Difficulties finding Christian friends, advice on how to get active in a church?

Elfkind

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I haven't been to the forums here for several months now since I felt like an outsider, and even unwanted since I questioned the way politics seem to be very intertwined with the churches in USA and as a European I feel like the political ideas are very foreign and I honestly don't understand much of it and specially not how it's mixed up with religion, and most people here seem to be Americans. I'm in a tiny country with around 5 million people, and it's very unusual to be a convinced Christian here, a typical answer about religion is "I think there's something out there" and that's pretty much as far as the conversation go, but if it's about talking negatively about faith, then there's a lot more very passionate opinions, and I'm honestly just sick of hearing about the same things, and if I happen to actually meet someone that actually believe, then most of the time it's people that have grown up in a Christian home if they have anything positive to say about faith and personalities that are very unlike myself and making me feel as an outsider again. There are simply no online communities for Christians in my own country. I've tried to visit a local evangelical Church, but nobody show any signs that they have noticed that I am new there and I'm very shy myself, struggle with a (un)fair amount of social and general anxiety. I have totally given up the idea of ever finding a partner and love, so that's also limiting to me, I do enjoy chatting to women and often feel that it's easier and more varied conversations, and I can avoid things I have never had interest in, but that men ordinary talk a lot about.

I'm completely stuck at home, too ill to work, the only people I know are in active substance abuse, something that matters for me since I'm trying to stay clean personally, from previous addiction problems. I don't have any social life, since I don't do anything active that involves meeting other people doing similar things. I am pretty depressed and have problems to enjoy the few things I have to do at home. I don't listen to music anymore for example, and feel every day is just the same as the one yesterday. My cat are seriously more active then me, and he sleeps more then half of his time away.

So I feel quite hopeless about life, don't think there's much coming in the future, but almost as if I'm a senior and that it's most sensible to just retire from the world and as if I just sit and wait to die, and the same time not feeling really alive anyway.

I don't know if there's anything that can be said about all of this that might help me. Let me know if you can think of something.
 

Albion

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Hello. I realize that people do visit unfamiliar churches, hoping to find just what they were looking for. But, having done so, they often say that no one paid any attention to them.

There's another side to that story. Many people drop in once in awhile or are curious, nothing more. And the "regulars" are aware that visitors are often offended if they are given a lot of attention, with a number of people asking the new guy why he's there, what he's looking for in a church, and more of that sort. They are overwhelmed, feel put on the spot, and etc.

The thing to do is to go a number of times. Then people will recognize you and conclude that your interest wasn't just a passing thing. You could also say "Good morning" to some of them, too, and not wait for the members to speak first to you.

Also, talking with the pastor and explaining that you are seeking a church home could help. No promises, but you are seeking. See how he responds.

Of course, that assumes that you've done enough of your "homework" to have narrowed the number of available congregations down to the ones whose beliefs and practices are right (in your opinion). There are almost no congregations that actually do not welcome and want the newcomer.
 
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BobRyan

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I haven't been to the forums here for several months now since I felt like an outsider, and even unwanted since I questioned the way politics seem to be very intertwined with the churches in USA and as a European I feel like the political ideas are very foreign and I honestly don't understand much of it and specially not how it's mixed up with religion, and most people here seem to be Americans. I'm in a tiny country with around 5 million people,

Hi - my ancestors are from Norway and I have visited Oslo as an adult (for a business trip). Always nice to talk to someone from there.

I agree that politics and Christianity don't mix and should not mix normally. But moral values and Christianity do mix very well. More and more it seems that politics is moving into the arena of morals -- and getting it wrong most of the time.

and it's very unusual to be a convinced Christian here, a typical answer about religion is "I think there's something out there" and that's pretty much as far as the conversation go, but if it's about talking negatively about faith, then there's a lot more very passionate opinions, and I'm honestly just sick of hearing about the same things, and if I happen to actually meet someone that actually believe, then most of the time it's people that have grown up in a Christian home if they have anything positive to say about faith and personalities that are very unlike myself and making me feel as an outsider again. There are simply no online communities for Christians in my own country. I've tried to visit a local evangelical Church, but nobody show any signs that they have noticed that I am new there and I'm very shy myself, struggle with a (un)fair amount of social and general anxiety. I have totally given up the idea of ever finding a partner and love, so that's also limiting to me, I do enjoy chatting to women and often feel that it's easier and more varied conversations, and I can avoid things I have never had interest in, but that men ordinary talk a lot about.

I'm completely stuck at home, too ill to work, the only people I know are in active substance abuse, something that matters for me since I'm trying to stay clean personally, from previous addiction problems. I don't have any social life, since I don't do anything active that involves meeting other people doing similar things. I am pretty depressed and have problems to enjoy the few things I have to do at home. I don't listen to music anymore for example, and feel every day is just the same as the one yesterday. My cat are seriously more active then me, and he sleeps more then half of his time away.

So I feel quite hopeless about life, don't think there's much coming in the future, but almost as if I'm a senior and that it's most sensible to just retire from the world and as if I just sit and wait to die, and the same time not feeling really alive anyway.

I don't know if there's anything that can be said about all of this that might help me. Let me know if you can think of something.

You need "a mission" a focus - a new lease on life my friend.

There is a "wake the dead" (figuratively speaking of course) set of testimonies, sermons, videos that I highly recommend if you are interested.

Starts off with this one.


I will post the next in the "wake the dead" series if you are interested
 
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Elfkind

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visitors are often offended if they are given a lot of attention, with a number of people asking the new guy why he's there, what he's looking for in a church, and more of that sort. They are overwhelmed, feel put on the spot, and etc.

The thing to do is to go a number of times. Then people will recognize you and conclude that your interest wasn't just a passing thing. You could also say "Good morning" to some of them, too, and not wait for the members to speak first to you.

Also, talking with the pastor and explaining that you are seeking a church home could help. No promises, but you are seeking. See how he responds.

Of course, that assumes that you've done enough of your "homework" to have narrowed the number of available congregations down to the ones whose beliefs and practices are right (in your opinion). There are almost no congregations that actually do not welcome and want the newcomer.

Hi, thanks for the answer, I can't say I've experienced any feeling of being overwhelmed by attention, it's rather that I feel like I could just as well be a ghost there, and wonder even if it's been looked down on if I'm having a cigarette before heading inside to listen to the teaching, I experienced that in another evangelical church where I was told to go into the forest behind the church if I wanted to smoke, seriously.

I did try sending e-mails, and describing that I was interested in knowing more and taking part in prayer groups and similar on their facebook page, I got one answer the first time I tried where they promised to get back to me, but never did.

Does it matter you think for Christians that anyone visiting their church have long hair and can't afford expensive clothes?

Personally I don't think it's right to divide Christians by Protestant, Catholic and Orthodox, and even smaller and more isolated units of Christian Denomination in the Protestant congregations. The bible is quite clear that we shouldn't divide up the body of Christ, but still that's what people seem to be doing and defending that it should be done. I'm longing for the original kind of Christianity, what it used to be in the beginning before people were divided by quite silly schisms to be fair, schisms that have only gotten deeper with time. Although I think most Christians would agree deep inside that it would be better for everyone that believe in Jesus to unite as one, and brothers and sisters in truth.

I hope you will have a blessed Easter.

Hi - my ancestors are from Norway and I have visited Oslo as an adult (for a business trip). Always nice to talk to someone from there.

I agree that politics and Christianity don't mix and should not mix normally. But moral values and Christianity do mix very well. More and more it seems that politics is moving into the arena of morals -- and getting it wrong most of the time.

You need "a mission" a focus - a new lease on life my friend.

There is a "wake the dead" (figuratively speaking of course) set of testimonies, sermons, videos that I highly recommend if you are interested.

Starts off with this one.


I will post the next in the "wake the dead" series if you are interested

Hi and thank you for your answer.

Where in Norway are your ancestors from? I can trace my own family back to the first written sources here on the western coast, almost a milennia, so I'm mostly Norse and with some Gaelic (Celtic) blood, and my kind have stayed at a huge, inland island (the largest in North Europe, surrounded by fjords), and I wish I could live somewhere I could farm the land and be closer to nature, I grew up at the countryside, and so I don't feel any sense of belonging to the city I'm living in, even though I thought anything would be better, and the grass so much green on the other side, when I were a very young man.

Personally I'm of the opinion that Christianity is the only "religion" that's entirely unrelated to morality, and it is not by our good manners or our great wisdom that God called on us, but to free us from our sin and love of darkness. So I can't think anything else then that people act somewhat as hypocrites if they do behave to non-Christians as if "holier-then-thou" (not saying that you do, naturally).

Also I find it problematic that the conservative politics in USA have become much more populist, and so more like the right wing shift in Europe that don't take a stand on very much what's politically sensible anymore, but rather talk to the extremes on both left and right and divide people up like that, by my opinion.

So I have decided to vote center in this years election for the ruling power and the new prime minister post in Norway, just to do something to weaken the tendency to divide among either populist right wing, or socialist left wing, and instead support those that talk for things like conservation of farmland and not building supermarkets on good earth, supporting the rural areas to stop people moving off land already few in people, as the very old county lines here have been erased and instead someone in the capitol in Oslo have invented a new set of much larger administrative centers. I think this is a shame myself, as the old counties actually used to be countries before Harald Fairhair united the land into one Kingdom. In general I also support most things about a well functioning, social-democratic welfare state and Norway have been doing good for my whole life with it's political focus. So I think I'll vote "The Center Party", mostly a major farmers party or "Christian People's Party", also centrist (hence why I don't recognize the tendency in USA of a much more conservative opinion, and now also populism, that seem to be spread among Christians), but generally very strong on welfare and keeping of humanist and Christian values.

Thanks for the video, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for, I've been Christian for 20 years now and don't really need to hear testimonials to believe that God is really there. Also it's a bit depressing to be honest, to see how shining and happy some Christians seem, when I myself don't feel anyway close to that.

I hope you too also have a blessed Easter. I have to head out to get some groceries here now, since the stores are open merely a few hours today, and are getting closed for several days again after that, that's common here for what used to be "holy days" closely related to the Lutheran Evangelical State-Church, that was removed as an entity in society with anything to say about how things are to be done anymore, not such a long time ago. It's strange here how everyone, or very few do not support things they have to go to the churches for, such as baptisement, marriages and death, but still think the church are of no value to their lives. So in that way welfare have perhaps removed the fear of God in people here, and instead it's important to keep a healthy body that are not thought to contain a soul.
 
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TzephanYahu

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Hi @Elfkind

It sounds like you are in quite an awkward situation where you are.

Feeling like an outsider is on the cards for most true Christians. Because this is not our world, we are but pilgrims passing through. Our citizenship and our family belong to the world to come, when we will all be together with Him united in mind and heart.

In reading your OP, I was reminded of this Scripture...

"I am like a pelican of the wilderness; I am like an owl of the desert. I lie awake, And am like a sparrow alone on the housetop." - Psalm 102:6-7

In fact, I would suggest you invest a great amount of time in the Psalms at this time in your life. They will bring you great peace. David and the other authors sometimes felt like you do now. Alone and with seemingly no one around who loved God like they did. A wilderness experience for the heart, making them feel like outsiders and outcasts.

I recommend you read this brief summary on the Psalms before reading them to get the best out of them, as the Psalms aren't simply songs.

There are simply no online communities for Christians in my own country.

The advantage of the online aspect is that it doesn't need to be in your country, right? Look, I'm communicating with you from the UK and happy to continue to. :) But besides forums, perhaps try online fellowships on Youtube. Some churches have open communities based in Youtube for gatherings and teachings. Yes, not all will be great but there are some good ones out there. This will also be easier with your shyness - which I too have to deal with!

So I feel quite hopeless about life, don't think there's much coming in the future, but almost as if I'm a senior and that it's most sensible to just retire from the world and as if I just sit and wait to die, and the same time not feeling really alive anyway.

My friend, don't give up hope. Whilst there is breathe within you, there is much hope to serve the Lord and others. Despite whatever limitations you see, there are more opportunities hidden around them.

There is much good to come in the future but first it will get harder. However, be grateful for each day Yahweh gives you in freedom and grace. He is aware you are there and He is aware of your heart - do you think you've escaped His knowledge?Therefore, pray to Him but in brutal frank honestly, just like your OP, and ask Him to help and guide you to the right path in serving Him. Then listen. Listen to your intuition and listen to the Scriptures and a path will soon establish itself before you.

It's often when all seems hopeless and you're at a "dead end" that the sea parts in two. So this is a trial for you my friend. A trial of "when all seems hopeless, do you still hope in Him?" So don't let yourself down and lift your head up in faith.

With this in mind, I highly recommend you read Psalm 42. This psalm needs to be meditated upon, not read once and left. But it seems to be very suitable for you during this time and it should minister to you deeply.

Love & Shalom
 
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BobRyan

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Where in Norway are your ancestors from?

Are you familiar with this? - Lillestrøm - Wikipedia

The farm they mention there is where my ancestors came from.

Personally I'm of the opinion that Christianity is the only "religion" that's entirely unrelated to morality, and it is not by our good manners or our great wisdom that God called on us, but to free us from our sin and love of darkness. So I can't think anything else then that people act somewhat as hypocrites if they do behave to non-Christians as if "holier-then-thou" (not saying that you do, naturally).

Romans 2 argues that Christianity is all about morality from what I can see.

So while it is true as you say that the lost do not "become saved" by "being moral" but rather in confession and repentance accepting the Gospel ...

However the saved (those who are born again) are then "a new creation" 2 Cor 5:17 -- and under the New Covenant having the Law of God written on the heart. They are now a "good tree" according to Christ in Matt 7 and therefore produce "good fruit" of obedience to the Word of God.

1 Cor 7:19 says "what matters is keeping the commandments of God"

Rom 8:4-12 says those who have the Holy Spirit walk in compliance with God's Word and those who don't have God's Holy Spirit "do not submit to the law of God - neither indeed can they".

Matt 7 - Christ said "by their fruits you shall know them" and the fruit was "Hear these words of mine and do them" according to Christ.

1 John 2 - says "
3 By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; 5 but whoever follows His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: 6 the one who says that he remains in Him ought, himself also, walk just as He walked."

The New Covenant that we find in both Jer 31:31-34 and in Hebrews 8:6-12 says "I will write My Law on their heart and mind".

1 John 2:1 "These things I write that you sin not"

1 John 3:4 "Sin is transgression of the Law".

And the Law in this case is always the "moral law of God" that which defines what sin is as Paul reminds us in Rom 3:19-20

Paul ends Rom 3 this way "what? do we make void the Law of God by our faith? God forbid! In fact we establish the Law of God"
 
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Albion

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Hi, thanks for the answer, I can't say I've experienced any feeling of being overwhelmed by attention, it's rather that I feel like I could just as well be a ghost there, and wonder even if it's been looked down on if I'm having a cigarette before heading inside to listen to the teaching....
If it were me, I'd finish my cigarette before reaching the church grounds. That aside, some people are indeed overwhelmed if a series of people--the church's regular members--come up to them before or after the service to say not much more than "welcome," and to introduce themselves.

Those visitors imagine that they're being watched, then they wonder if their replies were correct or sounded ignorant, what the local people thought of them, etc. Of course, not everyone does think that way, but some have expressed such feelings.

I did try sending e-mails, and describing that I was interested in knowing more and taking part in prayer groups and similar on their facebook page, I got one answer the first time I tried where they promised to get back to me, but never did.
Yeh, that's unfortunate.

I hope you will have a blessed Easter.
Thank you.
 
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Abide with me.

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I haven't been to the forums here for several months now since I felt like an outsider, and even unwanted since I questioned the way politics seem to be very intertwined with the churches in USA and as a European I feel like the political ideas are very foreign and I honestly don't understand much of it and specially not how it's mixed up with religion, and most people here seem to be Americans. I'm in a tiny country with around 5 million people, and it's very unusual to be a convinced Christian here, a typical answer about religion is "I think there's something out there" and that's pretty much as far as the conversation go, but if it's about talking negatively about faith, then there's a lot more very passionate opinions, and I'm honestly just sick of hearing about the same things, and if I happen to actually meet someone that actually believe, then most of the time it's people that have grown up in a Christian home if they have anything positive to say about faith and personalities that are very unlike myself and making me feel as an outsider again. There are simply no online communities for Christians in my own country. I've tried to visit a local evangelical Church, but nobody show any signs that they have noticed that I am new there and I'm very shy myself, struggle with a (un)fair amount of social and general anxiety. I have totally given up the idea of ever finding a partner and love, so that's also limiting to me, I do enjoy chatting to women and often feel that it's easier and more varied conversations, and I can avoid things I have never had interest in, but that men ordinary talk a lot about.

I'm completely stuck at home, too ill to work, the only people I know are in active substance abuse, something that matters for me since I'm trying to stay clean personally, from previous addiction problems. I don't have any social life, since I don't do anything active that involves meeting other people doing similar things. I am pretty depressed and have problems to enjoy the few things I have to do at home. I don't listen to music anymore for example, and feel every day is just the same as the one yesterday. My cat are seriously more active then me, and he sleeps more then half of his time away.

So I feel quite hopeless about life, don't think there's much coming in the future, but almost as if I'm a senior and that it's most sensible to just retire from the world and as if I just sit and wait to die, and the same time not feeling really alive anyway.

I don't know if there's anything that can be said about all of this that might help me. Let me know if you can think of something.
Hi Elfkind,
I'm very sorry to hear how depressed you are, I think there's some good advice on here about being proactive, sometimes you just have to feel the awkwardness and do it anyway.
Re politics in religion, I'm from the UK and I'm dismayed by this trend in the church, especially from the top, don't they realise that they are alienating 50% of their congregation who don't share their political views? Would you expect a politician to start telling people which religion to follow?! So I totally agree with you on this one, you may find your fellow Norwegians do too, if you feel socially awkward and shy, try reaching out online first, if they don't respond, try another group, if they are in your area, it may develop into a friendship, but please do pray for guidance.
 
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BobRyan

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Also I find it problematic that the conservative politics in USA have become much more populist, and so more like the right wing shift in Europe that don't take a stand on very much what's politically sensible anymore, but rather talk to the extremes on both left and right and divide people up like that, by my opinion.

I do vote but I stay out of politics as much as possible.

Thanks for the video, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for, I've been Christian for 20 years now and don't really need to hear testimonials to believe that God is really there.

Did you watch the video?

A lot of Christians I have shown this to - find it encouraging to see how God is reaching out to people far beyond the reach of fellow Christians under normal circumstances.

Also it's a bit depressing to be honest, to see how shining and happy some Christians seem, when I myself don't feel anyway close to that.

If you watched the video you would see a good example of an atheist, without God and no knowledge at all of the Bible, who was also not at all happy with where life had placed her - starting with the circumstances of her birth and the family situation she had as well as choices in life following that.

"holy days" closely related to the Lutheran Evangelical State-Church, that was removed as an entity in society with anything to say about how things are to be done anymore, not such a long time ago. It's strange here how everyone, or very few do not support things they have to go to the churches for, such as baptisement, marriages and death, but still think the church are of no value to their lives. So in that way welfare have perhaps removed the fear of God in people here, and instead it's important to keep a healthy body that are not thought to contain a soul.

I am interested in that phrase "body that are though to contain a soul" - care to share more?

Have a blessed Sabbath

Bob
 
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BobRyan

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The "born again experience" is a miracle of God "the new creation" of 2 Cor 5:18 - this miracle happens at justification Rom 5:1 - it is the first step.

"By beholding we become changed"
2 Cor 3:18 But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Col 3:Therefore, if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Heb 12:1-5 "keeping our eyes fixed on Christ" -- is how the miracle happens and continues to happen.

We can choose to daily "behold Christ" - we all have free will and can choose to do it or not to do it.

The Problem:
We all have a sinful nature and in all of us - it "instinctively" turns from beholding Christ day by day.
The result ( if left unchecked ) is spirit-less Christian life, and spirit-less worship services.
Satan has a great many hours upon hours of things HE would like you to "behold' instead of spending our time beholding Christ. And God WILL respect our choice in that regard and leave us alone.

The easy solution:
step 1. Let God do it all for you - by prayerfully watching the testimony of someone taken from the deepest darkness of unbelief and distance from God's Word - into God's presence. We see it in the Bible and we can see it in some of these truly amazing video testimonies.

Its the "easy" one -- like sitting back in the airplane seat and let the whole thing be done for you - while you watch and pray -- just an "observer". (I have a couple of those to share)

step 2. Another part of the easy solution - is to prayerfully read a world-class Commentary on the life of Christ with truly gripping text describing the crucifixion , death , burial and resurrection of Christ. (like we find here https://m.egwwritings.org/en/book/130.3257#3257 as it begins with Christ preparing to enter Gethsemane for the last great struggle on the way to the cross)

step 3. Read the Gospel accounts , claim bible promises in prayer.
 
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I haven't been to the forums here for several months now since I felt like an outsider, and even unwanted since I questioned the way politics seem to be very intertwined with the churches in USA and as a European I feel like the political ideas are very foreign and I honestly don't understand much of it and specially not how it's mixed up with religion, and most people here seem to be Americans. I'm in a tiny country with around 5 million people, and it's very unusual to be a convinced Christian here, a typical answer about religion is "I think there's something out there" and that's pretty much as far as the conversation go, but if it's about talking negatively about faith, then there's a lot more very passionate opinions, and I'm honestly just sick of hearing about the same things, and if I happen to actually meet someone that actually believe, then most of the time it's people that have grown up in a Christian home if they have anything positive to say about faith and personalities that are very unlike myself and making me feel as an outsider again. There are simply no online communities for Christians in my own country. I've tried to visit a local evangelical Church, but nobody show any signs that they have noticed that I am new there and I'm very shy myself, struggle with a (un)fair amount of social and general anxiety. I have totally given up the idea of ever finding a partner and love, so that's also limiting to me, I do enjoy chatting to women and often feel that it's easier and more varied conversations, and I can avoid things I have never had interest in, but that men ordinary talk a lot about.

I'm completely stuck at home, too ill to work, the only people I know are in active substance abuse, something that matters for me since I'm trying to stay clean personally, from previous addiction problems. I don't have any social life, since I don't do anything active that involves meeting other people doing similar things. I am pretty depressed and have problems to enjoy the few things I have to do at home. I don't listen to music anymore for example, and feel every day is just the same as the one yesterday. My cat are seriously more active then me, and he sleeps more then half of his time away.

So I feel quite hopeless about life, don't think there's much coming in the future, but almost as if I'm a senior and that it's most sensible to just retire from the world and as if I just sit and wait to die, and the same time not feeling really alive anyway.

I don't know if there's anything that can be said about all of this that might help me. Let me know if you can think of something.


It's important to encourage yourself in the Lord, as David did. When you don't have other people around you, you can use the time to draw nearer to the Lord, especially when dealing with chronic illness (as I do also). God has promised never to leave you nor forsake you. If you draw nearer to Him, He will draw nearer to you and will lift your spirits.
 
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