Sexual Disappointment

Dave-W said:

Interesting.

He took his "Funny" icon off the post and has not been back to explain himself.

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No, I didn't. The moderators gave me a warning for "goading" and removed it themselves. I hadn't even realised I had clicked on "Funny". I thought I had clicked on "Agree", which is right next to it. But then I left the thread and didn't notice my error until I got my knuckles rapped.

Sorry you got dinged from the mods.
I did not report you.

Glad you explained it was a mistake. thanks.

Jon Osterman said:

Sex is always a disappointment.

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Why?

Sparagmos said:

Why?

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I just don't enjoy it. Do you have a problem with that?

Jon Osterman said:

I just don't enjoy it. Do you have a problem with that?

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Not in the sense that is offends or hurts me. It is unfortunate in my opinion. Do you not have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], or has something happened in the past that makes is not enjoyable?

Sparagmos said:

Not in the sense that is offends or hurts me. It is unfortunate in my opinion. Do you not have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], or has something happened in the past that makes is not enjoyable?

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I have had [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in the past, while having sex, though I usually do not. I don't like them, and I don't enjoy sex. I have no history of abuse or any other distuptive event. Some people just don't like ice-cream - I see this as no different.

Are you suggesting that I should be deprived of marriage and children because of this?

Jon Osterman said:

I have had [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in the past, while having sex, though I usually do not. I don't like them, and I don't enjoy sex. I have no history of abuse or any other distuptive event. Some people just don't like ice-cream - I see this as no different.

Are you suggesting that I should be deprived of marriage and children because of this?

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Goodness, what makes you think that?

Perhaps you are asexual. Your description fits the bill. As long as your wife shares the same opinion of sex, I suppose it is not harmful. But if she is not being fulfilled, I do think that is unfair.

Sparagmos said:

Goodness, what makes you think that?

Perhaps you are asexual. Your description fits the bill. As long as your wife shares the same opinion of sex, I suppose it is not harmful. But if she is not being fulfilled, I do think that is unfair.

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I am not asexual - I find women sexually attractive. And with regards to my wife, there is no unfairness. She married me, she made a vow and now she must live with the commitment she made.

Jon Osterman said:

I am not asexual - I find women sexually attractive. And with regards to my wife, there is no unfairness. She married me, she made a vow and now she must live with the commitment she made.

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I hope you don’t mind sharing more - if you find women sexually attractive but don’t desire sex, what does that mean? When I find a man sexually attractive I feel a physical desire.

As for your wife - that sounds so heartless. Isn’t it important to you that she be happy and satisfied?

Sparagmos said:

I hope you don’t mind sharing more - if you find women sexually attractive but don’t desire sex, what does that mean? When I find a man sexually attractive I feel a physical desire.

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And acting on that desire would be wrong and sinful. At least that is my opinion, though I realise some here disagree. Nevertheless, sex makes me uncomfortable and I find it unpleasant, even though I do have desire. It is a bit like seeing a burger - they always look good and smell great, but actually eating one will be unpleasant and make me feel unwell.

As for your wife - that sounds so heartless. Isn’t it important to you that she be happy and satisfied?

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And what would we do about it? Should she divorce me? She made a vow. Is sex more important than that? I am not an object to be used.

Jon Osterman said:

And acting on that desire would be wrong and sinful. At least that is my opinion, though I realise some here disagree. Nevertheless, sex makes me uncomfortable and I find it unpleasant, even though I do have desire. It is a bit like seeing a burger - they always look good and smell great, but actually eating one will be unpleasant and make me feel unwell.



And what would we do about it? Should she divorce me? She made a vow. Is sex more important than that? I am not an object to be used.

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Not that labels are that important, but the burger example you gave does sound like how I’ve heard asexuals describe the feeling. I used to think no one was asexual, only sexually repressed but I have learned that was wrong.

As for your wife - I think that sex is a part of wedding vows, and that people should be equally yoked in that area. Someone who enjoys sex should not be expected to go without a healthy sexual relationship if they are willing to be married. For those of us who do like sex, it IS a very important part of the sacred union of marriage. I doubt your wife made a vow to not have that kind of relationship. You say you are not an object to be used as if marital sex was some kind of soulless, selfish act. I don’t think you should be forced to have sex with her, but if you cannot do that for her, it is wrong in my opinion to prevent her from having that opportunity with another man.

If it’s not a problem for his wife, and there has been no indication that it is as far as I can see, it’s not our business to have a problem with it.

Sparagmos said:

I don’t think you should be forced to have sex with her, but if you cannot do that for her, it is wrong in my opinion to prevent her from having that opportunity with another man.

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So now you think my wife should cheat on me and become and adultress? You do realise these are Christian forums, right?

Jon Osterman said:

So now you think my wife should cheat on me and become and adultress? You do realise these are Christian forums, right?

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No, I wasn’t thinking that at all. Quite the contrary, that perhaps she could be released from the marriage commitment and you two could continue to be good friends but she could marry another man who would be more appropriate for her. And you could marry an asexual woman, if you wanted.

It’s an interesting thought though, that it would be considered adultery if your spouse is asexual. Seems like a double standard.

Tropical Wilds said:

If it’s not a problem for his wife, and there has been no indication that it is as far as I can see, it’s not our business to have a problem with it.

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Well no, none of anyone’s stuff on here is anyone’s business. But this is a place people give each other their 2 cents, practically anonymously.

Jon Osterman said:

. She married me, she made a vow and now she must live with the commitment she made.

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Yes she made a vow. So did you. And per 1 Cor 7, you are COMMANDED to keep her satisfied sexually.

Dave-W said:

Yes she made a vow. So did you. And per 1 Cor 7, you are COMMANDED to keep her satisfied sexually.

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Do you know my wife? What makes you think she isn't satisfied?

And anyway, my vow never mentioned sex. You must have had a strange ceremony!

Jon Osterman said:

Nevertheless, sex makes me uncomfortable and I find it unpleasant, even though I do have desire.

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You claim you were not abused; but this statement says otherwise.

False teaching and overly negative sexual messages growing up ARE a form of abuse.

Jon Osterman said:

Do you know my wife? What makes you think she isn't satisfied?

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Your statement: ".... now she must live with the commitment she made."

That sounds like an extreme lack of satisfaction.

That, and your statement that you routinely do NOT have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Half of the enjoyment of sex is when your spouse hits their happy ending.

Dave-W said:

Your statement: ".... now she must live with the commitment she made."

That sounds like an extreme lack of satisfaction.

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That is an odd way to interpret it. Do you not live with the commitment you made to your wife every day? I think it is important that we keep our vows. It seems to me that you and Sparagmos are advocating divorcing our spouses if we feel the sex is not up to our standards. That seems pretty shallow to me.