I'm not mocking God, I'm mocking Calvinist presentations of God that dishonor God.
There is a certain subset of arsonists who after setting the fire, rush in to save the people to get the "glory" of saving folks from the danger they put them in. According to Calvinism, that's hos God behaves. He sets the fire of sin and damnation, and then arbitrarily saves some from the danger He put them in.
Fervent,
I understand your analogy is meant to expose what you see as a flaw in Calvinism, but what it actually does is flatten and misrepresent both God’s holiness and His grace. And in doing so, it trades the beauty of the gospel for something unrecognizably distorted.
The analogy of an arsonist setting a fire just to rescue people for personal glory is deeply flawed—because it assumes that mankind was neutral, innocent, or undeserving of judgment in the first place. That is not the biblical story.
“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
“There is none righteous, no, not one… there is no fear of God before their eyes.” (Romans 3:10, 18)
The fall of Adam was not a neutral event—it was the willful rebellion of man against a holy God. And every one of us, by nature, has followed in that rebellion. The house was already in flames. The arsonist wasn’t God. The match was in our hands.
So what does God do? He sends Christ into the fire—not to gloat in rescue, but to be consumed in our place. The cross is not the act of a manipulative deity—it is the self-giving love of a holy and merciful God, saving people who deserve nothing but wrath, by taking that wrath upon Himself.
You said this view of God dishonors Him. But if God were not sovereign over sin—even its allowance—then evil would exist outside His control. And a God who isn’t sovereign isn’t trustworthy. The very promise that God can work all things for good (Rom. 8:28) requires that He governs all things—even the darkest ones.
“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:20)
God didn't create sin—but He did ordain a world in which sin would be defeated by the greater display of grace and glory in Christ. That doesn’t make Him guilty. It makes Him God.
“He has mercy on whom He wills, and He hardens whom He wills... But who are you, O man, to answer back to God?” (Romans 9:18–20)
You may feel this doctrine of sovereign election is uncomfortable—but that discomfort doesn’t disprove it. Many found Jesus’ teaching hard. They walked away when He said, “No one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” (John 6:65–66)
But I would rather embrace a hard truth that humbles me than a soft lie that elevates man and limits God.
In the end, Calvinism doesn’t make God an “arsonist.” It proclaims Him as the Holy One who entered the fire Himself to redeem a people for His name.
“For our God is a consuming fire.” (Hebrews 12:29)
And if He has set His love on anyone, it is not because they deserved it—but because He is love.
