.

[bèlla]

.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

It means Im waiting for God to show me who just the right guy for me is.

 

[the one and only zero]

Truthfully, this is a difficult period for many. Prosperity has lessened compassion and empathy. And enabled us to be narrow-minded in our interactions without recognizing the consequences of our behavior.

Nevertheless, I have mentored many women over the years and can attest that more than a few are seeking genuine connections with gentlemen desiring the same. The challenge of finding the other in a maze of disappointment and superficiality is daunting to say the least.

How would she find you? Or others like yourself? Where should she look or look out for?

~Bella

While some of them may be seeking genuine connections, there's a "but" in there, even if they aren't communicating it to you -- it's always conditional. Even my (now ex friend) used-to-be-best-friend and mother of my God child -- she was one of the more respectable women I've met (or so I'd thought) and even she, as good of a woman as I'd pegged her for, would tell me all the time about how she met this amazing guy who was everything she's ever wanted BUT -- he was too short, didn't make enough money, or this or that and then she complains that she's alone. Typical.

Yet, as disgusted as I am with this common theme, I can't fully blame them for it, when we honestly can't help what we're attracted to and why, and ultimately, God is the one who set up this extremely flawed and painful system of attraction and natural selection. Had he any real mercy whatsoever, there would have been one static male form, and one static female form, and romantic attraction and desire would come from some telepathic or empathic ability to perceive the contents of the soul identity.

How would women find me or other good men like myself? Tell them to sincerely attempt to stop being so shallow, entitled and look at men as human beings instead of a height or a walking ATM machine. Perhaps give that "good guy" a chance.

 

[bèlla]

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[the one and only zero]

The but isn't for the reasons stated. It's the fact his qualities didn't override the other things she sought. Which are really excuses and indicative of something else she isn't saying. When you're committed to a specific end you operate with that in mind. You don't allow opposites to enter your space to deflect your attention.

Thus, the person honestly seeking a man of a certain stature in money or physique will never entertain a prospect who falls outside that range. He wouldn't get close. You have to pull back the layers and validate the stance through their interactions. I don't take their word for it. I want proof.



Why would you want someone whose innards oppose your own? Making an allowance doesn't mean she's changed her mind. Good guys have no business interacting with individuals who feel their presence is less than they deserve. You should engage with women whose character is intact.

Is it possible you're attracted to a specific type that's more likely to behave as you've described?

~Bella

No. All the women I've gotten involved with were excellent liars and deceivers -- the narcissistic and sociopathic equivalent of Grammy award winners. I thought I was getting involved with people who were genuine, sincere and enlightened, but multiple times, months or even years down the road when their masks came off, or their cover was blown, I discovered the truth.

 

[bèlla]

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[the one and only zero]

You strike me as intelligent and insightful. But it would appear their intentions weren't discovered in time. Can you spot the woman you're describing? Do you know her scent?

~Bella

I think it's the majority of them, modern day. I don't think they always were; I believe the age we live in with instagram, tik tok, facebook etc. has promoted and contributed to malignant narcissism on a grand scale.

Sure, I can easily pick up on the "scent" of the more obvious ones, but unfortunately the majority are just charlatans to the core.

 

[thehehe]

I'm not entirely grown-up yet. For now, I rather enjoy the company of my friends, and spend my evenings having fun with them rather than anything else. I'm not trustful enough, I need a lot of time to give credit or value to someone, I like when things are slow and thoughtful. And I don't want to do what many others do, to rush in a relationship to compensate for a lack of self-confidence - to see others as a way to gain what they lack of. I would never forgive myself if I were to use or manipulate anyone to find an answer to my questions. I love the company of male friends, but I can see too that very few of them are matured enough to give me what I would want - and I wouldn't want them to be otherwise.
We all change so quickly right now, when I think about it, it seems that some of my closest friends are not even the same person as they were a few months ago. And I know it is the same for me.

 

[VMaeLove]

I understand where you're coming from. I've fed myself lots of reasons that made sense at the time. But it wasn't the truth.

I love the last sentence.

~Bella

A lot of men seem to desire to change women to meet like a fantasy of what a woman should be. Like they cannot give a chance to letting her shine.
They will only meet bad relationships or remain single.

I still am looking to the conclusion of my choices for dating. If being single is better than hell, so be it, but is it even really the option.
I look more to God is love. No conditions.
But not seeking to disrespect His plan.
I am also in not a hurry because independence is in my blood.

You are a wonderful person, Bella.
I stand behind that I would read a book if you write one.
Bless you

 

[JustSomeBloke]

A lot of men seem to desire to change women to meet like a fantasy of what a woman should be.

Where are you meeting these guys? I always thought it was mostly the other way around. Girls getting into relationships with guys, thinking that they can change what they consider to be his bad habits, then getting all disappointed when he stubbornly remains the same. By the time they realise he's set in his ways, they are emotionally invested, and sometimes also married with a mortgage and children. Then they spend girl's nights out moaning and commiserating amongst themselves. I've heard that most divorces are initiated by women, possibly because love, lust, and hormones blocked them from performing an objective assessment at the outset of his bad habits and low probability of reforming.

I'm not trying to make trouble here, I'm just presenting my perspective as a guy, and also as an observer of other people's relationships. And I can accept that there are men who start off decent at the beginning of a relationship, and then morph into a horror show. Girls need to be careful, and watch out, especially for narcissists, gas-lighters, and domestic abusers. I'm not interested in changing a girl. If we don't match up reasonably well then I would move on and find the next prospective match*.

* I'm not even actively looking at the moment, but if I was then that would be my approach.

 

[GospelS]

When we've had the privilege of significant time in His presence its reduction can cause concern. Rest assured, that's normal.

As I grasped the lesson on seasons and saw the imprints in my life. I accepted the necessity of moving through them with grace and peace. Each season brings challenges and blessings. Our engagement deepens our surrender and strengthens His tether.

~Bella

What do you have to say about “securing undivided devotion to the Lord”, (as Paul suggests as an advantage of remaining unmarried).

 

[bèlla]

.

 

[bèlla]

.

 

[bèlla]

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[bèlla]

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[Sketcher]

Why would I want to change that? Keeps people away

Suit yourself then.

 

[VMaeLove]

Where are you meeting these guys? I always thought it was mostly the other way around. Girls getting into relationships with guys, thinking that they can change what they consider to be his bad habits, then getting all disappointed when he stubbornly remains the same. By the time they realise he's set in his ways, they are emotionally invested, and sometimes also married with a mortgage and children. Then they spend girl's nights out moaning and commiserating amongst themselves. I've heard that most divorces are initiated by women, possibly because love, lust, and hormones blocked them from performing an objective assessment at the outset of his bad habits and low probability of reforming.

I'm not trying to make trouble here, I'm just presenting my perspective as a guy, and also as an observer of other people's relationships. And I can accept that there are men who start off decent at the beginning of a relationship, and then morph into a horror show. Girls need to be careful, and watch out, especially for narcissists, gas-lighters, and domestic abusers. I'm not interested in changing a girl. If we don't match up reasonably well then I would move on and find the next prospective match*.

* I'm not even actively looking at the moment, but if I was then that would be my approach.

I am certainly not denying it goes both ways.
I do think there is a line of reasonable and healthy Expectations and not. But observation in our connected Surrounding it sounds most one sided.

Ignoring tells at any time during a Relationship because of *some reason* will always lead to bad outcome.
Maybe this is because if People discover what they want at the middle of a Relationship. And that comes to knowing you are ready for a Relationship or not. Or Maturity.

 

[bèlla]

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[Jok]

Are you depriving the ladies of your wit or avoiding them instead?

~Bella

Some avoidance but not much, it’s definitely easier for a guy to fly under the radar than a woman. For the most part a guy can just ignore signals. Even when something has been pretty obvious it’s still extremely rare for it to lead to a woman asking the guy out, at least in my experience.

 

[bèlla]

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