Can you date a woman/man that isn't a Christian?

According to the rules of my Church, we are not allowed to marry outside of it, so dating is a pretty strict no-no (and in Egypt they don't do western style dating anyway). This might make more sense if you consider that Egypt, where the vast majority of Coptic people live, is ~90% Muslim, and Islam and Christianity have very different ideas of what marriage is.

Outside of the MENA region, though, I have known several Coptic people who not only dated non-Christians, but married them. One older guy in the community where I used to live in Albquerque married a very nice Jewish woman. They can't commune anymore (marrying outside of the Church incurs automatic excommunication), but he still came to liturgy to receive the general absolution, blessing of the cross, etc., especially if HG Bishop Youssef was visiting us. Still, the Church is very clear on this, and the only exceptions are by specific agreement with other churches that have generally limited applicability outside of wherever they were signed (e.g., mixed Coptic-Greek couples in the Patriarchal territory of Alexandria).

So I voted 'other', since I don't live in Egypt so there isn't the same societal pressure or danger that finding a partner outside of the religion means converting to another religion, but it still is the case that it's not really allowed in the sense that it might be in other churches. Probably nobody can actually stop you (and they might not even want to at first, if it doesn't seem like it's advanced enough to hear wedding bells; they'd be much more likely to encourage you to bring her/him to church), but there's an expectation that you should know better, and if you don't they're more than happy to tell you all the reasons for this kind of restriction.

But the Copts are famously strict about this sort of thing. Basically any time I went anywhere outside of my home church people would eventually ask me "Who are you married/engaged to?", because that's the stereotype of how white people end up in the Church. Hahaha.

1 Corinthians 7:12-17 (KJV) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

zoidar said:

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

Click to expand...

Well, Jesus for the most part only hung out with sinners who broke the "law" so there must be something to that.

Yes, God says not to get yoked with an unbeliever. If you can not connect with another Christian who is maturing in Jesus with you . . . you need to become able to detect who is for real in Jesus and become able to connect with someone who is for real who is helping you grow in Jesus and develop in how to relate as His family while loving any and all people.

So, we need to not be trying to isolate ourselves with some one person to use for getting what we want!!

Trust God to make us able to find who is real in God's love, not a charmer or a smart talker or cultured and refined person, but really growing in God's way of loving.

If we can delight in someone who is not a child of God, this can mean we are not delighting truly in God and delighting in sharing with God's people as family.

If we can get hooked with or interested in a nonbeliever, this can mean we have not been sharing with truly Christian people who would satisfy us to stay and pray in God's love as family.

The older I get, the more singular I get, the more I think this is a bad idea. I think some variety is good, in fact you could argue the reason you get into relationships is to have a person expand your being. With that said a christian who is trying their best to follow the bible is going to run into a lot of disagreements both in their relationship and more importantly with how to raise their future children. So when thinking of the kids I'd wait for someone who is a christian.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

The older I get, the more singular I get, the more I think this is a bad idea. I think some variety is good, in fact you could argue the reason you get into relationships is to have a person expand your being. With that said a christian who is trying their best to follow the bible is going to run into a lot of disagreements both in their relationship and more importantly with how to raise their future children. So when thinking of the kids I'd wait for someone who is a christian.

Click to expand...

I guess that's where I am lucky. Neither of us wants anymore kids. She has one and I have seven. We raise our kids the way we are going to raise them. We'll give advice, but we know neither is required to listen to the other. Even if we were to be married, we have already said we're not required to listen to the other. Her son has a father, and my kids have a mother.

With all that said, we're generally on the same page anyway. She has said if I want to bring my kids to church, I am more than welcome to.

zoidar said:

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

Click to expand...

When my wife of 36 years and I meet with hardship or just need a general direction we go to our knees in prayer, holding each other, and we pray to our Lord to lead and guide us and put our own desires and wants aside for what HE wants in our life. We say, "Lord, we come to You as Husband and Wife, according to you as One flesh...,." In our 36 years together we have never been a day without food on the table, a roof over our head, or need for anything that is a necessity in life. Have we had issues, yes. They are ALWAYS caused by other people. We have had our share of floods, fires, losses, death, despair, heartache, occasional arguments..., yes. Those are things of life. But, if you can't go to your knees together and ask for the same things to the same Father in Heaven, and both agree with a hearty AMEN after the prayer, where are you in your One Flesh idea that God placed before us? Where is your spouse? Not believing and not praying with you? When we became one we meant it. One hurts, the other gets the ointment. One prays, the other says Amen. I see a similar situation with our grandson who is locked into a relationship with a woman who was raised under a certain banner (avoiding saying which) and yet was never churched nor taught anything about faith so she does not believe in Christ. I see the constant struggle in him to be Christian, yet to walk a secular path and it is gut wrenching to have to deal with this. I dare say you will be putting your children through hell on earth if you decide to marry and have children without her coming to Christ completely and faithfully.

So we're to train our children in the way they should go Pro 22:6 So if you both don't believe, there would definitely be mixed messages to them.

If you go to church to worship, Ihere will be conflicts of interest.

If you believe in tithing/giving, they just might not want the money spent in that way.

You cant even talk with them about how a specific scripture is speaking to you, share how a pastor's message impacted you, etc. Time spent reading and studying Scripture when they want to be doing something with them or numerous things instead.

Plus if God calls you to be a pastor, evangelist, worship leader, usher, you're going to be able to do what God wants?

----------‐-------
The message about Him is holy but the method will vary.

LaBèlla said:

I’ve known people standing more than 20 years for their partner to come to faith. It’s rarely quick. Most believers who acted in disobedience regretted it later on. There are ministries devoted to people in that situation. I’ve worked with them in the past.

~Bella

Click to expand...

Fascinating, really. On the face of it probably not, but the dynamics at work certainly are. I'd love to get inside the heads of those who are 'behind' so to speak, and see what they're really thinking.

Oh, and I'm just going say it - bible verses are not a good enough answer for this thread. Why? Because although the book is set in stone, humans generally aren't. We meet people, we change, and we do it all the time. MY decision to become a Christian ultimately came down to one person showing me

Plus, you all stuffed your faces and got yourselves in debt over Christmas, so don't even talk to me about sin.

ReesePiece23 said:

Plus, you all stuffed your faces and got yourselves in debt over Christmas, so don't even talk to me about sin.

Click to expand...

Where in the world did that come from?

marineimaging said:

When my wife of 36 years and I meet with hardship or just need a general direction we go to our knees in prayer, holding each other, and we pray to our Lord to lead and guide us and put our own desires and wants aside for what HE wants in our life. We say, "Lord, we come to You as Husband and Wife, according to you as One flesh...,." In our 36 years together we have never been a day without food on the table, a roof over our head, or need for anything that is a necessity in life. Have we had issues, yes. They are ALWAYS caused by other people. We have had our share of floods, fires, losses, death, despair, heartache, occasional arguments..., yes. Those are things of life. But, if you can't go to your knees together and ask for the same things to the same Father in Heaven, and both agree with a hearty AMEN after the prayer, where are you in your One Flesh idea that God placed before us? Where is your spouse? Not believing and not praying with you? When we became one we meant it. One hurts, the other gets the ointment. One prays, the other says Amen. I see a similar situation with our grandson who is locked into a relationship with a woman who was raised under a certain banner (avoiding saying which) and yet was never churched nor taught anything about faith so she does not believe in Christ. I see the constant struggle in him to be Christian, yet to walk a secular path and it is gut wrenching to have to deal with this. I dare say you will be putting your children through hell on earth if you decide to marry and have children without her coming to Christ completely and faithfully.

Click to expand...

You see, I can only imagine it. But I'm willing to bet that a joint prayer with the wife must be an intensely epic experience. I know how deep I can go on my own, but sharing that has got to be something special.

Isilwen said:

Where in the world did that come from?

Click to expand...

100% humour/banter. No malice intended

The date might work out well, but dates have a way of leading into relationships that have a way of leading into marriage, and a marriage between a true Christian and a non-Christian would have problems from day one.

ReesePiece23 said:

Fascinating, really. On the face of it probably not, but the dynamics at work certainly are. I'd love to get inside the heads of those who are 'behind' so to speak, and see what they're really thinking.

Click to expand...

When you stand for someone all hell breaks loose. You experience warfare and trials of every sort. Being in the gap means you’re taking the fiery darts on their behalf. Oftentimes the relationship is strained.

I’m stood for someone who desired me and pursued that interest. Prayer and fasting were constants. I read every book on spiritual mismatches and joined communities too. I listened to their stories and prayed for them to keep my head in check.

There were moments when he acknowledged the spiritual tug-o-war taking place. And others when the strain was too much. I shared a lot of my experiences. But I never pressured him. My role was love and light. And I wasn’t the lone laborer He used.

Some men are hostile and unwilling to listen or engage about God. I didn’t condemn him. I wanted him to have God’s best. Whatever that meant. I didn’t define it. And my sincerity was never questioned.

It’s a painful road for most. With lots of highs and lows. Spiritual grappling that never ceases. And a quiet hope for their redemption. It doesn’t happen overnight.

~Bella

sorry I'm married.

Isilwen said:

I am doing so right now. She grew up Episcopalian, but after some really bad treatment of her child hood pastor, her and her family left the church and do not identify as Christian.

With that said, our relationship is the best relationship I have ever been in. It's built on respect and she encourages me to believe in God and Jesus, even if she doesn't. She doesn't hinder me or my children from learning more about God and Jesus. She emulates more of a Christ-like attitude than many Christians themselves.

I will say that's rare to find someone such as her, but I believe that finding her was God's doing.

Click to expand...

2nd Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Thoughts on the verse?

Also, if I can't stop you from doing this, please try to convert her back. We all want her to go to Heaven, so please try.

"Can" and "Should" pose completely different questions.

Since the question is "Can".... the only answer is.

Yes, yes you can.

Should, now that comes with an answer that will be debated until everyone on thise forum is blue in the face.

zoidar said:

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

Click to expand...

Some people dating online were looking for friendship and not marriage. Some women stated this in their ads. People wrote back and forth to try to test compatibility and look for unity. Even among Christians or self proclaimed Christians there are differences in opinions about Jesus. Online dating can be a learning experience as people shared information. I gave a Christian widow a stock tip about a biopharma company that was acquired by a larger firm and she made money. We had already split, but were friends for a time afterwards. Now we are strangers. You should not date someone opposed to Christianity.

Tyler52 said:

2nd Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Thoughts on the verse?

Also, if I can't stop you from doing this, please try to convert her back. We all want her to go to Heaven, so please try.

Click to expand...

Considering I have been with Christian women and the relationship was a relationship I would not wish on my enemy, I have nothing to say about that verse. The relationship I am in now is many times better than any I have been in with a Christian woman.

You will not stop me from doing this.

I will not try to convert her. To do so would only drive her further away. I will continue to live my life as a Christian and when she's ready, she will be a Christian once more.