How would you handle this?

weallknowfrogsgoladida · Dec 16, 2017

So a same sex attracted couple has been invited to our family Christmas function. (I had no say, my mother in law has organised it). I have a young child and am not sure how to handle this. I have been told, "kids won't notice anything," but kids do...and I really don't want to have to explain these type of things to my young child yet (they are too young to understand), and I am also concerned of this becoming a regular Christmas thing now and over time, and my child will come to see it as normal.
My initial reaction was to say, well our child is not going, but my husband said then that I will not be invited and I am being a bigot, and that I am being 'racist.'
I just feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade that I am ok with it all in front of family and friends, and children, when I am not. I don't really want to go to be honest anyway as I don't want to feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade, because anything less than total acceptance with this mob, well I will likely be called a bigot and other things anyway and it won't be a comfortable day out.. To be honest, I don't trust myself to handle this situation well on the day..
Plus my husbands has said he will ban our child from spending any time with my family on Christmas if he cannot go to the Christmas function with his family... So it is our child that ends up disadvantaged in the end.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to deal with this situation, how to approach it as I am stumped.
I just get so disappointed that my husband seems to place his family over and above his wife and child, in everything.....he told me when we first married that it would always be that way, and he has certainly proved it to be true...

yeshuaslavejeff · Dec 16, 2017

Remember Abigail, 2 Samuel 17, - a true woman of YHWH and faithful to Him, with no rebellion in her even against a horrible husband (Nabal) .... she found the secret to LIFE !
Likewise Marabel (not in the Bible, but more recent): author of "Total Joy" and "Total Woman", describing from Scripture and mature experience with YHWH and JESUS in how to live HIS WAY in the harshest circumstances, obedient and in union with Jesus, and not rebelious against YHWH'S Word.

Mountainmanbob · Dec 16, 2017

Sounds like your husband plays the tit-for-tat thing with you. That's not too healthy for a marriage.

Getting to the issue at hand.
Usually gay couples in these types of get-togethers act fairly normal.

Pray about it beforehand and go with your husband to the party. Usually it's fairly easy to keep a little distance between you and the ones you wish not to associate with up close. But, of course be christian-like and polite to them.

When my son was having his 3rd birthday party at a park two gay men actually skipped by our party while holding hands. My son immediately asked me what was wrong with those guys. I explained that they were just a little different. My son's response, "they sure are."

Keep it simple.
It's just the world we live in.
And Jesus knows all about it.

M-Bob

Tolworth John · Dec 16, 2017

You have no say in who is invited to this gathering and in attending you are not aproving of the 'gay' relationship. It is a family occasion so keep your opinions to yourself, be friendly and talk to them as you would to any other family member.

Your children may notice, they may not. Adults are mysterious to children and there questions can be answered by saying they have different beliefs from us.

Do your homework. Do you know the arguments for gay marriage as wel as the arguments against.
What are the arguments for and against.

But you don't bring this subject up, do all you can to avoid it. If pushed into a corner, say You have forced me to reply to a question that is diversive/contraversal. My beliefs are.....
I would suggest stressing that the bible only aproves of sex between married men and women, and that marriageis an exclusive arrangement between the man and the women.

Hopefully this argument won't be raised.

yeshuaslavejeff · Dec 16, 2017

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
I have a young child and am not sure how to handle this. I have been told, "kids won't notice anything," but kids do..

Read Scripture and always tell the truth to children, including what YHWH judges as evil and perverse - every day in society we see an abundance of perversity in all areas - politics, religion, economics, medicine, education, etc etc etc
and seeking the truth and knowing the truth is the only way YHWH gives us to gain our freedom IN CHRIST.

Mountainmanbob · Dec 16, 2017

Tolworth John said:
Do your homework. Do you know the arguments for gay marriage as wel as the arguments against.

What are the arguments for and against.

Christians need not study too hard for the arguments for sin.

By this time in this world everyone has heard this argument over and over and over again.

Nothing new Under the Sun.

M-Bob

Tolworth John · Dec 16, 2017

Mountainmanbob said:
Christians need not study too hard for the arguments for sin.

By this time in this world everyone has heard this argument over and over and over again.

Nothing new Under the Sun.

M-Bob

Ever heard the saying 'practice hard in order to play hard!' used by special forces everywhere.

There is no confidence like the confidence that one realy does know both sides of an argument when one is facing a confrontation.

Poppyseed78 · Dec 16, 2017

I think you should attend the family function and act normal. Treat everyone kindly, and that will set a good example for your child. You can't shelter your kids from seeing gay people forever, and sooner or later you will have to answer questions about it. In my opinion, attending a family holiday event is not going to be harmful.

I think the bigger issue here is the tension between you and your husband.

razzelflabben · Dec 16, 2017

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
So a same sex attracted couple has been invited to our family Christmas function. (I had no say, my mother in law has organised it). I have a young child and am not sure how to handle this. I have been told, "kids won't notice anything," but kids do...and I really don't want to have to explain these type of things to my young child yet (they are too young to understand), and I am also concerned of this becoming a regular Christmas thing now and over time, and my child will come to see it as normal.
My initial reaction was to say, well our child is not going, but my husband said then that I will not be invited and I am being a bigot, and that I am being 'racist.'
I just feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade that I am ok with it all in front of family and friends, and children, when I am not. I don't really want to go to be honest anyway as I don't want to feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade, because anything less than total acceptance with this mob, well I will likely be called a bigot and other things anyway and it won't be a comfortable day out.. To be honest, I don't trust myself to handle this situation well on the day..
Plus my husbands has said he will ban our child from spending any time with my family on Christmas if he cannot go to the Christmas function with his family... So it is our child that ends up disadvantaged in the end.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to deal with this situation, how to approach it as I am stumped.
I just get so disappointed that my husband seems to place his family over and above his wife and child, in everything.....he told me when we first married that it would always be that way, and he has certainly proved it to be true...

like with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny no matter how you view them, you cannot keep your children from knowing about them. IOW's if you are one who doesn't want Santa to visit because you fear how that will affect your child's understanding of Christ, that child will still know who Santa is, it's part of the world and culture we live in. Likewise, homosexuality, transgender, bisexual, etc are all part of our culture and your child will come across it sooner or later. Right now you have a wonderful opportunity to teach your child that though it exists and though some people think it is fine, God doesn't see it the same way and neither do you. However, that same God tells us to Love them and share Christ with them and that is what you are trying to do by going. There doesn't need to be any other discussion until or unless your child asks. Explain why you have a problem and discuss ways you can show love/God without accepting the sin of the people in question. Well, that is my two cents and that way you avoid some difficult things down the road when they know about it and have been told by the world that it is good and your child no longer wants your opinion or training.

aiki · Dec 16, 2017

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
So a same sex attracted couple has been invited to our family Christmas function. (I had no say, my mother in law has organised it). I have a young child and am not sure how to handle this. I have been told, "kids won't notice anything," but kids do...and I really don't want to have to explain these type of things to my young child yet (they are too young to understand), and I am also concerned of this becoming a regular Christmas thing now and over time, and my child will come to see it as normal.

I think you're right: Your child will notice and inviting people in such a perverse relationship to your family Christmas celebration does normalize their sin.

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
My initial reaction was to say, well our child is not going, but my husband said then that I will not be invited and I am being a bigot, and that I am being 'racist.'

It is neither bigoted nor racist to stand against sin. Well, I suppose, doing so is to be bigoted against sin...But that's a good thing. In any case, homosexuality is not a race, so opposing it does not make you racist.

Often standing against evil - especially an evil increasingly embraced by society - will marginalize you and make you the object of scorn. That's just par for the course for a person who follows Jesus' example and directly rejects and challenges sin.

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
I just feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade that I am ok with it all in front of family and friends, and children, when I am not. I don't really want to go to be honest anyway as I don't want to feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade, because anything less than total acceptance with this mob, well I will likely be called a bigot and other things anyway and it won't be a comfortable day out.. To be honest, I don't trust myself to handle this situation well on the day..

Well, then, you've decided, haven't you? Don't go. Why should you have to act as though you're all right with something you know God has condemned?

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
Plus my husbands has said he will ban our child from spending any time with my family on Christmas if he cannot go to the Christmas function with his family... So it is our child that ends up disadvantaged in the end.

Kinda' childish. Why can't your husband attend his family's function without you and the little one? If your husband wants to penalize your child because of your standing up for what's right, that's on him, not you. Regardless, it's not the end of the world if your kid doesn't attend family Christmas events. Explain to your family what's going on. Come up with a work-around.

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
I just get so disappointed that my husband seems to place his family over and above his wife and child, in everything.....he told me when we first married that it would always be that way, and he has certainly proved it to be true...

This is something to commit to God to change. Sounds like your husband needs prayer in other respects, too.

Kenny'sID · Dec 16, 2017

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
Plus my husbands has said he will ban our child from spending any time with my family on Christmas if he cannot go to the Christmas function with his family

Ouch.

Looks like the couple is not your only concern.

Personally I just wouldn't go if I were as concerned as you, but you are not me and aren't surrounded buy the same people.

Hank77 · Dec 16, 2017

Tolworth John said:
Ever heard the saying 'practice hard in order to play hard!' used by special forces everywhere.

There is no confidence like the confidence that one realy does know both sides of an argument when one is facing a confrontation.

This is a Christmas family gathering and all arguments should be avoided. There is absolutely no reason to be involved in any confrontational arguments at a family gathering.

weallknowfrogsgoladida · Dec 17, 2017

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and balanced opinions. I still don't know if I am going to attend but am going to spend some time praying about this. It's a little while away so I have some time at least.
Yes, definitely the marriage needs work, we are unequally yoked because I was only a baby Christian when I married and didn't know of the biblical command to be equally yoked, so it is a constant challenge! I will continue to pray for my husband...
Thanks again everyone, I am really grateful for everyone's posts and input, it has given me food for thought.

NothingIsImpossible · Dec 18, 2017

One of my cousins is gay and brings her partner to christmas parties. We still go. There are like 200 people at it so its not like we really notice the cousin. Mind you we don't have kids. If we had kids I'd likely still go. If my kids asked why she was holding hands with another woman I'd tell them she is not a christian and in sin and to not pay attention to them but instead pray for them.

Now if said cousin invited me to their wedding, I'd decline. At that point going would mean taking part of their lifestyle and I cannot endorse such a think. Sure, me being there doesn't change the fact they will marry. But going shows them I am accepting their marriage.

At events I still am friendly of course but I try to avoid talking with them.

Tolworth John · Dec 18, 2017

Hank77 said:
This is a Christmas family gathering and all arguments should be avoided. There is absolutely no reason to be involved in any confrontational arguments at a family gathering.

If you've read my posts you'll have seen I haven't be encouraging confrontation but the opposite.
However if forced into talking about the issue it pays to know what one is talking about.

Hank77 · Dec 18, 2017

Tolworth John said:
However if forced into talking about the issue it pays to know what one is talking about.

Don't let yourself get involved in a conversation that you know will cause conflict, is what I am saying. No one can force someone into speaking when they don't want to.

aiki · Dec 18, 2017

If your family had invited, say, a couple who were both cheating on their spouses with each other to the Christmas event, would you be okay with that? Would flaunting their clearly sinful relationship with each other be something you should just tolerate? What if the couple were known drug pushers and openly used drugs at the party? What if they were known child molesters? Would it be fine to invite them to the Christmas party?

Ephesians 5:7-13
7 Therefore do not be partakers with them;
8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light
9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),
10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.
13 But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.

Modern North American culture presses us to see the sin of homosexuality as something good. We are told at every turn to think of this sin as natural, as being on par with skin color, or height, or nationality. But it isn't. It is just as wicked as adultery, or drug abuse, or pedophilia. We rightly recoil at these sins; why have we ceased to do so at the sin of homosexuality?

Sketcher · Dec 18, 2017

Typical liberal self-righteousness intersecting with being a husband and father is what is in practice right here.

Kit Sigmon · Dec 18, 2017

weallknowfrogsgoladida said:
So a same sex attracted couple has been invited to our family Christmas function. (I had no say, my mother in law has organised it). I have a young child and am not sure how to handle this. I have been told, "kids won't notice anything," but kids do...and I really don't want to have to explain these type of things to my young child yet (they are too young to understand), and I am also concerned of this becoming a regular Christmas thing now and over time, and my child will come to see it as normal.

My initial reaction was to say, well our child is not going, but my husband said then that I will not be invited and I am being a bigot, and that I am being 'racist.'
I just feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade that I am ok with it all in front of family and friends, and children, when I am not. I don't really want to go to be honest anyway as I don't want to feel uncomfortable having to put on a facade, because anything less than total acceptance with this mob, well I will likely be called a bigot and other things anyway and it won't be a comfortable day out.. To be honest, I don't trust myself to handle this situation well on the day..
Plus my husbands has said he will ban our child from spending any time with my family on Christmas if he cannot go to the Christmas function with his family... So it is our child that ends up disadvantaged in the end.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to deal with this situation, how to approach it as I am stumped.
I just get so disappointed that my husband seems to place his family over and above his wife and child, in everything.....he told me when we first married that it would always be that way, and he has certainly proved it to be true...

Read chapter 5 of Matthew.
Here's an opportunity for you to be salt and light...don't pass up the opportunity to teach your child how to witness and agape others like the Lord did when he dined with publicans/ sinners, conversed with the Samaritan woman at the well etc.
Our Lord did all that but he didn't participate in or give approval to anything sinful.

You are one of the Lord's Ambassadors, so be about His business where ever
you go.

Pray for those who who aren't saved.

Tolworth John · Dec 19, 2017

Hank77 said:
Don't let yourself get involved in a conversation that you know will cause conflict, is what I am saying. No one can force someone into speaking when they don't want to.

Don't you believe it.
At a family gathering someone who knows your views raises the issue and after people have given their favourable views, turns to you and ask you ,' You agree with this don't you?'
You cannot avoid answering, as by refusing to you have answered negatively.
How then do you handle a hostile roomfull of people?

How would you handle this?

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