- Jan 12, 2007
- 13,761
- 1,279
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Single
I've had a bad couple of days.
So, last night I was invited to go to Bush Gardens here in Virginia with the following people: a friend of mine from the language school and his wife, his brother (knew them both in boot camp) and his wife, and their parents visiting from out of state. This morning I get uninvited with the reasoning being that it is a "family thing" and when I was invited the "family thing" factor was forgotten at the particular moment.
Now, ordinarily this would not bother me that much if it was not for the fact that yesterday was the command picnic at a waterpark in the area with the reasoning being that it should be "family friendly". I am a bachelor with no girlfriend and extended that family in the area that I don't like well enough to bring to such an event and, frankly, they have their own lives anyway. It was mandated that those who did not attend would be working. I like a day off, so I bought my ticket, showed up, had some food and left. Waterparks just aren't my thing especially when I show up there alone.
I'm also working the graveyard shift right now which means I work at midnight, sleep during the day, and have weekends off until Sunday night.
When did the world quit looking after the single person? Why must anything that is put on "for the public" only for those in the public who have families? I'm sorry to all the social conservatives in the world, but the family is not dieing off as much as we think it is because everything is catered to those with families in some way, shape or form. Even when I went on a self-guided tour of the battleship Wisconsin (awesome ship - wish we still made them) the museum which one had to go through to get to the ship was designed very clearly for families. I felt awkward as hell going through there after my battleship tour mainly because I figured "I paid $25 for this I will get my money's worth".
Now, this all being said, the only place where I do feel comfortable going alone would be the bars and the clubs on the oceanfront simply because I don't feel out of place for not having a family in tow. I don't feel out of place for not having some poor female glued to my hip. I don't feel out of place at all. I go in, I have some beers, I dance a while, I take a cab and go home peacefully. Then when the question is asked about what one did on the weekend suddenly I'm getting the judgmental looks for going to a place(s) know for vice.
The reason why many single people, like me, go to the bars and clubs is because society drives us to it. I get uninvited from an outing because I'm not "family" (those involved have a one-way conversation going their way) and it has happened on far too many opportunities with many different people. I go to the museums of Yorktown because I had nothing else to do today and I feel out of place there because I don't have half a dozen rugrats following me or to show things to. I feel out of place at the beaches because if I were to go I'd go alone. I don't have a girlfriend to go with and I don't have a group of friends to go with since I don't know anyone here except for the others working graveyard who, guess what, have families of their own to tend to. Where else do I have to go where there are a multitude of people my age with similar struggles? If my generation didn't stop going to church on a regular basis than "church" would be the answer here.
When did the world turn against the bachelor? When did it become so unnatural for a single man to go somewhere by himself that he gets the judgmental looks of every adult within a fifty yard radius? When did it become acceptable for cashiers in the grocery store to say "have a nice day" to the stay-at-home moms, but not to the guy who's buying his groceries for the week after working a 10 hour shift in the middle of the night? When did it become okay to uninvite someone to an event because they don't share the same blood as your parents?
Ladies and gents, this is exactly why single people do stupid things like engaging in casual sex (don't worry, its not my cup of tea). American society is not friendly towards the single man. American society is very friendly towards the single woman because then she is strong and empowered and so forth. But the single male is looked upon like a defect, unless he is a celebrity or Casanova incarnate.
Just once I would like a there to be a place or an event designed specifically for single people that does not involve copious amounts of alcohol or casual sex. Just once I would like a command or a workplace to say "there is Y event going on for the workers. If you have no dependents than you may attend or work. If you have dependents than it will be a normal workday." Just once I would like to see a bar or a club where there is a "no couples" rule that is strictly enforced (especially on Valentine's day). Just once I would like to go an entire day of not being given a judgmental look because I'm going somewhere without a girl in tow or a group of idiot friends.
We always hear about how different organizations or festivals or whathaveyou are very supportive of the troops. They need to be more supportive towards those without families. There's a radio station down here that has what they call their "Hero of the Week" where you can submit someone's name who is military and why you think they are awesome. The prize is their photo on the radio's website and a book of coupons or gift certificates. I looked at this website once and found that all of them had been nominated by their wives and girlfriends. That's not fair! If you are in a healthy relationship than no duh you're going to be your wife's hero!
So, if you are in a church that has military people in it who are without families than adopt them. Make them part of your family. Invite them to dinner or lunch on holidays, major feast days and just ordinary days. Treat them as an equal and don't give them any crap for being a bachelor. Open your homes to them because many people, like me, grew up in a broken home and need to see what a healthy home looks like so we have a better idea of what to look for in someone. It has taken me a few years to realize what I need to look for in someone because I grew up in a ridiculously chaotic broken home and didn't really get to learn what love or a healthy relationship was until I saw it in a family in Mississippi who opened their home to me for Pascha this last year. Part of why I've been single for so long is because I recognized that I didn't know what a healthy relationship is!
That is all. That is the struggle of the single Orthodox military guy who does his best to resist the temptations of the world. That being said I'm going to spend the rest of my night watching Dr. Who and questioning why I didn't become a monk. Pray for me because if this keeps going on I'll have to start a blog on the struggles of the military Orthodox bachelor!
So, last night I was invited to go to Bush Gardens here in Virginia with the following people: a friend of mine from the language school and his wife, his brother (knew them both in boot camp) and his wife, and their parents visiting from out of state. This morning I get uninvited with the reasoning being that it is a "family thing" and when I was invited the "family thing" factor was forgotten at the particular moment.
Now, ordinarily this would not bother me that much if it was not for the fact that yesterday was the command picnic at a waterpark in the area with the reasoning being that it should be "family friendly". I am a bachelor with no girlfriend and extended that family in the area that I don't like well enough to bring to such an event and, frankly, they have their own lives anyway. It was mandated that those who did not attend would be working. I like a day off, so I bought my ticket, showed up, had some food and left. Waterparks just aren't my thing especially when I show up there alone.
I'm also working the graveyard shift right now which means I work at midnight, sleep during the day, and have weekends off until Sunday night.
When did the world quit looking after the single person? Why must anything that is put on "for the public" only for those in the public who have families? I'm sorry to all the social conservatives in the world, but the family is not dieing off as much as we think it is because everything is catered to those with families in some way, shape or form. Even when I went on a self-guided tour of the battleship Wisconsin (awesome ship - wish we still made them) the museum which one had to go through to get to the ship was designed very clearly for families. I felt awkward as hell going through there after my battleship tour mainly because I figured "I paid $25 for this I will get my money's worth".
Now, this all being said, the only place where I do feel comfortable going alone would be the bars and the clubs on the oceanfront simply because I don't feel out of place for not having a family in tow. I don't feel out of place for not having some poor female glued to my hip. I don't feel out of place at all. I go in, I have some beers, I dance a while, I take a cab and go home peacefully. Then when the question is asked about what one did on the weekend suddenly I'm getting the judgmental looks for going to a place(s) know for vice.
The reason why many single people, like me, go to the bars and clubs is because society drives us to it. I get uninvited from an outing because I'm not "family" (those involved have a one-way conversation going their way) and it has happened on far too many opportunities with many different people. I go to the museums of Yorktown because I had nothing else to do today and I feel out of place there because I don't have half a dozen rugrats following me or to show things to. I feel out of place at the beaches because if I were to go I'd go alone. I don't have a girlfriend to go with and I don't have a group of friends to go with since I don't know anyone here except for the others working graveyard who, guess what, have families of their own to tend to. Where else do I have to go where there are a multitude of people my age with similar struggles? If my generation didn't stop going to church on a regular basis than "church" would be the answer here.
When did the world turn against the bachelor? When did it become so unnatural for a single man to go somewhere by himself that he gets the judgmental looks of every adult within a fifty yard radius? When did it become acceptable for cashiers in the grocery store to say "have a nice day" to the stay-at-home moms, but not to the guy who's buying his groceries for the week after working a 10 hour shift in the middle of the night? When did it become okay to uninvite someone to an event because they don't share the same blood as your parents?
Ladies and gents, this is exactly why single people do stupid things like engaging in casual sex (don't worry, its not my cup of tea). American society is not friendly towards the single man. American society is very friendly towards the single woman because then she is strong and empowered and so forth. But the single male is looked upon like a defect, unless he is a celebrity or Casanova incarnate.
Just once I would like a there to be a place or an event designed specifically for single people that does not involve copious amounts of alcohol or casual sex. Just once I would like a command or a workplace to say "there is Y event going on for the workers. If you have no dependents than you may attend or work. If you have dependents than it will be a normal workday." Just once I would like to see a bar or a club where there is a "no couples" rule that is strictly enforced (especially on Valentine's day). Just once I would like to go an entire day of not being given a judgmental look because I'm going somewhere without a girl in tow or a group of idiot friends.
We always hear about how different organizations or festivals or whathaveyou are very supportive of the troops. They need to be more supportive towards those without families. There's a radio station down here that has what they call their "Hero of the Week" where you can submit someone's name who is military and why you think they are awesome. The prize is their photo on the radio's website and a book of coupons or gift certificates. I looked at this website once and found that all of them had been nominated by their wives and girlfriends. That's not fair! If you are in a healthy relationship than no duh you're going to be your wife's hero!
So, if you are in a church that has military people in it who are without families than adopt them. Make them part of your family. Invite them to dinner or lunch on holidays, major feast days and just ordinary days. Treat them as an equal and don't give them any crap for being a bachelor. Open your homes to them because many people, like me, grew up in a broken home and need to see what a healthy home looks like so we have a better idea of what to look for in someone. It has taken me a few years to realize what I need to look for in someone because I grew up in a ridiculously chaotic broken home and didn't really get to learn what love or a healthy relationship was until I saw it in a family in Mississippi who opened their home to me for Pascha this last year. Part of why I've been single for so long is because I recognized that I didn't know what a healthy relationship is!
That is all. That is the struggle of the single Orthodox military guy who does his best to resist the temptations of the world. That being said I'm going to spend the rest of my night watching Dr. Who and questioning why I didn't become a monk. Pray for me because if this keeps going on I'll have to start a blog on the struggles of the military Orthodox bachelor!
