Guys I have full confidence where I will go when I die......Sometimes I wished it had already happened.....I can't fight this war alone......The battle I deal with with drug addiction is just getting deeper and deeper to the point I fear I will no longer care what drug it is as long as it takes me out of this depression.......ten years I have been sober from meth but I want to just give up and let go......This fight is to hard and there is no joy in life I see at all.
Brother I understand, you could just say addiction and I am sure many of us can identify 70% of the way regarding the pain, depression and hopelessness it can leave us in.
A lot of times I see no joy in life too, especially "if" everything is already written what is the point? God knows how many times I will loop my shoe laces in 2023, so why should I care about anything, and expose myself to more pain?
I don't quite know the answer yet. But, when I am going through seriously spiritually draining situations, when I make it out I actually learn a lot. It is very cliche, and I fight the urges to consult God on that knowledge to understand what I just went through, but when I slightly soften my heart, I fail to fight the urges. I start to see little by little how my prayers are answered through calamity, and how the "trauma" was for something - even if it was me humbling myself to see I MADE IT THROUGH. Then, if I really let Him in, He will charge me with a taste for Him.
He hasn't done that yet, because I haven't done what I am supposed to do - and I asked the question in specificity and He actually told me. I have been running like Jonah ever since. That is another thing, I understand the pain and loneliness - the want to be done - may not be because of you, but because God has charged you with something and He wants your attention. It doesn't have to be prophecy; what my Father told me was very simple - but Full enough that I am still running from it.
You said you know where your destination is, I say no you don't - not with certainty. Whether you have faith you will end up in hell, or heaven is irrelevant, because Christ is. So, things like you writing this post - despite your feelings - shows me you still want to hold on and maintain strength - maintain strength. Christ knows you.
I say maintain strength because you are strong. Depression, hopelessness and even faithlessness alone may be seen as weak to some, but the drive to go on is pure strength - to hope for better despite what you have experienced.
I would say don't give up now; see how many people can get an addition and be clear from it for ten years. Ten is a spiritual number of completeness; wouldn't it be interesting in your oppression from the enemy, and "weakness," God perfects it all? Just wait; what you have accomplished is tremendous.
Stay. STRONG. Like you are. Don't give up. You are not alone. Feelings and chemistry lie. The Truth and Spirit don't.
