Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
It can be a good step, but it's probably not a quick fix to your situation. Just so you're aware.This morning I went to the service at the church that has the singles ministry I want to go to (next week it starts). I talked to an older couple for a bit & then the pastor for a while. It went well. Hopefully it does next week too.
I don't want to make the want go away. It is my dream & it's bad to snuff out your dream.Have you spoken to a doctor? Your emotions swing up and down. Maybe there's a medical reason for that.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
After 29 years I've learned there could be no fixes.It can be a good step, but it's probably not a quick fix to your situation. Just so you're aware.
Hey, I'm always disappointed about my situation w/ this, but I definitely need to remember your advice the first few meetings tho especially, especially if the group doesn't seem like it might be a good fit, that these things can take some time.OK. If that's the case, you should accept it fully enough so that you're not disappointed when you don't have a girlfriend after every weekly meeting. That essentially happened to me for a while.
If you're a decent person and socially competent, that can happen over time. But it won't satisfy, trust me.This early in the game I am hoping I can just build an acquaintenance-ship, or 'group-only' female friend. Either would be a nice step forward (unfortunately I've only ever had a few couple-year-lived female friendships in my life, so that wouldn't be quite the giant step it would've been a few years ago, but would still be a really nice step forward). Hopefully that's not too much to ask for.
That would be the best kind of group, though that sort of thing ebbs and flows over time, and right now there's a pandemic which limits options for meeting or going out together. If you want a social life, a group like this can provide one. That doesn't automatically mean you'll get a girlfriend out of it though. Receive what the group can reliably give you - good times, and possible opportunities for service.I'm also hoping the group does more stuff outside of weekly meetings on a consistent basis, & isn't just a 'say hi once a week on Sundays' type thing.
I've only ever had a few short-lived female friendships. The desire for a girlfriend doesn't go away, but the sadness/loneliness goes down dramaticallyIf you're a decent person and socially competent, that can happen over time. But it won't satisfy, trust me.
Short-term, that can be fine for now.That would be the best kind of group, though that sort of thing ebbs and flows over time, and right now there's a pandemic which limits options for meeting or going out together. If you want a social life, a group like this can provide one. That doesn't automatically mean you'll get a girlfriend out of it though. Receive what the group can reliably give you - good times, and possible opportunities for service.
You're right. I don't handle coping w/ singleness well. In fact, I handle it horribly.The desire to marry isn't the issue. It's your difficulty coping with singleness that's the problem. Dating doesn't mean you're heading to the altar. How would you handle a breakup?
Yours in His Service,
~bella
I once thought like that, and it still didn't spare me from the disappointment when I wasn't being actively rejected, or the heartbreak of rejection when I was. You have been warned.I've only ever had a few short-lived female friendships. The desire for a girlfriend doesn't go away, but the sadness/loneliness goes down dramatically
Short-term, that can be fine for now.
You're right. I don't handle coping w/ singleness well. In fact, I handle it horribly.
Breakup would mean I've made giant strides & finally broke my curse of no GF. But I don't see how it'd be any different than a friendship ending. Friendships ending aren't always fun either, don't get me wrong.
I don't know about more miserable. Just a different kind of miserable. I don't like my current situation at all.You will interpret the breakup as failure and be more miserable than you are. Now you know what you're missing. Your inability to cope with singleness creates a dilemma. It has to work. You'll do everything you can to make it work so you don't have to return to your previous state.
Hard words, but I understand. You speak a lot of wisdom. Unfortunately it can affect me even when I'm in a situation I should be really happy, like a vacation for example or w/ family. & that's definitely not good.Dating isn’t a cure-all nor is marriage. If you aren’t happy that won’t magically change with partnership. You’ll bring everything you’re carrying into the connection.
You’re expecting the relationship to fill the void. No one can fix the hole inside of you. That’s God’s domain.
While I understand the desire for companionship. I don’t agree with basing your happiness on its arrival. You’re making it an idol or an orbit and that’s imbalanced.
If you aren’t content being alone. If your life isn’t meaningful without a partner you aren’t whole. You’re codependent.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
That's literally depression. But you know what makes that worse? When you get in a bad relationship that breaks you. I don't know if you have friends that have divorced. I do. One of them had depression before his relationship, but after it fell apart and he got divorced, it was much worse, even years afterwards. If you don't fix yourself, your brokenness will poison the relationship that you want so badly.Hard words, but I understand. You speak a lot of wisdom. Unfortunately it can affect me even when I'm in a situation I should be really happy, like a vacation for example or w/ family. & that's definitely not good.
Oh, heck no. Codependency is not a healthy partnership at all.I also thought relationships are supposed to be codependent?
So this is no longer about what you would have with a partner if you had one - this is about what you imagine your friends and her friends would think if you couldn't be together. I don't know if I ever felt bad for any of my married friends when they were on business trips or whatnot that separated them from their spouses. It was more of an opportunity to hang out with them, and for some that may have needed it, keep them from sliding into cheating or excessive drinking.Why is it okay for me to be upset about being alone but when a couple are apart for a week & they miss each other, everyone feels sad for them they're apart & miss each other? I feel like that all the time.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?