How long should the relationship be, before asking to marry?

JohnB445 said:

Many people will give a vague "It depends", or "Up to you".

Well after the first 1-hour date, asking to marry or the very first 30 minutes sounds like a terrible idea.

Does anyone have some wisdom to shine in this area?

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Yeah asking to get married after one day is probably not a good idea. But I've known people who got married after a mere 6 months and people who waited for five years before getting married (high school sweethearts who wanted to go to college and get financially stable first as they wanted to have children).

The important thing is to have communication with the person you're dating and to be sure that you really take the time and effort to get to know them as a person and for them to get to know you. And that happens different for everyone. Some people are more private and take longer to show their feelings and be comfortable around someone. Others are an open book and have no problems sharing their feelings.

Hormons and chemical love will go away after a year or two. After that, you will see who is really standing before you.

So, I would recommend to wait cca 2 years before the decision to marry. Your "love" must switch from "wow, this time is so exciting! I have so many good feelings about it!" to something more realistic, first.

It depends. It's up to you.



But seriously, however long it takes to get to know each other well enough. 1 year sounds about right to me, give or take a few months. The way I see it, if we're meant to be, the two of us should be willing to wait that long. Much longer than that, however, and I'd wonder if we're wasting each others' time.

myst33 said:

Hormons and chemical love will go away after a year or two. After that, you will see who is really standing before you.

So, I would recommend to wait cca 2 years before the decision to marry. Your "love" must switch from "wow, this time is so exciting! I have so many good feelings about it!" to something more realistic, first.

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I think this starts to happens somewhere around 6 months of constant contact. So wait at least six months before deciding to get engaged. I kind of believe that if after a year, you both aren't ready to discuss marriage then it might be time to move on unless you are happy with a dating only relationship. This doesn't mean that you have to get married right away...but it should be on the table with a definite timeline like "fiinishing school" (that has an end date), or in "two years so we can save up to pay for everything in advance"....

Now this doesn't completely apply to those who are 23 years old or younger.... but I think it is pretty realistic for everyone else. IMO

JohnB445 said:

Would it be probably better to start seeking a long-term relationship for now?

It just seems those who have been together since high school will have a better and stronger bond.

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Not always. I also know people who dated in high school, got married as adults, and then divorced. Sometimes people grow and change from the person they were in high school. I know I did.

You literally cannot put an equation on how long you should date someone before marriage. Human beings are complex with emotions and aspirations that evolve and change over time. Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly and is a lot of hard work on its own. It has to be maintained and allowed room to grow just like any other relationship. The trick is finding a person you want to do that with. And that may or may not take some time.

I know you didn't want a "depends" answer but in the end that is literally your answer. You will never know until you search for a life partner yourself and it is why open communication in romantic relationships is vital.

blackribbon said:

I think this starts to happens somewhere around 6 months of constant contact.

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Yes, its said that it starts to happen from 6months to 2 years. So, its of course individual, but I would go with the more certain time period, 2 years.

Six months can work in some cases, but in some cases there will still be much of hormonal activity and emotional blindness.

myst33 said:

Yes, its said that it starts to happen from 6months to 2 years. So, its of course individual, but I would go with the more certain time period, 2 years.

Six months can work in some cases, but in some cases there will still be much of hormonal activity and emotional blindness.

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If you can find someone you are still hormonal and emotionally blind for over a year of constant contact..and they feel the same way about you, get married immediately. .

I feel you should not marry until you feel in proximity with each other.

What are your wants and plans for the future? Are they on the same path or in proximity with your destiny?

Lets say your dating. Your a Christian and they are not. You want to be a deacon, serve the Church and do Church functions. She wants to sleep in on Sunday, drag you away from where you want to be and has no desire to do Christian stuff then do not marry her until she gets in proximity with you.

It may take time and you may be able to guide them to your way but until they do fit into your ways do not marry them.

Also there is a point where if you dont feel they are ever going to come around to your way of being then its time to slowley let them go.

Sorry bout the wrong spelling of proximity. I dont know how to spell proxsimitty or how ever its spelt.

Well, I would wait until there was a stable income for both me and my partner to live comfortably on and have a nice house we can afford. That's just me, I like having a plan.

Oh, sorry! I read it wrong.
Um....Maybe 3 years the least. When you think you can see yourself having 50 year anniversary and still be happy with this person.

I strongly suspect that I'll know who I want to marry when the time comes. And that'll be when the minds meet before the hormones do.

Often, the minds have met. More often, the hormones have. But I can't say I've ever had one work then the other. But when it does, I'll know. (The timing MAY be irrelevant.)

Has anyone actually dated anyone for multiple years? I'd think that in most cases, if you weren't ready to start considering marriage after a year...I sort of doubt that another year or two would make much difference. Staying celibate with someone you are attracted to and wanting to spend a lifetime with would be an issue. And if you aren't having that kind of issue, it sounds like that physical attraction isn't there.

The people I know who "date" for years are usually living together and playing "married" without the commitment of marriage.

Tokitee said:

Well, I would wait until there was a stable income for both me and my partner to live comfortably on and have a nice house we can afford. That's just me, I like having a plan.

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So you intend to remain in a non-sexual relationship for years to just save up for a house? What is wrong with an apartment or rental while you both work toward the same goal together instead of both paying for separate living situations (more expensive so less available to save)? There is a lot to say about learning to live on a budget together as you learn how to be a married couple.

i'd say as soon as possible after mutual consent.

I dont really know, never had a relationship before.
I was thinking "what would be wise thing to do before getting married?" Then, I thought, having money saved up would be wise. I have kept in contact with my classmates and some of my married classmates had to go back home and live with someone's parents house, because they couldnt afford living on their own.
I had to move back to my parents house but, it makes me wonder if those who are married; do they move in with their in-laws or, do they have separate and go to their own parent s house?

I was dreaming of saving for a house when I get married, it's a dream, and it's ok to be unrealistic when you dream big. It won't happen of course.

Every situation is different.

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blackribbon said:

So you intend to remain in a non-sexual relationship for years to just save up for a house?.

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Tokitee never said it was non-sexual.