A Dad's view

[David McQueen]

One of the things that happened when we lost our child is that I realised that often Dad's are sometimes hurting as much but dont seem to get the same support. Whilst the physical loss is felt by the mother the emotional turmoil can be just as severe or worse for the father.

In our case it took a while for me to have closure not seeing my child going to full term. What happened however was that a close friend who lost their child al lot further along the term than I did showed me pictures of their stillborn. I was able to close that chapter and to minister to him and other men.

Jesus knows our propensity for pain and he knows that while Mom's go through an almighty sense of loss with miscarriage that even though we may be silent or just suportive sometimes Dad's need an outlet and closure too.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

So true. One thing that really bothered me was after our loss everyone asked me how i was doing and everyone asked my husband how i was doing. No one ever asked him how he felt and he was grieving just as hard. It was very hard for him knowing we lost a son and then having to see dads at the park with their sons, things like that. It just broke his heart.

That is one thing to remember, dads grieve too.

 

[New Creation]

Thank you David. I thank the Lord that you are able to minister to other men through your loss. God bless you.

 

[jazzbird]

So very true. My husband cries with me, sometimes he cries about it when I'm not crying, but I doubt many people would imagine him doing so. I try to make sure that I ask him how he is feeling because I know that most people won't ask. On Friday we found out that we have another pregnancy that is not viable. Last night his mom called and asked him how I was doing. I don't think she asked him how he was doing - not from what I could hear anyway. This afternoon flowers were delivered to our home from his parents, and they were addressed only to me. It is tragic that our culture downplays the pain and loss that men feel, not only in the loss of children, but many things.

What a blessing that you were able to minister to your friend in such an important way. I think it is very difficult for most men to reach out to other men on an emotional level, yet I believe it is so important to their healing and well-being.

 

[MG]

Thanks for sharing David. I think husbands around the world are looked upon as the number one support for their wives. This tends to lead to emotions and grief for a Father to be placed on the back burner. It is unfortunate. Without even thinking, I had to make sure my husbands emotional wellbeing was in place before I fell to pieces. Even I, looked to him to hold me together and be my support. So, I guess you could say we take turns grieving.

 

[SetFreeOne]

One of the things that happened when we lost our child is that I realised that often Dad's are sometimes hurting as much but dont seem to get the same support. Whilst the physical loss is felt by the mother the emotional turmoil can be just as severe or worse for the father.

In our case it took a while for me to have closure not seeing my child going to full term. What happened however was that a close friend who lost their child al lot further along the term than I did showed me pictures of their stillborn. I was able to close that chapter and to minister to him and other men.

Jesus knows our propensity for pain and he knows that while Mom's go through an almighty sense of loss with miscarriage that even though we may be silent or just suportive sometimes Dad's need an outlet and closure too.

David,
Thank you so much for sharing your pain. I know that daddies are hit hard too because my brother and sister in law have gone through so much. They lost four children ( I think, or maybe five). He has hurt for a while over that. I am so glad you have opened up here. I will pray for you.
Mary.

 

[Hisrosebud]

I remember my husband's first words when we lost our first baby, "but I wanted to be your daddy...."

it was heartwrenching. True, David.

thankyou,

Jane

 

[bornagain-053184]

its nice to know how some men handle it.. the father of my baby wasnt there for me and didnt even care really he said i was lying about it all but hes a jerk anyways i mean why would any woman lie about something like this u know.. its just nice to know some men care iam so sorry for ur pain and loss hun
hugs.. stephanie

 

[b.a.t]

One of the things that happened when we lost our child is that I realised that often Dad's are sometimes hurting as much but dont seem to get the same support. Whilst the physical loss is felt by the mother the emotional turmoil can be just as severe or worse for the father.

In our case it took a while for me to have closure not seeing my child going to full term. What happened however was that a close friend who lost their child al lot further along the term than I did showed me pictures of their stillborn. I was able to close that chapter and to minister to him and other men.

Jesus knows our propensity for pain and he knows that while Mom's go through an almighty sense of loss with miscarriage that even though we may be silent or just suportive sometimes Dad's need an outlet and closure too.

I would agree 100% with this. When we had our stillbirth 15 yrs ago no one seemed to be interested in how the baby's father was, just in me. Also it effects other children in the family. Our daughter who was 2 at the time found it really difficult to understand why we hadn't brought our new baby home, it takes alot of strength and determination to get through the loss of a child and keep the family together. I don't know how many times we come close to splitting up. Praise the Lord for he gave us a second chance at parenting and we had another daughter. My prayers go out to all those dealing with the loss of a child.

 

[Hisrosebud]

You had a 2 year old when you lost your baby? My son was around 4 when my brother's baby died in his wife's womb at 40 weeks. She then had to deliver the baby knowing.

I wrote a story for my son because I did not know how to teach him. It was a story about a catapillar. He was loved by everyone, everyone was excited that he was going to become a butterfly. When the day came, everyone was there, and the cocoon was empty. Then the Lord spoke, "I have called him home to me." I'd like to think it helped me to help him-- maybe it just helped me.

It is such a hard thing to understand....

Jane

 

[b.a.t]

You had a 2 year old when you lost your baby? My son was around 4 when my brother's baby died in his wife's womb at 40 weeks. She then had to deliver the baby knowing.

I wrote a story for my son because I did not know how to teach him. It was a story about a catapillar. He was loved by everyone, everyone was excited that he was going to become a butterfly. When the day came, everyone was there, and the cocoon was empty. Then the Lord spoke, "I have called him home to me." I'd like to think it helped me to help him-- maybe it just helped me.

It is such a hard thing to understand....

Jane

It is a hard thing to understand and we always told our daughter that God had prepared a place for our son that he was needed up in heaven. She always thought that he had gone to be an angel.