Question from a protestant/evangelical missionary serving cross-culturally.

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

Click to expand...

turkle said:

I was a TCK, and many of my friends were MKs. We developed a special bond, and several decades later, most of us are still very close friends, though we are spread all over the globe. Your childrens' TCK experience will be a very positive factor in shaping the rest of their lives.

With regard to your question, I think the pastor is being unreasonable. You are the missionary, not the children. They are at a delicate stage of life, and need to be nurtured. It's especially difficult for kids to live outside of their own culture, and the TCK community is precious in that it provides a cultural bridge.

On the other hand, since the church meeting is only twice monthly, it would be a good gesture if they would agree to attend once a month. That way, they are at their own group 75% of the time, and can see it as a generous tithe of their time to mix with the kids at the church.

In the end, I would not push the kids too hard. They are already living in a foreign land, and they need as much comfort and support that is available to them. They have unique challenges that their fellow MKs and TCKs understand, and that community is invaluable to them.

Click to expand...

Mantho said:

I am an American evangelical missionary serving in the balkans. I am working with a national pastor in a small church.

I have encountered a bit of an issue in which I would value some input. I have tried explaining things, but I can’t seem to explain it adequately enough to the pastor. Can I give a bit of background about the situation and perhaps someone could share any thoughts they have regarding the situation?

My wife and I have three teenage children ages 13, 15, and 17. Over the years, we have encouraged and tried to integrate our kids into our host culture as much as possible. They have made strides in this area, but they feel most comfortable with other MKs and TCKs.

Our kids attend an English speaking Christian school that is comprised mostly of MKs and TCKs. All three of our kids attend either a Bible study or youth ministry event every Friday night that is sponsored by the school. Their community and activities mainly center around the school, with many of the teachers being surrogate spiritual mentors and disciplers in the absence of what would be a normal church experience for them. All three of our children are believers in Christ Jesus and have been baptized of their own initiative.

My wife and I have worked hard at developing a healthy understanding and involvement in “church” with our kids. This has been a challenging task and not at all unique to us, but a lot of missionary families struggle in this area. We minister and attend a church that is not in our language or culture, and our two youngest do not understand or speak enough Albanian to understand sermons, Bible studies, or conversations. We have had many discussions about why they need to go to this local church when they don’t understand anything! When we are in the United States, we are often at a different church every Sunday. So even though they understand the sermon, they do not have consistent community, accountability, or a means of being involved regularly in the church.

What we have settled on is piecing together all the components of “church” with some overlap. Three separate efforts help our children grow in their faith in a church experience - our local Albanian church, our children’s school, and our family church time. At the local church, they have a place of service in helping with children’s church and set-up/clean-up; they have multi-generational fellowship and care; they have a place to give tithes and to financially help others in need; and they have accountability in consistency. At the school, our children have Bible teaching; they have accountability with their peers in their daily lives; they have community and deeper fellowship for encouragement and growth; and they have spiritual mentors and youth pastors that come alongside them. In our family church time, we have worship and preaching from the Bible in English through the online services of a church in the US; we pray together and discuss the sermon and its application in our lives. We are careful to explain that normally a healthy church involvement would have all these components in one community, but we realize that this doesn’t happen on the mission field for our kids. I explain all this to underscore that church is very important to our family, but also complicated to explain to those that are not missionaries.

With this background in mind, here is the issue that has surfaced recently. Our local church has started a youth meeting which meets twice a month on Friday nights. Our children have been and continue to be invited to this church youth meeting, but it is on the same night that our kids have a Bible study/youth event through the school. The kids don’t relate as well to the church group compared to their MK and TCK peer group. We have talked with our kids about the church youth meeting, but they still do not have much of an interest in attending.

I am under pressure by our pastor to have our kids not go to the ministry events that they are a part of (and have been for years) and instead go to the church youth group meeting. Our kids don’t want to go to it. I have recently been told that it is an expectation that our kids would attend the church meeting. I don’t know what would happen if our kids still don’t go to it. I suppose the most extreme possibility would be revoking their membership of the church or asking us to leave our ministry with the church.

Everything that I read and believe to be good parenting given our context tells me not to force our kids to go to the church meeting when they don’t feel comfortable there, especially when they are growing spiritually and being ministered to at the youth ministry that is with their peers and in their heart language.

Am I off base here in saying, “Thanks for the invitation but our kids already have a ministry event that they go to.” Even if the church meeting was moved to a different night, I don’t think they would want to go. Not because they don’t like the people in the church, but because they feel so uncomfortable and are already having their needs met through the school’s ministry.

I was told by the pastor that as a missionary and elder of the church, it sets a poor example if my kids don’t go. And the expectation is that they would be there.

I want to say this situation is not that big of a deal, but I have seen missionaries ousted from national partnership for some pretty little things.

Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this situation?

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Sketcher said:

Perhaps if youth in the church would invite them to hang out at other times (Sunday afternoons maybe?) they might want to join them on Friday nights.

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Albion said:

No thanks. A single-sentence definition would do fine.

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section9+1 said:

Family comes first.

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helmut said:

Jesus said otherwise (Mt 10:37-8), and the Albanian culture agrees. It is American culture that says otherwise. What example will be set if the US missionaries openly show that American culture is more important than what the Bible says?

Things are more complicated, but I thought it good to answer your simplification with the opposite simplification ...

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