My dad has problems again

[Michie]

It went smoother than expected but I'm so tired after getting probably only 1 hour sleep last night. Yet I tried taking a nap and couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I'm going mental with fatigue. There are a couple of new problems though

Definitely try to catch up on some rest. It will help you with everything as far as getting settled in a new routine.

 

[Lady Bug]

Definitely try to catch up on some rest. It will help you with everything as far as getting settled in a new routine.

There is something that I'm totally blank on what to do next I wish I could rest but I can't fall asleep. Sadly, I have to wait until I actually can. Yuck

 

[Lady Bug]

Been praying for you today LB. I hope things went better than expected.

In a nutshell:
- My dad looked "OK" but he did kind of look plastic (although not as scary as he did in the hospital as he was dying), but I should have expected that sort of thing. He actually looked dignified nonetheless. I stayed with him for almost an hour before the funeral started.
- The guests I expected, came, but a male friend of the person who couldn't come, came, and he was the RCIA instructor and I was so shocked to see him. The problem is, he reached out to hug me and my dad's relatives saw that and I think they didn't look very favorably on it, but they didn't say anything. The male relative never talked to me or even looked in my direction until very slightly, when he was talking to my brother about it being ok for us to visit his house whenever we wanted. The female relative did not treat me awkwardly but I still felt awkward in front of her for what the RCIA guy did. What he did was not scandalous I suppose but still. I'm glad that the female relative didn't ask who he was.
- The imam came and asked for a couple people to lead the prayer - only the male relatives did (that one male relative and then my brother). I didn't go up and I was worried that I would be perceived funny but then again, the female relative did not go up either, and no one talked to me about why I didn't do it, so ok. However, I think my brother is playing a dangerous game by faking being Muslim. He did that today during the prayer, sort of (although it was only the imam reciting the prayer - the male relative and my brother just waved their hands a certain way a couple of times).
- If it looks like I'm missing anything keep in mind that my head is whacked, totally.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Believe it or not LB, what you are going through is pretty much what we all go through with grief. It’s not fun but little by little you’ll find yourself being able to do things without feeling raw. It takes about a year to get over the really hardcore grief.

My dad died 42 years ago and it hasn't all the way gone away. Mostly, but there are still moments. That's not abnormal. It just takes time. But we never forget, and that maybe just as well.

 

[chevyontheriver]

In a nutshell:
- My dad looked "OK" but he did kind of look plastic (although not as scary as he did in the hospital as he was dying), but I should have expected that sort of thing. He actually looked dignified nonetheless. I stayed with him for almost an hour before the funeral started.
- The guests I expected, came, but a male friend of the person who couldn't come, came, and he was the RCIA instructor and I was so shocked to see him. The problem is, he reached out to hug me and my dad's relatives saw that and I think they didn't look very favorably on it, but they didn't say anything. The male relative never talked to me or even looked in my direction until very slightly, when he was talking to my brother about it being ok for us to visit his house whenever we wanted. The female relative did not treat me awkwardly but I still felt awkward in front of her for what the RCIA guy did. What he did was not scandalous I suppose but still. I'm glad that the female relative didn't ask who he was.
- The imam came and asked for a couple people to lead the prayer - only the male relatives did (that one male relative and then my brother). I didn't go up and I was worried that I would be perceived funny but then again, the female relative did not go up either, and no one talked to me about why I didn't do it, so ok. However, I think my brother is playing a dangerous game by faking being Muslim. He did that today during the prayer, sort of (although it was only the imam reciting the prayer - the male relative and my brother just waved their hands a certain way a couple of times).
- If it looks like I'm missing anything keep in mind that my head is whacked, totally.

I'm so sorry that I haven't kept up on what is happening. I'll be praying for you the rest of the day. Grace and peace be with you. Accept the consolation that God has for you, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Stand in that grace.

 

[Lady Bug]

It just takes time.

I think for normal people it does. For me, I seriously wonder if it is going to be different. Most people, when they lose a parent or two, are already parents and may not have lost their aunts and uncles or cousins yet. That was my mom, for example. My grandpa died in 1989, but my mom was already raising me and still had a couple of uncles/aunts/cousins around. My dad still had some relatives to fall back on. When my mom's grandparents died, her parents were already parents to my mom, etc. They already had gone through the normal course of life when their previous generations passed, so they still had a semblance of stability. I do not have the proper means of family support like my mom and dad did when their loved ones passed. I am pretty much empty, with "nothing" left unless I fake being Muslim in front of any relatives who do pledge support. That is what will kill me

I literally thank God for the two people from church who came to the funeral today but see, they've already got their families in case someone dies. I'm a "deviant." (I don't like to use that term)

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm so sorry that I haven't kept up on what is happening. I'll be praying for you the rest of the day. Grace and peace be with you. Accept the consolation that God has for you, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Stand in that grace.

Well, it's a long thread, lol and a LOT has been going on in it.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I think for normal people it does. For me, I seriously wonder if it is going to be different. Most people, when they lose a parent or two, are already parents and may not have lost their aunts and uncles or cousins yet. That was my mom, for example. My grandpa died in 1989, but my mom was already raising me and still had a couple of uncles/aunts/cousins around. My dad still had some relatives to fall back on. When my mom's grandparents died, her parents were already parents to my mom, etc. They already had gone through the normal course of life when their previous generations passed, so they still had a semblance of stability. I do not have the proper means of family support like my mom and dad did when their loved ones passed. I am pretty much empty, with "nothing" left unless I fake being Muslim in front of any relatives who do pledge support. That is what will kill me

I literally thank God for the two people from church who came to the funeral today but see, they've already got their families in case someone dies. I'm a "deviant." (I don't like to use that term)

You're an orphan. But you are a beloved child of God the Father, Jesus is your loving brother, and the Holy Spirit is your counselor and dwells within you. You are not alone. Not at all.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Well, it's a long thread, lol and a LOT has been going on in it.

Indeed. Wow!

Get some sleep tonight. Know that several people are praying for you.

 

[Susie~Q]

In a nutshell:
- My dad looked "OK" but he did kind of look plastic (although not as scary as he did in the hospital as he was dying), but I should have expected that sort of thing. He actually looked dignified nonetheless. I stayed with him for almost an hour before the funeral started.
- The guests I expected, came, but a male friend of the person who couldn't come, came, and he was the RCIA instructor and I was so shocked to see him. The problem is, he reached out to hug me and my dad's relatives saw that and I think they didn't look very favorably on it, but they didn't say anything. The male relative never talked to me or even looked in my direction until very slightly, when he was talking to my brother about it being ok for us to visit his house whenever we wanted. The female relative did not treat me awkwardly but I still felt awkward in front of her for what the RCIA guy did. What he did was not scandalous I suppose but still. I'm glad that the female relative didn't ask who he was.
- The imam came and asked for a couple people to lead the prayer - only the male relatives did (that one male relative and then my brother). I didn't go up and I was worried that I would be perceived funny but then again, the female relative did not go up either, and no one talked to me about why I didn't do it, so ok. However, I think my brother is playing a dangerous game by faking being Muslim. He did that today during the prayer, sort of (although it was only the imam reciting the prayer - the male relative and my brother just waved their hands a certain way a couple of times).
- If it looks like I'm missing anything keep in mind that my head is whacked, totally.

My mom and also my daddy looked "plastic" it's normal, their spirit is gone so only the "shell" is left.

As to the RCIA gentleman, I think that's wonderful. It irritates me that you are so darned worried about what those relatives will think because he hugged you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, STOP worrying about those confounded relatives and STOP hiding your faith. The Lord says that those who deny Him in public, He will deny in heaven.

It appears you were more worried about what the relatives would think than about your dad and funeral. DO NOT LET THEM RULE YOUR LIFE.

I am glad it basically went smoothly, now, get rest.

 

[FaithT]

I wouldn't do anything except the bare minimum, from what I read in the article, if the woman is NOT Muslim, she does NOT have to wear a scarf, I sure wouldn't.

I thought Christian women are expected to wear scarves when they visit Muslim countries. That doesn’t apply to having to wear them during Muslim funerals in the USA?

 

[FaithT]

My mom and also my daddy looked "plastic" it's normal, their spirit is gone so only the "shell" is left.

As to the RCIA gentleman, I think that's wonderful. It irritates me that you are so darned worried about what those relatives will think because he hugged you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, STOP worrying about those confounded relatives and STOP hiding your faith. The Lord says that those who deny Him in public, He will deny in heaven.

It appears you were more worried about what the relatives would think than about your dad and funeral. DO NOT LET THEM RULE YOUR LIFE.

I am glad it basically went smoothly, now, get rest.

You’re right about the shell only being left. I saw that with my dad at the hospital shortly after he died. My moms casket was closed.

 

[FaithT]

I think for normal people it does. For me, I seriously wonder if it is going to be different. Most people, when they lose a parent or two, are already parents and may not have lost their aunts and uncles or cousins yet. That was my mom, for example. My grandpa died in 1989, but my mom was already raising me and still had a couple of uncles/aunts/cousins around. My dad still had some relatives to fall back on. When my mom's grandparents died, her parents were already parents to my mom, etc. They already had gone through the normal course of life when their previous generations passed, so they still had a semblance of stability. I do not have the proper means of family support like my mom and dad did when their loved ones passed. I am pretty much empty, with "nothing" left unless I fake being Muslim in front of any relatives who do pledge support. That is what will kill me

I literally thank God for the two people from church who came to the funeral today but see, they've already got their families in case someone dies. I'm a "deviant." (I don't like to use that term)

I’m happy for you that a couple people from church ame to the funeral. That should give you some comfort.

 

[Lady Bug]

My mom and also my daddy looked "plastic" it's normal, their spirit is gone so only the "shell" is left.

As to the RCIA gentleman, I think that's wonderful. It irritates me that you are so darned worried about what those relatives will think because he hugged you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, STOP worrying about those confounded relatives and STOP hiding your faith. The Lord says that those who deny Him in public, He will deny in heaven.

It appears you were more worried about what the relatives would think than about your dad and funeral. DO NOT LET THEM RULE YOUR LIFE.

I am glad it basically went smoothly, now, get rest.

Fortunately, I was not in a position where I was put on the spot. I fully expected this but thankfully it did not happen since only the male relatives were expected to join in on the prayer.

The same relatives (A and his sister) want me to go over to their house Saturday (the sister is staying with A for a month) and I hate feeling like an ingrate but in spite of my severe sadness and emptiness here, the support is coming from the wrong place, but it's not like the relatives would have the foggiest clue (yet) as to why. The thing is, they don't just want me to come and go in one day, they want me to stay there for days. I already think I know what your answer will be - to go and let everything rip if it has to, but I don't know how to incorporate Mass in the midst of that.

 

[Lady Bug]

It irritates me that you are so darned worried about what those relatives will think because he hugged you.

What irritates me is how much of a darned scandal it supposedly is. What a miserable life. I don't initiate hugs to married men but as an act of courtesy I reciprocated his gesture as platonically as possible. To be honest, I think he's attracted to me even though he's married, but I don't give him any idea that I sense that about him.

 

[Lady Bug]

My mom and also my daddy looked "plastic" it's normal, their spirit is gone so only the "shell" is left.

As to the RCIA gentleman, I think that's wonderful. It irritates me that you are so darned worried about what those relatives will think because he hugged you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, STOP worrying about those confounded relatives and STOP hiding your faith. The Lord says that those who deny Him in public, He will deny in heaven.

It appears you were more worried about what the relatives would think than about your dad and funeral. DO NOT LET THEM RULE YOUR LIFE.

I am glad it basically went smoothly, now, get rest.

Look I would be irritated too if I were you. Fortunately, nothing happened today such that any bombshell had to be dropped. However, I was fully expecting it 100% today.

 

[RileyG]

May Mother Mary wrap you in her mantle and may St. Joseph wrap you in his cloak. May Jesus console you in his most loving heart. Praying for you, daily.

 

[Susie~Q]

I thought Christian women are expected to wear scarves when they visit Muslim countries. That doesn’t apply to having to wear them during Muslim funerals in the USA?

An article I read said it wasn't necessary if you were not Muslim

I thought Christian women are expected to wear scarves when they visit Muslim countries. That doesn’t apply to having to wear them during Muslim funerals in the USA?

 

[RileyG]

I thought Christian women are expected to wear scarves when they visit Muslim countries. That doesn’t apply to having to wear them during Muslim funerals in the USA?

You mean the hijab? I think it depends, AFAIK. Indeed, some Christians in the Middle East wear the hijab as well as other religious minorities.

 

[Susie~Q]

What irritates me is how much of a darned scandal it supposedly is. What a miserable life. I don't initiate hugs to married men but as an act of courtesy I reciprocated his gesture as platonically as possible. To be honest, I think he's attracted to me even though he's married, but I don't give him any idea that I sense that about him.

I was telling Steve about this and he said there was nothing wrong with the man giving you a hug, married or not, it was a gesture of comfort and we both think it was very nice of him to do so and to show up for the funeral, I hope you said "thank you" to him after it was over.