A little help dealing with Grandma's soon death

[neveragainindarkness]

For starters, I am ok with my Grandma's soon passing....that is part of the problem.

My grandma has been in a nursing home for over 2 years now, and steady decrease in her condition has left her in a semi-vegitative state. She can not move, can only moan, and spends most her time tormented by her past in her current state of dementia that causes her to scream out in the night. She has stopped eating and drinking. a feeding tube is not an option due to a DNR-CC. A basic DNR with comfort care requested. She can be given something for pain and can be kept comfortable but no "heroic" measures are allowed. Last night I saw her, and the nurse said she probably has less then a month left.

Now that you all have a short history to this point, here is the problem. My family thinks I am so horrible for this!!!!! I told my family last night that I am ok with Grandma's death. I told them I find comfort in knowing that Grandma believes in the Lord and I know she will be with Him when she passes. She will not have any more pain or suffering...she won't even remember her hurts! She has suffered for so many years. Now she will be ok.

Yes, my family members are Christian, and believe in the Lord. I may be naive, I may be child-like, but I know it is true. But what do I do as far as making things a little smoother with my family?

Any advice is very helpful. Thanks!

 

[IvoryRain]

Everyone views death in a different light. I think since you have expressed yourself you have done what can be done - don't push your feelings on others but be kind and listen to their feelings as well.

My grandfather is 97 and in a nursing home. My grandmother is 77 and perfectly capable of taking care of him. He shows no improvement or deterioration in the home, but he is unhappy and wants to be home. Grandma has said she doesnt want him in the new trailor she bought because he is sloppy - and family agrees. I get so angry!

He ended up in the home after a kidney infection landed him in the hospital. Now he is fine, but he is an active man - and not disoriented. Because he wants to get up and roam they medicate him or his "own good". He doesnt stumble, he isnt forgetful - he is alert and able to basically care for himself but in the home they make him virtually useless to himself.

Grandma says he is sloppy- he leaves things out of place, thats all. She also says she should never have married an older man because he is onery (ok, he is slightly hard of hearing). Family agrees he is better off in the nursing home - and that its easier on Grandma, who has had her hands full and deserves a break.

I've said I dont think things are fair or right but everyone gets mad for that.

Family is hard at times!

 

[jessiegirl]

I don't understand why your point of view would upset your family. Especially since your grandmother is in such a bad way. I feel the same way you do. She is going to a far better place and how wonderful for her! But death is always harder for those left behind.

jessiegirl

 

[doofus125]

It is good that you have that peace in you. That means that you understand that when the time comes that she will be with her savior and be whole again in his presense.....Don't be discouraged and loose that peace, it's a wonderful thing to know that someone you love that is suffering is going home to be with Jesus. I think alot of christians already know this, but at the same time they don't want to let go of the worldly flesh, remember, your grandma was a big part of their lives and probably yours also....at some point I'd expect to see them having the same peace, but until then hang in there.

A friends dad died about 10 days ago and I was at the funeral home for the viewings and the funeral and the thing that I saw was that they were very sad to see him go (he was 73 and had numerous health problems), but at the same time they had a peace among them that he was with Jesus.