No no, youre not the one for me

fragilewingz said:

I made a list basing on the last person who I fell out of love with... but top 2 would be:

1.Person who lacks empathy/ compassion/ the ability to understand what their significant other is is going through
2. a person who claims to be a Christian but is not a Christian in their thoughts words and actions

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2: So like, a Christian.

If she's what I'd consider an "unthinking Christian," that's a dealbreaker for me.

What I mean is, if she's one who:

• buys into what the church says without question
• isn't analytical about her faith
• falls into the school of thought of, "The Bible says it, I believe it, and that settles it" without considering her interpretation of Scripture could be wrong
• isolates herself from "the world" (e.g., she only listens to Christian music or only reads Christian books)
• vilifies non-Believers for their lack of faith
• is legalistic, often claiming what's not sin to be sin

That's a dealbreaker.

Beautyinsteadofashes said:

What is your biggest deal-breaker when it comes to
relationships?

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If someone is not a Christian that would be the biggest deal breaker. If they are politically opposite that would also be hard to reconcile. So for me it mostly comes down to doctrine and philosophy. I suppose age is a factor too, like if they are 20 years older than me.

ForeverEternal said:

Even if they're a Christian, if they have a lack of relationship with God and don't like spiritual things like Christian music and such, it's usually a huge turn off. If they also disagree with major things in the Bible, then they're pretty much off my to be married list.

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Yeah... we'll never get married lol. I just can't for the life of me get into the touchy-feely side of Christianity at all. Have tried. Just no chemistry there for me. It's weird. Most Christians feel like family to me and I love them, but personality wise I feel I have more in common with atheists.

Emotional or physical abuse

Hm, non-Christian I'd say. A lot of the other problems are a mere consequence of that.

1. Non-Christian
2. Has the same weakness as I do (Sexual lust)
3. Sarcasm
4. Controlling/jealous/abusive
5. Extremely extroverted
6. Hardcore Calvinist
7. Prideful
8. Thinks about marriage too soon
9. Wants kids too fast
10. Unaccepting of my predicament (Social retardation, lack of job or driver's license)
11. Does not adhere to Sola Scriptura
12. Open LGBTQ+ acceptance
13. Fascination with violence
14. Utter condemnation of LGBTQ+ persons (I love the person but believe the action to be a sin.)
15. Socio/psychopathy
16. Manipulation
17. Likes Creflo Dollar
18. Is excessively charismatic
19. Prefers The Message as the best 'Bible'
20. Cafeteria Christian
21. Is involved with the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry
22. Adheres to Word of Faith doctrines
23. Purposely twists Scripture to prove her 'doctrine'
24. Likes Bill Johnson
25. Lacks affection/hates touch
26. Excessively affectionate/addicted to touch
27. Too quick to kiss
28. Attracted to me physically more than attracted to me spiritually
29. Excessively romantic
30. Lacks personality
31. Thinks that Christian metal is of the Devil
32. Doesn't scrutinize my music taste, either, corollary of 31
33. Tries to get me too involved in social activities
34. Doesn't appreciate my Bible obsession
35. Finally, someone who disregards everything I say without reason

Beautyinsteadofashes said:

What is your biggest deal-breaker when it comes to
relationships?

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A man who’s not after God’s heart, basically a man who doesn’t put God first in all that he does.

ChristIsSovereign said:

17. Likes Creflo Dollar

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This made me laugh so hard!

Basically your list says you want someone who is not too "this" and not too "that," but "just right."

For me they have to both be a believer in God and Jesus, they cannot be abusive or put my children's wellbeing in jeopardy in any way, and have to be fully accepting of the fact that my sons (and any future grandchildren I might have) will always be part of my life. They have to be honest and very open (no dishonesty by omission).

Anything else is just details that can be worked with. If they are a believer, if they are safe to be with, and if they are honest, I can work with anything.

edit: why do i respond to these threads, i don't know...

JAM2b said:

For me they have to both be a believer in God and Jesus, they cannot be abusive or put my children's wellbeing in jeopardy in any way, and have to be fully accepting of the fact that my sons (and any future grandchildren I might have) will always be part of my life. They have to be honest and very open (no dishonesty by omission).

Anything else is just details that can be worked with. If they are a believer, if they are safe to be with, and if they are honest, I can work with anything.

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Omigosh, I love your profile picture! XD My former youth ministry mentor shared this in class shortly after he found out that I dress in goth, I think.

Heartofsilver said:

Omigosh, I love your profile picture! XD My former youth ministry mentor shared this in class shortly after he found out that I dress in goth, I think.

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I like it because it is representative of me and my oldest son when he went through his Goth stage.

Dishonesty, smokers, unkindness shown to myself or even strangers

If they don't like pets, if they're a militant atheist, if they're over 30 or under 20.

I will not follow a man who lacks vision or align myself with one mired in debt.

This is a tough one because any answer would be incomplete. For instance, no one's list thus far has ruled out "drug lord."

I suspect a lot of people's answers are based on past experiences. Some of my answers certainly are. Not all of them, but some.

- No non-Christians, since that is specifically forbidden by the Lord.
- No one who doesn't care what is specifically forbidden by the Lord. There are people who claim to be Christians who fall into this category. 1 John 1:6 throws a lot of doubt on their claim.
- No one who isn't at least of average intelligence. The smarter the better.
- No one who can't admit when they've done wrong or who can't feel remorse about it.
- No one who has cheated on a former spouse. If they did it in the past, they are likely to do it in the future. God forgives, but I don't want to take a chance on them. Tried that and got burned.
- No one who doesn't have a good sense of humor. I'm usually pretty light-hearted, so a humorless person would hate me and I wouldn't like being around them either.
- No one who isn't interested in at least trying to stay relatively fit. We'd just be a bad match.
- No one who, within the bonds of marriage, isn't excited at the prospect of physical intimacy on a regular basis. 1 Cor. 7:5 isn't a suggestion, so two people with very different interest levels would make for a poor match.
- No drug lords.

Nowadays, with priorities being more well-defined, it's impossible to pick just one biggest deal breaker. There are several. It can also depend on whether you mean just dating or hanging out as friends, or for a spouse. I'd be more tolerant as friends than with anyone that's permanent, but isn't that the case with anyone, unless they ONLY spend time with 'potential mate' people in the first place? There are plenty of women like that.

Beautyinsteadofashes said:

What is your biggest deal-breaker when it comes to
relationships?

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If they aren't Christian

For romantic relationships?

Instant deal breakers: Are not christian, smoke, has kids, does drugs.

Probably are but in the right circumstance it wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker: Not orthodox, been divorced

For friends:

Drug use is really the only hard and fast deal breaker. Friendship is unlikely to happen with someone who I don't relate with on some level. I stay away from drug users though.