A confusing "date"?

[ThisIsMe123]

Met this woman online, Christian, she desires a Christian man. She told me the last guy she dated she meet in church, but found out later he was hooked on cocaine, so had to end it.

Anyways, we talked for about a week, week and 1/2 before meeting, flirty banter, she said she liked my smile when I sent a more up close pic of myself. And we really got to know each other over the phone over the days. We planned a "date", (I'll get to the air quotes later, as this is the point of my post.

Anyways, we meet up for the dinner venue. She sits with me, we chat a bit, and we get up to get something to eat and she goes, "I'm trying to diet". So she's refusing dinner with me. And I was like "Can't you get something light?" She reluctantly got an order for nachos and only had one nacho. Anyways, I didn't make much of a stink about it as we were enjoying each other's company. We really hit it off, because sometimes I figure that once you meet, the magic may stop or something. lol

But it stayed consistent from phone to in person. She said she really liked my eyes, too. And I thanked her. She was pretty flirty, so things were flowing nicely. Then I used the words, "date" in the context of our evening and she goes, "Woah, this isn't a date!"

And I was like "Um, what else would you call it?" She said, "Um, we're just meeting up as friends" she said she even had to clarify this with her co-workers, and she laughed. I said, "Well, how do you define what a date is?" and she said, "There is no other definition"

Believe you me, I've been in the dating game long enough to realize that people have their own definitions of things when it comes to dating. It can be quite nebulous and a mind field.

But as things moved forward, she asked me date related questions. We did have a good time, and she said I was much more attractive in person than in my photos. Which was kind of funny, because she told me she's more into personality than looks, but maybe she saw it as a bonus/perk.

Anyways, I just found it odd that she was so certain it was NOT a date, but why even argue the point with a gentleman who asks you out. Should it be implied or should you say, "I'd like to go on a DATE...with you".

I find some women get offended by the word. And I hear the Millennials are jumping on board with the words "Yeah, me and Peggy are hangin' out"

They call it "hangin' out", I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I think even some women in my age bracket are letting the Millennial creep in.

 

[bèlla]

Anyways, I just found it odd that she was so certain it was NOT a date, but why even argue the point with a gentleman who asks you out. Should it be implied or should you say, "I'd like to go on a DATE...with you".

You'd be surprised how many women have never encountered a gentleman or been the recipient of his attention. Her reluctance could stem from caution or an unpleasant experience. Some people expect first meetings to mirror their experiences elsewhere. When it doesn't happen they're disappointed or angry.

I find some women get offended by the word. And I hear the Millennials are jumping on board with the words "Yeah, me and Peggy are hangin' out"

They call it "hangin' out", I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I think even some women in my age bracket are letting the Millennial creep in.

If you're hanging out there's no chance for rejection or the expectation of something more.

For me, gentleman + lady = pair. It's too difficult to bring someone along that path if they're not inclined to walk it. In spite of the oddities, there are ladies and gentlemen who enjoy the other's company and a good meal.

I don't know if I agree it's the millennial influence. I've met single men and women in their forties who would never say that. They have a different standard.

Some indifference is the result of pain or jadedness. They're protecting themselves from further hurt.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

You'd be surprised how many women have never encountered a gentleman or been the recipient of his attention. Her reluctance could stem from caution or an unpleasant experience. Some people expect first meetings to mirror their experiences elsewhere. When it doesn't happen they're disappointed or angry.



If you're hanging out there's no chance for rejection or the expectation of something more.

For me, gentleman + lady = pair. It's too difficult to bring someone along that path if they're not inclined to walk it. In spite of the oddities, there are ladies and gentlemen who enjoy the other's company and a good meal.

I don't know if I agree it's the millennial influence. I've met single men and women in their forties who would never say that. They have a different standard.

Some indifference is the result of pain or jadedness. They're protecting themselves from further hurt.

Hm, perhaps. I contacted her about getting together this weekend. She's not responding, which is unusual as she's' usually always texting or calling me back pretty quickly. I think she's ghosted. Pretty sad. I thought there was something off about her self-esteem to be honest.

 

[bèlla]

Hm, perhaps. I contacted her about getting together this weekend. She's not responding, which is unusual as she's' usually always texting or calling me back pretty quickly. I think she's ghosted. Pretty sad. I thought there was something off about her self-esteem to be honest.

That's unfortunate. It's better to be upfront but many won't to avoid conflict. Her behavior was peculiar but hopefully she'll respond.

If you want a lady that's what you should go for. You'll feel unappreciated and ill used by those who don't recognize your value. It requires discipline but your headaches are fewer and your experiences may improve.

Do you date women your age or younger?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

That's unfortunate. It's better to be upfront but many won't to avoid conflict. Her behavior was peculiar but hopefully she'll respond.

If you want a lady that's what you should go for. You'll feel unappreciated and ill used by those who don't recognize your value. It requires discipline but your headaches are fewer and your experiences may improve.

Do you date women your age or younger?

Define "Younger". I usually go by age ranges, not ages. I'm 46, shes' 41. Usually I keep it within that decade. Why?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

someone told me that it's not a good idea to converse or talk between meeting the person and the first date. At least not too much, because when you finally meet the person, it kills the mystery. At least for that person...depending on their personality.

I was told set a date time and place, and then...no talking in between, just show up at the venue. Nothing more.

Just at theory though, but isn't that how online dating is suppose to go?

 

[bèlla]

Define "Younger". I usually go by age ranges, not ages. I'm 46, shes' 41. Usually I keep it within that decade. Why?

Just wondered. You may have more success mixing things up. Someone in their mid to late thirties may suffice. That's my sweet spot. Our life seasons are aligned and the energy is different.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Just wondered. You may have more success mixing things up. Someone in their mid to late thirties may suffice. That's my sweet spot. Our life seasons are aligned and the energy is different.

Yeah, I'll extend it to even mid-30s, too. I'm flexible and have dated women that young.

 

[bèlla]

someone told me that it's not a good idea to converse or talk between meeting the person and the first date. At least not too much, because when you finally meet the person, it kills the mystery. At least for that person...depending on their personality.

That's cliche. If the conversation is good there's no need to hinder it. I met someone last year from a different forum and we spoke everyday. We enjoyed each other's company.

I was told set a date time and place, and then...no talking in between, just show up at the venue. Nothing more.

Just at theory though, but isn't that how online dating is suppose to go?

I don't believe there's a one-size-fits-all rule. My experiences were different. I've had two relationships that began at a distance that I've taken r/t. Both resulted in the person relocating on my behalf. However, the clock resets when you're face to face. That's when you really begin.

While I believe online connections can occur. Until they're solidified in person, you're familiar strangers. I think people ascribe too much to the digital component. Sitting on a computer talking to someone is not the same as doing it face to face. You are experiencing a sliver of the person. It's easy to build a fantasy in your head. And the longer it persists—especially when distance is a factor—the harder the transition will be.

I would be more inclined to meet the person whose conversation and personality invigorated me. If I enjoyed our discourse and rarely ran out of things to discuss; a meeting is more desirable than the opposite. If the energy is lacking and I'm not inspired by our dialogue I won't meet him.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah, I'll extend it to even mid-30s, too. I'm flexible and have dated women that young.

Good. It expands your options. Dating isn't a priority for me at the moment. My focus is elsewhere. But if a prospect presents himself that's hard to resist. That might change.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Did you meet her on a dating site? If so then when she says the it's not a date thing, you could simply just leave at that point because shes wasting your time and has no interest.