To whom it may concern,
This is a call for help. I know this letter is very long and of the few of you who see it, fewer still will take the time to read it. For those of you who do, I hope that it is a story you will feel was worth reading and that you will be able to do something about it: Pray for two people who need it very badly.
My name is Daniel. I am 27 years old and I am a soldier in the United States Army Reserve. I won't try to make you believe that I have had a more difficult life than anyone else. In fact, I think my life is a very common example of the condition our nation is in today. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was a felon. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. I quit school when I was 16. I joined the army when I was 18. When I was in basic training my father committed suicide by stepping in front of a train. When I returned from my first deployment overseas my best friend committed suicide by taking an overdose of drugs. We live in a nation today where drug, alcohol and sex abuse are common, divorce is more common than marriage and families break apart by the day. When we turn our backs on God this way, I don't suppose that we should be shocked when our nation as a whole falls on such dark times.
In spite of those difficulties I felt I had done well enough for myself. Ive never done drugs, I drink only a little, Im not suicidal and Ive never had a more significant encounter with law enforcement than a traffic ticket. Not long after my first deployment was over I inherited a sum of money which ensured I was able to live a comfortable life. Although I had few friends and have never had a girlfriend, I honestly believed I was luckier than most people around me and that God was watching out for me because I was an honest Christian man just trying to mind his own business. I wont say I was happy, but I was at least content with things the way they were.
Several years ago something changed my life. A new soldier came to my unit. She was young, beautiful and athletic. She was also very intelligent, had a wonderful personality and was a devoted Christian. Her name is Amy and she was our new chaplain assistant. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her and I havent been able to let go of that love since that day. I tried at first. I told myself it was silly, and it was only a crush, and I should know better. I kept that up for a few years, yet every time I saw her I felt a little bit worse about myself even though I wasnt quite sure why.
Finally we were told the unit would be deployed overseas. For a month we had to train at Ft. McCoy to prepare for the deployment. Instead of only seeing Amy occasionally, I now saw her all day, every day. Every day I felt worse and worse about the situation and about myself. I still wanted to believe I only had a crush on her but with each passing day I was becoming more and more depressed. I knew I couldnt possibly spend a year deployed with her feeling like this but I also didnt want to let my unit down by being removed from the deployment if anyone found out how badly I was handling the situation. So many of those people had become my only friends, I couldnt let them down.
The problem wasnt that Amy was married or even that she had a boyfriend. She was single. The problem was, I felt like a loser.
Maybe that sounds strange to some of the people who will actually read this letter. Maybe you think soldiers are heroes and we have a lot of courage. We are only ordinary men and women like you. We can be hurt just like you can, physically or emotionally. Because I quit school when I was 16 I never dated in high school the way many people do. As an adult Ive never had a girlfriend and I didnt think I knew anything about women. I believed I would never marry. Before I met Amy I believed was okay with that. Now I know that Im not okay with it at all. The need to feel loved is a natural part of human life and Im not immune to it any more than anyone else. Knowing that I loved her, finally admitting to it, and knowing I wouldnt be able to function as a soldier until I committed myself to doing something about it, I set myself upon a course of action that some days I regret, but even looking back on it now, I dont know what else I could possibly have done.
I packed up everything I owned and put it away into a storage locker. I gave the last of my inheritance to my church that I was attending at the time (they were having financial difficulty and I felt they would put the money to better use than I could). I finished the last preparations that I needed to make to be fully ready for the deployment. And then, because I was a Christian and so was Amy, I turned to what I felt was the only source of help that could give me hope: I prayed. I got out my Bible, got down on my knees, and I asked God to make me the man I need to be in order to earn the trust, respect and love of the woman I love.
Although I wanted to develop a plan of action, I didnt have much time to do so before the first disaster struck. While at Ft. Hood, as our unit was making its final preparations to deploy, the word came down that our numbers had been cut and the unit wouldnt be able to take everyone. The chain of command made the highly questionable decision to cut out our chaplain section from the deployment. This meant Amy would not be going with us. Previously I would have been relieved, but now that I had committed myself to changing my life and telling her how I felt, I was heartbroken and terrified.
I refused to give up hope however, and at night when the rest of the unit was asleep I would sneak out of the barracks and into the forest. Through my tears and sweat, I prayed that God would find a way to remove two other people from the deployment instead, so that the command would have no choice but to bring our chaplain section to fill in the vacancies. It took until the eleventh hour, but in the end two people were removed from the deployment. One lost his security clearance for failure to update it and another was medically disqualified for a heart condition. Exactly two openings had been made and the command did exactly what I had hoped they would by choosing the chaplain section to fill them. Amy would be going on the deployment and I would have my chance to tell her how I felt. God had answered my prayer with the exact thing I had asked for and in that moment I felt this insane quest I had set myself upon had a chance to actually work.
I still needed to feel like I actually had something to offer before I could tell Amy how I felt. I wanted to be a better soldier, so I worked hard, got into better physical shape and eventually was promoted. I wanted to have a better future, so I decided to go back to school and I began taking college courses online through the education center located on the camp where we were deployed. Most of all I needed to be a better Christian, so I began reading books by Christian authors as well as reading my Bible more often. I started with books on how to use faith to get through difficult times and change your life. Then I moved on to books about Christian manhood and what God expects of men. I noticed many of those books contained (often multiple) chapters on how Christian men should respect their wives and I liked those chapters a lot, so I began reading books specifically on the subject of relationships. Each time I finished a book I felt I had learned something new, I was more confident and I felt God was doing what I had asked him to do: Make me into the man I needed to be.
By this time about six months had passed on the deployment and, feeling more confident, I began to spend more time around Amy. I looked for excuses to talk to her during the day and I found ways to help her with her work. Having been promoted, I was now the unit Supply Sergeant and I had a bit more freedom than the average soldier to choose how to approach my work, which gave me many opportunities to set aside time for Amy in my otherwise busy schedule. Amy and I began to get to know each other a bit better and one day I was driving her around the camp to assist her with some of her errands. She seemed very sad on this particular day and I was trying to be as kind to her as possible to cheer her up. Eventually she asked me about my love life, and although I didnt tell her of my feelings that day, I thought perhaps it was a sign that it was time for me to tell her.
One thing you may not know about deployments is that privacy is a rare commodity when you are here in the desert. Barracks are packed, tents are crowded and you are almost never alone. Something you might take for granted like being able to have a private conversation with a person you care about is actually a bit of a challenge. Once again I prayed and asked God to help me find an opportunity to be alone with Amy long enough to tell her how I felt about her. Then I watched for my opportunity.
It took a few weeks, but the day came. Amy was working alone in the chaplain tent and everyone else who worked in the area was out on a mission that day. At first when I tried to talk to her I couldnt quite find the words to say and I almost turned to leave. But outside the chaplain tent I saw the Christian banner waving in the sunlight and on it I saw the cross. When I saw that cross I remembered how I had prayed and asked God for this opportunity and I knew I would be ashamed of myself if I wasted it, so I turned back around and spilled out the entire story to Amy as quickly as I could before my courage failed me: I told her when I had first fallen in love with her, how long I had tried to hide it and how I finally knew I had to turn my life around to feel like I deserved a chance to be with her. She was flattered, but also shocked.
After that Amy and I spent more time together and began getting to know one another even more than before. She said I was a wonderful man who was very kind and generous, that she found me interesting and that a relationship with me did seem tempting to her. But this story is not the fairy tale I wanted it to be when I told her how I felt, because this was also the point where Amy revealed to me that several months before I told her about my feelings for her, she had met a British Airman (an enlisted member of the Royal Air Force) who she had developed feelings for. He had been on the camp for only a month and had already been sent home, but she still was in contact with him. She said she was still single and that she was only talking with this man, not in an official relationship of any sort with him. She didnt ask me to stop trying to reach out to her, she only warned me that she didnt think she would be able to return my affection as long as she was interested in this British fellow.
I was greatly discouraged and saddened by this news, but Amy didnt ask me to give up and I wasnt ready to, so I kept trying to win her heart. I spent as much time with her as she would allow me to and I learned as much as I could about her likes and dislikes. Without even knowing it, she actually helped me to do this, because I continued to work on being a better Christian and a better man as I was getting to know her. I learned about the Five Love Languages and in particular I learned that she was most fond of Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Gifts. So I learned how to give her compliments, which was easy because there are so many wonderful thing about her. I continued to help her with her work whenever I could, which she clearly appreciated. I even used my skills and knowledge as a supply sergeant to plan the best gifts and surprises for her that I could muster, many of which she was quite amazed with.
As time passed, other members of our unit noticed what I was up to. Many were mutual friends of both myself and Amy, so they were aware of the situation with the British Airman. Many said they felt that relationship would never work out, because one of them would have to give up their military career to move to where the other one lived. One soldier even said that Amy had told him she was having a hard time with the British Airman and he wasnt putting in as much effort as she expected from him, so the relationship was almost over. Our company commander even noticed what was going on so he pulled me aside one day and encouraged me to remain persistent. He even made me promise that I would invite him to the wedding if things worked out. I made the promise. Even though I was stressed out and feeling lonely because Amy wasnt returning my feelings as much as I had hoped for by now, all of the people who were encouraging me gave me hope that the situation would work out.
Not that long ago, Amy even asked me to read The Chronicles of Narnia and lent me her copy. Although I imagine it was really meant for children, even reading that encouraged me a lot, because the story is really just one long analogy for how God is present even in the darkest hour, and he can work miracles that turn what seems to be a tragedy into a wonderful and beautiful ending.
This is a call for help. I know this letter is very long and of the few of you who see it, fewer still will take the time to read it. For those of you who do, I hope that it is a story you will feel was worth reading and that you will be able to do something about it: Pray for two people who need it very badly.
My name is Daniel. I am 27 years old and I am a soldier in the United States Army Reserve. I won't try to make you believe that I have had a more difficult life than anyone else. In fact, I think my life is a very common example of the condition our nation is in today. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was a felon. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. I quit school when I was 16. I joined the army when I was 18. When I was in basic training my father committed suicide by stepping in front of a train. When I returned from my first deployment overseas my best friend committed suicide by taking an overdose of drugs. We live in a nation today where drug, alcohol and sex abuse are common, divorce is more common than marriage and families break apart by the day. When we turn our backs on God this way, I don't suppose that we should be shocked when our nation as a whole falls on such dark times.
In spite of those difficulties I felt I had done well enough for myself. Ive never done drugs, I drink only a little, Im not suicidal and Ive never had a more significant encounter with law enforcement than a traffic ticket. Not long after my first deployment was over I inherited a sum of money which ensured I was able to live a comfortable life. Although I had few friends and have never had a girlfriend, I honestly believed I was luckier than most people around me and that God was watching out for me because I was an honest Christian man just trying to mind his own business. I wont say I was happy, but I was at least content with things the way they were.
Several years ago something changed my life. A new soldier came to my unit. She was young, beautiful and athletic. She was also very intelligent, had a wonderful personality and was a devoted Christian. Her name is Amy and she was our new chaplain assistant. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her and I havent been able to let go of that love since that day. I tried at first. I told myself it was silly, and it was only a crush, and I should know better. I kept that up for a few years, yet every time I saw her I felt a little bit worse about myself even though I wasnt quite sure why.
Finally we were told the unit would be deployed overseas. For a month we had to train at Ft. McCoy to prepare for the deployment. Instead of only seeing Amy occasionally, I now saw her all day, every day. Every day I felt worse and worse about the situation and about myself. I still wanted to believe I only had a crush on her but with each passing day I was becoming more and more depressed. I knew I couldnt possibly spend a year deployed with her feeling like this but I also didnt want to let my unit down by being removed from the deployment if anyone found out how badly I was handling the situation. So many of those people had become my only friends, I couldnt let them down.
The problem wasnt that Amy was married or even that she had a boyfriend. She was single. The problem was, I felt like a loser.
Maybe that sounds strange to some of the people who will actually read this letter. Maybe you think soldiers are heroes and we have a lot of courage. We are only ordinary men and women like you. We can be hurt just like you can, physically or emotionally. Because I quit school when I was 16 I never dated in high school the way many people do. As an adult Ive never had a girlfriend and I didnt think I knew anything about women. I believed I would never marry. Before I met Amy I believed was okay with that. Now I know that Im not okay with it at all. The need to feel loved is a natural part of human life and Im not immune to it any more than anyone else. Knowing that I loved her, finally admitting to it, and knowing I wouldnt be able to function as a soldier until I committed myself to doing something about it, I set myself upon a course of action that some days I regret, but even looking back on it now, I dont know what else I could possibly have done.
I packed up everything I owned and put it away into a storage locker. I gave the last of my inheritance to my church that I was attending at the time (they were having financial difficulty and I felt they would put the money to better use than I could). I finished the last preparations that I needed to make to be fully ready for the deployment. And then, because I was a Christian and so was Amy, I turned to what I felt was the only source of help that could give me hope: I prayed. I got out my Bible, got down on my knees, and I asked God to make me the man I need to be in order to earn the trust, respect and love of the woman I love.
Although I wanted to develop a plan of action, I didnt have much time to do so before the first disaster struck. While at Ft. Hood, as our unit was making its final preparations to deploy, the word came down that our numbers had been cut and the unit wouldnt be able to take everyone. The chain of command made the highly questionable decision to cut out our chaplain section from the deployment. This meant Amy would not be going with us. Previously I would have been relieved, but now that I had committed myself to changing my life and telling her how I felt, I was heartbroken and terrified.
I refused to give up hope however, and at night when the rest of the unit was asleep I would sneak out of the barracks and into the forest. Through my tears and sweat, I prayed that God would find a way to remove two other people from the deployment instead, so that the command would have no choice but to bring our chaplain section to fill in the vacancies. It took until the eleventh hour, but in the end two people were removed from the deployment. One lost his security clearance for failure to update it and another was medically disqualified for a heart condition. Exactly two openings had been made and the command did exactly what I had hoped they would by choosing the chaplain section to fill them. Amy would be going on the deployment and I would have my chance to tell her how I felt. God had answered my prayer with the exact thing I had asked for and in that moment I felt this insane quest I had set myself upon had a chance to actually work.
I still needed to feel like I actually had something to offer before I could tell Amy how I felt. I wanted to be a better soldier, so I worked hard, got into better physical shape and eventually was promoted. I wanted to have a better future, so I decided to go back to school and I began taking college courses online through the education center located on the camp where we were deployed. Most of all I needed to be a better Christian, so I began reading books by Christian authors as well as reading my Bible more often. I started with books on how to use faith to get through difficult times and change your life. Then I moved on to books about Christian manhood and what God expects of men. I noticed many of those books contained (often multiple) chapters on how Christian men should respect their wives and I liked those chapters a lot, so I began reading books specifically on the subject of relationships. Each time I finished a book I felt I had learned something new, I was more confident and I felt God was doing what I had asked him to do: Make me into the man I needed to be.
By this time about six months had passed on the deployment and, feeling more confident, I began to spend more time around Amy. I looked for excuses to talk to her during the day and I found ways to help her with her work. Having been promoted, I was now the unit Supply Sergeant and I had a bit more freedom than the average soldier to choose how to approach my work, which gave me many opportunities to set aside time for Amy in my otherwise busy schedule. Amy and I began to get to know each other a bit better and one day I was driving her around the camp to assist her with some of her errands. She seemed very sad on this particular day and I was trying to be as kind to her as possible to cheer her up. Eventually she asked me about my love life, and although I didnt tell her of my feelings that day, I thought perhaps it was a sign that it was time for me to tell her.
One thing you may not know about deployments is that privacy is a rare commodity when you are here in the desert. Barracks are packed, tents are crowded and you are almost never alone. Something you might take for granted like being able to have a private conversation with a person you care about is actually a bit of a challenge. Once again I prayed and asked God to help me find an opportunity to be alone with Amy long enough to tell her how I felt about her. Then I watched for my opportunity.
It took a few weeks, but the day came. Amy was working alone in the chaplain tent and everyone else who worked in the area was out on a mission that day. At first when I tried to talk to her I couldnt quite find the words to say and I almost turned to leave. But outside the chaplain tent I saw the Christian banner waving in the sunlight and on it I saw the cross. When I saw that cross I remembered how I had prayed and asked God for this opportunity and I knew I would be ashamed of myself if I wasted it, so I turned back around and spilled out the entire story to Amy as quickly as I could before my courage failed me: I told her when I had first fallen in love with her, how long I had tried to hide it and how I finally knew I had to turn my life around to feel like I deserved a chance to be with her. She was flattered, but also shocked.
After that Amy and I spent more time together and began getting to know one another even more than before. She said I was a wonderful man who was very kind and generous, that she found me interesting and that a relationship with me did seem tempting to her. But this story is not the fairy tale I wanted it to be when I told her how I felt, because this was also the point where Amy revealed to me that several months before I told her about my feelings for her, she had met a British Airman (an enlisted member of the Royal Air Force) who she had developed feelings for. He had been on the camp for only a month and had already been sent home, but she still was in contact with him. She said she was still single and that she was only talking with this man, not in an official relationship of any sort with him. She didnt ask me to stop trying to reach out to her, she only warned me that she didnt think she would be able to return my affection as long as she was interested in this British fellow.
I was greatly discouraged and saddened by this news, but Amy didnt ask me to give up and I wasnt ready to, so I kept trying to win her heart. I spent as much time with her as she would allow me to and I learned as much as I could about her likes and dislikes. Without even knowing it, she actually helped me to do this, because I continued to work on being a better Christian and a better man as I was getting to know her. I learned about the Five Love Languages and in particular I learned that she was most fond of Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Gifts. So I learned how to give her compliments, which was easy because there are so many wonderful thing about her. I continued to help her with her work whenever I could, which she clearly appreciated. I even used my skills and knowledge as a supply sergeant to plan the best gifts and surprises for her that I could muster, many of which she was quite amazed with.
As time passed, other members of our unit noticed what I was up to. Many were mutual friends of both myself and Amy, so they were aware of the situation with the British Airman. Many said they felt that relationship would never work out, because one of them would have to give up their military career to move to where the other one lived. One soldier even said that Amy had told him she was having a hard time with the British Airman and he wasnt putting in as much effort as she expected from him, so the relationship was almost over. Our company commander even noticed what was going on so he pulled me aside one day and encouraged me to remain persistent. He even made me promise that I would invite him to the wedding if things worked out. I made the promise. Even though I was stressed out and feeling lonely because Amy wasnt returning my feelings as much as I had hoped for by now, all of the people who were encouraging me gave me hope that the situation would work out.
Not that long ago, Amy even asked me to read The Chronicles of Narnia and lent me her copy. Although I imagine it was really meant for children, even reading that encouraged me a lot, because the story is really just one long analogy for how God is present even in the darkest hour, and he can work miracles that turn what seems to be a tragedy into a wonderful and beautiful ending.
