When the Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, it's about when you first understand this sovereign God.
I believed in a god all my life, he seemed pretty scary, could send you to hell and such, reward you if you were good but in the end he was a man-made god..
But one day I was saved, and I met or truly understood the sovereign God of this universe for the first time - and I was terrified. I mean I saw every second of my life and every moment in it and every decision I made orchestrated by a God I couldn't control to bring me to that very moment in time - to the moment of my salvation.. and I knew real fear of God.
It didn't take long for that fear to turn into a true and very deep love of Him.. that fear was the beginning of wisdom, not the end. Fear is never the end with God as it gives way to love once you know Him just a little more fully, and if it doesn't give way to a deep and abiding love then you likely never met/understood God.
And I say that because God introduces Himself to us in love, not fear. The same sovereign God who brings us to the initial moment of our salvation, also promises to bring it to its completion. So if initial fear only begets more fear, you've yet to understand God.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
So keep looking for Him. Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. Ask God for a heart understanding of Him in truth. There is rest to be had, when you find Him in truth.
Yes, He intimately knows us and all of our ways, and He planned out ahead of time all of our days.
And still He loves us with that great love of His that conquers every enemy we have that seeks to destroy us.
Many are the trials of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
From v16
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Psalm 139 New King James Version (NKJV)
God’s Perfect Knowledge of Man
For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.
1 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in [c]hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you
bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.