Can you date a woman/man that isn't a Christian?

[Isilwen]

You should be able to back that with a verse. I would like to see it so that I can consider it

Philippians 2:3-4 New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

As I said, there is a running theme throughout the Bible that we are called to be selfless, not selfish. If we love ourselves above others, does that not equal selfishness?

2 Timothy 3:1-5 New King James Version (NKJV)
Perilous Times and Perilous Men
3 But know this, that in the last days a]">[a]perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, b]">[b]unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power.

 

[Josheb]

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

Could work, but generally a bad idea.

Assuming the purpose of dating is to a great degree about finding a future spouse, it should be understood that a marriage to someone not a Christian means they are not likely to know, understand, share, or enjoin all that has to do with your faith. They're not going to go to church with you, pray with you, read scripture with you, serve with you, preach or teach with you, learn from others in the body with you, give of time, talent, or treasure with you.

The word "marry" literally means "to join."

In other words, those marrying non-Christians are making a commitment to join with someone to whom they cannot fully join.


And while I will gladly attest to the fact that my next statement is solely my personal anecdotal experience and worth only what any other anecdotal report is worth... as a professional marriage counselor the most challenging and frequently most difficult (frequently, not always) are the inter-faith couples. Perhaps this is less the case with the liberal ends of Christianity but I work for a conservative evangelical Christian practice and am myself a conservative, evangelical fundamentalist Christians serving Christians who are mostly of similar orientation. I have worked with Christians married to atheists, Jews, Druze, Muslims, Buddhists, Jainists, Wiccans, Granolas , JWs, and LDS. Understand it can be challenging for in-house differences like RCCs and Methodists or Anglicans and Pentecostals, or Presbyterians and Baptists. Throw in the non-denoms and the charismaniacs and it's a wonder any Christian marriage works . Most of these couples have been successful working out the challenges bringing them to see me but 1) the fail rate is greater than the more spiritually homogeneous couple and 2) they still have those differences to work through for the rest of their life together.

We sometimes forget marriage is supposed to be permanent. Whoever, whatever you marry.... you marry for the rest of your life. Or you don't and the egregious pain of divorce that may or may not bring relief is suffered.


So, yeah dating a non-believer could work, but generally a bad idea.

 

[RaymondG]

Philippians 2:3-4 New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

As I said, there is a running theme throughout the Bible that we are called to be selfless, not selfish. If we love ourselves above others, does that not equal selfishness?

The version I read puts it this way:

Philippians 2:3-4 King James Version (KJV)
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.


It seems to be advising against doing things for personal gain...which isnt the topic here. Also the second verse says not to think about self only....but ALSO be concerned about others.... One can be selfish and think about others at the same time.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 New King James Version (NKJV)
Perilous Times and Perilous Men
3 But know this, that in the last days a]">[a]perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, b]">[b]unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power.

I think this goes beyond the normal self preservation.

Do you have any other verses you believe states that , to be selfish is sin?

And you never answer my question:

Is living right and following the commands of God, to save your soul, selfish?

 

[BarnyFyfe]

My wife and I were non-devout Christians when we married 51 years ago. My family was Southern Baptist. Hers was non-denom on her mother's side and Seventh-day Adventist on her father's.

I adopted the faith of my father-in-law quite miraculously 45 years ago. I thought my wife would be delighted and follow suit quite readily. I was wrong.

I didn't know how badly she was abused by her mother as a child, while her father refused to believe it. She prayed very hard for God to make it stop. He didn't. She had to run away across two states to stop it. This had a two-fold effect on her. First, it made the faiths of her father and mother appear worthless because of their behavior. Second, it made God appear to be uninterested in the suffering of the helpless. To this day she has limited interest in spiritual things.

I don't know how I could possibly love anyone more than I love her so the "would you do it all over again" question is moot for me. I have clearly seen God work in her heart and in many ways she is leaps and bounds ahead of me in Christ-likeness. I say that only because it is true.

When I married my wife I had no idea that Christ would become everything to me later on. She is a very jealous person. It took years for her to realize that my relationship with Him made me a much better husband and father than I ever would have been without Him. She would most likely have been a young widow.

As much as I love my wife I would strongly advise against a devout Christian becoming involved with a non-believer. I wouldn't even consider a mate unless they were both devout and, especially if highly intelligent, in agreement with me on key points of doctrine considerably beyond the very basic. I speak from a place of experience and counsel from Scripture.

This is just advice. No need to reply aggressively.

 

[Isilwen]

Philippians 2:3-4 King James Version (KJV)
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Is the KJV the only Bible you read?

And you never answer my question:

Is living right and following the commands of God, to save your soul, selfish?

As for your question, you live right and follow the commands of God because you love Him, to do it because you only fear hell and want a ticket out of going there is indeed selfishness and is the wrong motivation for doing so.

 

[Isilwen]

I am also done debating this with you Raymond within this thread as debate really isn't allowed.

You are more than welcome to open another thread in the appropriate forum on this topic.

 

[RaymondG]

Is the KJV the only Bible you read?

I read many bibles and books and do not hold one group of letters above the other.....for it is the spirit that gives life.... Better yet would be the ability to put all books aside and and inquire, and be directed, in His temple....

As for your question, you live right and follow the commands of God because you love Him, to do it because you only fear hell and want a ticket out of going there is indeed selfishness and is the wrong motivation for doing so.

Would you say then, that there is no need to mention Hell at all while delivering the gospel message? for it can lead to selfishness? which you believe to be sin?

I am also done debating this with you Raymond within this thread as debate really isn't allowed.

You are more than welcome to open another thread in the appropriate forum on this topic.

Had I been aware that you were debating, I would have ceased, from I attempts to reason together, long ago.

Thanks for the conversation.

 

[Kaon]

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

I was in this situation, and I decided the conflict of raising our kids was enough of a deal breaker. But, my partner was staunch in their faith like me, and I didn't think it would be fair to try to convert (because I wouldn't want to be converted).

I would say if you are unevenly yoked, or your spiritual foundation is off, it won't work.

 

[BarnyFyfe]

Please quote the scripture that states that selfishness is sin.

Be glad to oblige.

1Jn 3:4 KJV Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.

Mat 22:36-40 KJV 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

There's only one person left out of this law.
Self. It's pretty obvious. It's even implied that we don't need to be told to love ourselves because we're naturally selfish (sinful).

God is all about selfless, other-centered love.

 

[RaymondG]

Be glad to oblige.

1Jn 3:4 KJV Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.

Mat 22:36-40 KJV 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

There's only one person left out of this law.
Self. It's pretty obvious. It's even implied that we don't need to be told to love ourselves because we're naturally selfish (sinful).

God is all about selfless, other-centered love.

Wonderful scriptures.

Do you believe that when you find a woman and make her vow to only be with you until her death....that you are going it for her good and/or mainly to please God.....and not your Self?

 

[BarnyFyfe]

.

 

[nolidad]

What do you think about dating a non-Christian? Bad idea? Could it work?

It is unequally yoking your self! The woman is not part of the kingdom of God so she is in another kingdom! Hoping to get them saved is foolhardy at best!

 

[RaymondG]

I wouldn't "make" her vow anything. She would have to be willing.

My apologies for not be politically correct. Let me rephrase:

Do you believe that when you find a woman and ASK her to vow to only be with you until her death....that you are going it for her good and/or mainly to please God.....and not your Self?

 

[BarnyFyfe]

Wonderful scriptures.

Do you believe that when you find a woman and make her vow to only be with you until her death....that you are going it for her good and/or mainly to please God.....and not your Self?

I wouldn't "make" her vow anything. She would have to be willing. That's why we ask "Will" you marry me?
Gen 2:18 KJV And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

 

[BarnyFyfe]

My apologies for not be politically correct. Let me rephrase:

Do you believe that when you find a woman and ASK her to vow to only be with you until her death....that you are going it for her good and/or mainly to please God.....and not your Self?

Political correctness has nothing to do with the difference between force and willingness on the part of both parties. That's not selfish. The two participants give themselves to each other. Any other type of arrangement is a sham. The Bible is clear enough on this point.

 

[RaymondG]

Political correctness has nothing to do with the difference between force and willingness on the part of both parties. That's not selfish. The two participants give themselves to each other. Any other type of arrangement is a sham. The Bible is clear enough on this point.

Yet, Why cant you just be friends with the woman and allow her to be friends with others as well? Why is the intimacy and legal vows necessary? And why is the introduction of the need to be intimate....more than friends....and the exclusion of the possibility that this agreement be entered with anyone else, not selfish?

 

[Isilwen]

Yet, Why cant you just be friends with the woman and allow her to be friends with others as well? Why is the intimacy and legal vows necessary? And why is the introduction of the need to be intimate....more than friends....and the exclusion of the possibility that this agreement be entered with anyone else, not selfish?

How do humans procreate?

 

[RaymondG]

How do humans procreate?

If you desire to learn about procreation, please start a new thread. We are never to old to learn and no one should feel ashamed to ask about things others feel they should already know.

 

[DeepWater]

Never even toy with the idea of dating someone who is not born again, if you are....

If you do, and they are nice, interesting, sexy, smell good, have nice pecs, pretty eyes, long legs, and are fun to be with........you'll fall in love. which means you have fallen in LUST.
You can call it a "crush" if you like....
And once you do that regarding an unbeliever, the devil owns you.

Now listen to me. Im going to give you a truth that can save your life...
Its this.
When the Devil has you marked for destruction, He will send someone into your life.
That is 100% of the time.
He'll tempt you all the time, but when he is aiming for your total destruction.....your life, your witness, your future......he will send a person to you..
Often the opposite sex.

Paul says to run from any chance you might fornicate. Not to resist it, not to debate it, not to pray about it, but to RUN FROM IT>......"flee".
Paul understands your body and your urges. Heed him.
And dating is nearly the same thing, trying to happen..
Dating requires some self control, usually more then you have....

Enter at your own risk, if all your dating is just "you 2 all alone, most of the time".

 

[RaymondG]

Never even toy with the idea of dating someone who is not born again, if you are....

Tell me then, Who should the Christian seeker date? The ones who are attending church and desire to know and learn about God, but are not let born again?