So some meditating on this:
Ephesians 5:
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
The same comparison of the relationship between God and His people Israel is the basis of the book of Hosea as well (Just remember Romans 11, the gentiles are grafted into Israel, that's how we're "married" to Christ, the Betrothal was to Israel, and Gentiles have been grafted into that).
So how is this relationship spousal? I've generally only been able to see the relationship between Master and slave (or servant if that word makes you squeamish but they use the term "bondservant" and a servant in bondage.. is a slave), and Father and son in the relationship between God and His people. I've never been married, so I can only speculate and analyze from an outside point of view.
I can imagine that ideally each spouse values the other above themselves, and focuses on them. IE, the husband's focus is on the wife, the wife's focus is on the husband, and through their joint efforts the needs of both are taken care of with neither being selfish. In the case of the comparison of God and the Church/Israel to a marriage, Jesus died for His bride, and the bride devotes her (corporate) life to Jesus. There can be harmony in that. Where there is dissonance .. and the warped perspective that plagues me, is that the relationship can be more like, the Bride is devoted to Jesus, and Jesus is devoted to Himself and His own glory. So everything on Jesus and the Bride's needs are kinda unimportant in the relationship. Does that kind of marriage work?
My gut feel is no, but I can obviously be wrong, I have no experience.
Now back to the Israel responds to God with bargaining and trying to change His mind idea, and how that ties into marriage.
I guess the ideal in the past was that the wife was dutiful and obeyed her husband, but in reality, married couples differ on opinions, spouses argue, spouses attempt to change the mind of the other when there's disagreement. So that actually fits in. Israel, as the bride, vowed to be obedient, but then argued and tried to bargain, because they had a different opinion. It is of course, it seems to stem from valuing self over valuing the spouse. But it became a dysfunctional "marriage" and eventually Israel "played the harlot" as God put it in Jeremiah and Ezekiel, "whoring after" other gods, which the book of Hosea displays in a carnal example we can see.
But then there's the example of Esther. Esther did seek supplication before her husband the king, and as a result, saved her people.
and so the bride is not expected to just duck her head and accept her hand without a peep, but is expected to submit supplications to God. Which is backed up in the New Testament, in James 1, Philippians 4, etc. Asking God to change His mind (Esther's supplication was made after the king had already signed an order) is then seemingly not always bad.