Tired of being single. Advice needed

NW82 said:

What happened to support and encourage each other as brothers and sisters?

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I just scrolled through this whole thread and couldn't find your post of support and encouragement. Did I miss it?

blackribbon said:

I just scrolled through this whole thread and couldn't find your post of support and encouragement. Did I miss it?

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So my asking a question based on what I read is wrong, thanks. Clearly you see that other people in pain is meaningless to you. Well thanks for that as well. You know what forget I ever said a word. Pain of a person is clearly an inconvenient issue for you. When you are in your face begging for the pain to end, wanting to die, but not wanting to die, when all you want to know is why...I hope someone treats you better than you treat others.

Crystalp8 said:

Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

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Being lonely and yearning for a companion is a very natural feeling when a person is single. I personally find comfort in the fact that God created Eve as a direct answer to Adams loneliness.

Not everyone gets married in the end, but I trust that God knows what's best for me.

NW82 said:

So my asking a question based on what I read is wrong, thanks. Clearly you see that other people in pain is meaningless to you. Well thanks for that as well. You know what forget I ever said a word. Pain of a person is clearly an inconvenient issue for you. When you are in your face begging for the pain to end, wanting to die, but not wanting to die, when all you want to know is why...I hope someone treats you better than you treat others.

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I am a nurse. I have seen people as they watched their beloved family members die. I can not tell them that "everything will be okay" or "we will save her" because it isn't true. I can only say that "I am sorry that this hurts so much." I have held the body of 24 hour old baby who died and had to tell the mother that "yes, it hurts...there is nothing that will erase the hurt so just trust God to carry you through the pain and it won't hurt this much forever." I have held my husband in my arms and given him permission to let go of life so that he didn't have to hurt anymore. I am very familiar with pain. I feel it very intensely and hurt for those suffering with it. Telling some person some platitude doesn't help nor make anyone feel better but the person saying it.

I simply asked you to encourage the OP since you are so critical of what we have posted. What advice do you give her?

Crystalp8 said:

Alot of cynical replys on here. Im sure thats what jesus would say

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What were you hoping to hear? There are a lot of lonely people here. We don't have any answer to make it magically better. We have shared how we deal with it. God doesn't promise everyone a "Boaz" or a spouse. Is it cynical to say that?

blackribbon said:

I am a nurse. I have seen people as they watched their beloved family members die. I can not tell them that "everything will be okay" or "we will save her" because it isn't true. I can only say that "I am sorry that this hurts so much." I have held the body of 24 hour old baby who died and had to tell the mother that "yes, it hurts...there is nothing that will erase the hurt so just trust God to carry you through the pain and it won't hurt this much forever." I have held my husband in my arms and given him permission to let go of life so that he didn't have to hurt anymore. I am very familiar with pain. I feel it very intensely and hurt for those suffering with it. Telling some person some platitude doesn't help nor make anyone feel better but the person saying it.

I simply asked you to encourage the OP since you are so critical of what we have posted. What advice do you give her?

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Did you ever consider that I'm not in a position to give advice because I feel the same way, and that's why I didn't? Did you consider that perhaps I did that out of a reason of not trying to make someone feel worse? I can look at what others say and determine if it is helpful, in my opinion. You don't know me, what I've endured or my story. Not once did I say anyone should patronize her with falsified information. What I said, in essence is that repeating the same platitudes over and over again or being down right negative doesn't help.

blackribbon said:

What were you hoping to hear? There are a lot of lonely people here. We don't have any answer to make it magically better. We have shared how we deal with it. God doesn't promise everyone a "Boaz" or a spouse. Is it cynical to say that?

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Yes it is and it also true, however your approach is all wrong. When someone is dying in front of you, you don't tell the family, that's life deal with it, you offer comfort...not lies but simple comfort. It's that simple.

NW82 said:

Did you ever consider that I'm not in a position to give advice because I feel the same way, and that's why I didn't? Did you consider that perhaps I did that out of a reason of not trying to make someone feel worse? I can look at what others say and determine if it is helpful, in my opinion. You don't know me, what I've endured or my story. Not once did I say anyone should patronize her with falsified information. What I said, in essence is that repeating the same platitudes over and over again or being down right negative doesn't help.

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She didn't ask how to make it feel better but rather what do we do when we feel lonely. I think there were a lot of honest answers on here...not platitudes. I do know that I was honest. I am not proud to say that I do hold a few pity parties for one....but I do limit the time and feel better if I turn the focus off of myself and serve others. I also am working very hard to accept that I may be alone for the remainder of my life. God can use me better if I am not tied to a spouse.

If you are suffering with loneliness then you do have something to offer because you must do something.

NW82 said:

Yes it is and it also true, however your approach is all wrong. When someone is dying in front of you, you don't tell the family, that's life deal with it, you offer comfort...not lies but simple comfort. It's that simple.

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She didn't ask for comfort. She asked for advice on how to deal with it.

If a family member of someone who died asked me for comfort, I'd hug that person or hold a hand. If they asked for advice, I tell them to cry and feel the sadness and then turn to each other for comfort and to God. I would never tell them that "it will get better"...because I know it doesn't, it just gets easier.

I don't want to derail this more than it has been.

blackribbon said:

She didn't ask for comfort. She asked for advice on how to deal with it.

If a family member of someone who died asked me for comfort, I'd hug that person or hold a hand. If they asked for advice, I tell them to cry and feel the sadness and then turn to each other for comfort and to God. I would never tell them that "it will get better"...because I know it doesn't, it just gets easier.

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If you want to continue this conversation we can do so privately.

Crystalp8 said:

Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

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I don't like to be single. I used to like loneliness, but after so many years I think I'm getting lonely. What helps is this notion that if we are single we are more available to live for others. Singleness can be a blessing too, when we dedicate ourselves to those in need. Someone who goes through loneliness and keeps a strong mind will be useful for those who are lonely, sad and most of the time forgotten. When I'm walking alone, it's very common to end up conversing randomly with people who feel comfortable to talk to me, specially older people who have no one to talk to. This wouldn't happen if I weren't on my own. When I'm working with someone as a volunteer, that person doesn't feel uncomfortable thinking that they are taking time from my family. Etc. So, finding the blessings helps and usually they are related to alleviate suffering, or to elevate someone. I remember a friend who offered to massage a woman's shoulders, as she was in pain and my friend was a physiotherapist. In the end the woman was crying, my friend asked her what happened and in a whisper the woman said: I am a widow, it's been 27 years since anyone touched me with such care. The world is in need, people are lonely and forgotten. Our own little pain is nothing, when compared with what we can do to bring relief to others.

If God reserved me for celibacy, I don't know, but I pray that He helps me accepting it. I pray and read the Bible, so I can hear what He wants from me, because He might be waiting too for some change in me, who knows? Focusing on our relationship with Him not only comforts us but also prepares us for what/who He reserved for us.

I've not had time to read the whole thread yet. I go out and become part of things I enjoy doing, or things I want to learn about. I've found meetups is be amazing in my area to do that. I've been doing as many as 3 a weekend for 10 years now. Not ever weekend, sometime I do things with a friend or GF. I've been doing more traveling as well. Always nice to have a trip to think about as it gets closer.

NW82 said:

Wow not one person offered any real advice to help, well maybe one. As a Christian, I find it hard to believe the cynicism here. I feel the same way the OP does, except I'm looking for Ruth, and simply saying deal with it doesn't seem like an appropriate response.

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What do you want? Do you think that ONE thread on this Fora will instantly generate a second husband for you, with an engagement ring in his pocket and flowers in his hand? Don't get me wrong, when I was younger, I moped around looking for true love--this was AFTER I was saved, mind you. I prayed HARD. Year after year, nothing happened. Every New Year would come around, and I would still be single. However, once I got the idea in my head to listen to what God was saying, I was able to joyously abandon my search for the perfect wife, and spend more time with God. Eventually, He led me to this little monastery, where I am needed, wanted, and loved.

NW82 said:

Wow. God doesn't take away the pain of loneliness. So what you are saying is, embrace the suck, because you're alone, deal with it and stop wanting to not be alone. God may always be around, but God didn't help me when I was face down on the ground begging Him to stop the pain. Saying deal with it because you should learn to like being alone, that's not encouragement.

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I have been down on the floor, my face picking up splinters, or breathing the dust from the carpet. But rehearsing your loneliness over and over again will not make God provide you with a husband. I know, I've been there. Instead, try getting out in the world. There are a whole lot of things that you can do that are not illegal, immoral, or fattening. Why not start a Bible study on the book of Ruth? Or any other books in the Bible?

Monk Brendan said:

However, once I got the idea in my head to listen to what God was saying, I was able to joyously abandon my search for the perfect wife, and spend more time with God. Eventually, He led me to this little monastery, where I am needed, wanted, and loved.

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Try listening to God, for a change, it might help. It took 30+ years from the time I began cooperating with God for Him to get it through my head to get to the right place at the right time. And that right place is this small monastery.

I know that all of this might seem disheartening. Stick with God, and learn to cooperate with Him, and He will fill your heart to overflowing.

Glad you found a place for you Monk. Personally a monastery has no draw for me at all!

blackribbon said:

Hold a private pity party for one for a short period of time ... then get on with my life and focus on learning to be happy living my life alone.

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pretty much how I did it and still do. I accepted my fate awhile ago.

Monk Brendan said:

I have been down on the floor, my face picking up splinters, or breathing the dust from the carpet. But rehearsing your loneliness over and over again will not make God provide you with a husband. I know, I've been there. Instead, try getting out in the world. There are a whole lot of things that you can do that are not illegal, immoral, or fattening. Why not start a Bible study on the book of Ruth? Or any other books in the Bible?



Try listening to God, for a change, it might help. It took 30+ years from the time I began cooperating with God for Him to get it through my head to get to the right place at the right time. And that right place is this small monastery.

I know that all of this might seem disheartening. Stick with God, and learn to cooperate with Him, and He will fill your heart to overflowing.

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So first of all I'm a guy, which means you didn't read anything I wrote previously; making your response partially not valid, in that you didn't take the time to understand my position. Second you are making A LOT of assumptions to which you have zero basis. Instead of trying to push anyone into a monastic life, which is only really valid to certain sects of Christianity, or assuming things haven't been done, perhaps you should focus on uplifting and encouraging others; this has been may main problem with most replies to begin with. Almost everyone is trying to tear each other down instead of build them up, which is most certainly not biblical. If you intent was to provide the OP with advice, fair enough, but don't quote something I said for it.

NW82 said:

So first of all I'm a guy, which means you didn't read anything I wrote previously; making your response partially not valid, in that you didn't take the time to understand my position. Second you are making A LOT of assumptions to which you have zero basis. Instead of trying to push anyone into a monastic life, which is only really valid to certain sects of Christianity, or assuming things haven't been done, perhaps you should focus on uplifting and encouraging others; this has been may main problem with most replies to begin with. Almost everyone is trying to tear each other down instead of build them up, which is most certainly not biblical. If you intent was to provide the OP with advice, fair enough, but don't quote something I said for it.

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In what way are we tearing anyone down? I only see you being critical and telling everyone else that their way of dealing with the loneliness of being single as "wrong" for some reason. Nobody is pushing any sort of lifestyle, monastic or otherwise. He simply said that this is how he dealt with it and has found happiness/satisfaction in being alone...even after not wanting to be single.

What are we supposed to be saying that you feel is more "Christian"?