I was raised that fathers do not kiss their sons and daughter's on the lips. I'm not sure if that's the norm or what. One reason why I ask is that my father-in-law will sometimes kiss my son on the lips. I'm sure you can see where this would weird me out. I talked to my wife about it and she doesn't have a problem with it. I can look past it if that's the right thing to do but is that the right thing to do? I'm also wondering is it different in other countries? Namely the east. Are their customs pertaining to this matter different than ours? Ready...Set...GO!
I've had friends/family where the father kissed his sons on the lips. Of course, that was when they were younger as kids - and the culture they came from was the West Indies. Culture does seem to make a big difference on things...and even within the scriptures, it seems the same principle is present:
John 13:22-24
Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. 24 Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask who it was of whom He spoke.
Jesus was with John up on his chest..and that can easily be seen as "effeminate." and I'm curious as to why so much focus is given to be "masculine" when the definition is not necessarily universal. I think its simply a matter of cultural concerns.
In practical example, consider the subject of homosexuality. Many assume that those for same-sex attraction show affection to one another...... and sadly, alot of people confuse showing affection for being “gay”—and that may have alot to do with why guys battle often with same sex attraction. I know that many households involving a lack of
godly physical touch often were noted by those in same sex relationships as a reason why they struggled..
If someone is starved of food, they may end up being so desperate that they’ll eat from the trash can…as hunger has no conscience. And even though the food is bad, at least it satisfies. Likewise, in our culture, we’ve so been lacking in the area of knowing how to have masculine touch—-be it due to thinking stereotypes of men are what God considers godly (i.e. “Real men aren’t affectionate”, “Real men don’t hug..”, “Real men don’t cry..”, etc) or thinking that “MACHO” is true manhood—-that others will go for what’s immediately available within the “homosexual” community.
As much as others try to
paint Jesus as this person of extreme bravado and those in the scriptures (aka: Paul, John, etc) as these “manly” men who were never emotional except when it came to wanting to live radical for Christ, I must say that its interesting to see how PHYSICAL those in the scriptures were.
In the OT, kissing was normal between males (Genesis 27:26-28, Genesis 45:14-16, Genesis 48:9-11, Genesis 50:1-3, Exodus 4:26-28, Exodus 18:6-8 , 1 Samuel 10:1-3, 2 Samuel 19:38-40 , Psalm 2:11-12, etc ). And with Christ, has anyone ever considered why it was significant that Christ was betrayed by Judas with a Kiss ( Matthew 26:47-49, Matthew 26:48-50, Mark 14:43-45, Mark 14:44-46 , Luke 7:44-46, Luke 22:47-49, Acts 20:36-38 )? For it wasn’t just a quick peck on the cheek, but a sign of deep friendship back in the day….especially if considering the Greek wording/context of kiss….and in light of how Christ called Judas “Friend” afterward ( Matthew 26:49-51 ) and asked “You betray the Son of Man with a Kiss?”
Outside, John was literally on the bossum of Christ, laid up on him…..and of course, there’s the classic command to “greet each other with a holy kiss” that we often forget in our homophobic culture. The issue of “holy KISSES” is interesting to study since the church at Rome was instructed not only to greet one another, but explicitly—“with a holy kiss.” You find This command not only once, but 5 times in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26 and 1 Peter 5:14.)…..& if you’ve ever been to Europe, they seem to have no problem expressing it in what seems to be a most GODLY WAY.
The same thing goes for
Brazilian culture when it comes to the ways males interact with older male relatives (i.e. grandfathers, uncles, etc)—as kissing ALONGSIDE hugging are considered to be normal amongst them as ways of showing affection….and counter to how conservative we are in the States, to avoid doing so would be considered insulting. For more on that subject, one can either
go here or they can go online/investigate the following:
With the Holy Kiss subject, many commentators believe that this was either a greeting performed in coordination with the liturgical rites of the church (i.e., the Lord’s Supper) or it was simply a standard greeting performed at normal greeting times. Favoring the latter is the point that in the Jewish and Greco-Roman world, a kiss was used as “a form of social respect” used to greet other parties. [Dunn, Romans commentary, 898; Black, 212].
As it stands, I find it interesting that even today, in many non-western cultures that do not share “our obsession with the sexual”, greeting one another with a kiss is still a common practice. Throughout Russia, Greece, Romania, and the Middle East, it is quite common to see Orthodox Christians greet each other with a kiss. Of course, its not a big kiss on the lips, mind you, but a light kiss on each cheek…..the equivalent of a handshake – with nothing sexual about it. If aware of what goes down in the Mafia where the Godfather kisses his agents/servants (with it being understood that resisting is an insult leading to death), it makes even more sense as to why seeing kissing between males on certain things can be quite “macho”
Likewise, throughout many regions of Africa, it is very common for people of the same sex (both Christians and non-Christians) to hold hands. Again, there’s nothing sexual about it since its just a way of showing friendship. It’s really a shame that people in this country are so obsessed with sex that they assume that every other culture in the world (and throughout history) is as well.
Something else worth noting is that with the “greeting each other with a holy kiss”, this was a greeting performed in coordination with the liturgical rites of the church (i.e., the Lord’s Supper), that, at least in the Orthodox Church, is still a part of the Liturgy. In the ancient Church, the “Kiss of Peace” took place among all the faithful of the congregation. Again, it consisted of a light kiss on each cheek. In the Orthodox Church today, the Kiss of Peace only occurs between the clergy during the Liturgy in 99% of the churches, although there are a few that still practice it throughout the entire congregation.
I’ve experienced the “holy kiss” deal myself…both in my time within Eastern Christian circles and in other places. One time I experienced it was kind of awkward when it happened. It was with someone who was the leader of a social justice agency…and the man was an ex-convict who had a RADICAL EXPERIENCE in PRISION WITH CHRIST, & did HOMELESS MINISTRY. Imagine a bulky, 6.5 FOOT, TATOOED DUDE coming up to give you a hug and kiss on a check…..& when trying to resist, having him tell you, “Brah, don’t play like that…..Bible says I gots to do this.” (which is what happened)
