- Jun 2, 2019
- 181
- 354
- 26
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
I made a post yesterday about having trouble loving God, and I got a lot of really wonderful responses. But I'm wrestling with something a little more specific, and I'd appreciate some advice.
My heart feels divided, I feel double-minded...whichever term is more suitable. I believe in God, I believe in Christ's sacrifice and grace, but I also know that I often value the world above God. Which is wrong. Jesus makes a point that you can't serve two masters. James repudiates doubt and double-mindedness. Faith in God has to be absolute, and surrender has to be absolute.
I know that salvation is salvation and that nothing can take it away once you have it. Sanctification is the process of becoming holy, and it takes a lifetime. But a lot of the time, I see surrender at salvation phrased as "total," "absolute," etc. If I have a divided heart, can I really say I have absolute faith and absolute trust? Can I truly say I'm in Christ? What if I haven't really experienced God's love and saving grace? My faith often feels me-centered instead of God-centered; I want to do things right more than I want to glorify God. I'm terrified that I'm deceiving myself into thinking I follow Christ when I really don't.
The hard thing is that I don't hear God calling me to do anything specific about it. I don't think it's an issue of a specific sin, but rather a condition of the heart that I don't know can be repaired. Of course, I pray about it, but even that feels like a selfish prayer. I go back to praying that I can love God more so that everything else can follow, but I still feel so, so divided.
My heart feels divided, I feel double-minded...whichever term is more suitable. I believe in God, I believe in Christ's sacrifice and grace, but I also know that I often value the world above God. Which is wrong. Jesus makes a point that you can't serve two masters. James repudiates doubt and double-mindedness. Faith in God has to be absolute, and surrender has to be absolute.
I know that salvation is salvation and that nothing can take it away once you have it. Sanctification is the process of becoming holy, and it takes a lifetime. But a lot of the time, I see surrender at salvation phrased as "total," "absolute," etc. If I have a divided heart, can I really say I have absolute faith and absolute trust? Can I truly say I'm in Christ? What if I haven't really experienced God's love and saving grace? My faith often feels me-centered instead of God-centered; I want to do things right more than I want to glorify God. I'm terrified that I'm deceiving myself into thinking I follow Christ when I really don't.
The hard thing is that I don't hear God calling me to do anything specific about it. I don't think it's an issue of a specific sin, but rather a condition of the heart that I don't know can be repaired. Of course, I pray about it, but even that feels like a selfish prayer. I go back to praying that I can love God more so that everything else can follow, but I still feel so, so divided.