Need prayers/advice please! Broke up after 15 years

Zimmer36 · May 25, 2024

Hey everyone. Im 43/m. Life just took a scary turn for me. My girlfriend of 15 years ended things for good with me two days ago. Basically she stayed with me longer than she should have i just couldnt get engaged for whatever reason im not even sure. The past year she took up travel nursing and we have seen each other much less but talk almost everyday. Well two days ago she broke it to me that shes been seeing someone. Even went on a vacation with the guy. So we are through. I know its my fault but that was devastating to hear and i cant get over it. Im so hurt and angry that she didnt tell me sooner. She said shes been sseing him for 4-5 months and was scared to tell me cuz i struggle with manor anxiety and panic attacks. Someone plz help. I am really struggling. I break down crying throughout the day as i am hurt and remember our good times and memories of 15 years and think about my stupid mistakes and not treating her the way i should have. I dont know where to go from here or what to do. All i have been doing is driving around aimlessly as i cant sit still and think about all this. I dont have anyone other than family really to talk to. I figured this was gonna happen at some point but i wasnt ready for it to happen. Please if someone has gone thro something like this please help.

Josheb · May 25, 2024

Ouch! I know that hurts.

I had a gf dump me following an argument, and on the way back to her folks' house she picked up a hitchhiker, had sex with him, and moved in with him! This was b4 JC.

This stinks but it will pass. Grieve the loss - take whatever time it takes, but not too much time

.

When you're done grieving the loss start some self-work because it is not okay to date someone for 15 years and not move toward greater trust, commitment, and intimacy (culminating in marriage) If that was never a stated goal then 1) there's less reason to grieve the loss because parting ways was always an implicit option for either of you, and 2) there are some boundary deficits that need repair. Focusing on the "stupid mistakes," is self-injurious. I know these next words are going to sound od but do it anyway: list the nice things about your former gf and the relationship. Then, once you've got that list, do two things: First say good by to those things. Literally. Second, include what is appropriate to replicate in a new list for a new gf and a new relationship and then add to it based on what has been learned from this loss. Can't greive what you don't know you've lost.

Make the list.

Then, in time, move on.

As a professional marriage counselor (now retired) I will tell you dating less than 3 months and more than 3 years is highly correlated to future divorce. Don't make that mistake again. If there are real reasons for not marrying, then make that clear early in the next relationship.

Zimmer36 · May 25, 2024

Josheb said:
Ouch! I know that hurts.

I had a gf dump me following an argument, and on the way back to her folks' house she picked up a hitchhiker, had sex with him, and moved in with him! This was b4 JC.

This stinks but it will pass. Grieve the loss - take whatever time it takes, but not too much time .

When you're done grieving the loss start some self-work because it is not okay to date someone for 15 years and not move toward greater trust, commitment, and intimacy (culminating in marriage) If that was never a stated goal then 1) there's less reason to grieve the loss because parting ways was always an implicit option for either of you, and 2) there are some boundary deficits that need repair. Focusing on the "stupid mistakes," is self-injurious. I know these next words are going to sound od but do it anyway: list the nice things about your former gf and the relationship. Then, once you've got that list, do two things: First say good by to those things. Literally. Second, include what is appropriate to replicate in a new list for a new gf and a new relationship and then add to it based on what has been learned from this loss. Can't greive what you don't know you've lost.

Make the list.

Then, in time, move on.

As a professional marriage counselor (now retired) I will tell you dating less than 3 months and more than 3 years is highly correlated to future divorce. Don't make that mistake again. If there are real reasons for not marrying, then make that clear early in the next relationship.

Thank u. I really appreciate your response

Anonymous9090 · May 25, 2024

@Zimmer36 Sorry to hear about your courtship with your girlfriend ending so abruptly, suddenly and shockingly. Praying for you.

AlexB23 · May 25, 2024

Zimmer36 said:
Hey everyone. Im 43/m. Life just took a scary turn for me. My girlfriend of 15 years ended things for good with me two days ago. Basically she stayed with me longer than she should have i just couldnt get engaged for whatever reason im not even sure. The past year she took up travel nursing and we have seen each other much less but talk almost everyday. Well two days ago she broke it to me that shes been seeing someone. Even went on a vacation with the guy. So we are through. I know its my fault but that was devastating to hear and i cant get over it. Im so hurt and angry that she didnt tell me sooner. She said shes been sseing him for 4-5 months and was scared to tell me cuz i struggle with manor anxiety and panic attacks. Someone plz help. I am really struggling. I break down crying throughout the day as i am hurt and remember our good times and memories of 15 years and think about my stupid mistakes and not treating her the way i should have. I dont know where to go from here or what to do. All i have been doing is driving around aimlessly as i cant sit still and think about all this. I dont have anyone other than family really to talk to. I figured this was gonna happen at some point but i wasnt ready for it to happen. Please if someone has gone thro something like this please help.

I will pray for you. Am a single guy here, and have never dated, so I do not have much advice, except, be careful when thinking about the past. Yes, the old days were better when you had a girlfriend compared to today, but maybe this is God telling you that there is something even better in store for you in the future. Was your GF a devout Christian?

Zimmer36 · May 25, 2024

AlexB23 said:
I will pray for you. Am a single guy here, and have never dated, so I do not have much advice, except, be careful when thinking about the past. Yes, the old days were better when you had a girlfriend compared to today, but maybe this is God telling you that there is something even better in store for you in the future. Was your GF a devout Christian?

View attachment 348646

Yea shes a christian.

AlexB23 · May 25, 2024

Zimmer36 said:
View attachment 348646

Yea shes a christian.

That is good, so hopefully she stays with Jesus. Are you a devout Christian yourself? Were there any denominational differences between you and your former GF?

linux.poet · May 26, 2024

Dear Lord, I pray for Your hand of healing for this man's broken heart, and that You would guide him into Your truth about dating and marriage. In Christ's Name, Amen.

Richard T · May 26, 2024

Zimmer36 said:
Hey everyone. Im 43/m. Life just took a scary turn for me. My girlfriend of 15 years ended things for good with me two days ago. Basically she stayed with me longer than she should have i just couldnt get engaged for whatever reason im not even sure. The past year she took up travel nursing and we have seen each other much less but talk almost everyday. Well two days ago she broke it to me that shes been seeing someone. Even went on a vacation with the guy. So we are through. I know its my fault but that was devastating to hear and i cant get over it. Im so hurt and angry that she didnt tell me sooner. She said shes been sseing him for 4-5 months and was scared to tell me cuz i struggle with manor anxiety and panic attacks. Someone plz help. I am really struggling. I break down crying throughout the day as i am hurt and remember our good times and memories of 15 years and think about my stupid mistakes and not treating her the way i should have. I dont know where to go from here or what to do. All i have been doing is driving around aimlessly as i cant sit still and think about all this. I dont have anyone other than family really to talk to. I figured this was gonna happen at some point but i wasnt ready for it to happen. Please if someone has gone thro something like this please help.

I went ahead and sent you a message as I had a very similar experience about 4 years ago. I know it might seem dark now but God can really bring you through this.

Zimmer36 · May 26, 2024

Richard T said:
I went ahead and sent you a message as I had a very similar experience about 4 years ago. I know it might seem dark now but God can really bring you through this.

Thanks man. I sent u a reply

LoricaLady · May 26, 2024

Zimmer36 said:
Hey everyone. Im 43/m. Life just took a scary turn for me. My girlfriend of 15 years ended things for good with me two days ago. Basically she stayed with me longer than she should have i just couldnt get engaged for whatever reason im not even sure. The past year she took up travel nursing and we have seen each other much less but talk almost everyday. Well two days ago she broke it to me that shes been seeing someone. Even went on a vacation with the guy. So we are through. I know its my fault but that was devastating to hear and i cant get over it. Im so hurt and angry that she didnt tell me sooner. She said shes been sseing him for 4-5 months and was scared to tell me cuz i struggle with manor anxiety and panic attacks. Someone plz help. I am really struggling. I break down crying throughout the day as i am hurt and remember our good times and memories of 15 years and think about my stupid mistakes and not treating her the way i should have. I dont know where to go from here or what to do. All i have been doing is driving around aimlessly as i cant sit still and think about all this. I dont have anyone other than family really to talk to. I figured this was gonna happen at some point but i wasnt ready for it to happen. Please if someone has gone thro something like this please help.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I pray that you will be given comfort and healing. And that if it is the Lord’s will, that you will be led to another lady for happy ever aftering.

turkle · May 27, 2024

AlexB23 said:
I will pray for you. Am a single guy here, and have never dated, so I do not have much advice, except, be careful when thinking about the past. Yes, the old days were better when you had a girlfriend compared to today, but maybe this is God telling you that there is something even better in store for you in the future. Was your GF a devout Christian?

View attachment 348646

Please forgive my going off topic, but could you please cite the source of this devotional you quoted?

AlexB23 · May 27, 2024

turkle said:
Please forgive my going off topic, but could you please cite the source of this devotional you quoted?

I made it myself, using the Bible, a prompt, an open-weights artificial intelligence run locally on my computer, life experiences and discernment.

If you want more of these devotionals, they are under the keyword "bible analysis" on the forum: bible analysis

These devotionals are meant to try and help people with life struggles, and are double checked for accuracy.

RileyG · May 28, 2024

Lord, comfort this man's heart, give him wisdom and insight. Fill him with your Holy Spirit. Amen.

Need prayers/advice please! Broke up after 15 years

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