- Oct 4, 2010
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Hi phoebe,
Honestly, if you're looking to repair the relationship it may take some work and tongue biting. My sister wouldn't talk to me for years because I told her she needed to discipline her children. Now the older one has already totaled a car, dropped out of school with straight F's, can't get or keep a job and was living with a boyfriend and when that broke up my sister felt sorry for here and moved her into a little trailer on her 2 acre property. I was talking to my mother the other day and she tells me that she's always talking back to them and pretty much won't behave or do anything to help anyone out. I, of course don't say it, but I could have told her that was how it was likely to end up. The younger son/brother is also out of control and has no discipline. He has to take 'special' classes because he doesn't get along with the other children and while he's reasonably bright (watches youtube videos allllll day) he is also flunking out of school. My sister's attitude. "They're each their own person and I allow them the freedom to grow up as they want".
However, I've learned that it isn't going to help if I offer advice or try to correct. Fortunately, she's in California and I'm in S.C. so we don't spend much time together. I just ask how they're doing and when I hear these bad behavior reports, I just offer an, "Oh, that's a shame. So how's the weather?" The relationship is more important to me and I know that both of the children are beyond the age where anything's likely to change now. They'll just have to grow up through the school of hard knocks."
I don't have any idea what has strained your relationship, but I imagine that to put it back together is going to take some real reaching out from you. Have you offered to take her to coffee and pour out your heart and just tell her that you promise to keep your mouth shut if you can visit them? That you'd really like to be a part of their lives. Have you asked her, since you say they do worship, to join you in prayer? Have you spoken to their pastor or others that might have some influence in their small group? I don't mean to go through the whole story, but just make the time to sit down with someone at the fellowship and tell them you've been having some difficulties and would they be willing to act as a mediator of any kind? I'd certainly suggest speaking with the pastor first.
Just some thoughts to see if things can be moved along.
God bless you. I know that your heart aches over this issue and I sure would like to be able to help.
In Christ, ted
Honestly, if you're looking to repair the relationship it may take some work and tongue biting. My sister wouldn't talk to me for years because I told her she needed to discipline her children. Now the older one has already totaled a car, dropped out of school with straight F's, can't get or keep a job and was living with a boyfriend and when that broke up my sister felt sorry for here and moved her into a little trailer on her 2 acre property. I was talking to my mother the other day and she tells me that she's always talking back to them and pretty much won't behave or do anything to help anyone out. I, of course don't say it, but I could have told her that was how it was likely to end up. The younger son/brother is also out of control and has no discipline. He has to take 'special' classes because he doesn't get along with the other children and while he's reasonably bright (watches youtube videos allllll day) he is also flunking out of school. My sister's attitude. "They're each their own person and I allow them the freedom to grow up as they want".
However, I've learned that it isn't going to help if I offer advice or try to correct. Fortunately, she's in California and I'm in S.C. so we don't spend much time together. I just ask how they're doing and when I hear these bad behavior reports, I just offer an, "Oh, that's a shame. So how's the weather?" The relationship is more important to me and I know that both of the children are beyond the age where anything's likely to change now. They'll just have to grow up through the school of hard knocks."
I don't have any idea what has strained your relationship, but I imagine that to put it back together is going to take some real reaching out from you. Have you offered to take her to coffee and pour out your heart and just tell her that you promise to keep your mouth shut if you can visit them? That you'd really like to be a part of their lives. Have you asked her, since you say they do worship, to join you in prayer? Have you spoken to their pastor or others that might have some influence in their small group? I don't mean to go through the whole story, but just make the time to sit down with someone at the fellowship and tell them you've been having some difficulties and would they be willing to act as a mediator of any kind? I'd certainly suggest speaking with the pastor first.
Just some thoughts to see if things can be moved along.
God bless you. I know that your heart aches over this issue and I sure would like to be able to help.
In Christ, ted
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