Super Meanie Genie!

Granted, but the conditioners ran away because of jealousy.

I wish Chinese New Year is on a Monday and not on a Tuesday.

Granted, it's on a Monday, but now it'll be a bummer because Mondays are a bummer.

I wish for a sausage pizza from Zaffiro's.

Granted but you have to drink the Kool-aid that comes along with it.

I wish for free tuition for kids.

granted, but now you have to work in a call center for the rest of your life

I wish @gennypearl had a permanently attached Peruke wig

Granted, but Mr Noodle has one permanently attached as well.

I wish I knew what to do with myself.

Granted but now you don't know what to do with your husband.

I wish I know how to write songs.

granted but now you can only write "Hootie and the blowfish" songs.

I wish @gennypearl had pompadour hair

Granted, but you'll have to pay for all her styling products and her frequent visits to the hair salon.

I wish for no more ice cold wind.

Granted, but from now on you will simply break wind ...warmly

I wish for all the starving children in the world to have White Castles for dinner tonight.

Granted, but they will also experience the intestinal distress that goes with it.

I wish for new glasses.

Granted


I wish for good luck

Granted, from now on your good luck will come in the form of nearly making it to the bathroom on time, every time.

I wish for a piece of string cheese.

Granted, here is a block of cheese loaded with bits of strings in an assortment of different fibers.

I wish for a chocolate lava cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Granted and served on a piece of fresh roadkill.

I wish my coworker didn't always deliberately spit when he talks.

Granted but due to a shortage of chocolate the cocoa has been replaced with a laxative and you have to eat it all.

I wish for a new president instead of Trump

Granted now you have to deal with his meathead son for president.

I wish Trump was painted green for a day instead of orange.

Granted but the paint shrunk him and now he is a leprechaun with a mullet hairstyle.

I wish a kardashian was president

Granted but now you have to spend half of every pay check on new shoes

I wish PeeWee Herman was president.

Granted, but he's going to order us all to dress just like him, daily.

I wish for free veterinary care for our dog.