abuse and the process of healing

[Colleen1]

Loved Sparrow,

You're very welcome. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It's hard to function with physical illness; this is limiting. Wow, functioning normally with ptsd isn't easy in any way, even regarding simple tasks. I empathize. Spending so much effort and time at tasks that seem to aggravate feelings of frustration can be so difficult. Not an easy position to be in. When we are vulnerable, it can be so very difficult to figure out how to talk to others, ask for help or even know if we should and know who to trust. It's so tempting to numb ourselves / do things that make us feel this way that aren't healthy but it's especially important for us to remember during these times that, God loves us and we're valuable. Even if we feel undeserved shame or feel like we aren't succeeding like we'd like, God still loves us dearly. I do understand about the getting older thing too and the concerns that go along with it.

I'm glad you're not isolating. I know this can be very tempting to do...speaking for myself. Growing up I use to be extremely introverted and some issues can still be hard. Helps to have a good church to go to and a good counselor. These supports can make such a difference. Neat that you've found healthy creative ways of coping. I've done the same with my physical illnesses.

Yes, trusting people and dealing with intense feelings and issues surfacing can be so hard. When these things surface we can feel like we aren't enough or failing or lose hope. You are so right. If we can keep in mind that these feelings pass and hold on to healthy truths this can be helpful until these moments pass. I'm so impressed by the courage you've shown posting here etc and just talking about this and helping yourself and asking for help. All these steps are hard but they bring us closer to a better place. I will continue to pray. God bless!

 

[cweinstein]

I'm listening to this music this morning and thought I'd share.


/quote]
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I like that song very much. I can identify with it. I am doing much better than I did 2 yrs ago, but I know I still have a ways to go, the healing has begun, and it will continue for a long time

 

[cweinstein]

Thanks Colleen. Normally I can hold it together okay, but just struggling this week. The hardest is talking. My husband has been around me the last couple of days but I just don't have words.

In a nutshell, I have PTSD, abuse issues, autism, depression, high anxiety. I have no direction in my life, stuck in a dead-end job. I want to go back to college as I am almost 30, but we don't have the funds, and I don't know what to go for. I have lost my motivation just these last couple days so I don't do much during the day, then I feel worse. I got triggered really badly this week and went and hid by the closet and took a nap there because it was safe. (Hubby isn't abusive, just abuse from the past of an old bf). I just feel stuck. I feel so numb, and I'm just dissociating.

I am not isolating, we went to church today. I go to work just fine, have 2 bible studies, and I go to a counselor. I feel good about that. Life is just so heavy right now. It's really hard to talk about this because of my autism, it is hard to formulate words and speak them. I've taken up knitting which helps me talk, my fingers are distracted and I talk better somehow.

I know it will be better in a day or so, but right now I'm just feeling blah. I don't like talking about my emotions so this is hard
Thanks, Colleen.

Emotions are not easy to deal with. I too have PTSD, anxiety, and maybe a touch of depression. I am doing better but once in a while something will hit me the wrong way and set me off.
That happened Valentine's Day. I received a surprise package from my ex (my abuser), with a card that said "Love". That was enough to get me very upset and the rest of the week I've felt like crap.

I'm glad knitting helps. I took up crocheting 20+ yrs ago, and I need to get back to it. I tried to teach myself to knit but it was a disaster. If I'm brave enough I may try again.

Hang in there, I am praying for you

 

[cweinstein]

something comes up, I'm left needing to determine how much of my emotions are relevant to my current relationship and how much of my emotions are relevant to the person / people who are part of my past / memories. Expressing unproportionate feelings, e.g. frustration, pain, anger, etc. toward the other person in my current relationships would be wrong on my part. I think once we're ready to experience deeper relationship after healing, this issue will inevitably come up. This is another area of healing that will take time, effort, thought, processing of emotion, prayer, honesty with myself and others to sort out. Reminds me that God wants me to learn and grow until the day I die. Is this a depressing thought? No, because I know I am never starting from square one. Each step brings me closer to a deeper health and relationship with God and others.

It's not a depressing thought. It is something very real that all of us have to face at one time or another during our healing process. I find myself in the same spot.
Take my best friend, for example. She survived abuse as well, she was farther along in healing, already free when we met, and she has been of invaluable help to me. During my stay at a transitional housing program I expressed some feelings, fears, which I later regretted saying. That cause friction between us, but we were able to get past it, and now that both of us finished the transitional housing programs, we are roommates.

Yes, I do guard my feelings, frustrations, anger, and I am very selective as to whom I share that with. A good part of the time I share it only with God.

 

[Colleen1]

I'm listening to this music this morning and thought I'd share.


/quote]
​

I like that song very much. I can identify with it. I am doing much better than I did 2 yrs ago, but I know I still have a ways to go, the healing has begun, and it will continue for a long time

Glad you like the song. I find music to be so very healing and it helps me express all of my emotions in a healthy way...even anger.

I'm so very thrilled for you that you are healing and recognizing all your hard work is paying off. Yes, it takes time and I think as we take each step along the way, it gets easier and we get to a better place even though this can be hard to see at time. I'm glad you're comfortable posting here. So good to have people who who understand. It reminds me and others we're not alone. Thanks. I hope you're able to find peace and comfort. I don't mind listening and I will continue to pray.

 

[Colleen1]

Emotions are not easy to deal with. I too have PTSD, anxiety, and maybe a touch of depression. I am doing better but once in a while something will hit me the wrong way and set me off.
That happened Valentine's Day. I received a surprise package from my ex (my abuser), with a card that said "Love". That was enough to get me very upset and the rest of the week I've felt like crap.

I'm glad knitting helps. I took up crocheting 20+ yrs ago, and I need to get back to it. I tried to teach myself to knit but it was a disaster. If I'm brave enough I may try again.

Hang in there, I am praying for you

I'm so very sorry you have experienced this type of abuse and it is so very difficult to deal with in a practical way. I would greatly suggest you take this to the police and speak to an advocate or someone who helps victims of crime so they can explain to you what your options are. I'm from Canada so I'm not very familiar with all law there etc. I don't mind listening and you are welcome to message me or post here in whatever way you feel comfortable. Please take care of yourself emotionally and practically. You are so very valuable. ...so very very valuable.

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[Colleen1]

It's not a depressing thought. It is something very real that all of us have to face at one time or another during our healing process. I find myself in the same spot.
Take my best friend, for example. She survived abuse as well, she was farther along in healing, already free when we met, and she has been of invaluable help to me. During my stay at a transitional housing program I expressed some feelings, fears, which I later regretted saying. That cause friction between us, but we were able to get past it, and now that both of us finished the transitional housing programs, we are roommates.

Yes, I do guard my feelings, frustrations, anger, and I am very selective as to whom I share that with. A good part of the time I share it only with God.

What you have said is so very poignant. Relationships can be hard especially when both people are in need and vulnerable at the same time. Yet, we still do need to set boundaries. This helps us keep things healthy for ourselves and the others in relationship with us. Such a cliche but so very true that, we can't help others unless we heal and help ourselves. God values us and I'm sure you'd agree that there is no shame in caring for ourselves. So many of us have lived so much of our lives in silence and not being valued, I figure why waste any more time feeling unnecessary shame etc. I don't want any more regrets of allowing myself to be 'wrecked' by mean people. God bless.

 

[Colleen1]

Any Other Way-Tenth Avenue North with Lyrics - YouTube

House of Mirrors, Tenth Avenue North (lyrics!) - YouTube

 

[cweinstein]

I'm so very sorry you have experienced this type of abuse and it is so very difficult to deal with in a practical way. I would greatly suggest you take this to the police and speak to an advocate or someone who helps victims of crime so they can explain to you what your options are. I'm from Canada so I'm not very familiar with all law there etc. I don't mind listening and you are welcome to message me or post here in whatever way you feel comfortable. Please take care of yourself emotionally and practically. You are so very valuable. ...so very very valuable.

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Thanks, Colleen, I greatly appreciate it.
This is one time I wish I had a lawyer. When I filed for divorce I could not afford to hire an attorney, so I represented myself. My ex did hire a local attorney, but I have the feeling he didn't do it himself. Since the divorce became final over a year ago, his attorney closed that case and no longer represents him. I could speak to someone at the Women's Center here in town. They run the transitional housing program I lived in for 14 months. Even though I finished the program and moved out on my own I can still call them if needed.

 

[cweinstein]

What you have said is so very poignant. Relationships can be hard especially when both people are in need and vulnerable at the same time. Yet, we still do need to set boundaries. This helps us keep things healthy for ourselves and the others in relationship with us. Such a cliche but so very true that, we can't help others unless we heal and help ourselves. God values us and I'm sure you'd agree that there is no shame in caring for ourselves. So many of us have lived so much of our lives in silence and not being valued, I figure why waste any more time feeling unnecessary shame etc. I don't want any more regrets of allowing myself to be 'wrecked' by mean people. God bless.

I agree, there is no shame in caring for ourselves, and yes, relationships can be hard, especially during this time of healing. I am not ready for a serious relationship, at the same time after ending a marriage of 21 yrs, I do feel alone.

 

[LovedSparrow]

Emotions are not easy to deal with. I too have PTSD, anxiety, and maybe a touch of depression. I am doing better but once in a while something will hit me the wrong way and set me off.
That happened Valentine's Day. I received a surprise package from my ex (my abuser), with a card that said "Love". That was enough to get me very upset and the rest of the week I've felt like crap.

I'm glad knitting helps. I took up crocheting 20+ yrs ago, and I need to get back to it. I tried to teach myself to knit but it was a disaster. If I'm brave enough I may try again.

Hang in there, I am praying for you

Thank you for your post. That means a lot! That would shake me up, too, that your ex would send that. Yes, that would be very hard.

I hope you have a good rest of the week. Thanks again!

 

[TomCS]

I am so hopelessly entangled in an abusive relationship that I wish that I would die to escape from it.

 

[Colleen1]

Thanks, Colleen, I greatly appreciate it.
This is one time I wish I had a lawyer. When I filed for divorce I could not afford to hire an attorney, so I represented myself. My ex did hire a local attorney, but I have the feeling he didn't do it himself. Since the divorce became final over a year ago, his attorney closed that case and no longer represents him. I could speak to someone at the Women's Center here in town. They run the transitional housing program I lived in for 14 months. Even though I finished the program and moved out on my own I can still call them if needed.

You are very welcome. I know I can feel alone in my experiences and with my feelings at times and the truth is, once we start talking 'out loud' we find that there are many people who have experienced similar, feel the same and that the shame of abuse belongs with the abuser. I think it's wonderful you have this resource. I'm from a small community and it is so very difficult to find good resources many times. God bless as you deal with this. I pray God makes many crooked roads in my life straight; I will pray this for you and the others here as well. There are times when only the Holy Spirit can intervene. Take care.

 

[Colleen1]

I agree, there is no shame in caring for ourselves, and yes, relationships can be hard, especially during this time of healing. I am not ready for a serious relationship, at the same time after ending a marriage of 21 yrs, I do feel alone.

Yes, this is such a difficult dilemma. It is so important to have someone who understands during our healing process but difficult to find at times. There are others who understand and are healing as well and this is a good reminder we're not alone but when both people are needy at the same time it can be hard to give a lot because we need to heal ourselves. Relationships can be tricky but I think still very worthwhile. so glad we can, relate and support one another.

 

[Colleen1]

I am so hopelessly entangled in an abusive relationship that I wish that I would die to escape from it.

Such a difficult situation. I empathize and realize your feelings of turmoil. I would encourage you to find professionals who can be supportive and help you find all the support and resources you need. I don't mind listening but because of our distance what I can offer is to listen and you're welcome to post here or message me. I will, of course, pray for you and your situation. So many times the first step to restoring hope and feeling less alone is to say how we feel and you are doing this here. I applaud your bravery. There is a recovery section here at CF that may be able to offer you some more support as well. Please remember God sees us as valuable. You are worthwhile and valued by the most important being around...God.

 

[Colleen1]

Switchfoot- Golden - YouTube

 

[cweinstein]

I am so hopelessly entangled in an abusive relationship that I wish that I would die to escape from it.

It is a difficult situation, but not hopeless. I encourage you to call a domestic violence hotline, and ask for help.
, especially if you don't feel safe. I am here if you need to talk, you can post or message me anytime. God bless

 

[Colleen1]

Well, I was completely exhausted yesterday. Standing for any length of time was impossible. Several near repeated fainting spells and again the typical bruising has arrived that no one can explain. My body was so fatigued it was shaking. Again with an air purifier in my room and the door closed, I was still only able to get about 5 hours of sleep. Very discouraged and overwhelmed. Had errands to do this morning and needed quick healthy food on hand so I decided to go. After half an hour, again several repeated near fainting spells. Was happy to get fresh air and not be isolated but very discouraged all the same. The feeling of being incompetent to care for one's self is disconcerting. There are very many crooked roads that need to be made straight and need the Holy Spirit's direct intervention. Feeling helpless. Please pray.

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[cweinstein]

Well, I was completely exhausted yesterday. Standing for any length of time was impossible. Several near repeated fainting spells and again the typical bruising has arrived that no one can explain. My body was so fatigued it was shaking. Again with an air purifier in my room and the door closed, I was still only able to get about 5 hours of sleep. Very discouraged and overwhelmed. Had errands to do this morning and needed quick healthy food on hand so I decided to go. After half an hour, again several repeated near fainting spells. Was happy to get fresh air and not be isolated but very discouraged all the same. The feeling of being incompetent to care for one's self is disconcerting. There are very many crooked roads that need to be made straight and need the Holy Spirit's direct intervention. Feeling helpless. Please pray.

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I am praying for you. And I'm here if you need to talk, about anything, anytime. I am also on skype.
I know what it's like to be fatigued to the point of shaking. I've been there.
Hang in there, and feel free to pm me, or message me on skype.
Hugs, to you, and my prayers

 

[cweinstein]

I don't feel very well right now. I am very tired, after working all night, and yes I am about to go to bed so I can work tonight.
But also I feel a lot of anxiety, and if I don't get it under control soon, it may turn to panic. My dental treatments, after leaving my abuser, are far from over. I need 12 permanent crowns. In addition, I continue to feel back pain. Definitely not the sciatic pain I had before back surgery, but the muscles around the incision area are still very tender, my back still hurts some, and my shoulders and neck muscles tense up to the point of knotting, and yes they hurt too.
When my divorce became final I lost medical insurance, so at this time I have no insurance at all. So, I cannot afford to take care of my teeth and my back at the same time. One will have to get in line and wait, and I have the feeling that unless I find a way to work on both, seing a doctor about my back will have to wait. I have 12 temp crowns and they need to become permanent, one at a time.
Please pray for me, for a way to take care of my teeth and my back.
Thanks, and God bless