LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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Something happened this morning in Sunday School that is a springboard for this post. Before I go further, though, I need to note that: 1.) It was apologized for, and 2.) I was supported and validated. Therefore, the specific incident I'm talking about is over and done with. No more feelings need to be hurt about it. I'd merely like to use it here as an illustration to point to the larger picture, teasing in general.
One of our congregants has a long-standing habit of seizing any opportunity he can to take a dig at women. One of his favorites is to point out how the whole human race got in trouble because Adam listened to Eve, and therefore, wouldn't men be better off not listening to women? He says these things deliberately to get a reaction out of the women in the room. Most people overlook it. But I had advised my husband some time ago that I just can't take any more of that kind of talk, and the next time that man starts bashing women, I'm going to get up and walk out of the room. Being mocked and insulted and degraded JUST for being a woman, I've had too much of that for real. I don't go to church to be put down.
So this morning, again that man started up with his anti-woman humor, and I made good on my promise. I got up and walked out. General opinion is that people in our Sunday School class (including my own husband) can see both sides. On one hand, that man does mean it to be harmless teasing, and teasing is a basic part of who he is. On the other hand, they know my personal history and can understand why I'm sensitive to it.
Again, it was apologized for, and I was validated. We don't need to bash that man, or men as a group, in return. This incident is only an explanation for why I'm talking about teasing. It is what put the subject into my head.
An awful lot of genuinely mean, hateful, and cruel things have been said under the pretense of "only kidding" or "just messing with you." Therefore, I have trouble telling harmless teasing apart from the for-real bullying and outright verbal abuse I've experienced too much of. Besides, as I see it, teasing and "messing with" people are mean things to do in the first place. What is the significant difference between putting somebody down just to "tease" them, and putting somebody down because you really are trying to hurt them?
One of our congregants has a long-standing habit of seizing any opportunity he can to take a dig at women. One of his favorites is to point out how the whole human race got in trouble because Adam listened to Eve, and therefore, wouldn't men be better off not listening to women? He says these things deliberately to get a reaction out of the women in the room. Most people overlook it. But I had advised my husband some time ago that I just can't take any more of that kind of talk, and the next time that man starts bashing women, I'm going to get up and walk out of the room. Being mocked and insulted and degraded JUST for being a woman, I've had too much of that for real. I don't go to church to be put down.
So this morning, again that man started up with his anti-woman humor, and I made good on my promise. I got up and walked out. General opinion is that people in our Sunday School class (including my own husband) can see both sides. On one hand, that man does mean it to be harmless teasing, and teasing is a basic part of who he is. On the other hand, they know my personal history and can understand why I'm sensitive to it.
Again, it was apologized for, and I was validated. We don't need to bash that man, or men as a group, in return. This incident is only an explanation for why I'm talking about teasing. It is what put the subject into my head.
An awful lot of genuinely mean, hateful, and cruel things have been said under the pretense of "only kidding" or "just messing with you." Therefore, I have trouble telling harmless teasing apart from the for-real bullying and outright verbal abuse I've experienced too much of. Besides, as I see it, teasing and "messing with" people are mean things to do in the first place. What is the significant difference between putting somebody down just to "tease" them, and putting somebody down because you really are trying to hurt them?