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Abstinence

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Rest, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. Rest

    Rest New Member

    64
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    Not being married, how well do you do at this and how important is it to you?
     
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  2. gospels

    gospels Christ my breath. ⚡ Christ my music. ⚡ Supporter

    +1,526
    India
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    Arranged marriages are pretty common in some parts of the world that we don't even think much about it. Most people don't enter into relationships without decision being made with the parents / elders. The bride and the bridegroom would not meet privately unless they are first engaged. You basically choose to love and fall in love with the one you married or to be married.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  3. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    +4,964
    Charismatic
    In Relationship
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    Abstinence is not important to me.
     
  4. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,807
    Christian
    I don't focus on one area TOO much. I want a balanced 'psyche' - if you will.

    If I'm going to abstain, then it needs to make sense across all areas - I wouldn't just do it because I felt it was right. Saying "I should because it's Godly" honestly doesn't wash. I need practical reasons to do things.

    Run through your faith and your OWN personal journey with a fine toothcomb and come to the determination yourself. How would abstinence aid your journey? (Don't be bullied by guilt, you should actually WANT to do this.)
     
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  5. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman Active Member

    306
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    Croatia
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    Deleted.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  6. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    WOW - to post #5
     
  7. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,807
    Christian
    Usually I'd have something to say, but with all of the outrage and hypersensitivity in society today I sidestepped it.

    I'm emotionally burnt out with this diversity kick.
     
  8. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member

    +2,988
    United States
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    Private
    It isn't so much the abstinence itself, but living a lifestyle that's consistent with my values and future plans. What do I gain from abstaining? Less drama than most people deal with, a sense of self control, more energy for other things, and it might even convey a message to the right person someday. I'm not counting on the latter, but it's a thought. Speaking of thoughts, mine aren't always pure, but I don't expect my future wife's to be either. We're adults, and most adults have a libido. That's normal and healthy, so I don't stress over it. There are other ways to channel the energy. I invest it in work and creative hobbies. I don't always need stuff in my life when I can clearly envision it within the right context, in a way works for the two of us. It's like I want that kind of arrangement or nothing. This point can be harder to articulate than I'd like, but I figured I'd give it a go. We can be each others' fantasy, both now and if/when we find each other. If not, that's too bad in a way, but it's my life. I'll live it as I see fit.

    Sometimes, I wonder if this means I'm the kind of person described in the Bible as having self control. That may bode well for me as an individual, but not necessarily for finding a wife. What opportunities I come across are inconsistent with my values, so they're ultimately not very appealing.


    I hope this answers your question. Although I'm not sure how I'd rate its importance compared to other things, I like to have reasons for what I do.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  9. Rest

    Rest New Member

    64
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    Isn't keeping the Lords commandments a practical enough reason?
     
  10. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,807
    Christian
    Keeping in mind that this is just ME talking, and not a expert...

    It's not enough to just read from a list and say "yes sir" - that's not what He wants you to do. Most people in that case obey willingly enough, sure, but in doing so they'll tend to retain the frustration. That constant sexual frustration is often more of a road block than the actual sinful act itself. (Just read ANY of the threads in this Singles forum. I'm sorry to be a 'jerk' but in the past it's been rife with 35 to 40-somethings who are stuck and NEVER start. How is that good? I'm angry for them. It's a waste of life.)

    God put you here to fulfil a purpose. The key is to focus solely on that and etch out the road map. With a road map in place the ENTIRE big picture becomes apparent. What you need to do, and what you need to avoid - and why, how and when - all of THAT needs to be crystal clear for maximum effect.

    'The PURPOSE' is the culmination of all of God's commands coming together. Any deviation from it is sin. Think of the road map as the magnets that keep the wheels from derailing - see how each one has an ACTUAL purpose. It isn't just an autocratic rule.

    It's a question of actively engaging with the walk and being the inquisitive student - and NOT the passive note taker. Obeying without total understanding is as bad as sin (it might even be!)

    *Edit: It's also important to note that I'm not 'life coaching' or preaching. I expect people over the age of 21 to know all of this already. It's just a reminder.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  11. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    Very good point ...
     
  12. Will Joseph

    Will Joseph New Member

    41
    +18
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    At first I thought that no sex before marriage wasn't important. But I'm a celibate virgin and have learned the importance of no sex before marriage. One greatest importance is sexually transmitted diseases, some of which can kill. In the past, sex was usually life-death situation: to have a new life as a parent or to have a death of disease. Even nowadays for the poor, sex is still a life-death situation. Of course, some people may not have enough freedom to avoid sexual situations and that's unfortunate. I'm fortunate to have some freedom in my sexual decisions and to remain celibate.
     
  13. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman Active Member

    306
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    Abstinence is not important to you? So fornication is important to you, good luck with heaven!
     
  14. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman Active Member

    306
    +112
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    You think I am sensitive? Go talk about yourself! God will judge everybody who talk for others!
     
  15. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,194
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Abstinence is important. I abstain.

    - It's an area of obedience to God.
    - I'm pro-life and not part of the problem of unwanted pregnancies.
    - Not-abstinent friends and family seemed burdened in ways that I have not been.

    I don't really have regrets about not fornicating or committing adultery. With the other regrets I have in life, those are regrets I do not need. I'm not as obedient in the area of lust as I want to be, but the topic of the thread is abstinence, not complete internal perfection.
     
  16. Richard T

    Richard T Well-Known Member

    +652
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    God wrote the owner's manual and sex outside of marriage is like running a car without oil. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV)
    18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
    'It harms your conscience, keeps you out of right standing with God and even will detour your life in some cases quite significantly. For instance, while you are hooking up, the real mate God intended for you is moving on.
     
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  17. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,807
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    Well, I do now.

    I WAS going to ask about asexuality and whether you think that might be a factor - but it's everyone else who would preach to me about how "everyone is different" and to "stop using labels".

    It would have been an honest question.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2020
  18. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,807
    Christian
    This is the biblical answer to what I was BASICALLY getting at - especially the last point.

    It needs to coincide with free choice though. Free choice is as important to the faith as the cross. Without it, you'll find God through tyranny and not love.

    Heaven is achieved through belief in Christ - it's not for MAN to use as a punishment and reward tool. I'm actually tired of seeing it being abused in that way. (No referring to the member I'm quoting.)
     
  19. Rest

    Rest New Member

    64
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    But in your other post it seemed like you were trying to justify it by saying that it's a road block to our main purpose due to the sexual frustration.

    God doesn't say, "You're sexually frustrated and can't fulfill your duties? Ok fine go ahead."

    Not at all. It's more like.. "Do you love me and do you love me more than you love sin? Yes? Then, repent. Keep my commandments. Act upon the needs of the spirit and not of the flesh."
     
  20. Richard T

    Richard T Well-Known Member

    +652
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Yes, everything is a free choice. Some of those choices do hurt though. Sin is used to beat up people, but the real freedom comes in finding the grace to serve, something I failed to mention earlier.
    1 Corinthians 7:9 (KJV)
    9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (with passion).
    I don't think preachers emphasize this enough. I can see being shy on this though as there is so much divorce, even among church people. In general I think the church struggles because it is too worldly and many singles have the wrong ideas about love and marriage.
     
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