A question for you male-types

[rdonovan1]

Ugh, I hate when guys do that. They show interest and then all of a sudden disappear and when you ask them for a reason, they find every way to avoid telling you the truth. I'm sorry he did that to you.

Frenzy. It looks like you are from my home town. I was born and raised in the Minneapolis/St. Paul Area.

It's nice to see that I am not the only one that is originally from Minnesota. I hope that you are staying warm, because I am darn sure that it is probably extremely cold out and there is probably snow on the ground there right now.

I am just wondering if you have had much of a problem with guys doing what this guy is doing because it kind of sounds like you are speaking from personal experience there.

 

[Peacemonger]

That's true, but you also need to take into consideration the amount of time that has passed.

Both you and I are both guys and we both know dog gone well that if we are not really interested in a woman then we are going to look elsewhere for someone else with the principal thought that if she is not going to put out then we will find some one that will.

I don't want a girl who "puts out" -- meaning, one who will give up sex. There's too many women like that, and I don't see Jesus in them. Sure, I'll get physical with a girl, but I'm not sleeping with her before marriage.

That is in our biological nature and no amount of whining is going to change that.

In the book 'Marketing to women' which is written by a woman named Marti Barletta she talks about the differences between what drives men and women to make the decisions that they make.

Some of those differences including staying alive, mating, maximizing the number of offspring, and of course their favorite saying are like this.

His strategies:

Fight competitors for food, territory, and rank in the pack. (Higher ranking males get the first sitting at all meals and the best female companionship).

Fight off competitors like most mammals. In some species only alpha's get to mate or win female choice awards like most birds and reptiles. Be sure to fluff your feathers and to strut your stuff.

Mate often, with different females. The proverbial quickie is the safest way to not get caught with your prehistoric pants down. The more one night stands you have, the more shot you get at genetic immortality.


"Survival of the fittest".


Her Strategies.

Stay alive as long as possible. It's the best way to maximize the number of offspring born and to raise them to the point of self-sufficiency. Don't pick a lot of fights. You could get killed. You don't have to fight for mates, don't worry you'll have more suitors than you want. Do team up with other like minded females. Everyone gets more food and sometimes free baby-sitting.

Choose your mate carefully. You can only have so many pregnancies, so you have to get really good at reading nuances to judge suitors hardiness, genetic, compatibility, and success as providers.

Nuture offspring carefully. Thanks to the biological setup you don't get nearly as many chances as males to produce offspring. You have to make sure the ones you have make it. The best maternal instincts and mothering skills will pass on to the next generation.

"It takes a village".


Those are the basic mating strategies that men and women have and that is proven by just observing human nature and through evolunary psychology and I personally believe that for the most part it is right on the money and that is why I believe that most of what psychologists and psychiatrists say about us all being crazy is nothing but a lot of hogwash because everyone has these same basic patterns, so that tends to make me wonder and to question as to where many of these psychologists and psychiatrists get off at when they start interpreting basic human instinct and emotion and turning it all into some sort of pathology. Do they seem to think that they are above and beyond those same instincts, drives and emotions that drive the rest of us.

Gosh, the rest of your posts seems completely obvious common sense type stuff to anyone who has studied human nature, evolutionary biology, and social psychology. I'm not sure why you keep repeating this stuff, nor do I see the relevance to this thread.

A lot of the dating and mating behavior in humans parallels the animal kingdom, but part of being Christian is giving your life to Christ and changing and overcoming one's human nature and instinct. So instead of the desire to dominate other people, the Christ-like desire should be to dominate our own sin.

In some ways, simple observations like these are valid litmus tests in seeing just how Christian someone is versus "Christian in name only but not in actions" (aka hypocrite...someone who is still human and follows human nature animalistic thought processes).

I understand your excitement about studying this kind of stuff (like seduction and pick-up artists) as it can yield one-night stands in bars and clubs, but this thread is talking about a Christian female and a Christian male -- so a lot of the game-playing goes right out the window.

This thread isn't about sex -- maybe the guy just lost interest, or maybe he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Who knows??

It's not worth the drama since it's an online relationship that started in an Internet chatroom. And how many weird people lurk in chatrooms? I, for one, would never call a girl every day. I'd drive myself crazy doing that. It'd have to be one special girl to give me the lovey-dovey feelings to want to actually call her everyday. I'm not a phone guy at all. Usually it's the girls calling me.

I don't think this online relationship is totally invested to the point that it's worth any heartbreak or pain or time-consuming analysis. Sure, the silence is annoying, but at the same time, they've never even met yet. It's just not worth the pain.

If the guy comes back around and turns out to be worth it, then awesome. If not, big freaking deal. Move on with life and keep praying for better relationships. And stay away from chatrooms!

 

[rdonovan1]

My interest is not in one night stands. It is in creating better relationships period.

 

[CoachR64]

In my opinion, sounds like he has bought into a "grass is greener" situation and found someone he may think is going to be better/hotter/richer/easy to get in the sack/whatever. From my experience, when guys just drop off like that they have moved on because they A. found someone else or B. they aren't getting what they want out of the relationship fast enough.

Coach

 

[rdonovan1]

I don't want a girl who "puts out" -- meaning, one who will give up sex. There's too many women like that, and I don't see Jesus in them. Sure, I'll get physical with a girl, but I'm not sleeping with her before marriage.



Gosh, the rest of your posts seems completely obvious common sense type stuff to anyone who has studied human nature, evolutionary biology, and social psychology. I'm not sure why you keep repeating this stuff, nor do I see the relevance to this thread.

A lot of the dating and mating behavior in humans parallels the animal kingdom, but part of being Christian is giving your life to Christ and changing and overcoming one's human nature and instinct. So instead of the desire to dominate other people, the Christ-like desire should be to dominate our own sin.

In some ways, simple observations like these are valid litmus tests in seeing just how Christian someone is versus "Christian in name only but not in actions" (aka hypocrite...someone who is still human and follows human nature animalistic thought processes).

I understand your excitement about studying this kind of stuff (like seduction and pick-up artists) as it can yield one-night stands in bars and clubs, but this thread is talking about a Christian female and a Christian male -- so a lot of the game-playing goes right out the window.

This thread isn't about sex -- maybe the guy just lost interest, or maybe he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Who knows??

It's not worth the drama since it's an online relationship that started in an Internet chatroom. And how many weird people lurk in chatrooms? I, for one, would never call a girl every day. I'd drive myself crazy doing that. It'd have to be one special girl to give me the lovey-dovey feelings to want to actually call her everyday. I'm not a phone guy at all. Usually it's the girls calling me.

I don't think this online relationship is totally invested to the point that it's worth any heartbreak or pain or time-consuming analysis. Sure, the silence is annoying, but at the same time, they've never even met yet. It's just not worth the pain.

If the guy comes back around and turns out to be worth it, then awesome. If not, big freaking deal. Move on with life and keep praying for better relationships. And stay away from chatrooms!

Whether Christian or not women of all types like men who understand the male/female dynamic and are more than willing and able to be the Alpha male as women tend to want a man who is confident and secure within himself and not some stupid little boy and that is what I believe this guy is.

He is not man enough to tell her truth because he is too much of a little boy and that is something that women do not like as that signals to the woman that you cannot and will not do what God commands and tells you because you are way to insecure of yourself to take the lead in the relationship while at the same time respecting that she is a woman with thoughts, needs, beliefs, values, and opinions of her own and that is where the pick up arts comes in because traditional dating has basically taught guys how to supplicate and be needy instead of being real man just as God intended men to be.

Just like the marines both God and women are looking for a few good men, but both currently seem to have a problem finding it.

 

[rdonovan1]

In my opinion, sounds like he has bought into a "grass is greener" situation and found someone he may think is going to be better/hotter/richer/easy to get in the sack/whatever. From my experience, when guys just drop off like that they have moved on because they A. found someone else or B. they aren't getting what they want out of the relationship fast enough.

Coach

I agree with you completely. Finally somebody actually gets it.

 

[Peacemonger]

Whether Christian or not women of all types like men who understand the male/female dynamic and are more than willing and able to be the Alpha male as women tend to want a man who is confident and secure within himself and not some stupid little boy and that is what I believe this guy is.

He is not man enough to tell her truth because he is too much of a little boy and that is something that women do not like as that signals to the woman that you cannot and will not do what God commands and tells you because you are way to insecure of yourself to take the lead in the relationship while at the same time respecting that she is a woman with thoughts, needs, beliefs, values, and opinions of her own and that is where the pick up arts comes in because traditional dating has basically taught guys how to supplicate and be needy instead of being real man just as God intended men to be.

Just like the marines both God and women are looking for a few good men, but both currently seem to have a problem finding it.

Seems like common sense to me. I get you.

But seriously: why have such high expectations of someone you met in an AOL chatroom?! Don't teenagers hang out on AOL chatrooms? I didn't even think AOL existed anymore.

Expecting to find a "manly man" or a "gorgeous woman" in a chatroom is like fishing for trout in a public swimming pool: you'll probably get arrested. Just kidding. You probably won't find what you're looking for.

 

[rdonovan1]

Seems like common sense to me. I get you.

But seriously: why have such high expectations of someone you met in an AOL chatroom?! Don't teenagers hang out on AOL chatrooms? I didn't even think AOL existed anymore.

Expecting to find a "manly man" or a "gorgeous woman" in a chatroom is like fishing for trout in a public swimming pool: you'll probably get arrested. Just kidding. You probably won't find what you're looking for.

I can't say that I have all of the answers because I don't, but due to the pick up arts and my own private studies I have learned a lot more about women and relationships in general because unlike a lot of people I am not afraid to try and to find out those things in which I don't know.

I'm always studying and trying to find new and improved ways of doing things while at the same time learning from not only my past, but all of my interactions with women because I personally believe that God is trying to teach me stuff that I did not know back in 1987 when I had a real good chance with a woman that I knew and loved and that loved me.

Unfortunately I was kind of on the stupid side because at that time I did not know most of this and based upon certain things that were said and done I am inclined to believe that God is at work in my life and is trying to change me around for the positive.

Many people may disagree with me and may even think that it is crazy, but for me I believe that much of it tends to go back to the book of JOB as that was one thing that was brought up and mentioned by this girl and ever since then I have been learning how to pay attention to subtle nuances just like women know how to do and as a result I have come across some very interesting patterns that relate to both me and this girl which at the moment I do not fully understand.

 

[Peacemonger]

Good to hear, rdonovan1! I'm glad you're stepping up your game. If only more guys would do so, then we'd have less spineless creepy guys floating around CF.

On the flip side, I wish more women would do so as well, as there are way too many boring girls out there that can't hold interesting conversations to save their lives. They're just like "Um... if I just smile, bat my eyes, show my cleavage, and play with my hair, he'll like me! YAY! Girl power!"

 

[GQ Chris]

Just really sounds like he's not that interested.. just move on.

 

[rdonovan1]

Good to hear, rdonovan1! I'm glad you're stepping up your game. If only more guys would do so, then we'd have less spineless creepy guys floating around CF.

On the flip side, I wish more women would do so as well, as there are way too many boring girls out there that can't hold interesting conversations to save their lives. They're just like "Um... if I just smile, bat my eyes, show my cleavage, and play with my hair, he'll like me! YAY! Girl power!"

I agree. It almost kind of makes you wonder if you have narcolepsy going on because those girls can and will put you to sleep in a very short period of time.

If more people on both sides of the fence would learn and undestand how the game is actually played then I personally think that there would be less divorces and more happy, healthy marriages going on.

There's only one small problem with that line of thinking that I have not quite figured out as of yet and that is what do you do with all of those hungry mouths to feed because by the time that you are done making like a couple of rabbits there are going to be a few more kids popping out of the oven and that is not to mention that more and more women would actually complain less because they would be getting more of what they really want and need, but not based upon what they say they want but on what they really want and need and as a result they would end up being happier as well as more emotionally and sexually satisfied by their men because their men would know how to please them in and out of the bedroom.

 

[Inkachu]

OK, guys, please take the gender debates to another thread. I wanted the guys' views on what they thought of the situation presented in the OP, not a bashing session of people on the internet.

And please don't sit around insulting those who make friends, find dates, whatever, online. I am anything but naive or stupid about life and people. I've been on the net for 10 years. I know how it all works. I know many, many friends who met their spouses online and are happily married. There are people here on CF who met their spouses here and got married.

Please stick to the OP topic, thanks.

 

[A Taffer]

I'd like to get the guys' opinions on something that's been going on with me and a guy I know. Here's a rundown of the situation:

This guy apparently noticed me in one of the Christian chat rooms on AOL. He sent me an email saying he liked my profile, thought I was pretty, etc etc. I answered back, said thank you, yadda yadda. Basically, we began emailing back and forth, then instant messaging, then talking on the phone. We talked every single day for over a month. We were both quite smitten with each other, and both excited about it, and were talking about meeting in person in the near future.

Then comes Christmas Eve. He's travelling to visit family, and calls me on his way there. He promises to call me again later that day. He doesn't.

He doesn't call or email on Christmas. Or the day after. I'm starting to worry he didn't make it there safely. I send him a few emails and leave a few voice mails.

Two days after Christmas I get an email that basically just says "I miss you, hope you had a good Christmas".

I email him back. No response. Nothing for three more days. I'm basically beside myself, having no clue what is going on or why he's just suddenly gone silent or if something is wrong. His phone has been turned off the entire time, all I can is leave voice mails. His emails are all unread.

Then another short email that says "Sorry, I've been sick". That's it.

Then more silence.

This is how it's been since Christmas. He's sent me maybe two more emails, just saying things like "Sorry, I've been busy" "Sorry, having a bad day here". He's not returned any phone calls.

I finally reached my limit and sent him a rather long email telling him that whatever's going on, there's no excuse for him to just give me complete silence for days at a time with no explanation. Did he lose interest? Was there some serious crisis going on in his life? WHAT? I've begged him to just TELL me what's happening. Even if it's just saying "Sorry, I'm not interested in you anymore". And all I'm getting is silence.

In your opinions, fellas...what the HECK is going on?

Sometimes its way easier to just drop a relationship cold turkey and don't say anything. You avoid a lot of confrontation that way. Of course it sucks for the other person but there you go.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I feel so bad for you. I have had things similar happen to me. Usually it means that the guy is no longer interested and is too scared to just come right out and say it so he slowely breaks things off. Other ways I have had it happen to me is they just vanish and stop writing. And i see this happen a lot on the internet. I know there are people out there who just enjoy making other people fall for "them" and then they just quit "playing" their game and move on to someone else. But that is not as common I think as they just loose interest and are too scared to just say so...or feel that by doing it slowely they won't hurt you as much...although I don't think that shows any consideration either!

 

[rdonovan1]

Sometimes its way easier to just drop a relationship cold turkey and don't say anything. You avoid a lot of confrontation that way. Of course it sucks for the other person but there you go.

I'm not convinced that they really had much of a relationship to begin with because I doubt that he is really being sincere and honest with her.

If she meant anything to him, then he would have responded by now with a good explanation of his actions.

I personally think that the guy is being nothing more than an inconsiderate jerk who does not respect either her or her feelings at all.

That is just my personal opinion.

 

[rdonovan1]

OK, guys, please take the gender debates to another thread. I wanted the guys' views on what they thought of the situation presented in the OP, not a bashing session of people on the internet.

And please don't sit around insulting those who make friends, find dates, whatever, online. I am anything but naive or stupid about life and people. I've been on the net for 10 years. I know how it all works. I know many, many friends who met their spouses online and are happily married. There are people here on CF who met their spouses here and got married.

Please stick to the OP topic, thanks.

Ink. He's nothing more than an inconsiderate jerk who does not respect you at all.

If you have read what I wrote about the mating game that Marti Barletta describes in her book then I think that you will start to understand that he is probably out looking for someone else who does have more courtesy and respect for you.

You've got better things to do with your time instead of sitting around worrying about this jerk. So go out and make the most of what you've got.

 

[CoachR64]

To add to what A Taffer said, the internet is also faceless and for some, less human. So it seems easier to drop people you have never met face to face because you can think of them as some soulless screen name or some random voice on the other side of the phone. I think a lot of people fail to realize that the feelings they are dealing with and the emotions and feelings of the other person are all too real.

Coach

 

[GQ Chris]

Also, pretty much no good thing can come from AOL chat, lol.. most of the time anyway/

 

[Inkachu]

Thanks guys. I really, truly appreciate your insights and input, especially from the male perspective.

 

[Inkachu]

Also, pretty much no good thing can come from AOL chat, lol.. most of the time anyway/

Now see Chris, you just had to go there, lol.

Seriously, I've met some of my very best friends in Christian Singles on AOL. It's not as if Christians are limited to CF, you know lol. And some of those friends of mine have met and married. Yes, there are liars and fakes and wackos, but that's what prudence and wisdom and discernment are for.

And my cat is snoring...hehe.