughtfulness and understanding. It's truly appreciated. God is a wonderful Father and it's moments like these I need to keep in mind when I'm struggling with the past mistakes of my earthly father / family / etc. Good to know his motives are pure. Take care.

 

[Colleen1]

Thank you Johnnz and Colleen. The abuse is many years in the past now, but I feel like I haven't recovered from it. I guess the abuse was more verbal and emotional rather than physical, but I distinctly remember feeling unsafe while it was happening. I'm working with an outstanding therapist for the past year trying to work through this, but it feels like I've barely scratched the surface in one year of therapy time. I was abused at home, in school, and later, in the work place all my life. I have no self-esteem as far as the world goes.

The only thing I feel good about is knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. Jesus loved me enough to die for me and take my sins away and reconcile me to God. That is wonderful news. But in the eyes of other people, I feel worthless, stupid, inferior, ugly, and not worth anyones while. By all worldly standards, I am an inferior being.

You're very welcome! Yes, abuse goes deep but take heart. It does get better. Each healthy step we take it gets easier and we grow closer to healing. But the process can have it's frustrations as intense feelings surface. It's great you have a good therapist / someone for support. It makes a significant difference. I'm glad you feel comfortable posting here. God bless

 

[cweinstein]

You are in my prayers and I empathize with you. Being ill isn't fun at all and it affects our entire life. Working while being ill is also very difficult and on top of all the bodily difficult and stress the situation becomes compounded when we are unable to get the proper assistance. Believe me, I understand. Can be so very wearing. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time. Take care of yourself; you're valuable.

Thanks. Feel a little better, but I am still facing the long dental treatment, and my back still bothers me. Now my right hand hurts too, job hazard I guess. My job involves using a computer all the time.

 

[Colleen1]

Thanks. Feel a little better, but I am still facing the long dental treatment, and my back still bothers me. Now my right hand hurts too, job hazard I guess. My job involves using a computer all the time.

You're very welcome. Glad you're feeling at least a bit better. Being ill makes things more difficult. You're not alone believe me. Not easy when the things we do every day make it difficult for our bodies to heal. I hope you're able to get some good support. I will continue to pray. Take care of yourself.

 

[Colleen1]

Time to vent!
Etta James - It's a Man's Man's World - YouTube
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[Colleen1]

Hope you understood my need to vent. Been doing some grieving over different things and wanted to share this song with you all. I hope you're all having a good weekend. God bless!
Superchick - Crawl (Carry Me Through) - YouTube
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[Colleen1]

Feel blessed to feel at peace despite a lot of turmoil.

Psalm 139:5-6 & 17-18
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
...
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
Beautiful- Kari Jobe - YouTube


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[LovedSparrow]

Here's a good song, 'Breathe' by Subseven, a Christian band. They're a rock band so you may not like the rest, but I wanted to share this one.



breathe by subseven - YouTube

 

[Colleen1]

Here's a good song, 'Breathe' by Subseven, a Christian band. They're a rock band so you may not like the rest, but I wanted to share this one.



breathe by subseven - YouTube

Thanks so much for sharing. Great song. I like rock genre. No problems there.

 

[Colleen1]

still feeling this...

and now a little of this...

I'm feeling rather out of sorts. I hope I can keep taking it all in strides. I've been managing but that's because I've been avoiding some things for a few days. Need a break.