No Social Skills, Constantly Feeling Condemned (Ex-Calvinist Aspie)

ChristIsSovereign · Jun 28, 2017

If any Calvinist comes on here just to exacerbate my torment, I will report him/her.

This is going to be quite incoherent... I'm just going to let it all out...

Why do I feel like God's going to damn me? I left Calvinism because I think that the Calvinist 'god' is a narcissistic monster and it reflects in those who are Reformed for themost part. Yet why do I feel like I'm going to be damned by that 'narcissistic monster?'

I am a solid Classical Arminian and I have put my faith in Jesus Christ, but it seems as if the Calvinist 'god' is still stuck in my psyche! I feel condemned... Damned... Like when I die, I'll meet Calvin's 'god' and be flung into the pits of Hell...

I joined Calvinism at the age of 18 and it was really logical! I could piece the 5 points together like a framework and interpret the Scripture through it. Limited atonement was the hardest one to accept but I finally grasped it too...

But then I realized the limited atonement wasn't true... Christ did for all... 1 John 2:2 is a perfect example... I looked it up in the Hebrew-Greek Key Study Bible to prove the case too... The Calvinists tried to tear my argument apart but I stood by the Word of God faithfully... The Bible is my standard...

And my whole Calvinist framework fell apart... Calvinism felt wrong. I felt the Holy Spirit leading me away from Calvinism and back to the Bible where I belong... I felt guilty of my futile Calvinist pride and confessed it before my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God is love...

Sure, Arminianism isn't quite as logical but the Bible clearly points out that it's our responsibility to answer Christ's call... The God of the Bible isn't a logical device constructed by man. He's God, far more sovereign than the Calvinists could ever imagine... Sovereign enough to allow us to believe in Him! What a great God. Paradoxes are completely reasonable to God, think about that.

Yet I feel like I'm wrong, even though I truly feel like I am not. My views aren't perfect, yet no one's views are perfect. The thing is, the Calvinist 'god' is plausible if you cherry-pick certain Scriptures and string them together, and reinterpret certain words to mean something else.

I feel like I'm going to Hell... I feel like the Calvinists still have power over my mind... I used to love John MacArthur but now I don't hold to his 5-point Calvinism at all... I don't hold to 'any-point' Calvinism.

It feels like I broke up with a psychopathic ex... No matter how much times I tell myself that I forsook Calvinism, the TULIP still floats around in my head, mocking me... I can feel it condemn me at every point, calling me a reprobate and condemning me to Hell...

I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, I believe in the Bible as the literal and infallible Word of God, I pray often to Jesus to direct me in this life so I can become more like Him... I still struggle with my flesh and sometimes it outsmarts me... But I go to Jesus to ask Him for more strength to fight this constant spiritual battle...

I can't help it but wonder if Calvinism is in fact true and I am going to be cast into the fires of Hell for the reason that I was elected to damnation by a 'god' that has no grace! Yet again, the Bible teaches that God is a god of grace! For God so loved the world that He gave his only Begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life! (John 3:16) Calvinists will twist that scripture until the meaning is completely different... I can only imagine...

The Bible is not an erudite document. It is for the everyday man... Calvinists don't get that. They have all these books... Damnation might just be around the corner for me and God will say that I got it all wrong...

Jesus, please help me... My God, deliver me from this torment and let the embers of Your Son grow brighter and brighter in my heart...

Also...

How can I fulfill the Great Commission if I have no social skills whatsoever? Is there any way I can fulfill it online without having to interact directly with people?

RC1970 · Jun 28, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
If any Calvinist comes on here just to exacerbate my torment, I will report him/her.

This is going to be quite incoherent... I'm just going to let it all out...

Why do I feel like God's going to damn me? I left Calvinism because I think that the Calvinist 'god' is a narcissistic monster and it reflects in those who are Reformed for themost part. Yet why do I feel like I'm going to be damned by that 'narcissistic monster?'

I am a solid Classical Arminian and I have put my faith in Jesus Christ, but it seems as if the Calvinist 'god' is still stuck in my psyche! I feel condemned... Damned... Like when I die, I'll meet Calvin's 'god' and be flung into the pits of Hell...

I joined Calvinism at the age of 18 and it was really logical! I could piece the 5 points together like a framework and interpret the Scripture through it. Limited atonement was the hardest one to accept but I finally grasped it too...

But then I realized the limited atonement wasn't true... Christ did for all... 1 John 2:2 is a perfect example... I looked it up in the Hebrew-Greek Key Study Bible to prove the case too... The Calvinists tried to tear my argument apart but I stood by the Word of God faithfully... The Bible is my standard...

And my whole Calvinist framework fell apart... Calvinism felt wrong. I felt the Holy Spirit leading me away from Calvinism and back to the Bible where I belong... I felt guilty of my futile Calvinist pride and confessed it before my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God is love...

Sure, Arminianism isn't quite as logical but the Bible clearly points out that it's our responsibility to answer Christ's call... The God of the Bible isn't a logical device constructed by man. He's God, far more sovereign than the Calvinists could ever imagine... Sovereign enough to allow us to believe in Him! What a great God. Paradoxes are completely reasonable to God, think about that.

Yet I feel like I'm wrong, even though I truly feel like I am not. My views aren't perfect, yet no one's views are perfect. The thing is, the Calvinist 'god' is plausible if you cherry-pick certain Scriptures and string them together, and reinterpret certain words to mean something else.

I feel like I'm going to Hell... I feel like the Calvinists still have power over my mind... I used to love John MacArthur but now I don't hold to his 5-point Calvinism at all... I don't hold to 'any-point' Calvinism.

It feels like I broke up with a psychopathic ex... No matter how much times I tell myself that I forsook Calvinism, the TULIP still floats around in my head, mocking me... I can feel it condemn me at every point, calling me a reprobate and condemning me to Hell...

I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, I believe in the Bible as the literal and infallible Word of God, I pray often to Jesus to direct me in this life so I can become more like Him... I still struggle with my flesh and sometimes it outsmarts me... But I go to Jesus to ask Him for more strength to fight this constant spiritual battle...

I can't help it but wonder if Calvinism is in fact true and I am going to be cast into the fires of Hell for the reason that I was elected to damnation by a 'god' that has no grace! Yet again, the Bible teaches that God is a god of grace! For God so loved the world that He gave his only Begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life! (John 3:16) Calvinists will twist that scripture until the meaning is completely different... I can only imagine...

The Bible is not an erudite document. It is for the everyday man... Calvinists don't get that. They have all these books... Damnation might just be around the corner for me and God will say that I got it all wrong...

Jesus, please help me... My God, deliver me from this torment and let the embers of Your Son grow brighter and brighter in my heart...

Also...

How can I fulfill the Great Commission if I have no social skills whatsoever? Is there any way I can fulfill it online without having to interact directly with people?

I am a Calvinist, but I don't believe you have to be a Calvinist to be saved. Salvation is about having faith in the finished work of Christ.

And, yes, you can help fulfill the great commission online. Do the best you can with the skills you have been given.

friend of · Jun 28, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
I have put my faith in Jesus Christ,

That's policy numero uno.

ChristIsSovereign said:
I can't help it but wonder if Calvinism is in fact true and I am going to be cast into the fires of Hell for the reason that I was elected to damnation by a 'god' that has no grace!

No, you're saved if you believe Jesus died for your sins. You do, and that's it! If the fruit of these internal questions is producing confusion and anxiety in you over the idea that you might/might not be subject to damnation, then avoid it.

mcarmichael · Jun 28, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
How can I fulfill the Great Commission if I have no social skills whatsoever? Is there any way I can fulfill it online without having to interact directly with people?

St. Nicholas, have mercy!

Jane_Doe · Jun 29, 2017

Re Calvinism "haunting" you: it sounds like you need to strengthen your trust in the Lord and Armanian principles (if that's what you believe). That God's not going to just randomly damn you and you have throughly accepted Him and keep walking with Him. God doesn't except us to be perfect in this life- that's why he offers us repentance and tells us to take it- cause we do mess up. Strengthen your faith and fill the void left by the principles you no longer believe.

ChristIsSovereign · Jun 29, 2017

Jane_Doe said:
Re Calvinism "haunting" you: it sounds like you need to strengthen your trust in the Lord and Armanian principles (if that's what you believe). That God's not going to just randomly damn you and you have throughly accepted Him and keep walking with Him. God doesn't except us to be perfect in this life- that's why he offers us repentance and tells us to take it- cause we do mess up. Strengthen your faith and fill the void left by the principles you no longer believe.

Agreed. Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I have to incorporate some sort of Calvinism even into my Arminian beliefs... so weird. It's like I have to make peace with my dark side which tries to condemn me at all corners, saying I'm unsaved if I believe in Arminianism.

Jane_Doe · Jun 29, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
Agreed. Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I have to incorporate some sort of Calvinism even into my Arminian beliefs... so weird.

I get that. It's a big life change.

ChristIsSovereign said:
It's like I have to make peace with my dark side which tries to condemn me at all corners, saying I'm unsaved if I believe in Arminianism.

I wasn't aware that "having to believe in Calvinism in order to be saved" was a tenet of Calvinism. Is it?

ChristIsSovereign · Jun 29, 2017

Jane_Doe said:
I get that. It's a big life change.

I wasn't aware that "having to believe in Calvinism in order to be saved" was a tenet of Calvinism. Is it?

Not necessarily, but a lot of Calvinists do believe that, e.g. John Owen. Owen would tell me that I was going to Hell for believing in Arminianism. (Not Spurgeon though.)

They think that my soteriology is weak and that I don't have a full view of God's sovereignty. Yet, God is not the author of confusion! The Bible should be taken as is. There are paradoxes in the Scripture that I accept and that's the beauty of it. God is not trying to confuse me but trying to inform me of the simple truth. Jesus died for our sins and we have to accept Him as our Lord and Savior. Of course, the Holy Spirit has to work inside of us to let us accept the Savior, but it isn't some sort of double predestination that Calvinists believe in. (Trust me, I used to believe in it.)

Adstar · Jun 29, 2017

Try and keep things simple... Know that salvation comes to us by believing Jesus and trusting in the atonement He secured for the forgiveness of our sins....

People have been saved on their death beds just by accepting this simple set of beliefs... The condemned criminal on the cross next to Jesus was simply convicted of his sins and believed Jesus and asked for his mercy.. He never got baptized in water he never did any altar call he never did any good works after being saved by Jesus all that happened was he died on that cross on that day... But he was saved because he believed the simply things of salvation...

I am glad you got out of calvinisim.. I have been involved in a lot of discussions against calvinism in my time in online religious forums,, lol But yeah you sound like an ex cultists given to bouts of doubts and experiencing the after effects of that 5 point TULIP indoctrination affecting your mind.. Keep fighting it and keep praying for relief.. In time it will pass.

ChristIsSovereign · Jun 29, 2017

Adstar said:
Try and keep things simple... Know that salvation comes to us by believing Jesus and trusting in the atonement He secured for the forgiveness of our sins....

People have been saved on their death beds just by accepting this simple set of beliefs... The condemned criminal on the cross next to Jesus was simply convicted of his sins and believed Jesus and asked for his mercy.. He never got baptized in water he never did any altar call he never did any good works after being saved by Jesus all that happened was he died on that cross on that day... But he was saved because he believed the simply things of salvation...

I am glad you got out of calvinisim.. I have been involved in a lot of discussions against calvinism in my time in online religious forums,, lol But yeah you sound like an ex cultists given to bouts of doubts and experiencing the after effects of that 5 point TULIP indoctrination affecting your mind.. Keep fighting it and keep praying for relief.. In time it will pass.

Please pray for me... the anxiety gets so bad that I torment my family with my demented and despairing ramblings about having no choice in my fate... I hate it... I can't get it out of my head...

Adstar · Jun 29, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
Please pray for me... the anxiety gets so bad that I torment my family with my demented and despairing ramblings about having no choice in my fate... I hate it... I can't get it out of my head...

I would leave your family well enough alone.. Untill you're feet find a solid foundation on the Rock

Jesus had the same problem with His extended family in that they would not believe Him because they could not see Him as anything other then the carpenters son... I came from a catholic family of varying devoutness.. And they simply see me as their son or brother.. Trully the Holy Spirit works on individuels not families.. I am no longer a catholic of course but i am always open to speak about God with them if they ask me about my beliefs..

But yeah wait untill you get solid in the Faith before deabting things with calvinists.. it is almost impossible to move a calvinist i have found over the last 15 years of online debating with them... So don't expect to move any of them.. I am sure the Holy Spirit moved you..

Jane_Doe · Jun 29, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
Please pray for me... the anxiety gets so bad that I torment my family with my demented and despairing ramblings about having no choice in my fate... I hate it... I can't get it out of my head...

Hey, if double predestination is correct (at least as I understand the idea from a limited perspective), there is nothing you can do about being saved or not, so there's zero point in worrying about anything

Anyway, ChristIsSovereign have you ask God what is True? Ask Him for reassurance and testimony of the Spirit?

Dave-W · Jun 29, 2017

Hey ChristIsSoverign: Welcome to the forums!

As the grandfather of a young Aspie, (and her mom thinks I also have a touch of Aspie myself) I understand about your thoughts going different directions and the anxiety that comes from that.

I did a lot of study of calvinism. I was raised in the Wesleyan Arminian belief system, but God saw fit to lead me into Messianic Judaism. (a re-creation of the oldest version of christianity) I found that the Arminian focus on us making decisions fit well with MJ and even normal (non-messianic) Judaism. "Choose you this day whom you will serve.." (Josh 24.15) That is totally a waste of breath and paper if that choice was already made for us before we were even born.

So relax. Incline your ear to the voice of the Lord. Let HIM lead and guide you. It is as simple as that.

ChristIsSovereign · Jun 29, 2017

Dave-W said:
Hey ChristIsSoverign: Welcome to the forums!

As the grandfather of a young Aspie, (and her mom thinks I also have a touch of Aspie myself) I understand about your thoughts going different directions and the anxiety that comes from that.

I did a lot of study of calvinism. I was raised in the Wesleyan Arminian belief system, but God saw fit to lead me into Messianic Judaism. (a re-creation of the oldest version of christianity) I found that the Arminian focus on us making decisions fit well with MJ and even normal (non-messianic) Judaism. "Choose you this day whom you will serve.." (Josh 24.15) That is totally a waste of breath and paper if that choice was already made for us before we were even born.

So relax. Incline your ear to the voice of the Lord. Let HIM lead and guide you. It is as simple as that.

Amen. Thank you. God bless.

hedrick · Jul 20, 2017

Calvinists still believe you are justified by faith. Yes, God is in control, so your coming to faith is part of his plan. But that doesn't change the fact that anyone with faith is justified. It simply is not possible that someone could ask God for mercy and be turned down because they aren't on the list. If you weren't on the list you wouldn't come to God for help.

I understand you're in pain. But the answer isn't in being Calvinist or Arminian or anything else. Any of those theologies will tell you the same thing: You can trust God's promises that he won't turn anyone away that come to him.

Vitari · Aug 8, 2017

Many Christians over the last 2000 years have gone through this same trial. You are in good company. I would reccommend reading the autobiography of John Bunyan called "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners"
Remember that the Blood Of Jesus is the seal of His covenant with us. One of the many wonders about His shed blood, is that as it says in Hebrews, it means He has definitely died, and His will can no longer be altered. He chooses to use the human idea of a person's last will and testament which can be changed while he is alive, but once dead, there is no possible alteration. You have consented to enter into an everlasting covenant with Jesus and there is now no means of His changing it. Only one thing, in heaven, earth or hell can break that covenant, and that thing is You! And that would have to be a deliberate free choice on your part. His covenant even holds when we sin!
Take courage! He is the keeper of the covenant not you. Salvation cannot be taken from you against your will. What it boils down to, is do you want to be saved? Would you mind being lost? If the answers are yes and no respectively, you are saved! The lost couln't care less about it.
As far as fulfilling the great commission with no social skills, of course you can. If Jesus gives a command he provides the way to do it. Don't copy other Christians. Spend time with Jesus and get to know Him - get familiar with Him. There are people He wants to reach who no one but you can get through to.

S.O.J.I.A. · Aug 20, 2017

how do you see your soteriological views as being in relation to your lack of social skills?

Cturtle · Aug 21, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
If any Calvinist comes on here just to exacerbate my torment, I will report him/her.

This is going to be quite incoherent... I'm just going to let it all out...

Why do I feel like God's going to damn me? I left Calvinism because I think that the Calvinist 'god' is a narcissistic monster and it reflects in those who are Reformed for themost part. Yet why do I feel like I'm going to be damned by that 'narcissistic monster?'

I am a solid Classical Arminian and I have put my faith in Jesus Christ, but it seems as if the Calvinist 'god' is still stuck in my psyche! I feel condemned... Damned... Like when I die, I'll meet Calvin's 'god' and be flung into the pits of Hell...

I joined Calvinism at the age of 18 and it was really logical! I could piece the 5 points together like a framework and interpret the Scripture through it. Limited atonement was the hardest one to accept but I finally grasped it too...

But then I realized the limited atonement wasn't true... Christ did for all... 1 John 2:2 is a perfect example... I looked it up in the Hebrew-Greek Key Study Bible to prove the case too... The Calvinists tried to tear my argument apart but I stood by the Word of God faithfully... The Bible is my standard...

And my whole Calvinist framework fell apart... Calvinism felt wrong. I felt the Holy Spirit leading me away from Calvinism and back to the Bible where I belong... I felt guilty of my futile Calvinist pride and confessed it before my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God is love...

Sure, Arminianism isn't quite as logical but the Bible clearly points out that it's our responsibility to answer Christ's call... The God of the Bible isn't a logical device constructed by man. He's God, far more sovereign than the Calvinists could ever imagine... Sovereign enough to allow us to believe in Him! What a great God. Paradoxes are completely reasonable to God, think about that.

Yet I feel like I'm wrong, even though I truly feel like I am not. My views aren't perfect, yet no one's views are perfect. The thing is, the Calvinist 'god' is plausible if you cherry-pick certain Scriptures and string them together, and reinterpret certain words to mean something else.

I feel like I'm going to Hell... I feel like the Calvinists still have power over my mind... I used to love John MacArthur but now I don't hold to his 5-point Calvinism at all... I don't hold to 'any-point' Calvinism.

It feels like I broke up with a psychopathic ex... No matter how much times I tell myself that I forsook Calvinism, the TULIP still floats around in my head, mocking me... I can feel it condemn me at every point, calling me a reprobate and condemning me to Hell...

I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, I believe in the Bible as the literal and infallible Word of God, I pray often to Jesus to direct me in this life so I can become more like Him... I still struggle with my flesh and sometimes it outsmarts me... But I go to Jesus to ask Him for more strength to fight this constant spiritual battle...

I can't help it but wonder if Calvinism is in fact true and I am going to be cast into the fires of Hell for the reason that I was elected to damnation by a 'god' that has no grace! Yet again, the Bible teaches that God is a god of grace! For God so loved the world that He gave his only Begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life! (John 3:16) Calvinists will twist that scripture until the meaning is completely different... I can only imagine...

The Bible is not an erudite document. It is for the everyday man... Calvinists don't get that. They have all these books... Damnation might just be around the corner for me and God will say that I got it all wrong...

Jesus, please help me... My God, deliver me from this torment and let the embers of Your Son grow brighter and brighter in my heart...

Also...

How can I fulfill the Great Commission if I have no social skills whatsoever? Is there any way I can fulfill it online without having to interact directly with people?

Hold tight to the truth of the Word and don't allow the enemy to put condemnation on you (Romans 8:1)... use 2 Corinthians 10:5 to cast down the thoughts and then hold on to the fact that as God is for you... what can man do to you. Find your peace in His arms... knowing He loves you and that is all that matters. Faith is not a feeling, and your feint about the Calvinist god... is based on fear and fear my brother is From the enemy not God. So cast it down and refuse to fear... for as you resist the enemy, he has to flee from you (James 4:7)

Once you confessed your sins... God faithfully cleansed you from all your unrighteousness... and forgot all your sins, so He could bless you (Isaiah 43:25).

Blessings of grace and peace be yours in abundance! Will keep you in our prayers

Theodiskaz · Aug 25, 2017

ChristIsSovereign said:
If any Calvinist comes on here just to exacerbate my torment, I will report him/her.

As a Christian and an autistic person, I can't imagine just exacerbating anyone's torment. And I am really glad you wrote this, I have struggled with the same ideas! I have to go, but I will come back soon. And I would cheer up if I had your testimony, because you sure sound like a genuine child of the Living God to me.

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