A Long Time to Wait

[equusargentum]

(I'll try to put this a s simply as I can)

I've been with my SO for just over 3 months. We were friends for about 6 months before that. It's quite a complicated story of hjow we ended up together but basically we believe that God brought us togther and he wants us to marry. You could say that it's just us thinking that, but we both heard God talking to us before we knew eachother and the only reason I ended up talking to him again after our first converstion was a lot of prayer asking that if God wanted us to get to know each other better He would give us a way.

The issue is, it'll be 3 years minimum (after A levels and gap year) and 6 years maximum (after university) before we can get married. I'm 16 at the moment and he's 20. Our plans for the future do fit in together but I just want to know if it's possible to stay togther for 6 years without being married. Also, is being married and me being at university a bad idea. He'd have finished college.

I don't knwo if I've made my question clear or not, but nay advice is much appreciated.

 

[Eccp19]

I know you are very close to this guy but don't create expecations about marriage and being with this guy the rest of your life. Maybe you will stay together but maybe not. Maybe you may learn some essential things from this relationship that will make you better suited to be a spouse one day. All i'm saying is you are 16, and a lot of time left ahead of you. Focus on God, school, and becoming the woman you need to be for your future husband.

 

[LiberatedChick]

Your story is very close to that of my husband and me. We got together when we were both 16 after being friends for a year before that. We studied for A-levels and then got jobs. We married last year after being together for over five years. So yes, in answer to your question it is perfectly possible to stay together for 6 years without being married.

For now though, stay focused on your education. Make sure you do study for your A-levels and degree etc because if this relationship doesn't last you'll be thankful you kept studying.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 1 yr 9 mos and we probably still have a few years to go. it gets frustrating but u just gotta focus on today.

You said "I just want to know if it's possible to stay togther for 6 years without being married" ......

if u love him and u know that he is who god wants u to be with then yes it is possible. it will definitely be hard but it's possible. and if he is making enough money to support you both then i see nothing wrong with being married in college.

 

[Leanna]

It is possible.... but you will need a lot of patience and perseverance.

 

[Sploge]

often the longer you wait the better you have in your mind of what you want to do...

Love Simon!!!

 

[GloriaPatri]

If you truly love a person, there will be nothing that could keep you from being together. I know this might sounds strange coming from someone who's only 18 years old, but you are young!! Honestly, it is way too early in your life to be making decisions like this. I am not trying to say that I don't believe what you have said about God guiding you both and brining you together, but you must give these things time. If it was meant to be, then it will last. As some other people have said, I think it is very important for you to concentrate on your studying and get into a good college or university because if this relationship does not work out and you give up your opportunity for a good education, you will regret that choice. Do not sacrifice your education and thus your future for this relationship.
Once you get to college you will start to change your perspective on many many things. I have been at college for only a month now and my entire outlook on many things has completely changed. Don't rush things, take them slow. Anyone can rush into a relationship, but if you two are willing to take things slow and work with each other and everything still goes to plan in the end, then you know it was meant to be.

 

[livingondreams]

My fiance and I are both 18 and have been together for 2.5 years. We are, of course, engaged to be married, though there is not a set date yet. We will probably marry within a few months (before or after) of our four year anniversary.

We will both still be in college when we marry, because we feel that there is no need to prolong our engagement and future marriage just because of school -- as long as we can support ourselves.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

It won't be easy by any means, but it is possible. If that is what God wants he'll give you the patience to pull you through

 

[Johnnz]

You will create problems by being together for so long. It is better to have him as one of yoru friends, keep it at that level, and both get on with your lives. You are still young, and many things can change in the next few years.

John
NZ

 

[FiRePrOoF_bUnNy]

Also, is being married and me being at university a bad idea. He'd have finished college.

If your meant to be together then your love will last. Me and my boyfriend had the same problem.. but we're 16 and 17. We're engaged now - and we both feel alot better with knowing that we're going to be together no matter what. We're going to get married in 2/3 years just before he goes to uni - for convieniance/practical reasons. It's going to be hard being married and him being at uni, but at least he's not going far away! How far away is your Bfs university/college?

I know it's hard waiting! I've still got 3 years before its legal/ gonna be allowed by my rents! But i really want it to happen now! Spose i'm just impatient!

 

[gemini_swede]

I agree with other people in that it is definately possible to stay together for more than 6 years without marrying. I personally haven't been through this as I haven't even dated, but my cousin has been going out with his girlfriend for 7 years, they just got engaged in April, and they're getting married next summer. So, just be patient and see where things go.

 

[AndrewD88]

I would have to agree that it's possible. True love knows no bounds. If you are bound, you are impatient, and impatience is technically, then, your only bounding characteristic in the relationship. So if the love is true (1st Cor. 13:4-8) then it will last.

Elizabeth and I have a few years until we get married, but I know that as long as we stay focused on what God wants us to, we will make it. God bless!

 

[equusargentum]

Thanks for all your answers. Things seem to be stabilising now, we're getting used to being apart for longer and leaving each other at the end of a day together. I'm going to ask him not to set his plans for the future in stone but we'll still remain hopeful. First and foremost we're best friends and just enjoy spending time together.

 

[Carri20]

...I just want to know if it's possible to stay togther for 6 years without being married.

Well, my ex-boyfriend and I hooked up when I was 15 and broke up when I was 20. So that's 5 years right there. Now if he had been a man, we might still be together. But he wasn't a man. He was more like a deadbeat momma's boy. But ahh...yeah the point is, it is possible. Especially if you've heard from God. My current boyfriend (technically fiance as of yesterday) and I are certain we were brought together by God also. It does happen, so I don't doubt your experience. Good luck with everything and God bless!

 

[Ceris]

It is ok to wait. Three years is not too long.

Take my parents for instance. They started dating each other when they were 16 but didn't get married until they both graduated from college (they were both 23). That means that they were together for 7 years before they were married. And today they have probably the strongest marriage I have ever seen.

 

[Ceris]

Well, my ex-boyfriend and I hooked up when I was 15 and broke up when I was 20. So that's 5 years right there. Now if he had been a man, we might still be together. But he wasn't a man. He was more like a deadbeat momma's boy. But ahh...yeah the point is, it is possible. Especially if you've heard from God. My current boyfriend (technically fiance as of yesterday) and I are certain we were brought together by God also. It does happen, so I don't doubt your experience. Good luck with everything and God bless!

So, have you posted on CF how he proposed? And if so, may you direct me to where it is? Or if not, may you share with us how he did? (forgive my questions, I just always like reading about such things).

 

[equusargentum]

Thank you, that's really encouraging.

It is ok to wait. Three years is not too long.

Take my parents for instance. They started dating each other when they were 16 but didn't get married until they both graduated from college (they were both 23). That means that they were together for 7 years before they were married. And today they have probably the strongest marriage I have ever seen.

 

[Ceris]

You're welcome. And if you have any questions that you would like them to answer (i.e. how do you get through that long of a time, etc.) just ask me and I'll forward it on to them.