dating overseas

timewerx · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
I also know that a lot of countries that we require visas from allow us without a Visa (your aunt's situation). It could change at any time if Americans started sneaking into other countries on a regular basis or became terrorist threats to those countries.

Unfair right?

It's not really about terrorist threat. Saudi Arabians are let off easy in the Visa program. THey still need to secure visas but securing them is A LOT easier and a lot faster than for us.

I worked in Saudi Arabia for a few years. They can get their visas cheaply and approved for a few days. Us will take weeks, months :scratch:

No need to wonder how Saudi Arabian terrorists can easily get to USA...

blackribbon · Sep 13, 2019

timewerx said:
Unfair right?

It's not really about terrorist threat. Saudi Arabians are let off easy in the Visa program. THey still need to secure visas but securing them is A LOT easier and a lot faster than for us.

I worked in Saudi Arabia for a few years. They can get their visas cheaply and approved for a few days. Us will take weeks, months

No need to wonder how Saudi Arabian terrorists can easily get to USA...

Since Saudi Arabia is an actual Ally, it is sort of sad that there is enough problems that they aren't on the Visa-free program...but we do recognize that the area poses a threat to the US citizens.

ThisIsMe123 · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
I know that many people on this forum have talked about seeking spouses across country borders though international online dating. I was wonder if people research what it takes and costs to bring a non-citizen to your country or what it would take to move legally to theirs before you actually try this? I have immigrant friends and I know that it is an expensive undertaking to come to come to the US (they met their spouse in person and fell in love the old fashion way when the American was working in their country). And after watching some of the 90 day Fiance shows, it is seems like people who date online often are not financially stable enough and/or spend money they don't have to bring someone over here.

Anyone trying this route?

A male friend of mine was doing mission work in the Philppines and had met a lovely Philpina woman he'd stayed in touch with since returning to the US. About a 15 year age difference, too. He's the older one.

Although I don't know the logistics of it all, all i know is is he's now married ti her and living with her and his step kids here in the area. She has no kids.

So there was a happy ending there.

timewerx · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
Do you have a specific place in mind? We don't have many hostels. And buses don't go near the campgrounds. And it is illegal to just sleep on a bench or a public park even if a lot of homeless people do do it some places.

Just around California, Las Vegas, and maybe around New Jersey. We have relatives in SF, LA, and New Jersey. If near relatives, they can let us stay with them.

I don't really plan on going all over USA and take many hours road trip, that's impossible, especially if I have to work too.

I have already semi-explored the eastern seaboard when I went to USA on a business trip several years ago. We did it only during weekends with friends.

blackribbon · Sep 13, 2019

I often hear that it cost around $10,000 to bring a spouse here and get an American citizenship

timewerx · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
Since Saudi Arabia is an actual Ally, it is sort of sad that there is enough problems that they aren't on the Visa-free program...but we do recognize that the area poses a threat to the US citizens.

There's lots of USA-haters in Saudi Arabia, not just terrorists, but even in the Royal Family too. USA knows this.

The alliance only exist because they benefit each other economically... Saudi Arabia is virtually visa-free. The visa only exists as a formality, they can get one so easily.

Because of money, they can turn a blind eye to the terrorist threat

blackribbon · Sep 13, 2019

timewerx said:
Just around California, Las Vegas, and maybe around New Jersey. We have relatives in SF, LA, and New Jersey. If near relatives, they can let us stay with them.

I don't really plan on going all over USA and take many hours road trip, that's impossible, especially if I have to work too.

I have already semi-explored the eastern seaboard when I went to USA on a business trip several years ago. We did it only during weekends with friends.

SF to LA to LV is 653 miles via car. I do think there is a train you can take to those destinations. But that is still a lot of ground to cover. Good luck. I hope you make it here some day.

blackribbon · Sep 13, 2019

timewerx said:
There's lots of USA-haters in Saudi Arabia, not just terrorists, but even in the Royal Family too. USA knows this.

The alliance only exist because they benefit each other economically... Saudi Arabia is virtually visa-free. The visa only exists as a formality, they can get one so easily.

Because of money, they can turn a blind eye to the terrorist threat

I don't think a person can just "buy" a Visa into the US by just being rich. Having money and connections probably allows it to be processed faster but it still has to go through the same channels. Most our government processes are pretty straightforward and everyone has to jump through the same hoops. No bribe and a wink to get around requirements.

timewerx · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
SF to LA to LV is 653 miles via car. I do think there is a train you can take to those destinations. But that is still a lot of ground to cover. Good luck. I hope you make it here some day.

Thanks! We plan on staying over the max duration the Visa will allow us (Usually not more than 3 months). We'll be staying wtih my aunt for most of the time. So it's free accommodation in most days.

It's supposed to be this year but series of unfortunate events, we have to postpone. Probably next year or two, God willing. Bringing mom with me, to visit her sister, my aunt.

timewerx · Sep 13, 2019

blackribbon said:
I don't think a person can just "buy" a Visa into the US by just being rich. Having money and connections probably allows it to be processed faster but it still has to go through the same channels. Most our government processes are pretty straightforward and everyone has to jump through the same hoops. No bribe and a wink to get around requirements.

No bribing involved.

But I think some countries are processed differently than others.

I once helped my Arab boss get his USA visa while I was working in Saudi Arabia. We went the same channels as every Arab has to go through and to my suprise, it was ridiculously cheap and only took two days to process! :/

An Arab Colleague got his EU Visa at about the same cost and time, very cheaply. Even if that's their first time, they would get the same treatment.

If I did this, I'd be required tons of documents to show how much money I make, and total cost of assets.... It would take weeks / months even if I did it in my own country.

That's the US Embassy btw, run by American staff.... There's clearly a discrimination here, based on country of origin's per capita income. They don't see a person. The person does not exist... They only care if you can add money to their system. That's all they care about.

Citanul · Sep 13, 2019

I know a couple who found red tape a problem. He's American and moved to South Africa, but while we do have spousal visas which are supposed to allow someone married to a South African to stay in the country, he battled to get one for a long time. I think part of the problem was that he was working for an international organisation, so he didn't have a South African employer. He finally managed to get one, but it was a very long process - long enough for them to have a kid, which made the situation even more stressful for them.

As for me, I don't think it's something I'd consider. I'm not particularly interested in moving, and I don't think it's appropriate to go into a long distance relationship insisting that the other person be the one to move. It might be more convenient for them to do it, but I feel that both parties should be open to it.

Having said that, it wouldn't necessarily be that difficult for me to move as I have dual UK and South African citizenship, so there's no problem getting into the UK and I could possibly be able to move within my company as I have some good contacts in the London office. But in the unlikely event that I were to consider moving I definitely wouldn't be prepared to do so without already having a job lined up.

blackribbon · Sep 13, 2019

I find it interesting to watch my Afrikan friends try to figure out the African American culture here. My Ghana friend was scared to go to her nursing clinical at an inner city hospital...luckily she met a Ghana doctor who helped her fit in (not romantic met, just a piece of her own culture). Her husband drove her there before her first clinical so she could figure out how to get to the hospital safely from the far out lot we were assigned to park in. And I had to be available to "talk her down" at the end of every clinical because she was in the ICU and saw some very inner city type injuries.

Sketcher · Sep 13, 2019

My personal take is:

Only marry someone who is either an American citizen (born or naturalized), or who has had her permanent residence for at least two years. It takes 5 years as a permanent resident to become a citizen for someone who is not married to an American citizen, and 3 years as a permanent resident for someone who is married to an American citizen. Take away the possibility for a fast track to citizenship, and you cut down on fraud.

If she says she can't get a passport or a smartphone or plane tickets, don't believe her.

Many foreign women picked the US before they picked you. Consider why. Here's an example of why some women would prefer to marry American men:

So, to break it down:
1) Independence over being a housewife.
2) Don't have to cook/do laundry for him.
3) He's less likely to cheat.
4) Less complaints about being overweight.
5) We're more care-free than reserved.
6) We're more equality-minded.

In other words, if she wants more independence, and isn't gravitating towards being what is traditionally considered a good housewife (cooking/cleaning, etc), and isn't gravitating towards quiet men, and is likelier to let herself go in the weight department once married, and isn't as much of a "yes" woman with her husband, that's the kind of woman that wants to come here. What I have noticed about men who seek after foreign women is they want the opposite in a woman, and tend to be not the most social of men. So this can be a recipe for disaster.

The most serious of these of course, is the independence - an American feminist at least knows that marriage isn't a vehicle to independence, it's the opposite. Your spouse is at least as important as your dreams, and ideally, people would marry around compatible dreams. And they still have to give after that - if you have a relative that dies right when there's supposed to be an extended family visit to your in-laws that your spouse has been looking forward to for months, you two will have to give a bit on what to do and where to go. But consider the woman who wants independence and sees marriage to an American man as the fast track to getting it. She may or may not leave him right after she gets it, but what's going to cause real tension is she chose the US before she chose him, and she wants to study here and work there and live in this other place and the man she marries is along for the ride, or he's in the way. That's going to be a miserable marriage.

Also, let's not forget that culture clash as to how to live at home is a very real thing.

Most of this comes from different assumptions about what home life is supposed to be. The differences here seem more pronounced than what is normal between two Americans. Unlike this couple, a friend of mine married a Chinese woman for just under two years and then they divorced. I wonder how much of this was a factor in that.

bèlla · Sep 13, 2019

That’s pretty unflattering to American men. I guess they feel they’re pushovers.

Sketcher · Sep 13, 2019

LaBèlla said:
That’s pretty unflattering to American men. I guess they feel they’re pushovers.

Lots of American men who seek foreign women don't do well for themselves. They fall for scammers or fail to consider compatibility issues, and end up divorced a few short years later. Perhaps exposing the blind spot will help someone avoid this terrible fate.

bèlla · Sep 14, 2019

Sketcher said:
Lots of American men who seek foreign women don't do well for themselves. They fall for scammers or fail to consider compatibility issues, and end up divorced a few short years later. Perhaps exposing the blind spot will help someone avoid this terrible fate.

I’m aware of the scams and addressed it in my response. You need to have a clear idea who you’re dealing with and people are too trusting.

Given the video, I wouldn’t recommend it.

ThisIsMe123 · Sep 14, 2019

Sketcher said:
My personal take is:

Only marry someone who is either an American citizen (born or naturalized), or who has had her permanent residence for at least two years. It takes 5 years as a permanent resident to become a citizen for someone who is not married to an American citizen, and 3 years as a permanent resident for someone who is married to an American citizen. Take away the possibility for a fast track to citizenship, and you cut down on fraud.

If she says she can't get a passport or a smartphone or plane tickets, don't believe her.

Many foreign women picked the US before they picked you. Consider why. Here's an example of why some women would prefer to marry American men:

So, to break it down:
1) Independence over being a housewife.
2) Don't have to cook/do laundry for him.
3) He's less likely to cheat.
4) Less complaints about being overweight.
5) We're more care-free than reserved.
6) We're more equality-minded.

In other words, if she wants more independence, and isn't gravitating towards being what is traditionally considered a good housewife (cooking/cleaning, etc), and isn't gravitating towards quiet men, and is likelier to let herself go in the weight department once married, and isn't as much of a "yes" woman with her husband, that's the kind of woman that wants to come here. What I have noticed about men who seek after foreign women is they want the opposite in a woman, and tend to be not the most social of men. So this can be a recipe for disaster.

The most serious of these of course, is the independence - an American feminist at least knows that marriage isn't a vehicle to independence, it's the opposite. Your spouse is at least as important as your dreams, and ideally, people would marry around compatible dreams. And they still have to give after that - if you have a relative that dies right when there's supposed to be an extended family visit to your in-laws that your spouse has been looking forward to for months, you two will have to give a bit on what to do and where to go. But consider the woman who wants independence and sees marriage to an American man as the fast track to getting it. She may or may not leave him right after she gets it, but what's going to cause real tension is she chose the US before she chose him, and she wants to study here and work there and live in this other place and the man she marries is along for the ride, or he's in the way. That's going to be a miserable marriage.

Also, let's not forget that culture clash as to how to live at home is a very real thing.

Most of this comes from different assumptions about what home life is supposed to be. The differences here seem more pronounced than what is normal between two Americans. Unlike this couple, a friend of mine married a Chinese woman for just under two years and then they divorced. I wonder how much of this was a factor in that.

Interestingly enough, I had come across this Vietnamese woman on the Match.com site. She's only been married once, divorced long ago...like in the mid-2000s. No kids, doesn't want kids either.

She is a legal US citizen, been one for quite a while and surprisingly, still holds on to being the cooking and cleaning type of woman for her man. Cooks healthy food, too. She even flirtingly says, "You eat bad food, I'll cook healthy food for you!"

I talked to my friend about her, and she basically said she's "a giver". It's just something...she does.

She has been living independently for quite some time and has just now started getting back into the world of dating. She's been more into work than into finding someone, but someone talked her into the dating site to give it a shot.

NOT that I expect that from a woman, but...I guess I'd consider it more so a perk if anything, considering I've taken care of myself (cooking and cleaning) all my life. Not a neat freak persee', but I do what I do.

She says some of that foreign tradition has stuck with her. She works for a living and has had done so for quite a long time.

Also, can't help but to think the click-baity nature of those vids.

Sketcher · Sep 14, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
Also, can't help but to think the click-baity nature of those vids.

They're Youtubers who want views, yes. But it all rings true when I consider the men I know and have known over the years who have married internationally and had it fall apart. If you know how to look out for yourself, you can do well when having an international relationship. Lots of men who seek them do not, much of what I posted never occurred to them. Had they been cognizant of these things when they were looking, they could have done much better for themselves.

Elliewaves · Sep 14, 2019

Many from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm often are introduced to another overseas. And the expectation is to bring the spouse to the US or Canada; to fit into their life there.

I think you also have to remember about the reality shows; it's entertainment not a documentary. They often showcase the worst depiction of American life or much of the drama is producer driven for a storyline to get people watching each week and they specialize in trainwrecks. Many of the people who appear do so to make the money to use toward the visa and agree to a twisting of their story to make it seem more dramatic that it really is, so that they don't have to endure much work or hardship to bring their person over. Some of the personalities that go on 90 day fiance are also looking for "fame"; they have tried to apply for other reality shows , they use the 90 day spin offs as their only source of income really, they are looking to gain social media followers so they can do sponsorships with various companies to make money or to get products (clothing companies, monthly subscription companies (like Fab, fit, fun), weightloss products, etc....). I think one girl one the show did later appear on American Idol in order to use a fanbase to propel her forward in the show and be "discovered"). So the more dramatic and memorable they are, the more offers they can get, sort of thing. Much of it is not realistic.

MehGuy · Sep 14, 2019

Sounds like a lot of work.

dating overseas

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