Thirteen years we've been married, and I finally understand what intimacy really is, what it was intended to be. It started on a getaway we had for our tenth, but it has really grown.
I wasn't always a Christian. I was raised in a very legalistic (and hypocritical) church so when I got old enough to decide, I turned my back on God for many years. I chose a life of alcohol, promiscuity, and self indulgence. Beginning at about 16 I had a very unhealthy attitude toward sex. Girls (and later, women) were viewed as objects to satisfy my urges. When we got married just before my 27th birthday, I treated her no differently. We found our way to church in my 30th year, but the deep down changes were slow to come. I finally kicked alcohol to the curb a week before my 34th birthday with strength in The Lord and help from AA (which are one in the same). Changes within myself started coming much faster since. Our marriage became something wonderful yet very foreign to anything we'd known. My love and appreciation for her has deepened nearly constantly ever since.
I woke up one day and realized our wedding anniversary was rapidly approaching, then I realized it was our tenth. So I planned a little getaway and we went. It was the first time she and I had got to spend time alone for a few days without the kiddos since my big change. Within me, I felt for the first time what the bible talks about intimacy. I felt like I had met "the one" all over again. She was like my new girlfriend with all the anticipation of a budding romance but it was coupled with a decade of familiarity. As a result, these three years since have been the best years of my life. I feel much of the time the word "love" isn't strong enough to express my feelings for her (perhaps because I threw it around without understanding it for so many years). My desire to be with her, to be inside her is so powerful, it makes me ache in my chest. So much I feel that I don't know how to express. But I do understand this is what God intended love and intamacy to be. It is truly a gift He gave us. And she is truly a gift He gave me. As I type this now, the words don't do justice to what I'm feeling, but I'm sure enjoying the ride. My only regret today is all those years I missed out on this treasure, even when it was right before me.
Sorry for the long post. But I've been looking for a place to share these thoughts. Any feedback is always welcome. I know women feel love and intimacy differently than men. So I'd love to make her feel everything I currently am.
I wasn't always a Christian. I was raised in a very legalistic (and hypocritical) church so when I got old enough to decide, I turned my back on God for many years. I chose a life of alcohol, promiscuity, and self indulgence. Beginning at about 16 I had a very unhealthy attitude toward sex. Girls (and later, women) were viewed as objects to satisfy my urges. When we got married just before my 27th birthday, I treated her no differently. We found our way to church in my 30th year, but the deep down changes were slow to come. I finally kicked alcohol to the curb a week before my 34th birthday with strength in The Lord and help from AA (which are one in the same). Changes within myself started coming much faster since. Our marriage became something wonderful yet very foreign to anything we'd known. My love and appreciation for her has deepened nearly constantly ever since.
I woke up one day and realized our wedding anniversary was rapidly approaching, then I realized it was our tenth. So I planned a little getaway and we went. It was the first time she and I had got to spend time alone for a few days without the kiddos since my big change. Within me, I felt for the first time what the bible talks about intimacy. I felt like I had met "the one" all over again. She was like my new girlfriend with all the anticipation of a budding romance but it was coupled with a decade of familiarity. As a result, these three years since have been the best years of my life. I feel much of the time the word "love" isn't strong enough to express my feelings for her (perhaps because I threw it around without understanding it for so many years). My desire to be with her, to be inside her is so powerful, it makes me ache in my chest. So much I feel that I don't know how to express. But I do understand this is what God intended love and intamacy to be. It is truly a gift He gave us. And she is truly a gift He gave me. As I type this now, the words don't do justice to what I'm feeling, but I'm sure enjoying the ride. My only regret today is all those years I missed out on this treasure, even when it was right before me.
Sorry for the long post. But I've been looking for a place to share these thoughts. Any feedback is always welcome. I know women feel love and intimacy differently than men. So I'd love to make her feel everything I currently am.
