Hey i dont know what to do any more ive been very religious and spiritual my whole life but things arnt getting any better i have been suffering for 11 years. I pray daily for a miracle, i pray to just be happy and to be myself but nothing seems to be working. I want to live but for years it feels like im being slowly surrounded by negativity and evil, like demons are stalking their prey (im the prey).
I try every day to be positive and not do anything bad and i dont even kill cockroaches ya know i pick em up and put em outside i exercise and eat a healthy diet and i try to do everything right by the lord but nothing seems to be changing i dont know what to do. Im not living here im barely surviving. Im cant keep hanging on to life only to be suffering i dont know what to do.
Im so alone and afraid of everything im so sad and tired i dont know what to do i feel like the lord wants me to kill myself.
Im not perfect but, i do good, do good, do good.. then things get so hard i go out and drink poison on average 1 time a month and completely destroy myself its like a routine im in. I think i do this because the couple hours i am drinking its like relief and care free but then back to the same suffering and sadness that i feel.
I dont even know why im writing all this i hate telling people that im having a hard time and that im such a sad person but things are so tough lately and i think im losing hope in the lord, im losing hope in everything im losing reality and i think ive already lost myself i dont know who i am anymore. Im on the edge and dont know how much longer i can hang on i think im writing this incase someone out there has maybe been through similar things or maybe someone has some advice idunno im sick of all this suffering and hope theirs a cure.
I try every day to be positive and not do anything bad and i dont even kill cockroaches ya know i pick em up and put em outside i exercise and eat a healthy diet and i try to do everything right by the lord but nothing seems to be changing i dont know what to do. Im not living here im barely surviving. Im cant keep hanging on to life only to be suffering i dont know what to do.
Im so alone and afraid of everything im so sad and tired i dont know what to do i feel like the lord wants me to kill myself.
Im not perfect but, i do good, do good, do good.. then things get so hard i go out and drink poison on average 1 time a month and completely destroy myself its like a routine im in. I think i do this because the couple hours i am drinking its like relief and care free but then back to the same suffering and sadness that i feel.
I dont even know why im writing all this i hate telling people that im having a hard time and that im such a sad person but things are so tough lately and i think im losing hope in the lord, im losing hope in everything im losing reality and i think ive already lost myself i dont know who i am anymore. Im on the edge and dont know how much longer i can hang on i think im writing this incase someone out there has maybe been through similar things or maybe someone has some advice idunno im sick of all this suffering and hope theirs a cure.