Now (just to be clear), when you say that there is an element of that involved in our ongoing relationship with God, is "that" in reference to a quid pro quo, our need to "earn" God's love, or both? Thanks!
We must do our part, respond to grace, returning love for love-or else we're nothing-and "faith" is just another word. So we don't earn God's love; He loves all, but we must
return it, or else we're not even His, much less beginning to approach our very created purpose, incidentally.
What's this? Have you become a Catholic with
Calvinist leanings now? (sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, make that Augustinian leanings instead

). Yes, of course you are correct, if we are not becoming less and less sinful and more and more righteous & loving (more and more Christlike day by day), then either God is failing at His promise to sanctify us .. e.g.
Philippians 1:6 (which I don't believe is possible), or we are not/never have been His adopted children.
In Catholcism there's one more choice; we've turned back away from Him. Grace, IOW, is resistible.
Everything begins with grace, as per Catholic doctrines that were officially laid down some 15 centuries ago based largely on Augustine's arguments against Pelagainism, BTW. The virtues of faith, hope, and love are gifts of grace, for example, but they're also a human choice, to accept and act upon-and grow in-those gifts. Or not. Love is necessarily a choice or else it isn't love at all. So we must draw near to God and then we become more and more like Him; the EO call it theosis whereas Catholicism calls it divinization, something God always intended for man but something man opts out of the moment he opts out of union with Him and tries to procure or attain to godhood on his own, apart from God, an option Adam effectively took in Eden.
So the real difference is in whether or not man can say "no" to God, and
of course he can- or else no sin/moral evil could ever exist. And rather than preventing Adam from sinning by his act of disobedience to begin with, or healing/forgiving Adam immediately, God deemed it well to patiently work with and guide and prepare and teach man over centuries, centuries filled with strife and suffering and victimization as ugly as can be imagined as man experimented with his autonomy from God and the sin that results. We all do it to one degree or another, still attracted to the family tradition of rebellious self-righteousness and pride intiated by Adam. But God's there in and through it all and, in the fullness of time, as man might begin to be ready to accept the light, He sent His Son to reveal the nature and will of the true God in no uncertain terms so that we might finally turn back and be healed by Him, jaded with the ways of a godless world like prodigals sick of the pigsty.
He won't force this matter on us; He's obviously never been interested in automatons or He'd never have given free will to man to begin with, the freedom to foolishly say "no" to Him. He
wants us to appreciate, to participate, to begin to value and want what
He in His perfect wisdom values and wants: for us to begin to value and choose love and its Source over all the other options-all the other voices out there selling their various wares of temporary worldly selfish offerings that make great promises but can never satisfy-and often cause untold harm in our pursuit of them. Anyway, by His grace God informs and beckons and draws and coaxes us to Himself, but will not outright cause or compel us in any way to come:
that would be Calvinsism.
How can we do that?
Also, what rule is used to determine what is/what is not righteous, if not the Law of God?
Love already knows-read
1 Cor 13:4-8. The law of God is based on love-it tells us what love "looks like", so to speak, and to the extent that we love we obey the law even if we've never
heard it (Rom 2:13). But until we're "perfected in love", the law still serves as a guide, a tutor as Paul put it, reminding and convicting us of when we're
failing to love. Anyway, that love is where God-who
is love-wants us at the end of the day, so that the Catholic church can teach, quoting a 16th century believer:
"At the evening of life we shall we judged on our love."
And we can do that; the
only way we can do that, achieving that righteousness, in fact, is by grace as we walk in the Spirit, now reconciled with and in communion/fellowship with God, the Vine, 'apart from whom we can do nothing'. The Catholic Catechism, quoting Augustine, put the relationship of grace to man this way:
"Indeed we also work, but we are only collaborating with God who works, for his mercy has gone before us. It has gone before us so that we may be healed, and follows us so that once healed, we may be given life; it goes before us so that we may be called, and follows us so that we may be glorified; it goes before us so that we may live devoutly, and follows us so that we may always live with God: for without him we can do nothing."
And Augustine would agree that we can also thwart that grace and work of His, refusing to come when He calls, or failing to remain in Him after.