Your view on online dating?

Look for the options God has put before you, NOT what the world puts before you.

Before accepting, did you diligently seek and ask God whether the invite to join the group is from Him or from the devil?

If you did ask God, then did He tell you that the invite to join that group is from Him?

If God said it's from Him, then did you ask Him how He wants you to serve Him in that place?

If your answer is yes, then fix your eyes on serving Him in the way He asked of you, making use of every opportunity as a faithful servant.

Grow and be rooted in agape with your fellow brothers and sisters in that group.

Wait for Him and walk by faith until He opens a door that you are seeking to enter.

Honestly, online dating is tougher than we want it to be.

Many people use old photos, with or without filters so you don't know if you're getting an honest representation of how they look.

There are also people who go on dating apps not to find a serious relationship, but for validation - to see how many views or messages or whatever they can get. This includes some married people.

There are people who will say anything to get a sexy photo if they can't get a date.

There are people who know this and use it as a platform to ask for donations or otherwise monetize it.

And there's the business of guys on dating apps being more likely to be found as unattractive than women. http://web.archive.org/web/20131214...d.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

I'm not going to say that online dating is bad, but check your expectations.

Maniel said:

What is your view on online dating?

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First, I would say stay with getting more with God, so you are becoming how He wants us to become, like Jesus, pleasing to Him, able to submit to Him and find out what He has us doing. With this, God will personally guide you with everything, and each practical thing He has you do will be adding up in the direction where He is taking you.

And then, in case you get concerned about this person claiming to be a Christian woman . . . you simply submit to God and do what He has you do. And you can in fairness expect her to be doing this, too, if she is a basic Bible Jesus person.

And with becoming like Jesus and loving like Jesus, you have the character to be able to reliably seek God's will. And you are growing in the character for family sharing with others in Jesus. So, you are bringing what is so good into relating with whoever you might really belong with > keep investing in all the good you want to bring with you into sharing with your wife and/or other growing Christians!

This way, you are a gift for God and for anyone, and it then will depend on how well each person is capable of benefiting from sharing with you.

And if you truly grow in Jesus, my opinion is your character will have a lot to do with whom you are able to join with in a close relationship. And with the character of Jesus comes senses for knowing with God what is going on with each person and relationship.

So, simply keep seeking God for Himself, as I get the impression you mean you are doing. And thank you for joining with us here to share such personal things

Maniel said:

What is your view on online dating? I just turned 30 and it suddenly hit me, that I'm not that young any longer. I don't get to meet that many women.

So I was randomly invited to a Christian Facebook page for singles here in my country, I wonder how they found me! But I accepted, in the hopes that I might meet someone.

A girl messaged me today, and said she could see that was new, and that I could write back if I wanted. This is where it gets difficult for me. Because I'm clearly judging her profile and profile picture, to quickly make various assumptions. I can't tell if this is wrong, it seems shallow, but at the same time natural. I can't say I'm physical attracted. Does apperence matter to me? Yes if I'm being honest.
But it also put me in the situation, that I have to turn her down, possibly making her hurt. I feel like writing back, thanking her for reaching out and welcoming me. But I don't want to give her false hopes either.

Has any of you got personal experience in doing this, and how would you act?

Sincerely, Maniel

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I'm in favor of it. I'm 39 and kind of hoped that I relationship would naturally arise out of the circle of women that I knew personally, so it was not something that I actively pursued until I realized that it probably wasn't going to happen unless I started focusing on it, so I joined some FB groups for singles about two years ago. It didn't take me long to figure out that I needed to focus more on becoming the right man than on finding the right women.

Generally speaking, women tend to want to date men who are older than they are and men tend to want to date women who are younger than they are, so when you were 20's and trying to find a woman in her 20's, you would have been competing against men in their 30's or sometimes older, who may already be established in their careers. Plus women in their early 30's who are wanting to have children are starting to think more seriously about finding someone to settle down with, so you just turning 30 is actually an ideal time for you to find a women to get married to, especially if you've spent the last 10 years getting established in your career.

While her being attractive is certainly important, you need to decide how important it is. Looks are going to fade and you are ideally going to spend the rest of your living each day with the women that you get married to, so to me, it is much more important and much harder to find a women who is a good match on paper than to find a women who is gorgeous, but who isn't a good match on paper. It is also generally that men start to find women to be more attractive when we enjoy spending time with them, and vice versa.

It is generally a good idea to get married to a woman who is your best friend, so you might as well focus on getting to know a woman first on a friendly basis, that way you can first gain enough information about how compatible you are order to determine whether you want to try to pursue a deeper relationship with her. Long-distance relationships can be especially hard, but in some ways it can be better to focus on the compatibility of other parts of your relationship without the physical connection clouding your judgement.

It can be helpful to discuss deal breakers sooner rather than latter, so you can determine that a relationship isn't going to work and save time and heartache before you become emotionally invested, but especially if you don't find a women to be very physically attractive, then you can start by trying to find all the reasons why a relationship between you and her wouldn't work. For example, if a woman smokes, drinks alcohol, is divorced, has children, has pets that you are allergic to, wants to live on a homestead, is a different denomination, isn't willing to move to where you are, and so forth, and any of that is a deal breaker for you, then you can have a legitimate reason for not pursuing a deeper relationship with her that is not going to be hurtful to her. However, if you appear to be compatible without finding a good reason why a relationship with her wouldn't work out, then you need to weigh whether all of that is more important than her physical appearance. However, it can still be hurtful to a women to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't find her physically attractive, so if you think that she is average, then it might work out, but if you find her to be unattractive, then it would probably still be best to skip.

I once tried online dating. I ended up with a right dog!

Woof!

Yes, Manuel, I did not really answer your question in the above Post #4. But here I intend to be more on subject. The above is intended to be my background for things I might say about online dating and things you say, in more detail.

It stands right out, how you are a unique person; so this is something for you to enjoy discovering about . . . with God, of course

Maniel - you said:

I just turned 30 and it suddenly hit me, that I'm not that young any longer.

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We need to grow in Jesus, so we discover all God has for us. At any age, you can help others, using your experience which helps you to feel for others and share how God has made you able to do better and better with different things.

I don't get to meet that many women.

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Well, first is we do well to share as family with God and with whomever we have as our Jesus family. And so, I understand it is good to greatly and deeply appreciate every moment with any really Christian person. Marriage can be a pretty big thing; but make sure we are appreciating any moment with any Jesus person, and enjoy and thank God for however we are loving any person who does not know God. And this loving can help to grow us and prepare us for more and bigger . . . whatever it is > it will be in God's own love . . . with God giving us increase, improvement to better and better loving, whether this includes marriage or has us in other very personal and intimate family sharing as God's children.

It is wise to share with our mature seniors, so we can feed on their example which can help us prepare for marriage and for any good that God has for us . . . whichever is the good He pleases to share with You >

"those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing." (in Psalm 34:10)

And this means now. If you are really seeking the LORD, now, you now are getting His good which is better than you would have known to look for. This is a basic "now" guarantee of truly seeking Jesus. You obey Him, He can only guide you into His good for you . . . in His loving, of course. If we seek God, He proves Himself now.

So I was randomly invited to a Christian Facebook page for singles here in my country, I wonder how they found me! But I accepted, in the hopes that I might meet someone.

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If God has you there, this is so you can love each person. And I will offer that our Christian love does not have us only looking for someone we can use for what we want. So, if you find yourself sharing with a real Christian lady, this is all you need to know . . . whether you date or marry or not > if God trusts you with a Christian person to share with, be appreciative of this and trust God to guide you. And share with others, too, but be ready with kindness and help for ones who are not right. Have compassion ready, and trust God to make you creative to minister.

A girl messaged me today, and said she could see that was new, and that I could write back if I wanted.

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Trust God to guide you. Maybe tell her you don't know for sure what you are doing, there; and so you are not trying to push for anything serious. And invite her to tell you how her searching is going.

This is where it gets difficult for me. Because I'm clearly judging her profile and profile picture, to quickly make various assumptions. I can't tell if this is wrong, it seems shallow, but at the same time natural.

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Well, if we are judging a not so cute person by her looks, yes this could be reason for me to be ashamed since Jesus wants me to specially love each and every person.

And Jesus does say >

"'Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.'" John 7:24)

And how ever do you suppose you are going to deal with her becoming the way she could look when she is sixty or seventy?? Have you been sharing with mature senior Christian ladies and couples? This could help you to see how real love is.

I can't say I'm physical attracted. Does apperence matter to me? Yes if I'm being honest.

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Well, I think it could be good for God to attract you, in any case, to the one you really belong with. And I think . . . according to my experience . . . how any woman can look attractive to the one she really belongs with. But the main attraction has to do with in our hearts and how we are able to relate, and is she the one you want to bring up children with you? ¿?

But it also put me in the situation, that I have to turn her down, possibly making her hurt.

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In case God has you share with each other but He knows He will not put you together . . . each of you can learn and mature in how to love so you are more ready for someone yet to be discovered. God is trusting you with her. But if you don't trust yourself about this, you can honestly say you are not ready to talk seriously about even dating, I would say; you can tell her this, and you can share notes about different people you are meeting, maybe.

I feel like writing back, thanking her for reaching out and welcoming me. But I don't want to give her false hopes either.

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Well, this can mean you don't trust her, maybe. But it seems you also do not trust yourself. So . . . God is the One to trust. And He can make you creative, right? Discover how you become with God and how this helps your sharing.

In my case, I think if I were online, I would first check near where I am. And I would want to visit a lady's church and be in her group . . . before even considering dating. I see dating as possibly isolating myself, when we need to share as family, in Jesus. And see if and how we get to know and to trust each other.

But this is not how I understand a number of very successful marriages started. But I do think it has helped me to love a number of genuine Christian ladies so I could grow in knowing how to love and share. And God's word has given me very helpful things about how to relate > including >

Ephesians 5:21

Mark 11:25

And any scripture can be used by God to feed us about how to love.

Maniel said:

Are you against online dating?
What is your view on online dating?
Has any of you got personal experience in doing this, and how would you act?

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No, I am not against online dating. In fact, I prefer it. I have met several women online and dated them. Some were insanely beautiful, some were not. The quality of the person isn't measured by their appearance. The ugliest person can turn out to be your best friend, while the most beautiful person can turn out to be shallow and impossible to get along with. A solid friendship is what you should strive to achieve if you want the relationship to last.

My advice is to talk to the person and get to know them. They may turn out to be your soulmate. You won't know until you give her a chance. Don't dismiss her outright.

It takes time to get to know someone. I once chatted with a woman for six years off and on before we ever decided to try a relationship.

I've been chatting, meeting people using computers, and making friends since the early 90's, before the internet started to be publicly available. I'm fifty years old and single, but it's not for lack of trying. It never gets old though, meeting new people and making new friends.

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Im not necessarily against online dating but havent been brave enough to try it for myself.

The woman who reached out to you might be a greeter, or somebody who usually welcomes new members. I would be cordial, but avoid saying things that might be construed as flirting. Maybe she's part of a group that does activities together, and maybe she has a friend that you would have better chemistry with.

I voted "Not sure", as a lot depends on what you mean by online dating. My stance is that online dating sites and apps only work for some types of people, under particular circumstances. They're not suitable for everyone. Although I'm not one of those people, perhaps you are. With that in mind, I'm all for meeting others online... just not necessarily on dating sites. For instance, if you like collecting antiques, you might meet somebody compatible in the online antiques collecting community.

I voted that I am against it. That's just my view about online dating. I feel if there are people who like/enjoy it and are successful with it that they should participate in it.

I live in a rural area where males outnumber females (probably 2:1 or 3:1). I have no issue with that and enjoy living in a sparsely populated area. I actually do not like it all that much when I have to go to a city, even a smaller one with 100,000 people.

For me online dating makes no sense. Most of the men on such a site would likely be in a city and not really enjoy a rural community just as I would not enjoy a city or urbanized area.

The other issue I have with online dating is everyone participating needs to be truthful in setting up their profile and, from what I've heard, not everyone is and that creates problems.

I'm not against it, but you do have to be cautious.

It's always best to be polite but honest. When I have an online profile for meeting people, I usually let them know early on if I feel we are compatible or not.

Online dating moves faster than meeting someone in real life. You don't see the person face to face, so you rely more on communication. In my experience people tend to be less patient online because they don't have the in-person interaction to balance things out. Your brain tends to fill in the gaps with your imagination, making you view them in a more exaggerated way, whether for the better or the worst.

JAM2b said:

In my experience people tend to be less patient online because they don't have the in-person interaction to balance things out. Your brain tends to fill in the gaps with your imagination, making you view them in a more exaggerated way, whether for the better or the worst.

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This is a great observation and insight. Thanks. I've had to work on the patience thing at times, and I've been surprised responses that maybe come much later when I have forgotten about the person and got busy. They too sometimes have things that are going on that they can get distracted and not able to give the full attention to a first time communication.

It has been useless for me

I'm the type who is never going to close the door on how God can bring two people together. There have been at least four couples that I know of who met right here on CF and got married. They're all still happily married as far as I can tell.

I voted "not sure" It works for a lot of people, it does not work a lot for some people and for me, it has NEVER worked.
In 2010, I get on Match.com, did not find any "matches" (they were not interested/did not respond or vice versa). I did correspond with two foreign woman (if they were that) who turned out to be scammers. In 2013, I tried Christian Mingle, did not find anyone with mutual interest. At least there was no scammers. I tried another site Fitness Singles off and on (did not sign up for a paid subscription).
a year ago, I signed up on a site called soccerlovers.com (I love to play and watch soccer and I was searching for someone with the same interests), well apparently, it was just one of several connected websites and users across all their web sites could interact. 1. actually messaged alot with plenty of women, including many that messaged me first. What I found was 1. plenty of scammers/gold diggers that wanted money or for me to pay for their bills. 2. several people who considered 1 or 2 days of texting an actual relationship even though we had never met in person and then got upset when I did not consider it a relationship 3. people that I connected with and was interested and then found out they lived in another part of my state or farther away (another state). In other words, they were not honest about where they lived and then got upset when I admitted that that I was not interested in a long-distance relationship. 4. one that were honest about where she lived (within reasonable drive for me), seemed to be interested a first until she asked me about my own online dating site experience and how many people I had talked to. After sending my answers, I never heard from her again. So I assumed she ghosted me either because she found someone who was more of what she was looking for or just did not like my answers. and of course, I had others I messaged and they never messaged me back once. In all honesty, I would rather be ghosted or have my initial message ignored than be hit up for money or have someone consider us dating when we've only messaged in any way for a day or two. Like I said at the top, online dating works for a lot of people, just has never worked for me. And I don't if I will ever have the courage or energy to try again. And the OP should feel lucky as he is only 30. by comparison, I am 43.

I’ve yet to see a profile that really strikes my fancy. In the off chance that I did, what are the odds that she’d also be into me? This isn’t a problem in real life, or on non-dating sites, where chemistry is easier to ascertain.

The typical woman who reaches out to me on a dating site is married or a single mom. I list these as deal breakers, on my profile, which they apparently ignore. Even the ones who are single and childless apparently don’t bother to read my profile, and are far removed from what I’m looking for. This isn’t about looks, as some are quite pretty.

Dating sites are stacked against men in terms of numbers, so lots of guys message every woman they’re matched with. That’s a standard strategy on dating sites. It gives women an ego boost because they get lots of (copy/paste) messages, but the men are mostly doing it to increase the chance of getting a response. From anyone. It seems like some women do this too. Probably the ones who message me despite what I say in my profile, lol. Something about that rubs me the wrong way. It's kind of depressing, and I'd rather handle things differently. Although I’m open to finding love, I do have my limits.

Edit: Changed some of the wording to better express what I meant.

As far as talking to someone online a couple times and then going out, I tried it back when connecting to AOL took forever. The first one was not the one in the picture. The second one had just gotten out of prison. That's not a deal breaker until you act like it. I'm a simple man, which means that was pretty much the end of online dating for me. I'm not against it for people, but caution is definitely in order, imo.