there are people who go to church even cast out demons in His Name though so presumably if they're casting out demons they appear to be in the club so to speak, but when they die Jesus will say 'depart from me I never knew you'. so its not possible to know if you're elect til you die.
these people seem to be doing all the right things but they're not elect.
In a certain sense (in one of your other posts) you're right we don't have to "worry" about are we elect or not? And you are also correct in that there are people who believe they are Christians who will be in for a rude awakening come judgement day.
And from a judicial standpoint, you are also correct that if one "isn't elect" they "won't be saved".
Keep in mind though that election was something that was determined from before the foundations of the world and this is why judicially speaking you can't "become elect" after the fact. All that has to do with decisions God made in eternity; which in that regard is not something you worrying about is going to affect. So you are correct in that sense too "not to worry about it". Do you understand what I'm saying in that regard?
We still want to know we are loved though!
I went through probably about 10 years also worried that maybe I wasn't elect. That stemmed from my own fear of being unlovable. Which stemmed from my own perception of myself based on my personal history.
Finally though, I came to the realization that though I certainly knew I was not better than anyone else; I also wasn't worse. Coming to that understanding "leveled the playing field" for me, in the sense that I could finally see that I had just as much "chance" of being elect as anyone else. And that's when I stopped worrying about it.
Today I know I am elect, primarily on account of I've persevered in the faith. My internal desire is to be obedient and I pray and repent to that end. Now granted this has been a 30 year plus process and I didn't come to these realizations over night.
I've also been through a lot of trials and see real, long term and lasting changes in myself, how I deal with life, how I interact with people and what no longer "sets me off". I'm more patient with myself, more trusting in God's process as my life unfolds and more resting in His care despite the trials. And I've faced some pretty steep hills. My life has not been easy, but God is still good and I still believe and trust.
So as time goes on and you look at yourself, wanting to see growth and the fruit of the Spirit, one day you will "wake up" (so to speak) and realize: Yeah, maybe I was elect all along. It's just one of those "oddities"; maybe in the way God works.
Don't know if that makes sense to you, but speaking as someone looking back on 30 odd years of Christian growth, that's been my experience. And as hard as it may be to hear the word "trust" when you're unsure. That's basically what it's about. So try not to fret too much about election. This is something you will likely gain more understanding of as you grow in grace, mature in faith and get to know the Bible better and better.
Peace to you!