A quick question for those who are married - when two people are different in their way of managing and organising the house, will it inevitably lead to tension and constant conflict until one person changes completely? I'm still living at home (24 yrs) and for many years, my mum has been drilling into my head that no man can put up with me and I will end up having a miserable marriage because I'm no good at cleaning and managing the house (my mum is really neat and organised, cleaning almost everyday and takes pride in keeping everything clean while I'm very much unlike her). She advocates that if one cannot keep their room clean, then they probably can't keep their hearts clean either (am I the only one who disagrees with this logic?).
I think I take after my dad (being more laid back at home but more diligent at work). As a result, I can see that their marriage has always been very tense because of this difference i.e. clean vs messy as my mum would always fly off the handle at my father. He is a very spiritual man but sometimes can lose his temper when pushed too far.
The problem is I'm starting to have very insecure and fearful moments for my own future (I know our Father tells us not to be anxious for anything) whenever my mum yells at me and brings up the point about my future miserable marriage. She believes that if I don't change now, I will end up causing huge fights with my husband like her marriage because 'no man can put up with me' being so messy. The thing is, my boyfriend (also a very devout Christian and he is an awesome man with a lot of patience) is similar to my mum in the sense that he likes things organised and neat. He enjoys cleaning while I don't and is happy to clean the house etc. I'm starting to fear that he will become like my mum and what she says will come true - that my marriage will end up being like hers. She has been telling me that I should save him from misery and to break up now instead of making him go through a life time of misery trying to live with me. While I have been trying to combat such lies, I'm finding it harder and harder not to suffer from anxiety and fear - I seriously contemplated for a moment today to break up because I didn't want him to suffer because of me and I was shocked at even the thought coming into my mind.
I really need prayer and to meditate on His words more - please give me some advice. Is this likely going to be a cause of miserable marriage and how should I endure this put downs for much longer? (I'm trying hard to be the right one for him by learning to cook and working on my faith, using this opportunity at home so that I don't become a contentious wife and learning to constantly encourage and compliment him. Having grown up never hearing my mum complimenting my father, but complaining about him and never showing physical affection, I'm scared to death that I will one day become like her unconsciously and I've been making a conscious effort to be the opposite - and giving words of affirmation doesn't seem so hard after practicing constantly now). I feel like there's a daily spiritual battle for my mind while I'm trying to honour my mum by keeping my mouth shut but also ensuring that my self-esteem remains intact.
I think I take after my dad (being more laid back at home but more diligent at work). As a result, I can see that their marriage has always been very tense because of this difference i.e. clean vs messy as my mum would always fly off the handle at my father. He is a very spiritual man but sometimes can lose his temper when pushed too far.
The problem is I'm starting to have very insecure and fearful moments for my own future (I know our Father tells us not to be anxious for anything) whenever my mum yells at me and brings up the point about my future miserable marriage. She believes that if I don't change now, I will end up causing huge fights with my husband like her marriage because 'no man can put up with me' being so messy. The thing is, my boyfriend (also a very devout Christian and he is an awesome man with a lot of patience) is similar to my mum in the sense that he likes things organised and neat. He enjoys cleaning while I don't and is happy to clean the house etc. I'm starting to fear that he will become like my mum and what she says will come true - that my marriage will end up being like hers. She has been telling me that I should save him from misery and to break up now instead of making him go through a life time of misery trying to live with me. While I have been trying to combat such lies, I'm finding it harder and harder not to suffer from anxiety and fear - I seriously contemplated for a moment today to break up because I didn't want him to suffer because of me and I was shocked at even the thought coming into my mind.
I really need prayer and to meditate on His words more - please give me some advice. Is this likely going to be a cause of miserable marriage and how should I endure this put downs for much longer? (I'm trying hard to be the right one for him by learning to cook and working on my faith, using this opportunity at home so that I don't become a contentious wife and learning to constantly encourage and compliment him. Having grown up never hearing my mum complimenting my father, but complaining about him and never showing physical affection, I'm scared to death that I will one day become like her unconsciously and I've been making a conscious effort to be the opposite - and giving words of affirmation doesn't seem so hard after practicing constantly now). I feel like there's a daily spiritual battle for my mind while I'm trying to honour my mum by keeping my mouth shut but also ensuring that my self-esteem remains intact.
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