P
peaches93
Guest
Well, I could start by saying that I grew up in a christian family, but that is not where my life began.
For me growing up in a christian family was tough. I rebelled, I didn't want to hear any of that stuff. The reason? My father. He was always very hard on me, and I was definitely verbally abused by him. It made me feel hate towards God, because I thought God was like my earthly father. I had a very tough time in school as well. I never did homework because home was too distracting, I had to much on my mind for a kid. Also, kids were really mean to me- I had horrible things done to me. But I made it through and passed every year. Between grade 7 and 8 I found God at bible camp. I never told anyone, I guess I wanted it to be between God and I! This is also when I met my best friend. We were inseperable and spent a lot of time together.
Grade 8 was my first year of high school, and I hung with the wrong people. I suffered from an eating disorder. In grade 9, I was angry at my family and overdosed on a mixture of meds- at least 80 pills. My family didn't find out, I never went to the hospital, and I lived. I was still very depressed... I cut a couple times and got injured a lot- mostly because I loved the pain. It covered up everything I was feeling.
A week after overdosing, I was asked if I wanted to get baptized since my sister and best friend were going to. After saying no, I was pressured into it. I found myself that April getting dunked in a tank. I never even wrote out my testimony. My youth pastor asked me questions that weren't even very personal.
And that summer I went to bible camp, and this is when I truly searched God out, and found Him. The next year I would go to church and youth 4 times a week, be a loner at school. I spent every day after school with my best friend. Although I suffered from depression I ignored it sometimes.
i told my friend what I had done. At this time her parents wouldn't let her be at my house. I always thought it was because my dad wasn't very nice to me.
That year when I was 15 I fell into a great depression and even stopped spending time with my best friend. I went to camp as a jr staff again that summer, but walked around like a zombie. I overdosed when I came home, and was mad at God for a while for keeping me alive. I was a zombie tha =t year, and even though I was mad at God I became friends with loners at school so they could have friends. Then my friend and I had a class together the next semester. Well, she is my good friend now
We went to church and youth together. Everything was fine on the surface but beneath the surface was a lot of depression and pain. I still had a lot of anger towards my dad, but I didn't want to show it for fear of losing another friend.
In January my grandpa got real sick, and I was real close to Him. On January 12th I prayed that God would comfort my grandpa and hold Him close. On January 13th, 2010, my grandpa lost a long fight to cancer. God did just as I had asked, and showed me His power. I was still devastated about my grandpa, but God really comforted me.
But things started to change again. Until I went on a missions trip, and there I talked to one of the leaders. Her mom is a counselor. When I got back, I started counseling. I was closed off, but it made me feel a lot better. I started loving my father again- heavenly father, and even my earthly father.
A few weeks ago I went to camp, and my past best friend was there- the one who wasn't allowed at my house. I learned something no one wants to hear.
My best friend, who I love sooo much, was sexually abused by my own father. Oh the anger I felt. I cried all day. When I saw her step in front of the fire to tell her testimony, I felt the worst pain ever. She didn't mention it was my dad, but I broke down knowing it was.
Just before that week, I was thinking about getting re-baptized, because over this past summer I became real close to God. I went on a missions trip again and He definitely displayed His love in ways I could not imagine.
So that is why I am getting baptized next week. I feel more pain than ever, but God feels it too. I will cling on to Him no matter what happens in my life. I have been through a lot, but God has been there. He knows me and how I feel- I cannot hide my pain from Him.
My dad won't come to my baptism because he believes I shouldn't get re-baptized. But that's okay, because I know what I feel God wants me to do!!! I also get to be a youth leader this year and tell grade 7's about God! And tell them that God will never leave them!
Anyways, I hope that if you are going through something this will touch your heart.
God bless
For me growing up in a christian family was tough. I rebelled, I didn't want to hear any of that stuff. The reason? My father. He was always very hard on me, and I was definitely verbally abused by him. It made me feel hate towards God, because I thought God was like my earthly father. I had a very tough time in school as well. I never did homework because home was too distracting, I had to much on my mind for a kid. Also, kids were really mean to me- I had horrible things done to me. But I made it through and passed every year. Between grade 7 and 8 I found God at bible camp. I never told anyone, I guess I wanted it to be between God and I! This is also when I met my best friend. We were inseperable and spent a lot of time together.
Grade 8 was my first year of high school, and I hung with the wrong people. I suffered from an eating disorder. In grade 9, I was angry at my family and overdosed on a mixture of meds- at least 80 pills. My family didn't find out, I never went to the hospital, and I lived. I was still very depressed... I cut a couple times and got injured a lot- mostly because I loved the pain. It covered up everything I was feeling.
A week after overdosing, I was asked if I wanted to get baptized since my sister and best friend were going to. After saying no, I was pressured into it. I found myself that April getting dunked in a tank. I never even wrote out my testimony. My youth pastor asked me questions that weren't even very personal.
And that summer I went to bible camp, and this is when I truly searched God out, and found Him. The next year I would go to church and youth 4 times a week, be a loner at school. I spent every day after school with my best friend. Although I suffered from depression I ignored it sometimes.
i told my friend what I had done. At this time her parents wouldn't let her be at my house. I always thought it was because my dad wasn't very nice to me.
That year when I was 15 I fell into a great depression and even stopped spending time with my best friend. I went to camp as a jr staff again that summer, but walked around like a zombie. I overdosed when I came home, and was mad at God for a while for keeping me alive. I was a zombie tha =t year, and even though I was mad at God I became friends with loners at school so they could have friends. Then my friend and I had a class together the next semester. Well, she is my good friend now
We went to church and youth together. Everything was fine on the surface but beneath the surface was a lot of depression and pain. I still had a lot of anger towards my dad, but I didn't want to show it for fear of losing another friend.In January my grandpa got real sick, and I was real close to Him. On January 12th I prayed that God would comfort my grandpa and hold Him close. On January 13th, 2010, my grandpa lost a long fight to cancer. God did just as I had asked, and showed me His power. I was still devastated about my grandpa, but God really comforted me.
But things started to change again. Until I went on a missions trip, and there I talked to one of the leaders. Her mom is a counselor. When I got back, I started counseling. I was closed off, but it made me feel a lot better. I started loving my father again- heavenly father, and even my earthly father.
A few weeks ago I went to camp, and my past best friend was there- the one who wasn't allowed at my house. I learned something no one wants to hear.
My best friend, who I love sooo much, was sexually abused by my own father. Oh the anger I felt. I cried all day. When I saw her step in front of the fire to tell her testimony, I felt the worst pain ever. She didn't mention it was my dad, but I broke down knowing it was.
Just before that week, I was thinking about getting re-baptized, because over this past summer I became real close to God. I went on a missions trip again and He definitely displayed His love in ways I could not imagine.
So that is why I am getting baptized next week. I feel more pain than ever, but God feels it too. I will cling on to Him no matter what happens in my life. I have been through a lot, but God has been there. He knows me and how I feel- I cannot hide my pain from Him.
My dad won't come to my baptism because he believes I shouldn't get re-baptized. But that's okay, because I know what I feel God wants me to do!!! I also get to be a youth leader this year and tell grade 7's about God! And tell them that God will never leave them!
Anyways, I hope that if you are going through something this will touch your heart.
God bless
