So....you're saying how loud someone says something and the distance they say it at matters?
Of course.
I appreciate your honesty here...but at the risk of being redundant, do you think it's fair/equitable to hold men to one standard of behavior and women to another?
Given the reasons I cited - that just about every woman has been threatened, groped, followed by men when out and about in public - then yes, I think it's reasonable.
Regardless of that though....if you realize that context matters, how can you make a blanket condemnation of the behavior? It's sounding less like it's wrong....and more like it just depends upon the woman and her reaction.
I don't believe I made a blanket condemnation. I believe that I did indicate that for many women, this kind of behaviour is unwelcome and frightening.
We're talking about "toxic masculinity"....not criminal behavior. If you're saying there's a direct link between the two, then you're basically saying that these crimes happen because of the way our society perceives masculinity.
There is a link. I've done a lot of work in primary prevention of domestic violence. Almost all men who commit domestic violence have three things in common; they believe themselves superior to women with a right to control women (a belief in gender hierarchy), they find violence acceptable, and they hold to fairly rigid gender roles/stereotypes. So primary prevention aims at breaking down those beliefs and attitudes which - in the minds of these men - legitimate their actions.
I'd say that's a perfect example of "toxic masculinity."
If that isn't what you're saying...then perhaps you understand why some people found the commercial problematic. If it is what you're saying...I think you should rethink the implications of that idea before you double down on it. For example, blacks and hispanics report domestic violence at 2-3 times the rates whites do.....does that mean that they are also more "toxically masculine"?
I can't speak to American statistics, because our cultural situation is very different here. But I think it is quite plausible that different cultures might have more or less toxic ideas about masculinity. That's cultural, and changeable, it's not innate and it's not directly related to race.
Seriously, if you consider a comment yelled to you from across the street threatening....you wouldn't find the same comment threatening if it was spoken to you from arm's length away?
Possibly. It all depends. But I do find yelling particularly intimidating; again, it's a display of power.
So literally this is only "bad" behavior when hetero men do it?
It seems like the whole problem with this, in your opinion, has a lot more to do with the "potential for violence" than anything else. If that's the case though, by that logic a large enough woman is always going to be in the wrong....or a small enough man should never be hit on. After all, there's a potential for violence there.
What's worse is that at some point, let's say a 6'3" man who is fairly athletic.....can never engage with a woman in ways that you would find completely acceptable if he was 5'3" a of slight build.
You don't get it at all.
Since I was a teenager, I've been followed, threatened, yelled at, harassed, etc etc etc
routinely. I can't just walk wherever I want in safety. This is true for just about all women.
We know we're not safe. We know women get killed coming home from the train, or in a park, or whatever. We know we get hit. Raped. All the rest. This story is about a woman raped and murdered in my city only days ago.
https://www.theage.com.au/national/...-murder-of-aiia-maasarwe-20190119-p50sd6.html
The constant risk of this is the fabric of our daily lives. Where will I park, where will I walk, how will I get there, who will I go with, so that I can maybe feel a little more safe?
So when some entitled man thinks he has the right to touch, to follow, to yell, to make objectifying comments,
yes I perceive that as a threat. Because the reality is, I'm at risk.
Now the 6'3" guy can approach me in a way that's not threatening. Of course he can. But it's probably not going to be by following me down the street!
The whole commercial presents this idea that there's this large and pervasive problem of men being violent towards or sexually abusive to women....and that simply isn't true.
Beg to differ... no, it's not all men, but just about every single woman has experienced that kind of bad behaviour.
Like I said, this pervasive threat is part of the fabric of our lives.
There's a female version of "toxic masculinity" called "diabolical femininity" that characterizes women as money and status hungry sexual manipulators who use their genetic attributes to drain men of material wealth while at the same time destroying his sense of self. Now, regardless of how many real-life examples of that I might be able to come up with....you can see why it would be wrong to portray women in general that way and then tell them they need to "do better"....can't you?
If just about every man had that kind of experience of women, we'd have similar reason for that kind of conversation.
