Hello All!
I need some prayerful and wise advice.
My small family has been torn apart by my brother's actions. He is 34. I have to leave out a lot of details to this story because it is so complex and I don't want to bog everyone down with reading all the details. Long story short, my mother was susceptible to his abuse and manipulation. He conned her at threat of broken relationship into sponsoring his wife for citizenship. He abused and manipulated her into going $80,000 in debt for him. He then conned her into buying a home. When I objected, he claimed I was demon possessed and stole thousands of dollars of possessions that I owned--he supposedly "broke fellowship" with me, not to speak with me or eat with me unless I would admit I had a demon. Obviously I would not do this as I know the Lord, have the Holy Spirit residing in me, and therefore, cannot have a demon. I viewed admitting to such a thing in order to preserve my relationship with him or regain my possessions as denying Christ's sufficiency on the cross--really denying Christ Himself. My refusal to admit that I was demon possessed estranged me from him and my mother (she did not believe I was possessed, but her mind was like a cult member and she could not see reality--literally). I did not verbally attack him or say anything to bring further division to the family. I controlled my behavior to walk in the Spirit and to be deliberate not to escalate the situation.
Once he got me away from her, she bought the home. He then began to try to force her to sign the home over to him at threat of falsifying charges against her with the police. He also got them involved with an unhealthy church that helped him try to abuse my mother so that she would sign the church over. My mother left the situation when it became unbearable and God is working it together for her good because at least she is no longer under his mental control and she sees things as they are. She was a classic mind control/abuse victim as she had been abused by her parents and her spouse for most of her life. When their abuse stopped, my brother took over the abuse.
God has certainly worked this together for my good and I believe I am in His will. He has brought healing to me, my mother, and my relationship with my mother. She is still bound by the sponsorship, the debt, and she still owns the house, but she is no longer under the control of another human being for the first time in her life. She did not have the heart to kick my brother out of the home. He is still living there with his wife and making payments on the house--basically rent for living there. My mother and my brother's relationship is devastated as is my relationship with my brother. It is very hard to watch her suffer the consequences of her cooperation with him over the years.
My brother is a inappropriate content addict and a daily pot smoker. He has gone down the rabbit hole with conspiracy theories and now believes in Sovereign Citizen theories (basically that the laws of the land don't apply to him, he doesn't have to pay taxes, etc). I find it very sorrowful that instead of repenting after what he has done, he seems to have taken his rebellion even further to justify his actions. He and I are in occasional email contact, but it is mostly restricted to his beliefs and me handling business from my mother's estate. So far I have not confronted him about any of these issues.
I have forgiven him and pray for him almost every day. I often hope that he would repent and be saved (he thinks he is saved, but I don't think it is possible considering the terrible fruit that he could be saved) and then our relationship could be reconciled. Sometimes I feel that I have forgiven him, but he is so unhealthy to be in relationship that I should not reconcile. He and I are like polar opposites; I love the truth, he hates it; I want to do what's right whatever it costs me, he wants his way whatever it costs him and others; I am sound of mind and live my life according to the scriptures, he seems to be in a cloud of deception and delusion. He thinks that my desire to walk with the Lord and not live a life of deliberate sin is a sign that I am a legalist, or have a religious spirit, being demon possessed.
What should I do, if anything, besides prayer? I think it is possible that he hates me so much that if I were to try to reason with him from the scripture and common sense to share truth with him that he would reject it simply because it came from me, but I wonder if anyone else in his life would speak the truth to him, especially if he is still going to that awful church.
I am open to advice outside, but please don't criticize, I am trying to do God's will and am in a situation that I suspect few find themselves in.
6/25/15 at 2:39 CST
Somebody asked questions about confrontation and teachers that he listens to.
As far as teachers go, he used to listen to what would be considered main stream preachers--I think there were some bad teachings related to an over reliance on God's grace to the point of abusing grace and also over reliance on some notion that God would bless a person and bail a person out of whatever trouble he found himself in even if the person was plunging headlong into trouble. I think the teachings had the seeds of these beliefs and my brother took them to another level. I do think that God's grace is amazing, but I do not get to perpetually abuse it by sinning in His face as if it is ok. I also think that God is with us always, but I can't do anything I please and think there will be good outcomes. When he became interested in conspiracy theories, he began to think God was playing a cosmic joke on all of us humans and he put his faith in what he could do to sustain himself instead of what God could do to sustain him. I would consider this similar to an "evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God."
My brother came to believe this demon stuff on his own. He thought that a demon left him when my mother and I prayed with him to try to help him with his addictions. He had a moment where he repented verbally. He felt something that he describes as heavy on him and that prevented him from breathing for a time. He described it as though something left him. Neither my mother nor I believe that christians can be possessed. I have no idea if what he experienced was subjective or real, but around that time he started becoming even more unpredictable and went even further into deception. I think he figured that if he had a "demon", I must have one too.
Over the years I encouraged him to put his trust in God and to guard his heart against greed and against ongoing deiliberate sinning without regard to the potentially serious consequency. I would encourage him to spend time waiting on the Lord in the word, prayer and praise until he felt God's presence (something I would describe as an internal sense of the Spirit and not an external presence) and was refreshed by God. He told me that he had only felt God's presence twice, but his description of those times sounded like emotionalism. When much of this first happened(about two years ago), I tried to reason with him from scripture and also with Christian apologetic writings about the demonic possession specifically. He refused to listen to me at all and claimed that he was not to even eat with me or to speak with me (obviously an incorrect interpretation of scripture).
He tried to suck as many people as possible into getting involved to prove that I was demon possessed and that my mom she get a house/sign over the house to him. This included our sweet solid pastor who told Philip I was not demon possessed and who tried to bring about truth and reconciliation. When we met with the pastor I deliberately kept things on topic about the demon possession alone rather than bringing up my brother's drug abuse, inappropriate content addiction, mistreatment of my mother, greed, etc. This was to prevent things from escalating out of control since he had such power over my mother. And also because I had great hope that the issue would be resolved if we stayed on point. My brother acted agreeable to the pastor, but once the meeting was over he went on believing lies.
When my mother was in the market for a home (this was in the midst of the demon possession accusations), they checked out a local church. I went with them to one of the services. I felt very spiritually disturbed by the service regardless of what was happening in the service. Being in the church building alone was distressing and there were signs of abberant teaching. I cautiously expressed my concerns to my mother and my brother and was persecuted for it. It was this church that was pulled into my supposed demon possession (the pastor believed in christian demonic oppression ala Pig in the Parlor) and also into pressuring my mother. The pastor of this church and his extended family attend there and they all believe in conspiracy theories. My mother told me that once I was estranged while she continued to attend the church for a couple of months and there were disturbing things being done to innocent sheep in the church--both children and adults and that doctrine was not protected by this pastor.
I am not sure if he is still attending this church, but I certainly think he went to very unhealthy places before this unhealthy church.
I think a couple of years ago I said as much as I could, but he was not open to hear.
I need some prayerful and wise advice.
My small family has been torn apart by my brother's actions. He is 34. I have to leave out a lot of details to this story because it is so complex and I don't want to bog everyone down with reading all the details. Long story short, my mother was susceptible to his abuse and manipulation. He conned her at threat of broken relationship into sponsoring his wife for citizenship. He abused and manipulated her into going $80,000 in debt for him. He then conned her into buying a home. When I objected, he claimed I was demon possessed and stole thousands of dollars of possessions that I owned--he supposedly "broke fellowship" with me, not to speak with me or eat with me unless I would admit I had a demon. Obviously I would not do this as I know the Lord, have the Holy Spirit residing in me, and therefore, cannot have a demon. I viewed admitting to such a thing in order to preserve my relationship with him or regain my possessions as denying Christ's sufficiency on the cross--really denying Christ Himself. My refusal to admit that I was demon possessed estranged me from him and my mother (she did not believe I was possessed, but her mind was like a cult member and she could not see reality--literally). I did not verbally attack him or say anything to bring further division to the family. I controlled my behavior to walk in the Spirit and to be deliberate not to escalate the situation.
Once he got me away from her, she bought the home. He then began to try to force her to sign the home over to him at threat of falsifying charges against her with the police. He also got them involved with an unhealthy church that helped him try to abuse my mother so that she would sign the church over. My mother left the situation when it became unbearable and God is working it together for her good because at least she is no longer under his mental control and she sees things as they are. She was a classic mind control/abuse victim as she had been abused by her parents and her spouse for most of her life. When their abuse stopped, my brother took over the abuse.
God has certainly worked this together for my good and I believe I am in His will. He has brought healing to me, my mother, and my relationship with my mother. She is still bound by the sponsorship, the debt, and she still owns the house, but she is no longer under the control of another human being for the first time in her life. She did not have the heart to kick my brother out of the home. He is still living there with his wife and making payments on the house--basically rent for living there. My mother and my brother's relationship is devastated as is my relationship with my brother. It is very hard to watch her suffer the consequences of her cooperation with him over the years.
My brother is a inappropriate content addict and a daily pot smoker. He has gone down the rabbit hole with conspiracy theories and now believes in Sovereign Citizen theories (basically that the laws of the land don't apply to him, he doesn't have to pay taxes, etc). I find it very sorrowful that instead of repenting after what he has done, he seems to have taken his rebellion even further to justify his actions. He and I are in occasional email contact, but it is mostly restricted to his beliefs and me handling business from my mother's estate. So far I have not confronted him about any of these issues.
I have forgiven him and pray for him almost every day. I often hope that he would repent and be saved (he thinks he is saved, but I don't think it is possible considering the terrible fruit that he could be saved) and then our relationship could be reconciled. Sometimes I feel that I have forgiven him, but he is so unhealthy to be in relationship that I should not reconcile. He and I are like polar opposites; I love the truth, he hates it; I want to do what's right whatever it costs me, he wants his way whatever it costs him and others; I am sound of mind and live my life according to the scriptures, he seems to be in a cloud of deception and delusion. He thinks that my desire to walk with the Lord and not live a life of deliberate sin is a sign that I am a legalist, or have a religious spirit, being demon possessed.
What should I do, if anything, besides prayer? I think it is possible that he hates me so much that if I were to try to reason with him from the scripture and common sense to share truth with him that he would reject it simply because it came from me, but I wonder if anyone else in his life would speak the truth to him, especially if he is still going to that awful church.
I am open to advice outside, but please don't criticize, I am trying to do God's will and am in a situation that I suspect few find themselves in.
6/25/15 at 2:39 CST
Somebody asked questions about confrontation and teachers that he listens to.
As far as teachers go, he used to listen to what would be considered main stream preachers--I think there were some bad teachings related to an over reliance on God's grace to the point of abusing grace and also over reliance on some notion that God would bless a person and bail a person out of whatever trouble he found himself in even if the person was plunging headlong into trouble. I think the teachings had the seeds of these beliefs and my brother took them to another level. I do think that God's grace is amazing, but I do not get to perpetually abuse it by sinning in His face as if it is ok. I also think that God is with us always, but I can't do anything I please and think there will be good outcomes. When he became interested in conspiracy theories, he began to think God was playing a cosmic joke on all of us humans and he put his faith in what he could do to sustain himself instead of what God could do to sustain him. I would consider this similar to an "evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God."
My brother came to believe this demon stuff on his own. He thought that a demon left him when my mother and I prayed with him to try to help him with his addictions. He had a moment where he repented verbally. He felt something that he describes as heavy on him and that prevented him from breathing for a time. He described it as though something left him. Neither my mother nor I believe that christians can be possessed. I have no idea if what he experienced was subjective or real, but around that time he started becoming even more unpredictable and went even further into deception. I think he figured that if he had a "demon", I must have one too.
Over the years I encouraged him to put his trust in God and to guard his heart against greed and against ongoing deiliberate sinning without regard to the potentially serious consequency. I would encourage him to spend time waiting on the Lord in the word, prayer and praise until he felt God's presence (something I would describe as an internal sense of the Spirit and not an external presence) and was refreshed by God. He told me that he had only felt God's presence twice, but his description of those times sounded like emotionalism. When much of this first happened(about two years ago), I tried to reason with him from scripture and also with Christian apologetic writings about the demonic possession specifically. He refused to listen to me at all and claimed that he was not to even eat with me or to speak with me (obviously an incorrect interpretation of scripture).
He tried to suck as many people as possible into getting involved to prove that I was demon possessed and that my mom she get a house/sign over the house to him. This included our sweet solid pastor who told Philip I was not demon possessed and who tried to bring about truth and reconciliation. When we met with the pastor I deliberately kept things on topic about the demon possession alone rather than bringing up my brother's drug abuse, inappropriate content addiction, mistreatment of my mother, greed, etc. This was to prevent things from escalating out of control since he had such power over my mother. And also because I had great hope that the issue would be resolved if we stayed on point. My brother acted agreeable to the pastor, but once the meeting was over he went on believing lies.
When my mother was in the market for a home (this was in the midst of the demon possession accusations), they checked out a local church. I went with them to one of the services. I felt very spiritually disturbed by the service regardless of what was happening in the service. Being in the church building alone was distressing and there were signs of abberant teaching. I cautiously expressed my concerns to my mother and my brother and was persecuted for it. It was this church that was pulled into my supposed demon possession (the pastor believed in christian demonic oppression ala Pig in the Parlor) and also into pressuring my mother. The pastor of this church and his extended family attend there and they all believe in conspiracy theories. My mother told me that once I was estranged while she continued to attend the church for a couple of months and there were disturbing things being done to innocent sheep in the church--both children and adults and that doctrine was not protected by this pastor.
I am not sure if he is still attending this church, but I certainly think he went to very unhealthy places before this unhealthy church.
I think a couple of years ago I said as much as I could, but he was not open to hear.
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