Hi I'm Melissa 
Most people who know me call me Lissa though. I'm hear because I was abused most of my life in one way, shape, or form and I've never really wanted to talk about it. Some of my friends thought that maybe if I talked about it on an online community it may help me a bit. I don't really put myself in situations to meet or talk to a lot of people about serious things so that will be nice to. I am not a open person so I've always just said it doesn't matter or I don't care when people bring up what the abuse did to me. For a really long time I think I really believed all the things that happened to me really didn't effect me that much and that I was the way I was because I deserved it or just was trouble. I had to go to therapy when I was 22 because I had really bad depression issues and it kind of taught me a few things about why I am the way I am. I couldn't really go to long because it got to expensive but it helped me.
I was mentally abused from a really young age. My mom was always screaming at me and calling me names and just pretty much was wasted from sun up til' sun down. She would get so drunk she would tell me to remember to tell her that her keys were in her pocket in ten minutes. Then I would remind her and if she couldn't find them right away she would freak. Things weren't very good for my social life either because I got made fun of pretty bad in school because I have Tourette's and I make a noise that sounds like a really intense hiccup. I have pretty mild Tourettes so usually I can control doing it but it pretty much is the kiss of death for having friends when your young. I got picked on pretty bad about it and a bunch of people thought I just did it for attention but that's not the kind of thing you do just for attention. I developed a panic disorder when I was 8 so I pretty much was kind of known for being a psychological mess and it was so embarassing all the way around.
My uncle moved in with my mom and I around the same time I got diagnoised witht he panic disorder and he brought all kinds of problems. My uncle has been in and out of jail usually for drugs for a long, long, long time and he started selling out of our house. So I had my mom running around drunk and getting sick all the time, my uncle and his stream of costumers in and out and I really just never had a childhood. I was molested a few times by people that came to my house to by drugs because no one was really watching me. After that I think I became aware about how just bad my situation was and I started hurting myself. I would cut and I had an eating disorder which I still struggle with from time to time.
I use to just go out with any person who wanted to go out and do whatever because I didn't want to be home. I would go to a party and just drink myself or drug myself stupid because I wanted to forget which usually led to me getting sick because I hadn't eaten in so long. I hated being home so much I would walk around town or go any place at night so I didn't have to be there. Things got really bad with school though in my junior year and people were just really making me mad and I was to antisocial to be there so I dropped out. I started stripping when I was 18 so I could move out and I have always found that job incredibly boring yet draining at the same time. I will dance if I need money but I will always try and get another job before I do that. It's just really hard for me to keep a job because I lose interest so easily.
That's kind of me up until now. I'm better than I use to be I eat normally and I can sleep more now. I do still struggle with substance abuse and depression and all my little disorders which are monumental pain. It's hard though to try and be "normal" as much as I want it. I know one day I am going to have to come to terms with my past and make some sort of peace with it. It's so hard though because all it takes is a comment or a funny look and I am right back down the road and it's welcome to depression again.
Most people who know me call me Lissa though. I'm hear because I was abused most of my life in one way, shape, or form and I've never really wanted to talk about it. Some of my friends thought that maybe if I talked about it on an online community it may help me a bit. I don't really put myself in situations to meet or talk to a lot of people about serious things so that will be nice to. I am not a open person so I've always just said it doesn't matter or I don't care when people bring up what the abuse did to me. For a really long time I think I really believed all the things that happened to me really didn't effect me that much and that I was the way I was because I deserved it or just was trouble. I had to go to therapy when I was 22 because I had really bad depression issues and it kind of taught me a few things about why I am the way I am. I couldn't really go to long because it got to expensive but it helped me.I was mentally abused from a really young age. My mom was always screaming at me and calling me names and just pretty much was wasted from sun up til' sun down. She would get so drunk she would tell me to remember to tell her that her keys were in her pocket in ten minutes. Then I would remind her and if she couldn't find them right away she would freak. Things weren't very good for my social life either because I got made fun of pretty bad in school because I have Tourette's and I make a noise that sounds like a really intense hiccup. I have pretty mild Tourettes so usually I can control doing it but it pretty much is the kiss of death for having friends when your young. I got picked on pretty bad about it and a bunch of people thought I just did it for attention but that's not the kind of thing you do just for attention. I developed a panic disorder when I was 8 so I pretty much was kind of known for being a psychological mess and it was so embarassing all the way around.
My uncle moved in with my mom and I around the same time I got diagnoised witht he panic disorder and he brought all kinds of problems. My uncle has been in and out of jail usually for drugs for a long, long, long time and he started selling out of our house. So I had my mom running around drunk and getting sick all the time, my uncle and his stream of costumers in and out and I really just never had a childhood. I was molested a few times by people that came to my house to by drugs because no one was really watching me. After that I think I became aware about how just bad my situation was and I started hurting myself. I would cut and I had an eating disorder which I still struggle with from time to time.
I use to just go out with any person who wanted to go out and do whatever because I didn't want to be home. I would go to a party and just drink myself or drug myself stupid because I wanted to forget which usually led to me getting sick because I hadn't eaten in so long. I hated being home so much I would walk around town or go any place at night so I didn't have to be there. Things got really bad with school though in my junior year and people were just really making me mad and I was to antisocial to be there so I dropped out. I started stripping when I was 18 so I could move out and I have always found that job incredibly boring yet draining at the same time. I will dance if I need money but I will always try and get another job before I do that. It's just really hard for me to keep a job because I lose interest so easily.
That's kind of me up until now. I'm better than I use to be I eat normally and I can sleep more now. I do still struggle with substance abuse and depression and all my little disorders which are monumental pain. It's hard though to try and be "normal" as much as I want it. I know one day I am going to have to come to terms with my past and make some sort of peace with it. It's so hard though because all it takes is a comment or a funny look and I am right back down the road and it's welcome to depression again.
