My dad has problems again

Susie~Q · Jun 18, 2025

Lady Bug said:
Fortunately, I was not in a position where I was put on the spot. I fully expected this but thankfully it did not happen since only the male relatives were expected to join in on the prayer.

The same relatives (A and his sister) want me to go over to their house Saturday (the sister is staying with A for a month) and I hate feeling like an ingrate but in spite of my severe sadness and emptiness here, the support is coming from the wrong place, but it's not like the relatives would have the foggiest clue (yet) as to why. The thing is, they don't just want me to come and go in one day, they want me to stay there for days. I already think I know what your answer will be - to go and let everything rip if it has to, but I don't know how to incorporate Mass in the midst of that.

Actually, I was going to say to not go, you don't need that negative influence around you. You need to be around Christians. I would try my best to get on with my life at home, go to Mass, make friends, and really try to make your church home. You no longer have your dad to worry about, so you can spend more times at functions and really getting to know people and make friends. Try to avoid those Muslim relatives as much as possible, I sure would.

As far as incorporating Mass into it if you did stay, that is simple, just go, you are a Christian, and you should not deny that fact just because you are with them. If they don't like it, well, so be it, that is their problem.

Lady Bug · Jun 18, 2025

Susie~Q said:
I was telling Steve about this and he said there was nothing wrong with the man giving you a hug, married or not, it was a gesture of comfort and we both think it was very nice of him to do so and to show up for the funeral, I hope you said "thank you" to him after it was over.

I don't remember what I said after it was over; he had to leave for work but I did express my very pleasant surprise at his visit a couple of times - heck the moment I saw him I'm sure he could tell.

Susie~Q · Jun 18, 2025

Lady Bug said:
I think for normal people it does. For me, I seriously wonder if it is going to be different. Most people, when they lose a parent or two, are already parents and may not have lost their aunts and uncles or cousins yet. That was my mom, for example. My grandpa died in 1989, but my mom was already raising me and still had a couple of uncles/aunts/cousins around. My dad still had some relatives to fall back on. When my mom's grandparents died, her parents were already parents to my mom, etc. They already had gone through the normal course of life when their previous generations passed, so they still had a semblance of stability. I do not have the proper means of family support like my mom and dad did when their loved ones passed. I am pretty much empty, with "nothing" left unless I fake being Muslim in front of any relatives who do pledge support. That is what will kill me

I literally thank God for the two people from church who came to the funeral today but see, they've already got their families in case someone dies. I'm a "deviant." (I don't like to use that term)

First off, DO NOT fake being Muslim, that is a direct denial of God and your faith. I would be much more scared of making the Lord angry than those relatives.

When my mom died, I had dad, but the poor man was so overwhelmed over Mom's death he never really got over it. The relatives in my mom's side helped, but I only had the two aunts and the one lived out of state. My dad's side NEVER gave me support or ever called to see how I was, even after daddy died. They don't like me and didn't like him because we weren't rich and members of country clubs, etc. It was dear friends that helped me, I would have been lost with our them.

I am sorry you do not have support, but remember, Jesus cares and He is always with you. Keep close to Him by reading the Word and devotionals. We are also here for you. Hugs

mourningdove~ · Jun 18, 2025

Lady Bug said:
What irritates me is how much of a darned scandal it supposedly is. What a miserable life. I don't initiate hugs to married men but as an act of courtesy I reciprocated his gesture as platonically as possible. To be honest, I think he's attracted to me even though he's married, but I don't give him any idea that I sense that about him.

Sounds like a case of cultures seeing things differently ... the Muslim culture versus the Christian culture.

And depending on what church one goes to, the hugging between persons is acceptable in some churches ... and in others, it is not.

When it comes to the Catholic Church, I've never noticed a strictness when it comes to persons hugging one another. I can see how confusion can happen though, when customs like hugging may not be acceptable in the Muslim world.

I don't say this to offend you ... and maybe you are a real 'foxy lady' ... lol ... but I strongly doubt the married man came to the service today because he is physically attracted to you. Again, I don't mean to offend you, or 'dismiss' your feelings about this, but I would caution you about taking the hug too seriously. It was a funeral. He was there to show support to you on the part of your church, and truth be known ... it may not have been the easiest thing for this man to do ... to come into a Muslim service, as a Christian. So no, I wouldn't take that hug too seriously, but I know there can be a tendency to take this kind of thing too seriously, when one is feeling very alone, is grieving, and is emotionally vulnerable.

I believe the man meant no harm at all. Only to show you some support, knowing the situation was going to be very awkward for you.

I think the more you are able now to begin socializing with Christians, and fully integrating into the Body of Christ, you will begin to become more comfortable with Christian customs.

... One day at a time.

Lady Bug · Jun 18, 2025

Susie~Q said:
Actually, I was going to say to not go, you don't need that negative influence around you. You need to be around Christians. I would try my best to get on with my life at home, go to Mass, make friends, and really try to make your church home. You no longer have your dad to worry about, so you can spend more times at functions and really getting to know people and make friends. Try to avoid those Muslim relatives as much as possible, I sure would.

When the relatives say I need to be in a new environment, they probably think that my house is the only environment that I immerse myself in. Sigh.

Susie~Q said:
First off, DO NOT fake being Muslim, that is a direct denial of God and your faith. I would be much more scared of making the Lord angry than those relatives.

When my mom died, I had dad, but the poor man was so overwhelmed over Mom's death he never really got over it. The relatives in my mom's side helped, but I only had the two aunts and the one lived out of state. My dad's side NEVER gave me support or ever called to see how I was, even after daddy died. They don't like me and didn't like him because we weren't rich and members of country clubs, etc. It was dear friends that helped me, I would have been lost with our them.

I am sorry you do not have support, but remember, Jesus cares and He is always with you. Keep close to Him by reading the Word and devotionals. We are also here for you. Hugs

I think my dad never could get over my mom's death either - I sometimes wonder if his brain started deteriorating in its own way because, before my mom's death, we were not having those sheetshows. I think he also physically deteriorated. It's so sad because he had been through two rounds of six-week physical therapy sessions (not back-to-back but still). I do remember you referring to certain relatives who didn't want to give you the time of day

mourningdove~ · Jun 18, 2025

chevyontheriver said:
You're an orphan. But you are a beloved child of God the Father, Jesus is your loving brother, and the Holy Spirit is your counselor and dwells within you. You are not alone. Not at all.

Lady Bug · Jun 18, 2025

mourningdove~ said:
And depending on what church one goes to, the hugging between persons is acceptable in some churches ... and in others, it is not.

Actually, I'm very conservative about hugging married men - I certainly don't initiate it, but I will try to platonically reciprocate the gesture and move on.

mourningdove~ said:
I don't say this to offend you ... and maybe you are a real 'foxy lady' ... lol ... but I strongly doubt the married man came to the service today because he is physically attracted to you. Again, I don't mean to offend you, or 'dismiss' your feelings about this, but I would caution you about taking the hug too seriously. It was a funeral. He was there to show support to you on the part of your church, and truth be known ... it may not have been the easiest thing for this man to do ... to come into a Muslim service, as a Christian. So no, I wouldn't take that hug too seriously, but I know there can be a tendency to take this kind of thing too seriously, when one is feeling very alone, is grieving, and is emotionally vulnerable.

I believe the man meant no harm at all. Only to show you some support, knowing the situation was going to be very awkward for you.

I did not think whatsoever that he came because of being attracted and I did not have any hopes that he came for that reason. It didn't occur to me. He came because my original friend couldn't make it and this man (who is also her friend) happened to be my former RCIA instructor. I didn't even know he was coming, lol. I do think he's slightly attracted to me and had been even a few years ago but these are mere observations, not hopes.

mourningdove~ · Jun 18, 2025

Lady Bug said:
Actually, I'm very conservative about hugging married men - I certainly don't initiate it, but I will try to platonically reciprocate the gesture and move on.

I did not think whatsoever that he came because of being attracted and I did not have any hopes that he came for that reason. It didn't occur to me. He came because my original friend couldn't make it and this man (who is also her friend) happened to be my former RCIA instructor. I didn't even know he was coming, lol. I do think he's slightly attracted to me and had been even a few years ago but these are mere observations, not hopes.

I would only caution you @Lady Bug . Now that you are free to openly practice your Christianity, the enemy will probably be working very hard to keep you away from the church and other Christians. And one way he seems to do this effectively with you, is to put the idea in your mind that the men in the church are attracted to you. (You've mentioned this kind of concern numerous times before, about other males in your churches.)

Your place is now in the Christian world. Maybe men in the Muslim world see women as 'possessions', but that is not how women are viewed by men in the Christian world.

But also please know this: The enemy does like to put these kinds of thoughts in our minds, so that we'll stay away from the church. And until you get grounded in your local church, and are spending less time alone, you remain pretty vulnerable to spiritual thought attacks. All of us are, when we're not plugged into a church and are spending much time alone.

So, guard your thought life, and especially during this time of grieving and aloneness. Bible reading helps! Like maybe even Fr. Mike Schmitz' Bible in a Year program. I haven't done it, but others say it is good!

Susie~Q · Jun 18, 2025

mourningdove~ said:
I would only caution you @Lady Bug . Now that you are free to openly practice your Christianity, the enemy will probably be working very hard to keep you away from the church and other Christians. And one way he seems to do this effectively with you, is to put the idea in your mind that the men in the church are attracted to you. (You've mentioned this kind of concern numerous times before, about other males in your churches.)

Your place is now in the Christian world. Maybe men in the Muslim world see women as 'possessions', but that is not how women are viewed by men in the Christian world.

But also please know this: The enemy does like to put these kinds of thoughts in our minds, so that we'll stay away from the church. And until you get grounded in your local church, and are spending less time alone, you remain pretty vulnerable to spiritual thought attacks. All of us are, when we're not plugged into a church and are spending much time alone.

So, guard your thought life, and especially during this time of grieving and aloneness. Bible reading helps! Like maybe even Fr. Mike Schmitz' Bible in a Year program. I haven't done it, but others say it is good!

Very true. LB, now that you will be able to spend more time in church and with fellow Catholics, Satan is really out to get you. He will even use ways that look good and innocent, but in reality, they will lead you to destruction. He will put thoughts into our mind that you will think are from the Lord, but they won't be, to discern this, when you get certain thoughts, ask your self if Jesus would really say this, is it biblical and would the Lord approve, this will give you the answers you are wanting and you will not give into Satan's lies.

FaithT · Jun 18, 2025

RileyG said:
You mean the hijab? I think it depends, AFAIK. Indeed, some Christians in the Middle East wear the hijab as well as other religious minorities.

Yes

mourningdove~ · Jun 19, 2025

Lady Bug said:
I think for normal people it does. For me, I seriously wonder if it is going to be different. Most people, when they lose a parent or two, are already parents and may not have lost their aunts and uncles or cousins yet. That was my mom, for example. My grandpa died in 1989, but my mom was already raising me and still had a couple of uncles/aunts/cousins around. My dad still had some relatives to fall back on. When my mom's grandparents died, her parents were already parents to my mom, etc. They already had gone through the normal course of life when their previous generations passed, so they still had a semblance of stability. I do not have the proper means of family support like my mom and dad did when their loved ones passed. I am pretty much empty, with "nothing" left unless I fake being Muslim in front of any relatives who do pledge support. That is what will kill me

I literally thank God for the two people from church who came to the funeral today but see, they've already got their families in case someone dies. I'm a "deviant." (I don't like to use that term)

There was a time, when there seemed to be many 'normal' families in America. But that time has long passed. We lost it somewhere, without seeing it go ... unless one was paying attention.

Maybe it started in the 60's with the feminist movement? Alot of things did begin to change then, especially with regards to the role of women in society.

But I will share with you, that how you describe your life appears to be very 'normal' today. Over the past year, I've been getting out, meeting people, making new friends. Christian women. And what I am discovering, much to my surprise, is that many of them in the age group of 45 to 60 are single, mostly working (but some not), many never married, no children, highly educated (many have Masters Degrees), aging families with parents that are beginning to pass on, and a surprising number of these women are still looking to add meaningful purpose to their lives. Many of these are now hoping to 'find' a husband, but that gets harder to do, the older one gets. Not impossible, just harder.

Many of these well-educated single women have found purpose for their lives thru their involvement with their churches. So that is a very good thing for all! But still, I see their concern for wanting a richer personal life ... a husband, some sense of family ... and their struggles in trying to make that happen for themselves.

I think as you continue building connections at whatever church it is you choose, you will soon discover that many women nowadays do not have lives like what we use to consider as 'normal'. And as you connect with them, you'll realize that your situation is more 'normal' than you think!

RileyG · Jun 19, 2025

FaithT said:
Yes

I think it’s more cultural than religious.

Michie · Sunday at 7:40 AM

Hi @Lady Bug. I thought I would bump this up to see how you were getting along. I hope you are settling in some sort of routine and feeling less stress.

Lady Bug · Sunday at 11:30 AM

Michie said:
Hi @Lady Bug. I thought I would bump this up to see how you were getting along. I hope you are settling in some sort of routine and feeling less stress.

I'm concerned that the answers I want to give are not what I prefer and I'm terrified to ask for help because I'm apprehensive that I may not be able to follow the advice. I did want to bump the thread again but I thought people would be tired of it.

mourningdove~ · Sunday at 11:53 AM

Lady Bug said:
I'm concerned that the answers I want to give are not what I prefer and I'm terrified to ask for help because I'm apprehensive that I may not be able to follow the advice. I did want to bump the thread again but I thought people would be tired of it.

I'm very glad that Michie bumped up the thread.

I've been wondering how you've been doing ...
I didn't want to ask and possibly be intrusive ...
I wasn't sure you even wanted to see this thread again ...
so, yes, it's very good to hear from you!

p.s.
Having gone thru serious grief myself, I don't expect for you to post and say you are doing well, etc.
Nor do I expect for you to follow advice, etc.
No expectations ... no pressure ... just friendship and prayerful support.
I hope you know you always have that here!

Michie · Monday at 8:06 AM

Lady Bug said:
I'm concerned that the answers I want to give are not what I prefer and I'm terrified to ask for help because I'm apprehensive that I may not be able to follow the advice. I did want to bump the thread again but I thought people would be tired of it.

People want to know how you are doing LB. There is no reason to be fearful of discussing things.

Lady Bug · Monday at 10:44 PM

Michie said:
People want to know how you are doing LB. There is no reason to be fearful of discussing things.

I am suffering severely from a very, very lazy mindset this week and I'm getting concerned about it. It's been nearly a month since that day and two weeks since the funeral, and I need to get going with some important things and I literally don't know what to do next. I'm scared to ask anyone (real life) for help because I'm apprehensive of not being able to follow whatever advice they may give. I can't do this by myself anymore.

chevyontheriver · Monday at 10:58 PM

Lady Bug said:
I am suffering severely from a very, very lazy mindset this week and I'm getting concerned about it. It's been nearly a month since that day and two weeks since the funeral, and I need to get going with some important things and I literally don't know what to do next. I'm scared to ask anyone (real life) for help because I'm apprehensive of not being able to follow whatever advice they may give. I can't do this by myself anymore.

I think that might be normal. It would be odd if you were focused and energetic and excited. Get yourself some outside time in the sun, maybe for a walk. Nothing extreme. Don't worry about doing too much else.

RileyG · Monday at 11:15 PM

Lady Bug said:
I am suffering severely from a very, very lazy mindset this week and I'm getting concerned about it. It's been nearly a month since that day and two weeks since the funeral, and I need to get going with some important things and I literally don't know what to do next. I'm scared to ask anyone (real life) for help because I'm apprehensive of not being able to follow whatever advice they may give. I can't do this by myself anymore.

His grace and peace to you :prayer:

Lady Bug · Monday at 11:47 PM

chevyontheriver said:
I think that might be normal. It would be odd if you were focused and energetic and excited. Get yourself some outside time in the sun, maybe for a walk. Nothing extreme. Don't worry about doing too much else.

I did do that (go for a walk). I went into a wooded park and it was completely out of character of me to do that. I didn't feel safe yet the irony was that the woods had a calmness to it. However, it's money issues but I don't want to be specific right now. I'm starting to worry. A walk won't solve that problem

My dad has problems again

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