Absolutely Frustrated - Please Advise

[JesusServant]

Dearest believers,

I am completely and utterly frustrated and losing hope. My reasoning is becoming so circular and I'm in such a rut than I cannot seem to break free of it. I have received Christ as my savior and know that I've received the Holy Spirit, so please refrain from pointing me in that direction. What I need is some insight and direction as to how to maintain my sanity in this world since I'm forced to remain in it yet I truly hate it just as I am told through the Word that I should and would.

Here goes... Please forgive the length of this post...

[brief recent history of myself] I am 32 years old and worked in the Information Technology field for 11 years. Due to a slew of hardships (some of which I certainly did not help) I am currently jobless. In a one year period 2 years ago, my wife left, I lost my job, my grandfather (who was like a father to me) passed away and my father (who was in a home because he suffered from mental illness most of his life - (FYI - my mother died of cancer after a 6 year battle when I was 21)). I've worked some odd jobs that I would deem as nothing more than slavery since no one could possibly pay any of their own bills with the wages here and there just to try and keep from being a burden on the friend that took me in when I would have been homeless. I'd like to mention that my church not only turned their back on me during this hellish period in my life; The last time I was there the pastor told three lies to the entire congregation about my (now) x-wife and myself. I still am in shock to this day over that one. I had to just leave it as he was one of the wolves in sheep's clothing spoken of in the Good Book. And what disturbs me more is the fact that this good friend that has kept me from complete destruction - or at least dying in the streets of starvation - is not a believer in Christ; Though he is one of the most incredible people I have ever met. He gives without question and never makes me feel like the bum I feel like I am at this moment.

Even though I've always had a demon torment me that no matter what I did in life I would still end up like my father I chose to believe and have faith in Christ. I still believe in Christ and still feel his peaceful presence every now and then but it is very rare. But here is where I'm so messed up that I don't even know if there is hope for me... When I was successful and was moving into completeness in mind body and soul I still could not be satisfied and content. Why? Not because it was never enough for me (though I could never provide enough to make my now x-wife happy - and I still love her - isn't that a hoot). No, I could never be satisfied with the worldly blessings because every time I saw someone in need my countenance fell. How could I enjoy living in comfort with all needs supplied with so many a multitude starving, dying because of others' greed... I feel like no matter what I do for the good in this life it is never enough. I have a strong desire to find work now in a field where I can help others. One thing that gave me comfort was working in IT in the medical field, so at least I was helping those who (as I had to trust - even though I've seen countless examples of otherwise in the medical profession) were helping others. I have lost so much hope in humanity that it seems like I reason my way out of everything now or at least the last couple of months. I have always had love in my heart for fellow man and woman, even though I haven't always been able to show it properly. But I'm so fed up with this world and its ways. It's wars for greed. I even cringe when I drive by a sign at a church that says "God bless our troops"! I know they mean well, but people killing for profit is people killing for profit I don't care how people reason it out. WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH FOR THESE PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY!?!?!?! The system is so well designed to manipulate people into just about anything just so they can survive. Obviously the only logical answer IS Jesus Christ! I feel like I've reached a point in understanding that all I need now is the power promised those who believe; The power received in the upper room. I know I cannot overcome this world completely without it no matter how much I believe. I will fast as long as God needs to prove myself to Him if need be. If He said to me, "Steven, I need you to go to the cross this minute or one person may be lost forever" then I would go. I certainly would NOT want to go. I am not insane. Jesus did NOT want to go, but He knew it was necessary, a mystery to so many multitudes, but I GET IT!!! I understand why the rain before the sunshine. The devil was the first born son as all the firstborn sons of the old testament and he was to receive by rite what was the Father's (and we also know how all of those firstborn sons of the OT ended up as well). But since he did not know suffering and did not know evil from the beginning he fell right into it not even knowing he had become evil for he had to earn nothing and the cycle turned him into a monster.

WHEW!!! I'm sorry this is so long and forgive me for babbling, but I NEED HELP!!! I know that depression is a possibility after all I went through in a short time. But guess what, without insurance or a lot of money the doors get shut on you quickly. I even tried to commit myself to a free institution and they come up with excuse after excuse as to why they cannot help me. I have no criminal record WHATSOEVER. I feel like I am completely cursed no matter what I do I LOSE. I understand that this is right by the word because we are not all supposed to "win" but we have to live right? Like the Jews being hated by so many for so long I feel like I don't have a right to exist in this world. Am I such a waste of space that I cannot simply exist?

Can you see where I am losing my mind? If I could fly right out of this dreadful flesh I would!

And God bless anyone who can help me or can point me in the right direction because I am just about ready to leave where I am now so I will not become a burden to my good friend, sit in a field and either rot and die or receive that power from on high.

 

[JesusServant]

I just read some of the changed rules since I was a moderator here at CF. Mods- please forgive me for posting this here - but I feel the need to ask all Christians - regardless of denomination or creed for their advice, so this seemed like a good place to do it. I know this is not all about me believe me. However, as you can see from my post I have exhausted many avenues already.

Thanks in advance
Steve
JS

 

[dhuisjen2]

Hi Steven (I guess that's your name),

I feel for you, I'll be praying for you, and I hope your crisis passes.
I know just enough about counselling to know that no one should try to do it as an amateur over the net. I hope that you can soon find some church close to you with a trained counsellor or two on staff that can help you. There is no substitute for direct brotherly love and human contact in your type of situation.

Beyond that, if there is any way that you can find a way forward in life and faith by looking beyond your own situation, that would be bound to help. The pastor in this world that I hold in the deepest personal regard once told this story in a sermon:

There was a little boy walking along the sea shore at low tide, picking up stranded star fish and throwing them back into the surf. A middle aged man walked up to him and asked what he was doing. "I just don't want these star fish to dry out and die before the tide comes back," he said.

"But there are thousands of these star fish here," said the man. "No matter what you do, most of them will die anyway."

"Yes," said the boy stoically, picking up another star fish, "but this one will live," throwing it into the sea, "and this one... and this one..."

Maybe if you can find such "star fish" and help just those individuals, it can distract you from the pain of your own situation just enough so that you can find a feasible way forward in life.

Off the cuff advice, FWIW. I'm sure prayers will be worth more!

Peace and blessings, David

 

[TK427]

Hey man, my heart goes out to you as I read your post. I admire your faith and that you have kept with it even though seemingly one bad thing has happened after another, but your story reminds of one person who I know. His name is Job, and he really had a massive reason to complain. In a few days Job lost all of his children who he loved, all of his wealth and cattle, most of his servants, and to make matters worse, he was struck down with physical illnesses by Satan.

I suggest that you read the book of Job and notice how God responds to Job's questioning and complaining:

Who are you to question my wisdom with your ignorant, empty words? (Job 38:2; GNB).

Also, in Isaiah 55:8-9 (GNB) we read:

"My thoughts," says the LORD, "are not like yours, and my ways are different from yours. As high as the heavens are above the Earth, so high are my ways and thoughts above yours."

You just never know what God is doing in your life right now because you don't know everything and you can't see the big picture. God is in control of your life and He knows what He needs to change in your life to glorify Him or to show you that He is always there and that He is faithful, regardless of how you may feel and how bad the circumstances of your life look. He could be teaching you something and when you come out of it He expects you to teach someone else and help them through it (because you have been there). Paul says something very comforting, he promises that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28; GNB).

We all know what happened to Job, he stayed faithful to God and was given more than what was taken away from him in the first place. I also suggest that you stay close to God and maintain trust in Him and ask Him what He is trying to teach you and that His will, even though you don't know what it is, be done in your life. Whatever you go through, God will use it for your good. Remeber what James says in 4:7 (GNB), "So then, submit yourselves to God. Resist the Devil, and he will run away from you." That is really something - to stand firm in God even though you are going through a storm in life.

It was over the course of a year that I eventually learned the lesson that even though my world was caving in around me (not anywhere near like yours though) that God was near and that He is concerned about my sufferings. He taught me that year that He is faithful to deliver me from my problems because He has overcome the world. Even more recently, I've been in a 'spiritual rut' and am starting to learn how to live by faith and not by sight or feelings.

The Israelites life in Egypt is another example. In Exodus 3:7 (GNB) the LORD said, "I have seen how cruelly my people are being treated in Egypt; I have heard them cry out to be rescued from their slave drivers. I know about their sufferings."

From this example, we can conclude that two main things; firstly, that God is near! He sees our misery. He hears our cry. He knows what is hurting us - our oppressors. Perhaps most importantly, He is concerned about our suffering.

The next verse is where it gets better:
"So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey" (Exodus 3:8; GNB).

From this verse we can conclude the second important point: God has a plan! He comes down to us and He sends a rescurer and then gives us a better life.

I suggest that you go to another church that has a good pastor and talk with him or her about your life and so on. Other people's posts will probably also help you more than mine. I know how you feel to a smaller degree, but I have always just held onto God by faith in His goodness and His faithfulness even though my feelings, thought processes and so on told me that He has abandoned me. The Bible says that He will never abandon you and that He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you (Jeremiah 29:11 for example)!! Just keep holding on to God through faith and in prayer submit yourself to Him and keep going through the storm. Keep Him true to His promises that He has made in Scripture by saying things like "LORD you said that ..... and I believe that you'll stay true to your Word," and so on. God knows how much you can handle and he won't give you any more than what you are able to carry.

I will pray for you that your faith will be strengthened and that God will come to your rescue soon. I'm sorry that I couldn't be too much help for you.

God bless you JesusServant!

~ TK427.

 

[icxn]

Why don't you become a monk?

 

[ETide]

You're certainly going through some difficult trials in this life.. and there is a reason for these things, as they will ultimately strengthen you and you will praise and honor your Saviour, our Lord Jesus Christ at His appearing.

This one might be a little tough to swallow right now, although it's the truth..

If you're IN CHRIST, as you stated in your comments.. THEN you are one of the richest, and most blessed people on the face of this earth..

NOTHING in this world is worthy of being compared to having CHRIST IN YOU.. your hope of glory.. for though HE was rich, He became poor for our sakes, so that we, through His poverty might be rich.. AND it will take the ages of eternity for you to enjoy the riches of your inheritance in the saints.. because Jesus Christ is your exceeding and great reward..

SO.. you only need one constraining motive to go on in this life.. and it's LOVE.. faith which works by LOVE..

With the LOVE of Christ in you, and that love motivating you.. then you'll have compassion on those that are lost and without Christ.. think of how poor they are without HIM ! ! They could have all the wealth that this earth can offer, and yet without Christ they are poor, miserable, wretched, blind, and naked..

You're blessed friend, more that you can ever exhaust in Christ.. and although that may be difficult to realize in your life at this moment.. you have eternity with the riches of Christ at your disposal..

 

[stumpjumper]

It seems you have been having a long string of bad luck. I'll pray for you. I've always looked at faith not as something that neccesarily keeps bad things from happening to us but as the means of finding strength in God when bad things do happen...

I don't know if you've tried a career counselor or a change of profession but those might be some options for a change in your daily life. Also, have you tried a religious retreat? It might be good to help you gain some more center in your life.

Take care.

 

[eoe]

If I could fly right out of this dreadful flesh I would!

If I were in your position I would run - not walk - but run to a monastery.

Have you considered the monastic life?

 

[BigNorsk]

Couple of things. First, you are confusing the social gospel with the gospel and seem to be of the opinion that the social gospel is more important. I take this from the idea you have that information technology is of no practical use in helping people.

Well the gospel is a very practical thing, it saves people for all eternity. Hard to get more practical than that.

And how are those people saved? By hearing the Word of God. Now information technology is a huge part of getting the Word of God out there so that people may hear it and be saved. So I have difficulty thinking of a profession that is more practical for a Christian than information technology.

Now Jesus told us that the poor will always be with us. While we accept that, we can also be kind to the poor and give them aid. But do not think that giving a poor person his next meal is the most important thing that you can give him.

It sounds as if God has given you a lot of skills and a burden to help people. Instead of chasing after other skills as if you have the wrong skills why not just find ways to use what you currently have to help people. Be thankful for who you are and how you fit in the body of Christ.

There are lots and I mean lots of congregations and organizations out there that really do need your expertise. I won't tell you the work will always pay well in terms of cash but there is sure a need.

Marv

 

[Daniels]

Is 40:

40:29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he
increaseth strength.
40:30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall
utterly fall:
40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they
shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be
weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.​

 

[TexasSky]

It is very frustrating to live in a world where people do not understand how to practice the greatest commandments of loving God with all your heart, mind and soul; and loving others as yourself, but the world does not follow Christ.

Make your first prayer, a prayer to God for peace of mind. Then, do as Christ and his disciples did, and focus on changing this world, one person at a time - one day at a time.


Try not to focus on what is wrong and horrible around you. Try to focus on what you can do, today, right now, to make one person's day a tiny bit brighter, and do that in Christ's name. See someone on the bus who looks like they are going to cry? Sit next to them, say, "Good morning, I couldn't help but notice that you seem distressed. Is there anything I can do?" Or, if that is too forward for you, compliment them. "I couldn't help noticing what a lovely outfit you have on."

Take the extra time to help someone with a computer problem. Volunteer to teach computer work at a shelter, or through your church.

Remember what we think is useless may be miraculous when handed over to God. You may think that helping the teenager on the phone figure out their comp problem is not as valuable as helping the hospital, but maybe that teenager is using that computer to speak to someone else about Christ, or to stay in contact with the grandparent they cannot fly out to see, or maybe they are sick and that is their contact with the outside world.

Find another church. Find a church where lies will not be spread from the pulpit. Find a church with licensed counselors on staff to help you though depression.

Look for little ways to brighten one soul. Visit a nursing home and adopt a lonely elderly person. Mow the lawn for a neighbor who can't.

Pray for your friend to come to Christ. If this friend is already doing such good in the world, imagine what this friend can do with Christ in his life.

Never forget - not everyone who claims to be Christian is. Not ever Christian lives up to the commands of Christ to care for one another.

Try to focus more on, "am I doing everything I can for Christ today," and less on, "Why aren't more people doing more for Christ today."


If every Christian would do just five random acts of kindness a day, in Christ's name, we could change the world. We have to stop making excuses not to.

 

[DevotiontoBible]

Even though I've always had a demon torment me that no matter what I did in life I would still end up like my father I chose to believe and have faith in Christ....The devil was the first born son as all the firstborn sons of the old testament and he was to receive by rite what was the Father's (and we also know how all of those firstborn sons of the OT ended up as well). But since he did not know suffering and did not know evil from the beginning he fell right into it not even knowing he had become evil for he had to earn nothing and the cycle turned him into a monster.


...

And God bless anyone who can help me or can point me in the right direction ....

Do you want to discuss this unbiblical Christology and demonologyl? God created angels, they were not born sons from God. Jesus has always existed as the firstborn Son of God, from eternity, not the Devil. Where do you get the idea Lucifer was to recieve by right anything of God? Your dilemma is due to a faulty theolgy where you believe the devil is the first born son of God making Christ less than the Devil's preeminent position. That is why you have no power over the devil that "torments" you. To have adequate power you need an adequate Christology.

 

[JesusServant]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm definitely taking them all in. (except for the demonology one - I think you've missed my point my friend).

I've even considered the monastic life and the mission field. But it seems like today, that to be in the mission field under any church you have to prove yourself to man and believe exactly how one man will teach before he will help support you (through 'his' church) in that mission field. But I still consider it nonetheless. The book "Imitation of Christ" is quite excellent as far as the monastic life is concerned.

Thank you for your prayers and reminders of Scripture.

For those who mentioned having Christ is better than having riches. Believe me I know my friends. I would rather be poor and know Him than rich and be lost and greed-ridden. I was very poor as a child and felt that through His grace I had broken free of it. Maybe I spoiled myself through hard work and earning a good wage.

As far as the information technology post as to how that can be used for His teachings. I've considered starting a website as well, but all these things I cannot do simply while living off of my friend. I have to have an income of some sort so that I can pay my own way. The last thing I ever want is to be a burden to anyone. That isn't out of pride, but just common dignity and the fact that it isn't right. This probably freezes a lot of Christians. I'm sure it isn't just me. The fact that you want to work for His Kingdom, but you fear you may instead work against His Kingdom if you do not do it rightly.

God bless you all and thanks again
Steve
JS

 

[JesusServant]

My apologies, I can see why you took me wrong because I stated it wrongly. I type very fast and do not always state things exactly as I mean them. I was in a hurry to post what I posted and misstated my own beliefs there. My point was that Lucifer was considered a high angel, I don't know why I said firstborn son, but I meant to compare him to the firstborn sons of the OT and how anyone who is simply given anything does not appreciate it and they fall quite hard. That's all. I don't want to debate over it sir.

God bless
Steve

 

[BarbB]

Do you still live in Tennessee, Steve? Do you need to stay there - do you have kids there? Could you move? If so, have you placed your resume on the internet on one of the job sites? If you are flexible there's every chance of getting another position, perhaps better than you had. Maybe you could even work from home.

Also, I found a Christian counsellor at a church I was attending. If I had to get help again, I would certainly go back to him. He was probably 1/3 of what I would have had to pay otherwise.

Also, have you tried prayer to be healed of depression? I did and no longer need meds. I have also been delivered of the enemy's arrows which can sting and hurt. Pray that anything not of God leave you in Jesus' mighty name. That only that of God remain. It helps immensely!

Lastly, pray for a job that God wants you to have. God will supply all your needs and then he will also supply the desires of your heart. He will bless you - so ask!

 

[DevotiontoBible]

My apologies, I can see why you took me wrong because I stated it wrongly. I type very fast and do not always state things exactly as I mean them. I was in a hurry to post what I posted and misstated my own beliefs there. My point was that Lucifer was considered a high angel, I don't know why I said firstborn son, but I meant to compare him to the firstborn sons of the OT and how anyone who is simply given anything does not appreciate it and they fall quite hard. That's all. I don't want to debate over it sir.

God bless
Steve

If you will address your theology, you will address your lack of power over the devil.