A question for you male-types

[Inkachu]

I'd like to get the guys' opinions on something that's been going on with me and a guy I know. Here's a rundown of the situation:

This guy apparently noticed me in one of the Christian chat rooms on AOL. He sent me an email saying he liked my profile, thought I was pretty, etc etc. I answered back, said thank you, yadda yadda. Basically, we began emailing back and forth, then instant messaging, then talking on the phone. We talked every single day for over a month. We were both quite smitten with each other, and both excited about it, and were talking about meeting in person in the near future.

Then comes Christmas Eve. He's travelling to visit family, and calls me on his way there. He promises to call me again later that day. He doesn't.

He doesn't call or email on Christmas. Or the day after. I'm starting to worry he didn't make it there safely. I send him a few emails and leave a few voice mails.

Two days after Christmas I get an email that basically just says "I miss you, hope you had a good Christmas".

I email him back. No response. Nothing for three more days. I'm basically beside myself, having no clue what is going on or why he's just suddenly gone silent or if something is wrong. His phone has been turned off the entire time, all I can is leave voice mails. His emails are all unread.

Then another short email that says "Sorry, I've been sick". That's it.

Then more silence.

This is how it's been since Christmas. He's sent me maybe two more emails, just saying things like "Sorry, I've been busy" "Sorry, having a bad day here". He's not returned any phone calls.

I finally reached my limit and sent him a rather long email telling him that whatever's going on, there's no excuse for him to just give me complete silence for days at a time with no explanation. Did he lose interest? Was there some serious crisis going on in his life? WHAT? I've begged him to just TELL me what's happening. Even if it's just saying "Sorry, I'm not interested in you anymore". And all I'm getting is silence.

In your opinions, fellas...what the HECK is going on?

 

[Bellicus]

No idea really. Something is obviously wrong. Seems like he is running away. If that is because he had second thoughts or because he is afraid of something - I don't know. I wouldn't continue running after him if I were you. If I were you I would instead stop contacting and wait for a serious explanation, and if that never came, then...

 

[Thunder Peel]

I'm certainly no expert but it sounds like either he's lost interest or is simply thoughtless and self-centered. I'd move on unless something drastic happens, like proving that he was in the hospital or captured by communists.

 

[lostaquarium]

Aaaagh. How awful It all started when he went to see his family? Maybe something came up then. The dramatic part of me is thinking: caught by the FBI, secret insane wife, jealous stalker, losing his entire fortune in a poker game...

But it could be something simple, like, his parents aren't comfortable with him meeting someone on the internet, and he just needs a few days to get things sorted in his head?

 

[Inkachu]

It's just so weird because things were so happy and upbeat and great one moment...then *bam*...suddenly it's gone, with no warning, nothing negative happened between us at all. I could understand him acting this way if we'd had an argument, or if things had started to cool off or whatever, but none of that happened. When I talked to him on Christmas Eve he was just as happy and gushing as he could be towards me.

This has been plaguing me for the past two weeks, and I hate it. I know, if he just refuses to explain to me what's happening, I'll have to find some way to just walk away and leave him alone. But you can't imagine how hard that is to do when I don't KNOW what's happening. I guess if he just continues to keep his silence, I'll know well enough that I don't matter very much to him, for whatever reason.

 

[Inkachu]

 

[Thunder Peel]

Sorry Ink. Any guy that acts like that isn't worth having anyway. You deserve better.

 

[Bellicus]

That's a bit brutal Orville. Could always be something else. Doesn't have to be a woman, it doesn't have to be second thoughts. Could be that he have a alcohol problem or anything. Could be many things. But if he just keep running, then there really is nothing good in running after him.

 

[Inkachu]

I guess so.

 

[Inkachu]

Thanks everyone, for your input. That is definitely what I wanted Orville, brutal or not. Thanks.

 

[Tamara224]

Oh, Ink...

I hate stuff like that. I know how you feel. I have no advice, just...I'm sorry you're going through it and

 

[Luther073082]

The sudden change seems odd. Perhaps he met someone during his Christmas travels or something.

Its hard to say why but it sounds like he suddenly lost interest very quickly or else he would respond to you.

The only other thing I could think about is a major personal or family issue came up that he doesn't want to talk with you about. But I really really doubt that this is it, because I think he would have indicated such.

I think you better move on now. Sorry Inky.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

I'm sorry girl. I've had somewhat similar experiences and it doesn't feel to great.

 

[CrusaderKing]

To put it simply, it doesn't sound like he's interested in you anymore. You might never know why, but it sounds like he just took you for a roller coaster ride because he was lonely.

 

[Inkachu]

Thanks guys.

 

[JonMiller]

Maybe he is just busy/having a stressful time/having a bad day/etc? I know it happen to me.

Or maybe he is playing WoW or something, I have also seen that happen.

Third option is that he is interested in another girl but isn't sure about her yet, so is waiting.

Fourth option is that he is trying to get you uninterested.

There are a lot more options too.

JM

 

[LostFound1986]

Perhaps he met someone at a Christmas thing and wasn't sure how to talk about it? Also though, if he had something like flu, like my family have had, they were genuinely really really sick with it and there's no way they'd get up to email or call people etc, my mum barely woke up for a week.

Its always hard to tell online, but I advise you play it cool and wait a couple more weeks to see if its just something that's come up and taking up time.

 

[kingoffools13]

I say its possible that he got overwhelmed by circumstances and just couldn't bring himself to try and make contact with the outside world ... but shame on him for not at least at some point taking the time to write or call back even if it is short.

perhaps his space bar just doesn't work and he was to embarrassed to write back to you for fear you would mock his spaceless emails. I hear that space bar malfunctions account for 10 % of all communication failure between 30% of half of the people who use the internet as 45-68% of their communications medium .... but that might have just been a rumor.

If I were you I would make sure he knows that you like him, and that he needs to communicate with you if he desires to continue any type of relationship ... and then let him know that if he chooses not to that you will have to move on. Then work on moving on don't hold out with false hopes of last second come backs or some "unforeseeable but totally understandable" excuse that would explain away the whole absence. That kind of ending for this kind of situation is rare and you don't wanna get your hopes up, just to have them smashed.

King
Of
fOOLS

 

[Inkachu]

Thanks King and Lost

 

[Balugon]

Its been the holiday season, he might simply have issues going on with meeting family and/or actually being sick. U just wrote him the long letter, if he is the kinda of the guy that is worthwhile, when he reads it, he will contact u and give u an explanation for why he couldnt get back to u, one that is more than "oh, my bad." Seeing as how he probably doesnt have 12 kids, it shouldnt be that hard to take the time to write someone he is interested in marriage about. And if he blows u off, maybe he isnt good marriage material. If he isnt able to communicate before u get married, u'd probably have the same problems after.

Anyways, id wait to see what happens with the letter. Then pray and make ur decision once that response comes. Seriously, if he's that sick but smitten with u, he would call his mom or friend and have them explain the situation to u.