God said: "It's not good for man to be alone".

Picky Pilot said:

A person is married to someone with Alzheimer's and they don't recognize them, know they're married and haven't had any kind of physical relationship in years.
The healthy spouse often dies before the sick one due to loneliness, stress, and grief that can last for years. This happens an astounding 40% of the time.

If he/she, has a relationship outside the marriage and that develops into a caring partnership that benefits the ill spouse... How can that be wrong?

Don't bother quoting marriage vows which were written in the 1400s. "Sickness and in health"?? That's when people got sick and died a day, week or even a month later.
Dementia patients were just thrown out in the streets and died shortly after.
Or worse, churches thought they were demon-possessed and they were tortured until cleansed. (that's where "dementia" comes from).

Does anyone have any solid comments pro or con?

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Picky Pilot said:

It appears to me that he kept his wedding vows.
So far, the record for being in a coma was 42 years as far as I know.

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LaBèlla said:

They prayerfully addressed her request when she died and married later.

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Dave-W said:

Operative words: “died” and “later.”

I do have a clue on this. My MIL died of Alzheimer’s about 10 years ago. She had forgotten everything and everyone for years. She finally forgot how to swallow food or water. So she basically starved to death.

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LaBèlla said:

I’m sorry for your loss Dave.

I’ve encountered men on the Internet with stories similar to the OP. I don’t know their situations but I know the Lord. If I undertook a union under those conditions and began an adulterous relationship—irrespective of the reasons—I would not expect His blessing. Forsaking His favor for temporary gain is not an option.

~Bella

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Dave-W said:

I am a bit concerned as my wife has become a bit forgetful over the last year. We are both over 60 and since there is history there, I will have to keep my eye on it.

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LaBèlla said:

I’ll be praying for you both, her healing, and the Lord’s guidance and comfort for you each.

~Bella

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Picky Pilot said:

A person is married to someone with Alzheimer's and they don't recognize them, know they're married and haven't had any kind of physical relationship in years.
The healthy spouse often dies before the sick one due to loneliness, stress, and grief that can last for years. This happens an astounding 40% of the time.

If he/she, has a relationship outside the marriage and that develops into a caring partnership that benefits the ill spouse... How can that be wrong?

Don't bother quoting marriage vows which were written in the 1400s. "Sickness and in health"?? That's when people got sick and died a day, week or even a month later.
Dementia patients were just thrown out in the streets and died shortly after.
Or worse, churches thought they were demon-possessed and they were tortured until cleansed. (that's where "dementia" comes from).

Does anyone have any solid comments pro or con?

Click to expand...

Picky Pilot said:

A person is married to someone with Alzheimer's and they don't recognize them, know they're married and haven't had any kind of physical relationship in years.
The healthy spouse often dies before the sick one due to loneliness, stress, and grief that can last for years. This happens an astounding 40% of the time.

If he/she, has a relationship outside the marriage and that develops into a caring partnership that benefits the ill spouse... How can that be wrong?

Don't bother quoting marriage vows which were written in the 1400s. "Sickness and in health"?? That's when people got sick and died a day, week or even a month later.
Dementia patients were just thrown out in the streets and died shortly after.
Or worse, churches thought they were demon-possessed and they were tortured until cleansed. (that's where "dementia" comes from).

Does anyone have any solid comments pro or con?

Click to expand...

Picky Pilot said:

A person is married to someone with Alzheimer's and they don't recognize them, know they're married and haven't had any kind of physical relationship in years.
The healthy spouse often dies before the sick one due to loneliness, stress, and grief that can last for years. This happens an astounding 40% of the time.

If he/she, has a relationship outside the marriage and that develops into a caring partnership that benefits the ill spouse... How can that be wrong?

Don't bother quoting marriage vows which were written in the 1400s. "Sickness and in health"?? That's when people got sick and died a day, week or even a month later.
Dementia patients were just thrown out in the streets and died shortly after.
Or worse, churches thought they were demon-possessed and they were tortured until cleansed. (that's where "dementia" comes from).

Does anyone have any solid comments pro or con?

Click to expand...

holo said:

A lot of the replies here is like reading about how the Pharisees met Jesus. They were pretty good at keeping rules, and they could cite all the right passages. They knew the law. They knew it so well that there was no room in their hearts for compassion or even common sense. OBEY THE RULES OR ELSE. Because that's what God wants more than anything, even if you're in a situation where it doesn't make sense, and even if obeying the rules causes innocent people to suffer.

What for? What good does it do this man's wife that he denies himself? How does it help or bless her? But right, this isn't about his quality of life, and especially not hers, all that matters is that he fulfills his obligations. He can get himself another woman the second his wife dies, that's ok, because it's not technically breaking any rules.

Christian faith can be a wonderful, life-giving thing. But this thread is a great example of how inhumane, senseless, misguided and destructive it can be.

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ViaCrucis said:

Is it about "obeying the rules", or is it about being the kind of person who puts others ahead of themselves?

I understand that the situation the OP speaks about is a deeply complicated one. But it's difficult for me to see how betraying one's loved ones in order to satisfy a personal longing is a justifiable position to take.

I don't think the issue has anything to do about rule keeping, and has everything to do with what does it mean to love another human being.

-CryptoLutheran

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holo said:

I don't want to answer for the OP, but with at disease like Alzheimer's, one can reasonably argue that the person they made a promise to doesn't really exist anymore. There is, in a sense, nobody to betray. And the person in question certainly isn't keeping their promise (through no fault of their own though).

The question, to me, is what is the promise worth? What good does it do to keep it? As far as I can tell, that's what Jesus tried to teach people, too: it's fine to keep the law, but there's a higher purpose to the law that goes beyond being good at keeping rules. It's about love and common sense, and self-care. I do things that are solely purely self-serving, but it's not just selfishness. Because if I don't take care of myself to a certain degree, I will have less capacity to care for others. It's not always obvious where the line is drawn, and what's right for me and my family isn't necessarily right for another. I see a lot of wrongdoing in this thread, or sin if you will, but it's not on the part of the OP. I see it in the reflexive condemnation of him for not keeping some rule. I think many of us are treating their spouse way worse than he is, but it's convenient that he appears to be breaking a particular commandment, so he's easier to blame than one who spends more time on his smartphone than with his wife.

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