"Singleness is a gift" is actually a lie?

peaceful-forest said:

Since this old post of mine has come up again, I wanted to address what I originally posted versus what I believe now.

When I saw the post made by Dominion Dating, I thought it was just an explanation of why there are many single men at church. Up until a year or two ago, I was actually clueless that there were many single Christian men in the church. I felt it was okay to also include women because I and many single ladies are unable to find men for marriage.

What I ended up finding out later was that this post is only about single men for a reason - people like this are actually blaming the older generations, women, etc. for men being single, instead of the men seeing their own issues and taking responsibility for them. I had read an article by Sheila Wray Gregoire that made me realize this. You can read it if you want: Why Do Evangelical Women Not Want to Marry Evangelical Men? - Bare Marriage

I'm not saying each single Christian man has a serious problem that is preventing him from getting a woman, but the issue is present to some degree. I believe any single woman can be guilty of having serious issues that's preventing her from getting a man.

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I agree w/ the article what that Al dude says is incorrect. He says marriage is no longer being viewed as a necessity but a choice. Well, that's exactly what the Bible teaches: it's not a necessity, but if you want to, you can, & if you don't want to, you don't have to.

I read more of the article. A lot of the singles the article is talking about seem relatively young. "Oh no, they're 21, why aren't they married yet?!?!?!?" A lot of them will get married within their next 10 years. They'll change & develop & grow. When the time is right, they'll meet someone who's perfect for them. 21 is nothing. What's the Bible say. "In His time"
I've learned that the people who panic someone at 21 isn't married yet got married at 18.

peaceful-forest said:

And I believe that people that are practicing Traditionalism (not Christianity) are trying to revive the idea that women should be married, have children, stay at home, and have zero rights.

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Yeah, there's a difference between Traditionalism & true Christianity. One difference is the end goal. Traditionalism's end goal is a family. Christianity's end goal is the Eternal.

timewerx said:

It's a red flag that you shouldn't go into that church.. Teaching something that is clearly in contradiction of the teachings of Jesus.

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You are a smart person! (or have the Holy Spirit! )

timewerx said:

Ironically getting married over staying single is one of the teachings of the false "prosperity gospel". It has blinded many Christians already. They strangely can't explain whey they chose to contradict the teachings of Jesus as if they've lost their minds.

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Exactly! I've been thinking this for some time, the 'prosperity gospel' often isn't so obvious. It's not always promising you to be rich. Sometimes it comes as 'you want to be married so you will get married.' This doesn't sound very encouraging, but as Christians, we are more interested in the truth

timewerx said:

To think that mind control only exists in fiction. But here we are, they do seem to exist IRL.

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We're taught mind control is fake, so we don't believe that it actually happens to us!

timewerx said:

When in doubt, ask yourself, did Jesus taught it? Is it contradictory to the teachings of Jesus? Nothing should be held above the teachings of Jesus. The whole point of being a Christ-ian. It is the lens where everything falls in to place. THe context that must be used, not anyone else.

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Yeah, but not just Jesus, the whole Bible

DragonFox91 said:

Would you say you were pressured into getting married?

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I would say so, in an indirect way. I was taught Gods will was for men and women to be married, have children, and the woman's place was to submit. Being equally yoked with a believer was drilled into us.

Higher education and a job or career was seen as a positive thing for women if your husband gave permission and you could do it without neglecting your duties at home and not deprive your husband of attention.

Also if you were tempted to have sex it was important to get married quickly so you weren't at risk of indulging. So any amount of lust or arousal, even without acting on it, ment you better get married. Rather than teaching realistic strategies for abstaining, we (meaning all singles) were told we were already sinning in our hearts and needed to get married to make it right.

JAM2b said:

I would say so, in an indirect way. I was taught Gods will was for men and women to be married, have children, and the woman's place was to submit. Being equally yoked with a believer was drilled into us.

Higher education and a job or career was seen as a positive thing for women if your husband gave permission and you could do it without neglecting your duties at home and not deprive your husband of attention.

Also if you were tempted to have sex it was important to get married quickly so you weren't at risk of indulging. So any amount of lust or arousal, even without acting on it, ment you better get married. Rather than teaching realistic strategies for abstaining, we (meaning all singles) were told we were already sinning in our hearts and needed to get married to make it right.

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Here is the miracle: despite all that, you didn't walk away from the Lord. You could've saw the lies you were told & connected those lies to God, & told him you had enough, the church let you down, how can you believe him on anything now, who cares, & other things really terrible I can't even think of right now. It's possible you could've become a real bitter person, but I doubt that. It's far more likely you'd have righted yourself, but w/out the Lord. So that you can still call yourself a Christian & be devoted to the Lord, that's the power of the God & the Gospel.

I hear about these churches that really push for marriage. As someone who's single & would like to be married, I used to wish I could go to a church like that, then I could be married! But lately I've been learning the truth: it's a mask. And eventually that mask comes off.
I remember growing up wanting to go to the 'fun churches'. The truth is: who knows what I was being saved from.

timewerx said:

It's a red flag that you shouldn't go into that church.. Teaching something that is clearly in contradiction of the teachings of Jesus.

Ironically getting married over staying single is one of the teachings of the false "prosperity gospel". It has blinded many Christians already. They strangely can't explain whey they chose to contradict the teachings of Jesus as if they've lost their minds.

To think that mind control only exists in fiction. But here we are, they do seem to exist IRL.

When in doubt, ask yourself, did Jesus taught it? Is it contradictory to the teachings of Jesus? Nothing should be held above the teachings of Jesus. The whole point of being a Christ-ian. It is the lens where everything falls in to place. THe context that must be used, not anyone else.

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Clearly marriage is the ideal and self-evident from Genesis throughout.

That said, singleness shouldn't be the source of despair.

Marriage obviously has benefits, but so does singleness.

We should make the most of those benefits whilst single, as single we may remain, to deepen our faith and bring glory to God.

It greatly depends on the individual.

The scripture enforces the idea of not being alone, and getting married. But that is because of what happens if you cannot handle it. Being alone, requires a full control of your mind and body. If you have no disciple, and if you don't take the scripture to heart, it will cause you to sin.
In a world where everywhere you go, you see temptation, it is harder to abstain from it alone than with someone. Sin always comes when you think no one is watching, and that's what singleness is. When God said that man shouldn't be alone, this is what He meant.

Now, if you can handle it, it is to be considered a blessing. You are saved from sin. And why? Chances of divorce are high (because people have no idea what to look for in a marriage). Per the scripture, you are not allowed to divorce unless someone commits adultery. Adultery isn't done, there's no reason to divorce. And, in a marriage, you took vows to your spouse and to God. You don't respect those vows to both your wife and God, it is sin.
Which is the bigger sin; breaking your vows to God, or remaining single?

DragonFox91 said:

Exactly! I've been thinking this for some time, the 'prosperity gospel' often isn't so obvious.

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It has different layers of deception. Some will cater to those who are shallow in their beliefs. The most devious ones will deceive even the deepest Christians. The vast majority of Christians who have adopted the prosperity gospel don't know they are and not aware they're deceived.

Yeah, but not just Jesus, the whole Bible

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Even the whole Bible should be viewed under the context of Jesus. Prosperity Gospel preachers for example view the entire Bible under the context of Proverbs and other Old Testament teachings.

"Pauline Christians" view the entire Bible under the context of Apostle Paul.

High Fidelity said:

Clearly marriage is the ideal and self-evident from Genesis throughout.

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You'll have to reconcile that with the teachings of Jesus on the matter.

The past belongs to the past or else we'd still be stoning sinners to death or they never were God's Will in the first place. The Jews simply misunderstood the scriptures.

timewerx said:

You'll have to reconcile that with the teachings of Jesus on the matter.

The past belongs to the past or else we'd still be stoning sinners to death or they never were God's Will in the first place. The Jews simply misunderstood the scriptures.

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One way it gets misinterpreted, not just by Jews but by all kinds of people, is ‘not good for man to be alone’ means other people should be in your life, it's not necessarily referring to a spouse

DragonFox91 said:

One way it gets misinterpreted, not just by Jews but by all kinds of people, is ‘not good for man to be alone’ means other people should be in your life, it's not necessarily referring to a spouse

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Yeah, I feel more fulfilled and less alone without my ex-husband than I did during the best days of our marriage.

Also, people need to be responsible, loving, considerate, and respectful enough for someone to want to spend their lives with them. No one is entitled to a spouse simply for existing as a man or a woman. Not for being a Christian either. Women aren't required to marry a man just because it's not good for man to be alone.

timewerx said:

You'll have to reconcile that with the teachings of Jesus on the matter.

The past belongs to the past or else we'd still be stoning sinners to death or they never were God's Will in the first place. The Jews simply misunderstood the scriptures.

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So if the ideal is not marriage, are you suggesting the ideal is singleness?

If that was the case, and the world became Christian, humans would die out.

High Fidelity said:

So if the ideal is not marriage, are you suggesting the ideal is singleness?

If that was the case, and the world became Christian, humans would die out.

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Do you even know the meaning of "ideal"?

timewerx said:

Do you even know the meaning of "ideal"?

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Ideal in this context means the best possible option.

That has been self-evident throughout Scripture.

I'm not suggesting that singleness is a form of rebellion or disobedience, rather it's the lesser of two options.

High Fidelity said:

Ideal in this context means the best possible option.

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Glad you cleared that up because I thought you understood "ideal" as the ONLY option in your previous post about humans getting extinct due to Christianity.

I'm not suggesting that singleness is a form of rebellion or disobedience, rather it's the lesser of two options.

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I don't see how Jesus and Paul would have meant the exact opposite of what they're saying on the subject of being married vs choosing to stay single.

How is that possible?