No reason to live

knw1991 · Apr 21, 2014

I give up on everything. I want to die. I fooled myself into thinking I was on the path of healing, I'm not. God isn't in my life and I'm not saved. I'm alone and fatherless. After all the pain I've sustained god hasn't done anything. Praying is useless on behalf of others and especially myself I just want to die now. Life has nothing for me

RuthD · Apr 21, 2014

So what are you looking for in making your thread?

Ruthie24 · Apr 21, 2014

Hi there,

For some reason I felt drawn to come to this discussion on depression and I saw your post. I wanna let you know that please do not give up on your life. I was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD and I suffered several bouts of wanting to commit suicide and I can tell you that suicide is not an answer or an option. I know right now that you're feeling really bad and you're feeling hopeless and that there is no way out but that is a symptom of the depression and it is not who you are as a person and it is not what your life is about. Right now it sounds like you are in a very difficult place and I encourage you to please contact someone in your family or friends or to reach out to a support group in which you can get help because it sounds to me that you really need the support right now. I do not know where you live but there are several agencies out there that help people who are suicidal. Please contact them asap. God Bless You. Do not ever give up on your life.

knw1991 · Apr 21, 2014

Thank you Ruthie24 for your encouragement. I just feel like the healing I thought was taking place never started at all. All the emotions I have been dealing with have came back up and made me wonder if anything will ever change. I'm struggling to trust God. I see so many hurting people here on cf and I wonder if my prayers even work. I don't mean to discourage anyone even though my post is negative. I guess I just take in everything I hear whether it be things of the news and hurts in my own life and it makes me wonder if God really cares. I have prayed over and over, I've reached out for help, I'm trying to read and study a devotional book about healing. It just seems like all of my efforts are in vain

sunmicroman · Apr 21, 2014

Your prayers are never in vain. It might feel like it at the time, but God still hears them. He loves you more than life itself and in the darkest times is when He feels the most compassion for us.

Believe me, I know what you are feeling about your prayers. But, I also need to realize that depression will blunt my ability to feel God at times, but that doesn't mean He isn't there.

Prayers for you.

knw1991 · Apr 22, 2014

Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate your encouragement too that my prayers not in vain.

BlessedMommy05 · Apr 22, 2014

Our prayers are never in vain even thought at times we do wonder if God does hear us and yes He does. Often we need to be still and know what His answer is, Yes, No or wait. Often its one of the two. Healing does come maybe not in a way we hope or how it happens but it does come. Just cling to the Lord as much as you can.. He cares for us or He wouldnt have died for us.

ToBeBlessed · Apr 22, 2014

knw1991 said:
I give up on everything. I want to die. I fooled myself into thinking I was on the path of healing, I'm not. God isn't in my life and I'm not saved. I'm alone and fatherless. After all the pain I've sustained god hasn't done anything. Praying is useless on behalf of others and especially myself I just want to die now. Life has nothing for me

Many of us, many times think we are on the path to healing.

When you hurt so bad, is there anywhere to go but up? We want it to happen fast and now. That's just how it is, for all of us with depression.

Remember the Tortoise and the Hare? The rabbit that raced with the turtle. The rabbit was so much faster, he got way ahead of himself and decided to take a nap.....

Slow and steady won that race. We just need to try to balance it all. Slow and steady.

RuthD · Apr 22, 2014

Praying for you to have relief from this awful depression. I have been plagued by it for a long time, too. May God bless you with good feelings.

knw1991 · Apr 25, 2014

Thank you all for your prayers and comments. Do you think God would ever say no to healing? I often wrestle with thoughts that my healing is not as important as I'm trying to make it be and sometimes I feel like I'm the only knows the pain. Basically does God relate or understand us when we are depressed?

knw1991 · Apr 25, 2014

I'm praying for you all also that you will have relief from depression and experience joy

Ruthie24 · Apr 25, 2014

knw1991 said:
Thank you all for your prayers and comments. Do you think God would ever say no to healing? I often wrestle with thoughts that my healing is not as important as I'm trying to make it be and sometimes I feel like I'm the only knows the pain. Basically does God relate or understand us when we are depressed?

Absolutely. I've lived with depression since I was 4 years old. It's hard to explain to someone that at that age you don't want to live anymore. God Jesus Christ saved me from suicide in 2012. I truly believe that the light conquers the darkness in our minds. We have to be willing to move through the pain though. It's incredibly hard but it is doable. I am a living testament that Christ Jesus exists, saves us from our torments by getting us through it. Christ said physician heal thyself! It is possible to move through the deepest wells of darkness and find healing!!!

RuthD · Apr 25, 2014

I have been tormented since a little girl, too. I have tried suicide many times and hospitalized near death, too, from that. I just came to believe that since God let me live I must be here for some reason. I have pets I care for and that helps me. I am struggling right now with depression that is pretty bad and I am just praying and living my life and trying to reach out to others and hoping this will get better, it has before so maybe it can again.

Shonna · Apr 25, 2014

all I can say hang in there and just have that faith inside your heart always think of good things that has happened to you in life you are a special person deep down just like everyone else is on this board I know I don't know you or you don't know but when you start to put yourself down try to do things you love to do in life to bring yourself back up...wish you the best in all this and hope things turn out the way it should hope to see more of you around on here..going to have faith for ya....just look in the mirror and smile..

ToBeBlessed · Apr 25, 2014

knw1991 said:
Thank you all for your prayers and comments. Do you think God would ever say no to healing? I often wrestle with thoughts that my healing is not as important as I'm trying to make it be and sometimes I feel like I'm the only knows the pain. Basically does God relate or understand us when we are depressed?

No way! I have the same thing, God does not always heal, but He does work all things for good and according to His perfect plan.

He has not healed me, per se, but I am learning how to deal with it better. I am cutting and pasting a previous reply to someone else recently below. I hope it helps you too.

----

Most people without clinical depression do not understand it. There is a medical reason why (if you have been clinically diagnosed) and it has to do with endorphins that are not released into our bodies that other people have in their bodies. That is why many times people are able to find some relief in medication (not that I do or do not recommend it) because it replaces those lost endorphins. Not all of them, but some. My doctor used to call them happy endorphins which is kind of on a basic level what they are.

Back to the fact that people who do not have a diagnosed mental illness do not understand. I have experienced this my entire life. The most understanding people that I have had in my life, still don't understand what it is like to struggle with something daily. Almost every single day of your life.

I have a good relationship with the Lord, I think and I have been praying about this same issue. Loss of friends and loved ones as a result of us being who we are. I hope that you get something out of what the Lord has been teaching me.

All people being imperfect (I know you know this but I am just including it) really have a hard time truly understanding anything they have not experienced. That's just the way we are. We as humans look for love and acceptance, desire it so much and we have a hard road and path to walk in this respect.

The Lord, He knows our hearts, our hurts and our needs. We first need to realize what we can expect from others and then realize that He is our best friend, He will never leave us or forsake us and we know every time we pray, cry and hurt, He is there. I have found that I need to go the extra mile and understand who He is and who I am in Him. He comforts me. I can rest in Him. Give Him your hurt and your pain. Let it go! You don't have to keep it. It tells us in the Word to cast our cares upon Him, our burden is heavy, but His yoke is light.

I looked up what 'yoke' means. One definition is that of two oxen pulling farm equipment. Two oxen have that main bar between them, so the load or weight does not fall overly onto one or the other oxen. The load is balanced between them so it doesn't overwhelm either animal.

This may sound a little crazy, but talk to the Lord continuously throughout the day in your mind and with your heart. The Word also tells us that He wants a personal relationship with us. Our smallest concern is His concern. Each hair on our heads is numbered. He knows more about us than we know about us. That's how much He loves and cares for us each individually.

When you give Him your cares, really give them to Him. Do not worry about it anymore. Deal with the pain, but let it go. You can pray for a reconciliation in the friendship, but let the idea that your friend is gone, put that on His shoulders. The devil is going to mess with you. Keep bringing it back up and into your mind, but you say to yourself 'No, I've given this to God and I am not going to keep dealing with this'. It's very hard at first, but after I while you catch yourself right away and it get's easier.

I have lived a while as an adult and am coming to terms with exactly what you are going through. Please learn from my earlier mistakes and take this advice.

I'll be praying for you.

-----

knw1991 · Apr 26, 2014

RuthD said:
I have been tormented since a little girl, too. I have tried suicide many times and hospitalized near death, too, from that. I just came to believe that since God let me live I must be here for some reason. I have pets I care for and that helps me. I am struggling right now with depression that is pretty bad and I am just praying and living my life and trying to reach out to others and hoping this will get better, it has before so maybe it can again.

I am praying for you Ruth and I'm sorry that you have struggled so much. Do you feel that you can totally rely on God during those times because sometimes during depression it feels like no one is there or cares.

knw1991 · Apr 26, 2014

Thank you everyone for posting. I will read all your posts soon. I have a busy day today and have to leave home soon. God bless you all and I pray you all have a great day and find comfort in the Lord.

ToBeBlessed · Apr 26, 2014

RuthD said:
I have been tormented since a little girl, too. I have tried suicide many times and hospitalized near death, too, from that. I just came to believe that since God let me live I must be here for some reason. I have pets I care for and that helps me. I am struggling right now with depression that is pretty bad and I am just praying and living my life and trying to reach out to others and hoping this will get better, it has before so maybe it can again.

Of course it will get better again. There are reasons for our trials.

I've been bitter in the past with God about my trials. Is it fair? Is life fair God? Why me?

Healing is not always to be healed from depression or something in and of itself. Healing can be learning to cope better. Learning to give our problems to God and find peace in ourselves.

Some always equate 'healing' with the total removal of what ever the thing is. Healing can also be not having the burden of that thing. Not holding the bitterness (as was my own problem for a long time). Now I still experience the bitterness, but I give it to God right away. I am called to love, If I remain in bitterness it is very hard to love.

Great testimonies of endurance today. Thanks for sharing. :wave:

God Is Immortal · Apr 26, 2014

Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure that life has something for everyone. There is family, friends, and even life itself is something. There is love and peace, joy and laughter. Why not enjoy the times you laugh? Even to cry is a gift. Did you know that God has surrounded you with gifts? Even I am one of your many gifts. Yet is seems that you are pretty ungrateful and you want to leave your gifts behind. Why do you want to leave me? What if we need you here? I think it is pretty selfish of others to think in such a manner. Do you appreciate your gifts? Do you appreciate me? Why do you hate me so much but it seems that you love yourself more than you love me. More than you love us. What if we don't want you to think or do such things? Is it only about what you want? From what I can tell, you woke up after you went to sleep. You have had food, water, and perhaps a shelter? What about the very blood that flows throughout your body? Is God not in your life? Does the stars not shine at night? Yet it seems as if you have forgotten about all your gifts.

Am I getting dusty upon the shelf? ^_^

Are you going to leave all your toys in the toy box, alone?

What if I need someone to make me laugh? Perhaps even cry? Who will help me when I fall? Who will encourage me? Who will love me?

Will you really forget about all of us?

knw1991 said:
Life has nothing for me.

John 17:10
All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them.

1 Corinthians 3:21-23
Therefore let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come. All are yours, and you are Christs, and Christ is Gods.

knw1991 said:
I give up on everything.

Luke 5:28
He left everything, and rose up and followed him.

Luke 18:28
Peter said, Look, we have left everything, and followed you.

knw1991 said:
I want to die.

Acts 20:24
But these things dont count; nor do I hold my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to fully testify to the Good News of the grace of God.

1 John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, isnt the Fathers, but is the worlds.

Luke 14:26
If anyone comes to me, and doesnt disregard his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cant be my disciple.

Psalm 116:15
Precious in Yahwehs sight is the death of his saints.

knw1991 said:
I fooled myself into thinking I was on the path of healing, I'm not.

Titus 3:3-6
For we were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and his love toward mankind appeared, not by works of righteousness, which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly, through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Deuteronomy 11:16
Be careful, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them.

2 Timothy 3:13
But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived.

Job 12:15-17
Behold, he withholds the waters, and they dry up.Again, he sends them out, and they overturn the earth. With him is strength and wisdom.The deceived and the deceiver are his. He leads counselors away stripped.He makes judges fools.

knw1991 said:
God isn't in my life and I'm not saved.

Matthew 5:44-46
But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Dont even the tax collectors do the same?

knw1991 said:
I'm alone and fatherless.

John 1:11-12
He came to his own, and those who were his own didnt receive him. But as many as received him, to them he gave the right to become Gods children, to those who believe in his name:

1 John 3:1
See how great a love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesnt know us, because it didnt know him.

knw1991 said:
After all the pain I've sustained god hasn't done anything.

1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the Lords work, because you know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

Hebrews 11:13
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them and embraced them from afar, and having confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

knw1991 said:
Praying is useless on behalf of others and especially myself I just want to die now.

Hebrews 7:25
Therefore he is also able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, seeing that he lives forever to make intercession for them.

John 9:31
We know that God doesnt listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God, and does his will, he listens to him.

Romans 8:34
Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, yes rather, who was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.

ToBeBlessed · Apr 26, 2014

God Is Immortal said:
Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure that life has something for everyone. There is family, friends, and even life itself is something. There is love and peace, joy and laughter. Why not enjoy the times you laugh? Even to cry is a gift. Did you know that God has surrounded you with gifts? Even I am one of your many gifts. Yet is seems that you are pretty ungrateful and you want to leave your gifts behind. Why do you want to leave me? What if we need you here? I think it is pretty selfish of others to think in such a manner. Do you appreciate your gifts? Do you appreciate me? Why do you hate me so much but it seems that you love yourself more than you love me. More than you love us. What if we don't want you to think or do such things? Is it only about what you want? From what I can tell, you woke up after you went to sleep. You have had food, water, and perhaps a shelter? What about the very blood that flows throughout your body? Is God not in your life? Does the stars not shine at night? Yet it seems as if you have forgotten about all your gifts.

Am I getting dusty upon the shelf? Are you going to leave all your toys in the toy box, alone?

What if I need someone to make me laugh? Perhaps even cry? Who will help me when I fall? Who will encourage me? Who will love me?

Will you really forget about all of us?

John 17:10
All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them.

1 Corinthians 3:21-23
Therefore let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come. All are yours, and you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.

Luke 5:28
He left everything, and rose up and followed him.

Luke 18:28
Peter said, “Look, we have left everything, and followed you.”

Acts 20:24
But these things don’t count; nor do I hold my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to fully testify to the Good News of the grace of God.

1 John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, isn’t the Father’s, but is the world’s.

Luke 14:26
“If anyone comes to me, and doesn’t disregard his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he can’t be my disciple.

Psalm 116:15
Precious in Yahweh’s sight is the death of his saints.

Titus 3:3-6
For we were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and his love toward mankind appeared, not by works of righteousness, which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly, through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Deuteronomy 11:16
Be careful, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them.

2 Timothy 3:13
But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived.

Job 12:15-17
Behold, he withholds the waters, and they dry up.Again, he sends them out, and they overturn the earth. With him is strength and wisdom.The deceived and the deceiver are his. He leads counselors away stripped.He makes judges fools.

Matthew 5:44-46
But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?

John 1:11-12
He came to his own, and those who were his own didn’t receive him. But as many as received him, to them he gave the right to become God’s children, to those who believe in his name:

1 John 3:1
See how great a love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.

1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the Lord’s work, because you know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

Hebrews 11:13
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them and embraced them from afar, and having confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

Hebrews 7:25
Therefore he is also able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, seeing that he lives forever to make intercession for them.

John 9:31
We know that God doesn’t listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God, and does his will, he listens to him.

Romans 8:34
Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, yes rather, who was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.

Do you know you are on the 'depression' forum? I know you do not have depression because you understand little about it.

Please do not come here and make 'cry babies' out of very sad people with a real mental health issue.

It is a slap in the face!

There are many other sub forums here. Degrading clinically depressed people is a sad thing and very unbecoming.

thanks.

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